Unapologetically Sensitive

TITLE

Overall Struggles & Strengths Highly Sensitive Person (HSPs)

GUEST

Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Jen and I talk about perfectionism, self-compassion, boundaries, self-care, HS superpowers, communication, vulnerability, authenticity, demystifying emotions, creating a lifestyle that honors the HSP, and mindfulness. These are some of the things that we notice Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) struggling with. Our primary intention is to give you an idea of what to expect in our upcoming online courses. Whether you are considering taking a group or not, this episode is a great way to identify your HS strengths and maybe see if there are areas you want to focus on.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Jen explains why working with HSPs is a passion of hers
• We share our excitement about the groups and why we feel they are important
• I share the story of my first meeting with Jen
• Jen shares her initial impression upon our first meeting and the benefit that comes with creating a safe space to openly share our needs
• We discuss our goal of making the groups a safe space where productive communication can happen, and we create community
• Setting boundaries in relationships is not about changing the other person; it's creating a space for yourself by communicating your needs
• We discuss the plan for our upcoming groups to give you an idea of what to expect:
• Group culture / Expectations
  • Creating community guidelines
  • Creating and maintaining a safe environment
  • Everyone is seen and heard
  • Everyone is treated respectfully
  • Everyone's goals for the group
  • Getting to know each other
  • Basic education about the trait
    • Questions and discussion
    • Building pride in HSP
    • Applying the pride
  • Recognizing this is a non-HSP world, and we get to assert our HSP traits/needs
• Identifying negative messages and turning them into superpowers
  • Things we struggle with
    • Too sensitive
    • Too needy
    • Need to get thicker skin
    • Not social
    • No fun, can't take a joke, no sense of humor
    • Too picky
    • Overthink things
    • Worry too much
    • Too nice
    • Over responsible for everything
    • Feeling fatally flawed, not good enough
    • Mistfit–I'm the only one; There's no one like me
    • Deep sense of not belonging and shame
  • Outcomes
    • Embracing our traits
    • Identify and verbalize what traits resonate for us
    • Feeling confident in what our needs are
    • Naming our strengths
    • Seeing comments as being about the other person
    • Identifying when we get triggered, and having tools to manage
    • Proper care and feeding of the HSP
    • Skillfulness around boundaries
    • Finding ways to live peacefully with non-HPSs and honor everyone's needs
  • Self-care is non-negotiable!
    • Things we struggle with
      • People pleasing
      • Putting others needs ahead of our own
      • Feeling guilty when we take care of ourselves
      • Feeling resentful when we meet other's needs and not our own
      • Feeling drained
      • Feeling depleted
      • Feeling unappreciated
      • Feeling overwhelmed
      • Feeling irritable, negative, easily annoyed, less patient, more critical of self and others, intolerant
    • Outcomes
      • Becoming comfortable with self-centering
      • It's ok to be the center of your universe
      • You can't pour from an empty cup
      • Self-care is an imperative–which is ultimately a selfless act
      • When we take care of ourselves, everyone benefits in the long run (not always immediately, but the overall benefit is for everyone)
      • Listening to what we need and want
      • Trusting what we need and want
      • Wanting to take care of ourselves
      • Knowing that when we take care of ourselves, we have more to offer others
      • Feeling out of balance (or at least aware) when we are ignoring our own needs
      • Having richer deeper relationships because we are fulfilled and coming from a place where we have more to offer
    • Boundaries are an imperative part of self-care
      • Things we struggle with
        • Feeling uncomfortable with conflict
        • Feeling guilty–picking up on other's feelings that we might disappoint others (or they will get angry or frustrated)
          • The guilt is not necessary (we haven't done anything wrong–we're supposed to set boundaries–it's healthy, and boundaries are a natural and necessary part of any healthy relationship)
          • Guilt is the best word we have in the English language, but it's not really an accurate description
        • Feeling not seen, not heard or not honored
        • Not expressing our wants and needs
        • Feeling resentful
        • Feeling powerless
        • Feeling taken advantage of
        • Feeling like everyone else gets their needs met or what they want
      • Outcomes
        • Trusting our feelings
        • Boundaries will directly reduce our overwhelm
          • Learning how to set boundaries without emotion
          • Boundaries make you a happy human; When we have an emotional flare, it's because a boundary has most likely been violated (or a need has not been met)
          • Learning how to compassionately, but kindly state what is and is not acceptable
        • Seeing boundaries as creating safety for ourselves and others
        • Seeing the benefits of setting limits
        • Owning our power and KNOWING that our wants and needs are perfectly acceptable and reasonable
        • Developing flexibility–not about the rule, but about the relationship and the context
      • Perfectionism
        • Things we struggle with
