Unapologetically Sensitive

TITLE

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) & Understanding How to Build Trust and Strengthen Connections

GUEST

Anya Surnitsky, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

We use Brene Brown's work on attachment to continue our discussion about security, safety, and steps to building strong relationships. We talk about the marble jar and how trust can be established. We discuss vulnerability and how our needs can be met through connection and intimacy, as well as how to set boundaries to create safety. We include the traits of being a Highly Sensitive Person, and looking through the lens of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).

HIGHLIGHTS

• Braving--the 7 components of trust from Brene Brown's work
• Giving ourselves permission to try and understand, that even though we experienced wounding before, that the new people in our lives won't necessarily be like the old people in our lives
• The Marble Jar method and, how it works in relationship building
• We discuss the importance of being shown by someone that you matter to them
• We talk about the importance of vulnerability
• HSPs often need to have time for transition before and after (work, getting up, arriving home, etc.)
• The importance for HSPs to be fully rested before having difficult conversations, so we are resilient and can be fully present
• We discuss how to check in with yourself; understanding where in your body, you are having reactions, and slowing down before you respond
• We talk about the relationship between Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), wounding, neglect, shame triggers and how to work through these things
• BREATHING --the 7 components of trust as outlined by Brene Brown is explained: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Fault, Integrity, Non-judgement, and Generosity

Resources

Brene Brown Super Soul Sunday on trust:

http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsessions/brene-brown-what-to-do-when-you-struggle-with-trust

CES Therapy

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/cranial-electrotherapy-stimulation

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/integrative-mental-health-care/201809/cranial-electrotherapy-stimulation-ces-anxiety

BIO

Anya Surnitsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice outside Philadelphia, PA. She helps anxious high achievers and overgivers with big wounded hearts to transform their pain into power and avoidance into action.

Anya uses her training in EMDR, Ego State Therapy, and Childhood Emotional Neglect, as well as her certification in The Daring WayTM to aid clients in making peace with the past, embrace the present, and develop confidence for the future. Anya is passionate about educating clients on how trauma and/or neglect affects the developing brain to understand how unhealed wounds from the past show up in the present and can have a negative impact on their future. With these various approaches, Anya shows clients how to heal from both a top-down and a bottom-up approach; we can heal the brain so it can learn to help itself, and we can also learn skills to help ourselves on a conscious level.

Throughout her personal and professional journey, Anya has learned that what people want more than anything is to be seen and heard for who they are at their core. For Unapologetically Sensitive listeners, Anya has put together some scripts for hard conversations to help HSP's ask to be heard and dare to be seen in their relationships. Go to www.couragecompasstherapy.com/hsp

.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a coach & therapist in California. Patricia works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California, and she provides coaching to people all over the world. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy or coaching from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

Links:

www.couragecompasstherapy.com

Facebook:

www.facebook.com/couragecompasstherapy

Instagram:

https://instagram.com/couragecompasstherapy

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/

HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Editor -- David Petlansky of Pitseleh Pictures - www.facebook.com/PitselehPictures

Bonus Episode 43

TITLE

I Want More: You Want Less. How We Navigate Competing Needs in Relationships

GUEST

Solo episode Patricia Young, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) often have different needs for connection in relationships. I talk about a recent incident where this happened, and it triggered my wounding of feeling like I'm "too much." I talk about how I communicated, and what self-care looked like in this situation, and how I didn't use rules to try and protect myself. Neither person has to be wrong when this happens. It's all about communication. When we experience Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) this can complicate things.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a coach & therapist in California. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California, and she provides coaching to people all over the world. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy or coaching from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

GUEST

Anya Surnitsky, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

We use Brene Brown's work on attachment to talk about security, safety, how we get our needs met, and how to survive when our needs aren't being met. What we all want is to be seen, heard, and to feel valued. Oftentimes, we are triggered due to Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and trauma, which creates conflict in our relationships. We talk about shame, and Brene Brown's antidote, which is empathy. In order for shame to survive, it requires secrecy, silence, and judgment. HIGHLIGHTS

