Unapologetically Sensitive

How to Identify a Healthy Relationship

GUEST

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD.

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents describes healthy relationships look like, and she identifies characteristics of a person who is capable of having a healthy relationship. She talks about what to look for at the beginning of a relationship. She also talks about deal breakers and red flags, and why people who had unhappy childhoods tend to get involved with difficult partners. She explains why it can be hard to end a relationship that isn't working.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Emotional Immaturity—These people respond like young children or adolescents. They lack empathy and are not able to see things from another's point of view. They lack the ability to self-regulate and they are NOT self-reflective. They have a strong sense of self, but not of others. There may be attachment injuries, and a secure attachment is essential to develop a healthy sense of self.
• What are the elements of a healthy relationship?
• • The relationship supports and builds the energy and individuality of each person
  • One has the ability to be empathic—you can imagine your internal experience and the internal experience of the other
  • One is interested in their partner, their well-being, they enjoy their partner's success and are supportive
  • One is willing to learn
  • One keeps it interesting
• What are some personality characteristics of a person who is capable of a healthy relationship?
• • One is sensitive and can tune in to the other person
  • One's personality is complex enough to support individuality (the partner doesn't have to think, believe, act, do things exactly like the other person to make them feel secure)
  • One automatically takes the other person into account
  • One is able to take turns with problem-solving, compromise
  • One is creative and resilient
  • One knows their own needs and preference and can voice them
  • One can tolerate conflict
  • One can be vulnerable
  • One can manage having competing needs
  • Mature coping mechanisms like humor, or asking for support
• Why are some people aware of their unhappy childhoods, yet they find themselves involved with difficult people in their adult relationships?
• • HSPs have great insight and great memories
  • HSPs are altruistic and function at a high level
  • If a person doesn't do the emotional work to heal from childhood, they recognize the patterns, but continue to engage in relationships/patterns that don't work
  • You must have the emotional experience of what happened to you in childhood
  • When one hasn't done the emotional work, one doesn't have the gut feeling or instinct that informs one that this isn't healthy
• What signs should a person look for at the beginning of a relationship in order to assess its potential for becoming a healthy relationship?
• • One feels fully seen
  • One is even tempered
  • One is able to own and accept their mistakes
  • One has the ability to apologize and make amends
  • One has the capacity to receive
  • One is enjoyable, playful, has a sense of humor
  • There is a realistic and reliable foundation
  • One can work with reality and they try and understand what's going on
  • One can think and feel at the same time (one's brain doesn't get hijacked with emotion)
  • One can be reasoned with
  • One is respectful of boundaries—if you set a boundary, one might be curious about it (but not defensive or try and push the boundary)
  • One doesn't psychoanalyze or label or call names (sensitive, overreacting, emotional, unreliable, etc.)
  • One can talk from a feeling place
  • One won't tell you how you should be feelings
  • One can wait and be patient
  • One can handle stress well (if you see impatience and irritability in the beginning BEWARE!)
• What are the biggest red flags that indicate that you might be getting involved with an Emotionally Immature Person?
• • You feel like you can't completely be yourself
  • • Not opening up, not completely at ease, watching yourself
  • Your thoughts are scrambled
  • • You don't think as clearly or concisely
  • The person has a history of conflictual relationships, and tends to see themselves as a victim or a rescuer
• What are deal breakers in any close relationship?
• • If you're doing a lot of the work, and you can't communicate your feelings, and you don't feel safe or confident with the other person
  • The other person is constantly telling you that you're the problem
• Why is it difficult to end a difficult relationship?
• • We bond with others for a sense of survival.
  • It's familiar and there is emotional intensity (this isn't necessarily a positive attribute)
  • The more emotional stimulation (even if it's negative—fighting, abuse), the tighter the bonding

GUEST BIO

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD. has been a licensed clinical psychologist for over thirty years and specializes in individual adult psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is the author of three books. Her most recent book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents remains a #1 Amazon Best Seller. The follow up to this book is Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, and the 2nd edition of her first book Who You Were Meant To Be has just been released on Amazon. In the past Dr. Gibson has served as an adjunct assistant professor teaching doctoral psychology students, and she writes a monthly Well-Being column for Tidewater Women magazine in Virginia Beach, VA.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and she works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Dr. Gibson's Links

Website— http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/

What is an Emotionally Immature person and how to identify a healthy relationship with Dr. Lindsay Gibson episode 43--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-43/

Narcissism, Gas Lighting, Love Bombing, Hoovering and Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship with Amy Marlow Macoy episode 85-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-85/