          • Feeling not good enough
          • Comparing
          • Feeling inadequate
          • Not starting things, paralysis
          • Not pursuing dreams
          • Overworking/overdoing trying to get a sense of "enoughness"
          • Constant unease
          • Critical of self and others
          • Perfectionism is a myth
          • Imposter syndrome–if people really saw who I am, they would leave
          • Brene Brown says Whenever you have perfectionism driving, shame is riding shotgun
            • Hustling for your sense of worth
            • "Doing" for a sense of value instead of knowing we have value because we live and breathe
          • Outcomes
            • Knowing done is better than perfect
            • Busting shame
            • Brene Brown–Our vulnerability is what actually connects us
              • Sense of belonging and connection comes from allowing ourselves to be seen imperfectly
              • That's where connection begins
              • Living from our values–regardless of whether goals are met or not. It can be about the process and not the outcome
            • More self-acceptance
            • More ease in relationships because the standards are more realistic
            • Learning how to set goals that are achievable
            • More contentment
            • More satisfaction
            • Actually accomplishing more due to acceptance
          • Communication, vulnerability, authenticity
            • Things we struggle with
              • Afraid to say what you're thinking
              • Not trusting what you're thinking
              • Fear of judgment, criticism, being ridiculed
              • Feeling like your point of view is wrong or not popular
              • Afraid to really show up in relationships and allow yourself to be fully seen
              • Being afraid to upset someone
              • Being afraid to stir up problems in the relationship
              • Not trusting that ruptures are repairable, and this actually points at growth
                • We grow in relationships after a rupture
                • Ruptures are a natural part of attachment–it doesn't mean that there isn't attachment
              • Outcomes
                • Educate others about the trait
                • Why we need the lights low,
                • Less stimulation
                • Quiet areas
              • Model healthy communication, authenticity, vulnerability
              • More depth, closeness and trust in relationships
              • Marshall Rosenberg's non-violent communication
                • All behavior is an attempt to get a need met
                • Feelings and needs are never in conflict
                • Strategies to get them met can be in conflict, and that requires creative problem-solving
              • Life is figure out-able
            • Creating a lifestyle that is HSP friendly and honors our HSP needs
              • Things we struggle with
                • Overwhelm
                • Fatigue
                • Resentment
                • Feeling drained
                • Overworking
                • Living in a non-HSP world and trying to live like a non-HSP
              • Outcomes
                • Proper Care and Feeding of HSPs
                  • Getting enough rest, down time, quiet time
                  • Exercise
                  • Spirituality
                  • Just enough socializing
                  • Feeling a deeper sense of connection
                  • More meaning in your life
                  • Social justice work HSP style ~ having activist mentors
                  • Connecting with nature
                  • Learning how to do non-HSP events in manageable chunks
                • Mindfulness & Self-Compassion
                  • Things we struggle with
                    • Overwhelmed and scattered
                    • Urge to numb out (TV, social media, Netflix)
                  • Outcomes
                    • Basic meditation instruction
                      • Formal and informal practices, moving meditation, guided meditation
                    • Learning how to curiously observe what comes up and to use it as information instead of reacting to things
                    • Self-acceptance
                    • More self-compassion and compassion for others
                    • Being more emotionally responsive vs emotionally reactive (Pause button)
                    • Meeting life on its terms instead of arm wrestling with it
                  • Demystifying emotions & Embracing our emotions
                    • Things we struggle with
                      • My emotions overwhelm me
                      • I can't control my emotions
                      • I'm emotionally reactive
                      • I'm embarrassed by my emotions
                      • Affect-phobia
                      • I don't want to feel my emotions, they won't go away
                      • My feelings will hurt me / others
                    • Outcomes
                      • Basic education about emotion theory
                      • Emotions can't hurt us
                      • Emotions are to be honored and felt
                      • Emotions are impermanent
                      • Emotions are not something we can control
                      • Creating safety to feel our emotions
                      • Emotions can inform our actions/behavior but do not need to drive our behavior
                      • Mindfulness
                      • Feelings come and go – just energy moving through us
                      • Deep sense of connection when we get comfortable having our feelings