• Anya discusses her personal experience as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
• We are wired for survival and connection
• What is attachment? Everyday examples of what attachment is, and how it is affected by the world around us
• We discuss fear, and how it can be used productively
• Safety and connection are basic needs
• A lot of times, in relationships, we don't feel safe during a disagreement or a conflict
• Shame develops when we are let-down or abandoned. We tend to question what we did wrong.
• Anya provides some great tools for recognizing when we get triggered, and how we can work through shame attacks in order to move from our Reptilian Brain ('T-Rex Brain') back to our frontal lobe where productive communication can take place
• We discuss Alice Miller's book The Drama of the Gifted Child⦁ As adults, we often begin to recognize the effects of traumatic events from our childhood
• We discuss trauma with a little 't'
• Often times, there is a direct correlation between our caregivers' parental strengths and our strengths as adults
• Anya shares examples for different kinds of triggers
• Anya explains 'Box Breathing' as an effective tool to use when we feel triggered
  • A technique for breathing includes the concept of--'smell the roses; blow out the candles'
• We discuss positive ways to navigate situations when we are activated
• We discuss The Story We Make Up In Our Heads, and how it can be used to break up shame; feel safe in our vulnerability, and restore security in our relationships

Resources

Brene Brown Super Soul Sunday on trust: http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsessions/brene-brown-what-to-do-when-you-struggle-with-trust

CES Therapy http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/cranial-electrotherapy-stimulationhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/integrative-mental-health-care/201809/cranial-electrotherapy-stimulation-ces-anxiety

BIO

Anya Surnitsky is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice outside Philadelphia, PA. She helps anxious high achievers and overgivers with big wounded hearts to transform their pain into power and avoidance into action. Anya uses her training in EMDR, Ego State Therapy, and Childhood Emotional Neglect, as well as her certification in The Daring WayTM to aid clients in making peace with the past, embrace the present, and develop confidence for the future. Anya is passionate about educating clients on how trauma and/or neglect affects the developing brain to understand how unhealed wounds from the past show up in the present and can have a negative impact on their future. With these various approaches, Anya shows clients how to heal from both a top-down and a bottom-up approach; we can heal the brain so it can learn to help itself, and we can also learn skills to help ourselves on a conscious level. Throughout her personal and professional journey, Anya has learned that what people want more than anything is to be seen and heard for who they are at their core. For Unapologetically Sensitive listeners, Anya has put together some scripts for hard conversations to help HSP's ask to be heard and dare to be seen in their relationships. Go to www.couragecompasstherapy.com/hsp.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

www.couragecompasstherapy.com

Facebook www.facebook.com/couragecompasstherapy

Instagram @couragecompasstherapy

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

To write a review in itunes:

• click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
• select "view in itunes"
• choose "open in itunes"
• choose "ratings and reviews"
• click to rate the number of starts
• click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.comPodcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—[email protected] Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com Editor - David Petlansky of Pitseleh Pictures - facebook.com/PitselehPictures

Bonus Episode 42

TITLE

Confusing Attachment, Things and Relationships—Or Why I Didn't Want to Repaint My Son's Room

GUEST

Solo episode Patricia Young, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

When we have experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and have attachment wounds, we have often tried to control things when it's about the relationship. We want to hold on to things or get rid of things since they represent attachment and relationships. As Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), we have opportunities to focus on the strength of the attachment in the relationship. I talk about where this has shown up in my life and with my relationship with my son, and his relationship with his grandmother.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 25

TITLE

Creativity & Feeling Like an Outsider

GUEST

Grace Chon

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Grace's ability to connect with animals, has brought her success. Creativity is about the feelings that are evoked when we look at art, dance, etc. and how this relates to being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Being a child of immigrant parents motivated Grace, and she talks about how she straddled traditional Korean culture and American culture, but felt invisible at school. We talk about how being an HSP (and not knowing it), may have contributed to her sense of feeling like an outsider. Grace talks about the ways creativity shows up, but we may not identify what we're doing as creativity.

HIGHLIGHTS

Creativity is your unique human expression, and everyone is creative!