John Bowlby on Attachment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Exf_rR1NnNs

Bruce Ecker Pro Symptom Approach-- https://www.coherencetherapy.org/files/CNOTE6_Overview_of_CT_and_Its_Use_Of_MR.pdf

Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory-- https://www.stephenporges.com/

Love on the Spectrum on Netflix

Patricia's links

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Podcast Survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

Receive the top 10 most downloaded episodes of the podcast-- https://www.subscribepage.com/e6z6e6

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

Tik Tok-- https://www.tiktok.com/@hsppodcast

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Where Identity Intersects With Being Rejected

GUEST

Annie Schuessler

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Annie was terrified to ask to be a guest on 20 podcasts this year; even though she's a podcaster! We talk about what her gremlins were telling her, and she breaks down her process step-by-step. She shares what she told herself when she was scared, and how she used mindfulness and reframing to reassure herself. This is a process anyone can do when they are facing new and scary things. Annie talks about being Queer, and how being marginalized played into potential rejection.

BIO

Annie Schuessler is a business coach and the host of Rebel Therapist®Podcast. She's been a business coach for therapists, healers and coaches for over 10 years. With her Rebel Therapist®Programs, she helps entrepreneurs make a their biggest impact. You can find her resources at rebeltherapist.me.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other HSPs know that they aren't alone, and that being an HSP has amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors us

LINKS

Annie's links

Website—rebeltherapist.me

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/annieschuessler/

Octavia's Parables Podcast--https://www.tor.com/2020/06/22/octavia-butler-parable-sower-talents-podcast-adrienne-maree-brown-toshi-reagon-listen/

Sonya Renee Taylor Instagam--https://www.instagram.com/sonyareneetaylor/?hl=en

Parable of the Sower (Parable (1)) by Octavia E. Butler

Parable of the Talents (Parable (2)) by Octavia E. Butler

Patricia's links:

Link to take listener survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Podcast Survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

Best of the podcast—You're not fragile; you're very strong with Annie Schuessler episode 32--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-32/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

TikTok-- www.tiktok.com/@hsppodcast

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

It Was Hard Being Sensitive; But It's Not Hard Now

GUEST

Kelsey Cochrane

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Kelsey talks about trying to fit in and learning how to feel her feelings without judging them. Kelsey started letting others know what she needed, and this has allowed others to also ask for what they want. Kelsey talks about being her own worst enemy, and how she has learned to use self-compassion and to be present for herself. Kelsey realized she was unhappy in her job, and she talks about what she has done to create a lifestyle that honors her and her Highly Sensitive needs.

GUEST BIO

Kelsey Cochrane is a Highly Sensitive Person who lives in rural Northern Arizona. She participated in the fall HSP Course in 2019, and she realized during the course that it was time to make some major changes. She left her job as a public school teacher, and she recently moved into the field of behavioral health, and is pursuing a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Kelsey is also participating in a positive reinforcement horse training program that better fits her, and her wild horse's sensitivities.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other HSPs know that they aren't alone, and that being an HSP has amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors us

LINKS

Patricia's links:

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Podcast Survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

Overall Struggles and Strengths of HSPs episode 37-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-37/

After Learning She Was an HSP, Ranielle Talks About What She Got From Taking the Online HSP Course episode 49-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-49/

A Highly Sensitive Person, and Introvert Talks about her Experience Taking the Online HSP Course episode 53-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-53/

2 Participants from the Online HSP Course share their experience episode 51--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-51/

A therapist talks about her anxiety after taking the Online HSP Course episode 48-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-48/

A Highly Sensitive Relationship Coach shares her experience after taking the Online HSP Course episode 55--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-55/

I felt like I finally belonged somewhere –2 participants share their experience taking the Online HSP Course episode 82-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-82/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

TikTok-- www.tiktok.com/@hsppodcast

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Navigating the Bumps We Experience in Relationships

GUEST

Solo episode

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Are your needs being met in your relationships? Are you the one who is always there for others? Is it reciprocal? Do you have a higher need for connection than your friends? Why do HSPs stay in relationships when they aren't working? Do our high levels of empathy help or hurt us in relationships when we hit a rough patch? Is there more wounding in long-term relationships verses newer relationships?

