After years of living with depression — through countless ups, downs, and failed treatment attempts — Caryn finally found light again. In this episode of Giving Voice to Depression, she opens up for the first time about what it’s like to live with treatment-resistant depression, the exhaustion of constantly “trying,” and the unexpected relief that came when she finally found the right therapist and medication.

Caryn describes how depression shows up not just mentally, but physically — the aching body, the heavy fatigue, the simple impossibility of getting off the couch or into the shower. She explains how she learned to live minute by minute when the pain became unbearable, and how giving herself permission to rest became an act of survival.

With honesty and strength, Caryn shares what helped her finally stabilize: a supportive therapist, compassionate friends, medication that worked, and the belief that she was worth the effort it took to heal.

Co-hosts Terry McGuire and Carly McCollow reflect on Caryn’s story, exploring how depression can become habitual, why it’s so hard to break free from its patterns, and why persistence — even when you’re exhausted — can save your life.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless after trying therapy or medication that didn’t work, Caryn’s story is proof that there’s still reason to keep going.

Primary Topics Covered:

• What treatment-resistant depression really feels like
• How to find the right therapist after years of trying
• Physical symptoms of depression and why they’re real
• Learning to ask for help without shame or guilt
• The power of supportive friends and “letting yourself cry”
• When to rest and when to push forward during depressive episodes
• Why depression can feel like a habit — and how to retrain your brain
• How seasonal changes can trigger depression
• Why finding hope doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay
• The importance of giving yourself grace and patience

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction: The importance of real conversations about depression
01:15 – Meet Caryn: a listener sharing her story for the first time
02:17 – Caryn’s turning point: finally finding the right therapist
03:27 – The physical toll of depression and exhaustion
05:10 – Living minute by minute when suicidal thoughts creep in
06:24 – Why finding a therapist who truly listens changes everything
07:01 – The physical exhaustion of depression: “Even walking hurts”
08:45 – The “damn shower”: small tasks that feel impossible
09:01 – Accepting that you’ll never be the same — and that’s okay
10:35 – The storm quote that helped Caryn redefine recovery
11:05 – Retraining your brain after years of living in depression
11:49 – Preparing for depressive episodes before they hit
12:07 – How supportive friends helped Caryn through crisis moments
13:34 – The freedom of knowing when to reach out for help
14:10 – A breakthrough with new treatment after years of resistance
14:50 – Medication that worked: “It was the best I’ve felt in years”
15:59 – Learning self-compassion and patience through recovery
17:33 – Why rest and self-acceptance are not weakness
17:52 – Celebrating progress and small victories
19:01 – Caryn’s message: “There’s always some form of light”
20:18 – Reflection: habits of depression vs. habits of recovery
22:37 – The seasonal triggers of depression and self-awaren

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