Creativity is just a natural innate part of being human; we all have it. It's just a matter of tapping into it and cultivating it.

Creativity is any sort of innovation, and that can come through daily activity

Creativity is an expression of feeling

Scarcity verse abundance mindset

How Grace's parents came to the U.S. from South Korea with $50 and a suitcase, and made new lives for themselves and their children

How Grace straddled 2 cultures

How People can tap into their creativity

Creativity and parenting

BIO

GRACE CHON is a commercial and editorial animal photographer, acclaimed for her highly expressive portraits of animals and authentic photos of people and their pets. Her clients include ad agencies, pet brands, magazines, publishing companies, celebrities, and TV shows.

Now as a commercial and editorial photographer, Grace works with clients like Purina, Milkbone, Fancy Feast, Woman's Day Magazine, Men's Journal, and celebrities like Chris Pratt, Chelsea Handler, Clinton Kelly, Margaret Cho and Boo the Dog. Her work is featured in advertising, magazines, greeting cards, calendars, books, and television.

In 2014, her photo series "Zoey and Jasper," featuring her son and rescue dog, went viral around the world, with mentions by The Huffington Post, Mashable, Good Morning America, Buzzfeed, The Today Show, and countless mentions by the international media.

In 2016, her photo series "HAIRY," featuring dogs before and after their wildly cute haircuts, went viral again, with mentions by The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, Refinery29, HelloGiggles, INSIDER, Yahoo, O the Oprah Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Vanity Fair Italia, and a number of international press from around the world.

In 2018, newly photographed images from the "HAIRY" series went viral yet again, with mentions around the globe.

Grace is also the author of 2 dog photography books - Waggish: Dogs Smiling for Dog Reasons and Puppy Styled: Japanese Dog Grooming Before and After.

From creating award winning, viral ad campaigns to personal photography work that has gone viral multiple times, Grace knows how to craft ideas that get noticed. She believes the key to life is tuning in deeply to what your natural gifts are and sharing them others. She is passionate about empowering and teaching others how to do the same on her new podcast.

She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, son, and 2 rescue dogs Maeby and Zoey.

View her photography work at www.gracechon.com.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

Website--https://gracechon.com

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/

HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

TIME The Science of Creativity

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 41

TITLE

Honoring Our Feelings In Relationships

GUEST

Solo episode Patricia Young, LCSW

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) tend to minimize or dismiss their feelings when they feel hurt. I talk about honoring the feelings that come up for us. Many of us have grief from previous relationships that didn't work out, but we aren't taught how to process the loss. At the end, I give some specific ways you can start to do some healing work.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 024

TITLE

We Didn't Talk For 20 Years Due To A Mutual Therapist

GUEST

Laura Carr, LMFT

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Laura Carr, LMFT and I were best friends. We broke up and didn't talk for 20 years due to a mutual therapist. We talk about friendship trauma and the grief associated with it. I gave Laura an ultimatum, and so did the therapist. We talk about how this impacted us, and the powerful repair work we have done since we reconnected. The importance of owning our mistakes, and how we rebuilt trust and established safety. The power of naming things, and HOW we practice open, vulnerable communication. I also talk at the end about the therapist that was a big part of this.

HIGHLIGHTS

We experience a tremendous amount of friendship trauma, but we don't learn how to process it, so the grief and hurt gets buried, but makes it more challenging in subsequent relationships because we haven't been taught how to process this type of trauma

We really need to own our mistakes when we make them. There is incredible power and healing when we apologize sincerely and work to make living amends. It builds trust and safety in a relationship.

Friendships have seasons, and sometimes friendships are good through certain times of our lives, but they are not meant to last forever.

When we focus on rules and not on the relationship, there is no flexibility or ability to work through conflict.

How do you develop trust? It takes time, and even though one can apologize, it's laying a foundation of behaviors that back up the words to develop trust. It takes time, and it has to be earned.

The power in naming things and having depth in a relationship where we can tell the truth from a place of love, and how it brings more depth and security to the relationship

The gifts of allowing ourselves to be seen when we're in relationship with another person who honors us and reflects back our strength. It allows us to be even more authentic.