PODCAST HOST

Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truth-teller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other HSPs know that they aren't alone, and that being an HSP has amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors us

LINKS

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Podcast Survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

Tik Tok-- https://www.tiktok.com/@hsppodcast

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Narcissism, Gaslighting, Love-Bombing, Hoovering and Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship

GUEST

Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Amy talks about how gaslighting can show up in any relationship, and how to spot it when it happens. She talks about how to identify a narcissist, and we talk about codependency, love-bombing, hoovering, grey rock, extinction burst, and revisionist history. Amy gives lots of specific examples of what a narcissist might say, and how the HSP can respond. She talks about why gaslighting is so effective and how it undermines self-confidence and the self-blame that ensues. Amy also talks about how one can begin to heal and develop self-compassion, assertiveness, and embracing one's sensitivity.

GUEST BIO

Amy Marlow-MaCoy is a licensed professional counselor located in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania. Amy specializes in treating adults from narcissistic, emotionally immature, or toxic relationships. Amy recently published The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook, a book designed to help readers identify gaslighting in relationships, protect themselves from further abuse, and begin to heal. In sessions and in writing, Amy uses warmth, compassion, and a geeky sense of humor to support her clients in healing.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other HSPs know that they aren't alone and that being an HSP has amazing gifts and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors us.

LINKS

Amy's links:

Website-- https://amymarlowmacoy.com/group-therapy/

Facebook--www.facebook.com/amymarlowmacoylpc

Instagram--www.instagram.com/amymarlowmacoylpc

Walking on Eggshells Group-- https://amymarlowmacoy.com/group-therapy/

Out of the Fog website-- http://outofthefog.com/search_caf.php?src=mountains&uid=outofthefog5f42ef3f40e4e9.22052862&abp=1&country=US&query=Narcissist%20Symptoms&afdToken=3B1gz2HsTueJxmYk0fXXvguy2KkVhoADrPWgCmRPPYI0OPH3TJRyRYrw9ih7L8SOxGnv1OcEr6iCw6wYmrFWLRSCwXI5bqyrOIAHvzLFEw

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Episode 80 Best of the Podcast, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/episode-80/

Narcissistic Abuse Support Tracy Malone-- https://tracyamalone.com/

Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyl McBride

Patricia's links:

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Podcast Survey-- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe-fAYIyFgVb0VHlDorfm8ZdXClCcYDlv0cSP2RXZSZY16SIQ/viewform

To write a review in iTunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

I Didn't Know How To Use My Sensitivity

GUEST

Kelly Vance

EPISODE OVERVIEW

We talk about boundaries, perfectionism, and the negative labels we use to describe our sensitivity, and how Kelly changed how she views herself. Kelly talks briefly about how she felt seen and heard when I unintentionally voiced my monogamy bias after learning that Kelly is polyamorous. We laugh at our HS quirks and struggles and have a very vulnerable and open conversation. Kelly is very reflective and articulate about her experiences and struggles as an HSP. Kelly once told me I have Mad Lady Balls, and we laugh about that, but we also talk about the courage and strength it takes to be vulnerable.

GUEST BIO

Kelly Vance is a Highly Sensitive Person from Scottsdale, Arizona. She is a freelance writer, human resources administrator, and lover of all things irreverent, silly and whimsical. Outside of quarantining during a global pandemic, she can be found in thrift stores, art galleries, or shopping for questionable items on Etsy.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach. She knows what it's like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truth-teller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other HSPs know that they aren't alone and that being an HSP has amazing gifts and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for HSPs that focus on understanding what it means to be an HSP, self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors us.

LINKS

Patricia's links

Bonus Episode 73 part 1 How to heal when we've been blindsided--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-73/

Bonus Episode 74 part 2 How to heal when we've been blindsided--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-74/

Bonus Episode 75 Regrets, healing, and how to imperfectly set boundaries during COVID-19--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/bonus-episode-75/

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

To write a review in iTunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in iTunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Best of the Podcast—What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Aren't all HSPs Introverts?

GUEST

Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Jacquelyn Strickland co-created the HSP Gathering Retreats with Dr. Elaine Aron in 2000, and she has worked exclusively with HSPs since then. Jacquelyn talks about the 4 Core Characteristics of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and the differences between Highly Sensitive and non-Highly Sensitive introverts and extroverts, as well as the ambivert. Jaquelyn also talks about sensitivity as we age, and what it means to be fully integrated with a strong sense of self-identity as an HSP.

HIGHLIGHTS

• We discuss the term Highly Sensitive Person and Jacquelyn shares her thoughts about this name
• There are 1.4 Billion HSPs in the world and we all share these 4 core characteristics
• The 4 Core Characteristics of being a Highly Sensitive Person as coined by Dr. Elaine Aron
  • D—Depth of Processing
    • Elaine Aron feels that Depth of Processing is a key component for HSPs
    • Depth of processing happens in the pre-frontal cortex, so HSPs see breadth and depth of things around us
    • We reflect more than others on the way the world is going
    • We think about the meaning of life
    • We Wonder about the quality of relationships we're in
    • We're aware of social justice issues
  • O—Overarousal and Overstimulation
    • That feeling of being stressed out
    • Feeling burnt out
    • This may be the most negative thing HSPs experience since our current dominant culture is about doing
    • Chronic overstimulation can lead to depression and anxiety
  • E—Emotional Responsiveness and Empathy
    • We bring more emotional intensity and empathy in most every situation
    • There's a difference between emotional intensity and emotional reactivity
    • We can honor our emotional intensity—this is where we express our feelings in the arts, writing beautiful poems, people who show or speak passionately about they feel
    • We have more mirror neurons
  • S—Sensitive to Subtleties
    • We can notice when the barometric pressure is dropping
    • Some HSPs may have perfect pitch
    • We have more side effects to medications
    • We are usually sensitive to changes in temperature
    • We may notice the sound of a ticking clock or dripping water

• 70% of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) are introverts
• 30% of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) are extroverts
• There are 5 distinct groups we need to look at when talking about introversion and extroversion
  • HS introvert
  • HS extrovert
  • Non-HS introvert
  • Non-HS extrovert
  • Ambivert
• Jacquelyn also talks about the Myer's Briggs and what it means when scores on introversion or extroversion are high and low
• The concept of the battery being charged for extroverts and drained for introverts when they are around people is primarily talking about Non-HSPs
• A HS extrovert will enjoy being alone; will need time to recharge after extroverting, and will probably choose specific venues to socializing that are different than a Non-HS extrovert
• A HS extrovert needs to find the right amount of novel stimulation, to renew and recharge
• A HS extrovert may want to know who will be at the party (their political affiliation, what the activities will be; how long will the activity last) in order to see if it satisfies our HS needs
• As we get older, we may get more particular about where and how we choose to expend our energy and time
• We can be sensitive extroverts, or we can choose to introvert
• You can be a HS extrovert and still feel socially awkward or not always feel at ease in social situations
• Our depth of processing can make it challenging if we're reading the room, or we may go home and wonder if we talked too much or did things right
• If you feel uncomfortable in a social situation, it helps to have a role—volunteer to help; arrive early before it gets crowded
• When we worry about doing things right or following the rules it can make it harder for us to trust that how we show up is just right
• I thought I had social anxiety, was anxious, was an introvert, so I avoided social situations and felt depressed and lethargic. Turns out, I'm a Highly Sensitive Extrovert, which is why I'm so passionate about providing information to others who may read memes around introversion and mistakenly identify
• The ambivert doesn't have the DOES, but can choose whether to introvert or extrovert
• We want to be fully self-identified and integrated as HSPs regardless of whether we're an introvert or extrovert
• Once we get fully integrated with a strong sense of self-identify, when we've healed our wounds, when we've reframed our past, when we've got a plan of knowing when and how to be out in the world, we don't hide anymore.
• We talk about sensitivity and whether it increases as we age
• We discuss HSPs and social media
• We talk about the HSP retreats that Jacquelyn has been running and the benefits and unexpected gifts she's seen people get from these retreats
• We talk about some of the things that are unrelated to being an HSP that are often posted in groups, and then people identify and things that are not related to being an HSP get mistakenly attributed to being an HSP
• Jacquelyn acknowledges Dr. Elaine Aron's work and the fact that she's opened the doors for many people (myself included) to specialize in working with The Highly Sensitive Person
• Thank you Dr. Elaine Aron!

GUEST BIO

Jacquelyn has been a Licensed Professional Counselor since 1993, which is the same year she became certified to utilize the statistically valid & reliable Myers Briggs Personality Assessment. Her professional and personal lives took synchronistic detour when she stumbled across Elaine Aron's original work in May 1996 while waiting for a bus not far from where Elaine lives in Marin County, California. Since that time, Jacquelyn has devoted herself to empowering sensitive people around the world. She and Elaine co-created the HSP Gathering Retreats in 2001, and there have been 35 and counting HSP Gatherings, both nationally and internationally – in Canada, Germany, Sweden, United Kingdom, and on both U.S. coasts and in between. She is an Advanced HSP Consultant , one of 15 national & international HSP professionals trained by Elaine Aron in 2018 on the concept, measurement and research regarding of Sensory Processing Sensitivity and the highly sensitive person