BIO

Laura Carr is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Laura has been in private practice since 1998. She co-created the orientation, Compassion Based Awareness Therapy which is an approach that integrates psychological theory and mindfulness. She opened Center for Mindful Relationships (CFMR) in 2012 which offers affordable counseling services to the public. This site also offers training to therapists who are gaining hours towards their MFT licensure. Laura has many roles: a mom, wife, friend, therapist, supervisor, meditator, animal lover, athlete, entrepreneur, and student of Zen. Laura is passionate about personal growth and development.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

Website--https://cfmrsandiego.com/

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/

HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 23

TITLE

Narcissism and the Highly Sensitive Person

GUEST

Dr. Natalie Jones

EPISODE OVERVIEW

What is narcissism? What does it look like in relationships (romantic and parental). Gaslighting—what is it? The connection between narcissists and HSPs (partners and parents). The HSP is often the scapegoat in the family. There may be a golden child and the children are pitted against each other. If you have a parent who is narcisstic, the HS child often feels guilty and believes what the narcissistic parent tells them (you're too sensitive; too selfish; you never call me; you don't care). Once people understand narcissism, they see that the limitation is in the parent, NOT the HSP. The energy of the room changes when the narcissist enters the room, and leaves the room. You can FEEL the energy shift.

HIGHLIGHTS

What someone who is in a relationship with someone with narcissistic traits may be experiencing

• Anxiety, depression, ambivalence
• Not sure where they stand in the relationship
• Unable to discuss serious problems
• Don't' know the future of the relationship
• Self-doubt and questioning
• Partner isn't meeting your emotional needs

What do narcisstic traits look like?

• It's on a spectrum—mild, moderate, medium and severe
• They feel better than you
• They are in their own special category—they feel "special" and "above" you
• Hypocracy—do as I say, but not as I do—these rules apply to you, but not to me
• They objectify people—everything is seen as property and an extension of the narcissist
• You can make decisions without their approval
• There is danger when you want to leave the relationship
• They have a God-like or superior complex
• The believe they are special/beautiful and surround themselves with others they perceive to have the same superior qualities

Narcisstic Personality Disorder is one of the cluster B Personality Disorders, among Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder

Fully Diagnosed Narcisstic Personality Disorder affects approximately 1-2% of the population. These are rare and extreme cases, and they tend to be part of the criminal justice system.

What are red flags in the beginning of a relationship so you can spot someone with narcisstic traits?

1. They have inconsistent, tumultuous, and short-term relationships with family, friends and partners. They are either the hero or the victim
2. They appear too good to be true. They can be super charming, good looking and win people over easily in the beginning
3. The move quickly in relationships. They have whirlwind romances; have sex early on in a relationship; rush to get married; rush to have children
4. There is a degree of secrecy re: prior relationships. You feel like you don't really know them, and they won't discuss their problems
5. They introduce you to family and close friends very quickly, but you seem to be insignificant to family and friends since they are always introducing a new partner

What types of people do narcissists tend to look for in partners?

• People they can control, pressure or subject a position of power over or they can easily isolate
• They like empathic people like Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) because they can play their heartstrings and the HSP is more likely to forgive them
• They won't seek out other narcissists or powerful people (too much conflict)
• People who have a history or trauma, so they can retraumatize you and they know how to find your wounds and use them against you
• They tend to align themselves with people (not partners) of greater status
• They name drop—people they don't know, but it's to feel powerful

What is gaslighting?

• It's psychological brainwashing
• Manipulating someone psychologically so that person questions their reality
• The person doesn't trust their own perceptions or themselves
• It's like living in the Twilight Zone
• Jim Jones is an example
• They will compliment and degrade you in the same sentence
• They will change the topic in order to deflect or to blame
• They will triangulate with a 3rd party to invalidate you and make you doubt yourself
• They project their insecurities onto you
• They have tantrums and showdowns—especially on holidays or special occasions and you feel bad and doubt yourself.

What does it look like if you have a narcisstic parent?