Besides Elaine Aron, major influences which have informed Jacquelyn's work have been her background in Social Work, Women's Studies, Brene Brown, Eco Psychology & her Nature as Teacher & Healer experiences. She is fortunate to live in Colorado where she has been able to immerse herself in nature for days at a time over the last 30 years. She has recently added the title of Sage – and she teaches, mentors, and counsels not only with knowledge of our HSP trait, but also with decades of wisdom from living authentically as an HSP. Elaine talks of this stage as the Priestly Advisor. She has been married to a major introvert, non-HSP, since 1978 . Her relationship with someone so different than me is what prompted my study of temperaments, including the Myers Briggs and the Enneagram. She is the mother of two grown sons, one a HSP, and the grandmother of 3 grandchildren, ages 4, 2 and 1. Her oldest granddaughter is a sensitive extrovert, like her grandmother.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young work is a licensed therapist and coach, specializing in working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Jacquelyn's Links

Website-- LifeWorks! http://www.lifeworkshelp.com/

Stages of Cultural Awareness/Acceptance As An HSP--http://www.lifeworkshelp.com/HSP-Newsletter/stages-of-cultural-awareness-acceptance-as-an-hsp/

Top Ten Reasons to Have a HSP Dyad Parntership-- http://www.lifeworkshelp.com/HSP-Newsletter/top-ten-reasons-to-have-a-hsp-dyad-partnership/

Introversion, Extroversion and The Highly Sensitive Person--https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/

HSP Highlights & Insights Ezine: Sign up Here-- http://www.lifeworkshelp.com/HSP-Newsletter/

You can like the HSP Gathering Retreat Facebook Page here:

http://www.lifeworkshelp.com/HSP-Newsletter/winter-2018-new-hsp-happenings-here-and-around-the-world/

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

Patricia's Links

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

I Felt Like I Finally Belonged Somewhere, and I Wasn't Alone—2 Participants From The HSP Online Course Share Their Experience

GUEST

Shelly Aaron & Melissa

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Shelly and Melissa speak candidly about their experience taking the Online HSP Course. They talk about the relief of seeing others who also have strong reactions to things, and how normalizing this was. They talk about the wound of feeling like they are too much, and what it felt like to be in a group with other HSPs. They talk about how they have changed and how their relationships with their families and partners have changed because of the Course.

GUEST BIOS

Shelly Aaron

As a current yoga teacher, health coach & bodyworker, I've spent the last 15 years of my careers, passionately coaching individuals to exceed their goals…which has ultimately led me to this amazing work of video and audio production.

If you're a yoga teacher, trainer, or entrepreneur thinking about creating your own audio or video productions, but need some assistance in getting started, we should talk. I offer services from just getting started to getting ready to launch. From podcasts to teaching videos, I'll show you how to produce your own or we can bring your production to life together.

Melissa

Intuitive listening, Reiki, and IET

Looking for help doing your emotional work? I listen openly and non-judgmentally. I often get intuitive cues that can help you over obstacles. I also use IET to help you over your emotional hurdles. Have physical challenges? Between Reiki and IET I can help you to heal emotional and physical blockages. Together, we can help you live your best life.

...or for technical help:

I install, repair, optimize tech, and teach you how to use and love technology at a reasonable price. I am also happy to build your website to your tastes and needs. Think of me as your technical counselor.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Coach, who is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Shelly's Links

Shelly Aaron Productions—https://www.shellyaaron.com/

Melissa's Links

[email protected]

https://HelpfulHealingPA.wixsite.com/home

[email protected]

https://HelpfulTechPA.wixsite.com/home

Patricia's Links

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Closed/Private Facebook group for therapists and healers—Unapologetically Sensitive Therapist's Group-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/208565440423641/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Best of the Podcast 20+ Ways to Practically Manage Change & Loss

GUEST

Jill Johnson-Young, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Loss & change encompasses jobs, education, career, moving, illness, disability, relationships, pets, birth, adoption, coming out, learning you didn't have an ideal childhood, and the obvious, death. Jill provides concrete examples of how we can set boundaries, create new traditions, and so much more! Jill talks about the importance of keeping memories alive and ways we can honor those we've lost (included our 4-legged family members), and she gives examples of how to help a partner talk about their losses.

HIGHLIGHTS

• During times of grief, stress, loss, change, etc. it is very likely that we will become MORE sensitive, and possibly reactive, and we may have a harder time managing. This is very normal, and it is to be expected.
• We need to have even more gentleness and self-compassion during these times
• Grief includes losses, disenfranchised losses, hopes, dreams, change—it is so much more than just death

How to manage those losses:

• awareness of them at the holidays, and finally
• wrap up with a death-related loss

WHAT OTHER LOSSES ARE THERE AT THE HOLIDAYS?

THESE WERE MENTIONED:

• 'I think that the holidays bring out a lot of grief for everyone…'
• SUBSTANCE ABUSE AT THE TABLE OR THE TREE
• • The drunk relative that nobody wants to be around,
  • The opioid epidemic
  • Folks drinking to cope with the anxiety of functions or the stress of holidays
• FAMILY ISSUES THAT SHOW UP RATHER THAN HALLMARK: when we feel more like we belong in the land of the lost toys, not by a fireplace waiting for Santa with our dog named Spot
• A dysfunctional family
• Grief when your family isn't large like everybody else's
• Grief because you've chosen not to be a part of your immediate family because of the toxicity in it
• Grieving the family you THOUGHT you had...
• • and about how to connect with them despite awareness of emotional neglect due to your high sensitivity.
  • Feeling concerned with the upcoming holidays with the new awareness of how your family relates emotionally... it all suddenly feels so superficial.

FINANCIAL STRESS AMPLIFIED BY THE HOLIDAYS:

• Grief because you don't have enough money for presents
• Grief because you don't have enough food,
• Those issues can cause some of us to avoid holiday get-togethers because we can't afford them
• • that might include employee events

DISENFRANCHISED LOSSES:

• Those that have experienced recent breakups and this is their first Thanksgiving or Holiday without their partner.
• Pets
• Moving
• Retiring
• Lost friendships
• Marriage
• Divorce
• Illness
• Disability especially recently
• A partner who is disabled or have cognitive issues

ONE THING I DO FOR GRIEVERS PRIOR TO THE HOLIDAYS IS PREPARE THEM FOR THE IMPACT:

• EXPECTATIONS- FALSE OR REAL OR SELF IMPOSED, INCLUDING NEEDING TO RECREATE WHAT WAS BEFORE A LOSS
• • grief when everybody else posts the holiday party pictures, or you are looking at old social media posts- when things were different
  • Shopping, advertising, holiday mailers - the temptation to overspend to make up for what is missing
  • The belief that if you focus on the holidays and what it should provide, you will have some type of relief, but most of the time it doesn't work
  • The belief that others don't experience grief and you feel loneliness

• EXPECTATIONS THAT YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY OR LIGHTER
• • You might at times, but if you have had a recent loss or have an unresolved loss it will travel with you to holiday events
  • The mix of joy and sadness is normal, but hard to manage unless you are ready for it, and you can balance your energy, and give yourself permission to not participate or to limit time spent out
  • Practicing using the positive to create balance- plans for the year coming, remembering the good moments of past holidays or this season
  • If you can hold the opposite of both emotions, it affects how your brain reacts to it so a lot of times when we feel sad as a family then we try to balance it out by looking at what's great or what we're happy for… We find that helpful during the holidays.
  • For HSP folks, one person suggested that being able to feel grief and joy at the same time neutralizes some of the woundings that have happened in the past.

DEATH RELATED LOSS AND HOLIDAYS

• Fear of death infringing on happy moments because we are aware of the potential of someone dying
• Managing grief from deaths at the holiday,
• • deaths associated with that time of season by proximity
  • deaths that happened recently.
• Experiencing grief because you've lost someone in the past, especially if it is not a relationship you have finished
• Anticipating someone close to you dying—even if they are in good health
• • The fear that you will be overwhelmed with their death
  • The fear that you won't be able to cope
  • The fear that you will become so depressed, that you can't get out of it
• We talk about carrying that person in our heart moving forward, and if possible having these conversations NOW while the person is still alive (if appropriate)
• • We have all managed loss
  • We have more tools than we remember we do
  • We will feel sad, and we will manage
  • We can get extra support, counseling, therapy, coaching, join groups

We all need death and dying education. It is necessary so we can know what we see, and that we can manage it when that time comes. We will all lose people we love to death-- that leaves only the option of being ready. That, in and of itself, helps ward off being caught unaware and thrown into depression. We know those who are ready and have reorganized before death is the ones who will thrive afterward in their new life. Those who live fear of death and will not prepare are the ones who do not farewell.

SO WHAT DO WE DO TO GET READY?