• The parent is not invested in your or the problems that come up for you
• They will make it about them—i.e., Had it not been for me, then you (minimize your experience)
• They often will just say, "Because I'm your mother/father."
• They will tell you, "That's not a real problem."
• People who have a narcisstic parent may dissociate, turn the radio up, or find ways to "check out." They may keep contact with the narcisstic parent short and sweet
• Narcisstic parents will call their children names, take advantage of them, expect them to care for the other siblings

You can feel the energy in the room change when a narcissist enters and when they leave the room. It's like they pull energy from the room, and everyone feels it.

RESOURCES

Podcasts

A Date With Darkness—Dr. Natalie Jones https://drnataliejones.com/podcast/

Codependency No More—Brian Piser https://www.codependencynomore.com/category/podcast/

Books

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward

Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward

Unspoken Legacy: Addressing the Impact of Trauma and Addiction within the Family by Claudia Black

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men By Lundy Bancroft

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide To Changing The Patterns Of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner

The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships by Harriet Lerner

The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self by Harriet Lerner

by Robin Norwood

Confessions of a Narcissist by HG Tudor (there are MANY books by this author)

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.

by Karen C.L. Anderson

Surviving Mama An Adult Daughter's Guide by Dr. Pamela Everett Thompson

Youtuber Kim Saeed-- https://www.youtube.com/user/LetMeReach

BIO

Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is a Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts they have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

https://www.drnataliejones.com https://www.adatewithdarkness.com. IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.nataliejones/ IG2: https://www.instagram.com/adatewithdarknesspodcast/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/drnataliejones/ FB2: https://www.facebook.com/adatewithdarkness/ FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/196036654267594/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dr_NatalieJones Twitter 2: https://twitter.com/ADateWDarkness

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 40

TITLE

What Being A "Stand Up Guy" Means—A Beautiful Story Of Integrity

GUEST

Joshua Young

EPISODE OVERVIEW

My Son Joshua was in the middle of taking a chemistry mid-term at college (he's on academic probation), and the instructor took his exam away during the test and excused him from class. Josh shares how his thinking spiraled to his future (not in a good way). He decided to handle this situation with integrity, and the outcome is a beautiful reflection of the very mature way that Josh handled this challenging situation.

BIO

Josh Young is a freshman at Cal State University Fullerton where he is a business major. Josh has a wicked sense of humor, and he loves to push the rules until they just about break. Josh just started playing Club Baseball for CSUF. He also loves doing distance cycling, and he did his first triathalon a few years ago. He also participates in marathon napping, and spending time with his best friend and his girlfriend

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 022

TITLE

Laura Carr, LMFT Interviews Patricia Young About Being A Highly Sensitive Person

GUEST

Laura Carr, LMFT

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Laura Carr, LMFT interviews me. I talk about the benefits of knowing you're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). We talk about when I got the idea for the podcast, and my mission for it. I answer the questions I ask my guests about being a Highly Sensitive Person. Laura shares her initial impression when she first heard the term Highly Sensitive Person. How my view of myself has changed since starting the podcast, and what I've learned in the past 5 months since launching the podcast. We talk about a new definition of play that may be more suitable for HSPs. I talk about what I would have told my younger self. I talk about being loud and proud, well quiet and proud.

HIGHLIGHTS

When did I get the idea for the podcast?

What's the benefit of knowing you're an HSP?

Why did I start this podcast?

What's my mission for the podcast.

How my view of myself has changed since starting the podcast

Do I feel articulate?

The power of being able to see ourselves authentically.

What I would want my younger self to know

BIO

Laura Carr is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Laura has been in private practice since 1998. She co-created the orientation, Compassion Based Awareness Therapy which is an approach that integrates psychological theory and mindfulness. She opened Center for Mindful Relationships (CFMR) in 2012 which offers affordable counseling services to the public. This site also offers training to therapists who are gaining hours towards their MFT licensure. Laura has many roles: a mom, wife, friend, therapist, supervisor, meditator, animal lover, athlete, entrepreneur, and student of Zen. Laura is passionate about personal growth and development.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out.

LINKS

Website--https://cfmrsandiego.com/

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/

HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com

Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail—[email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com