• Plan ahead
• Don't overspend
• Avoid stores if the input is too much, or too much of a reminder with a recent loss.
• • You can order everything, including groceries, online.
• Don't plan on every little activity.
• • Limit them
  • Limit time there
  • Take your own car
  • Look for an exit
  • Don't feel a need to explain
  • GRIEF CARD TIME
• SET BOUNDARIES. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE GRIEVING, YOU GET TO SET THEM.
• PRACTICE WHAT YOU WILL SAY TO THOSE CROSSING BOUNDARIES
• GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO CHANGE IT UP!
• • Take a vacation instead of doing what you traditionally do
  • Invite new friends over
  • Choose to celebrate on a different day, or someone new
• DON'T INCLUDE THOSE WHO DO NOT FEEL GOOD IN YOUR SPACE
• DO INCLUDE THOSE YOU HAVE LOST- PEOPLE, PETS
• IF THERE IS AN ANNIVERSARY AT THE HOLIDAYS?
• • MARK IT
  • PLAN AHEAD
• REMEMBER THERE IS MORE THAN THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH/KWANZA-
• NEW YEAR'S IS EVEN WORSE
• • TV COVERAGE OF THOSE WHO DIED- BUT OUR SPECIAL PEOPLE AND PETS ARE NOT ON THAT LIST, ARE THEY?
• WRITE DOWN WHAT WORKS
• WHAT FELT GOOD
• WHAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO DO DIFFERENTLY.
• • THAT MEANS JOURNAL DAILY. YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER
  • GRATITUDE JOURNAL TO SET YOUR MINDFRAME
  • EXERCISE AS YOU ARE ABLE
  • SUNSHINE
  • POSITIVE INPUT- EXAMPLE: MT RUBIDIOUX, NOT THE FESTIVAL IF YOU DO NOT WANT CROWDS, OR THE FESTIVAL LATE AT NIGHT WITH A FRIEND TO SEE THE LIGHTS, BUT NOT THE CROWDS.
• Wolfenoot - It's pronounced Wolf-a-noot according to Buzzfeed, and takes place on November 23rd. (If you wish to celebrate, you should be prepared for the Spirit of the Wolf to visit your home. This Spirit will hide and leave behind gifts for you, your children, and of course, dogs. The people who treat canines kindly get better presents than those who don't, but this gift-giver doesn't seem to penalize people who are just kind of indifferent to animals. We aren't sure if the Spirit of the Wolf leaves presents for cats.

On Wolfenoot, you will celebrate by eating roasted meats, because meat is a dog's favorite food, and a cake decorated like a full moon because dogs like to howl sometimes.) (If you're a vegetarian or a vegan, you obviously adjust so that this fits with your values and beliefs)

It feels like a nice way to change the tone-- to be grateful and thank our furry friends in any way you choose. It was created by a child in New Zealand, around the concept of kindness.

For the holidays, coping with grief is about being Gumby. Bend, Flex, Change it up. Make it work for you.

WAYS TO GENERATE CONVERSATION

• Is there someone you've had in your world that has died that you want to include in our blessing, or holiday tradition(s)
• Tell me about your pets? Tell me who they were
• What part of that person is always going to be a part of you?
• What lessons did you learn?
• Who were they for you?
• How did they impact your life?

GUEST BIO

Jill Johnson-Young, LCSW is a dynamic and engaging speaker who loves teaching both professional and community groups about dementia, death and dying, and grief and loss. She is the CEO of Central Counseling Services in Riverside, California, where she is also a clinical therapist. She is a certified Grief Recovery Facilitator after spending more than a decade with hospice as a medical social worker and as a director of social workers, chaplains and grief staff. She holds a BA from UC Riverside and her MSW from the University of South Florida. Jill has authored three children's grief books and an adult grief workbook with more in process, and created Your Path Through Grief, a year-long, comprehensive grief support program which includes resources for therapists.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication, and more).

LINKS

Jill's Links:

Website-- www.yourpaththroughgrief.com, https://www.facebook.com/grieftalker/

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Riversidedementiasupport/,

LinkedIn--https://www.linkedin.com/in/jilljohnsonyoung/.

My pet is sick: It's time to say goodbye by Jill Johnson-Young

Someone is sick: How do I say Goodbye? By Jill Johnson-Young

Someone I love just died: What happens now? By Jill Johnson-Young

Your own path through grief; A workbook for your journey to recovery by Jill Johnson-Young

Amazon link for Jill's books-- https://www.amazon.com/Jill-A.-Johnson-Young-LCSW/e/B07NPT5NYQ%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share

Leo Buscaglia-- http://www.buscaglia.com/biography

Leo Buscaglia YouTube—How to Love and be Loved-- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8tw9ontdc0

Wolfenoot-- https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12136886

Patricia's Links:

Bonus Episode 21: I lost my sh*t, and it's not about the gravy https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/unapologetically-sensitive-bonus-episode-21/

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Best of the Podcast - What is an Emotionally Immature Parent, & How to Identify a Healthy Relationship

GUEST

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD.

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, & Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents explains what an emotionally immature parent is, and how this impacts their adult children. I talk about crying when I got overwhelmed when my kids were young, and Lindsay comments on this. We talk about how to establish good emotional ties with our children, and what constitutes good enough parenting, Lindsay provides nineteen qualities to identify what a healthy relationship looks like.

HIGHLIGHTS

• What is emotionally immaturity?
• Why is it important to understand it?
• What are the main characteristics of an emotionally immature parent?
• How do relationships with emotionally immature parents affect their children's lives?
• What are the main things to remember when dealing with emotionally immature parents?
• If you're dating, how do you pick a person who is emotionally mature?
• How do you identify what a healthy relationship looks like?
• What is our human Bill of Rights?
• We talk about repair work with parenting
• I share that I'd get really frustrated with my boys when they were young, and I'd cry because I didn't know what else to do
• Lindsay talks about how she views this
• We talk about the pressures of parenting
• Lindsay explains what good enough parenting is—which should be very reassuring to parents!
• I share about having a tantrum when my son had a tantrum and how it felt lousy afterward
• We'd do good repair work, but I eventually learned to stay calm
• I would also let my boys know when I was edgy and close to loosing it. I would let them know what they could do to help me.
• They've told me as young adults how helpful this was to them
• We talk about emotional intimacy with our children
• How do we let ourselves be known by our children when we are having difficult feelings
• How to establish good emotional ties with our kids in a good way
• Winnicut talks about good enough parenting
• Research shows that it just takes 30% of being a good enough parent in order to have a favorable outcome
• Lindsay gives an example of how an adult child could set a limit with their emotionally immature parent if they decided not to spend Thanksgiving with the family
• When adult children set limits with their emotionally immature parents, the parent feels rejected; unloved or they have a strong defensive reaction
• When setting a boundary, you want to stay present to your own heart
• You want to be able to have empathy and acknowledge what it is like for the other person
• You want to remember what your goal is for the interaction, so your intention is clear for yourself
• You also have an opportunity to observe how the other person is reacting, and the defenses that they use
• Emotionally Healthy Relationships
• • Is the person generally realistic and reliable?
  • Do they work with reality rather than fighting it?
  • Are they finding ways to solve problems or are they complaining about how they've been victimized?
  • Do they have a consistent and reliable nature about them?
  • Do they take things personally?
  • When they get upset, can they still think? Do they lose the ability to be rational?
  • Signs of temper, impatience or impulsivity should be a red flag—those are cardinal signs of immaturity
  • Another red flag is when a person gets very upset, then tells you it's just because they love you
  • You want your partner to be reciprocal; you do something for them and they do something for you
  • You set a boundary, and they say OK
  • If you set a boundary, and your partner tries to talk you out of it, or walk you out of it, that is two red flags
  • Boundaries at the beginning of the relationship will tell you almost everything you want to know about that person
  • Being flexible and able to compromise is a sign of maturity
  • You want someone who is basically truthful; that you can trust who they are
  • Does the person respond to you in a manner that you feel safe, and seen and heard?
  • Do they reflect on their mistakes and try and change, or do they make excuses?
  • Do they reflect when you tell them you're mad at them, or do they say, "Why do you keep bringing that up? What's wrong with you?"
  • If they can't accept when you're angry and they get defensive, that's about having a major lack of empathy
  • Your partner is thin skinned meaning they do not allow other's reactions to happen, because that person gets so reactive
• Nobody is more intrinsically important as an adult than anybody else
• They way that emotionally immature people react with guilt, shame, fear and self-doubt, can make the other person start to doubt their reality
• This is where you have to remember that "There's good stuff in me!"

GUEST BIO

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD. has been a licensed clinical psychologist for over thirty years and specializes in individual adult psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is the author of three books, the most recent being Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and just out in May of this year, Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents. In the past Dr. Gibson has served as an adjunct assistant professor teaching doctoral psychology students, and she writes a monthly Well-Being column for Tidewater Women magazine in Virginia Beach, VA.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Website— http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/

Dr. Elaine Aron's website—HSP self-test

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

Dr. Gibson's book was translated from English to Russian by Elena Tereshchnkova You can find the actual translator here--https://www.facebook.com/elena.tereshchenkova

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com