BIO

Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for 20 years. She specializes in helping highly sensitive people thrive in love, work, and parenting highly sensitive children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to ameliorate human suffering. She can be reached at [email protected] or 215-292-5056. Learn more at heartfulnessconsulting.com or facebook.com/Heartfulnessconsulting.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online courses for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Jen's Links

Website--www.heartfulnessconsulting.comEmail--[email protected]

Facebook--www.facebook.com/HeartfulnessConsulting

Patricia's Links:

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/

E-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE

I Heal Through My Songs with Singer & Songwriter Karen Drucker

GUEST

Karen Drucker

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Karen is a singer/songwriter with over 15 CDs, and she is also an author. She writes songs that heal and bless the soul! Karen talks about being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and how she is able to perform at huge concerts, travel to perform, and still honors her HSP needs. We talk about the creative process, and what inspires her lyrics. Karen jokes that if you want to know her issues, listen to her songs. Karen talks about her inner critic, named Zelda, and how Karen works with Zelda when Zelda shows up trying to protect her. Karen also sings a bit acapella, which made my eyes water.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Before I knew about being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I just always felt weird
• When people would hear me say I was an HSP, they would just raise their eyebrow
• As a Highly Sensitive Person, I am aware; I'm empathetic and I can meet people at a deeper level
• Knowing the traits of being an HSP helped me to adapt
• I always joke—if you want to know my issues, listen to my songs
• My songs are writing to myself; it's my therapy
• If I'm not feeling worthy, or I'm stressed about time, I write a song and turn it into an affirmation
• I think about what words would bring comfort and I write about it
• I'm doing more work with people with health issues, cancer, people in recovery or dealing with their inner critic—let's focus and sing about it
• Music bypasses the bring and goes into the heart—literally. Oxytocin in released and it's like having a musical meditation
• The song Be Gentle was written when Karen was having a hard time and was beating up on herself. These are the lyrics--

I will be gentle with myself I will be gentle with myself And I will hold myself like a newborn baby child I will be tender with my heart I will be tender with my heart And I will hold my heart like a newborn baby child And I will only go as fast As the slowest part of me feels safe to go I will be easy on myself I will be easy on myself And I love myself like a new born baby child And I will only go as fast As the slowest part of me feels safe to go I am gentle with myself I am gentle with myself And I hold myself like a new born baby child And I rock myself like a newborn baby child And I hold myself like a newborn baby child And I love myself like a newborn baby child

• Karen tends to write songs from all perspectives—when she is struggling; when she is grateful, etc.
• Creativity is allowing yourself to be open. Karen said she is attuned towhat she hears in the world
• Karen never anticipated writing a book, but she felt a calling to do it
• We talk about how The Universe can conspire on your behalf, and what serendipity can look like
• Karen talks about her inner critic, whose name is Zelda, who is there to attempt to protect Karen.
• Whenever Karen is growing or stretching, Zelda gets stronger
• Karen uses mindfulness, curiosity, acceptance and she embraces Zelda
• Karen will tell Zelda, "I know you are there; I hear what you're saying. This is MY truth today…"
• Karen suggests recording on your phone all the wonderful things you want to say to yourself, and listen to it several times/day
• We talk about why this can be difficult for people to do
• We talk about the struggle when people expect you to show up a certain way, but you are feeling more tired or quiet. How do you navigate this authentically (or not)
• Karen shares her birthday ritual and how she connects to herself on this special day

GUEST BIO

Very few people can say that they have been a singing mermaid, a singing casket, and was literally "elevator music" when she was hired to sing and play piano in a moving elevator. Meet Karen Drucker. Karen has recorded 15 CDs of her original inspirational music, and is the author of an inspirational book, "Let Go of the Shore: Stories and Songs That Set the Spirit Free." Among her many accomplishments, she has been a professional comedienne, led her own band for corporate events, and has been the music director of New Thought Churches, as well as music director and " music weaver" for many spiritual conferences and retreats. Karen has been honored with an Honorary Doctorate of Music for her work within the Religious Science Community, and a "Grace Note" award for her work within the Unity Movement. In following her passion, Karen sings, speaks and leads workshops at women's retreats, mind-body & health conferences, and various churches around the country, as well as working with authors like Joan Borysenko, Alan Cohen, and many others. Karen Drucker has been called "a master of communicating presence and spirituality through music." She loves making music, making a difference, and touching hearts.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online courses for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Karen's links:

Website— http://www.karendrucker.com

Women's one day retreat: October 19 Tiburon CA

http://www.karendrucker.com/tiburon-retreat-2019/

Chanting Night: October 18

http://www.karendrucker.com/wp-content/uploads/singing-OCT18-Karen-Drucker.pdf

New Years Chanting Night: Dec 31

http://www.karendrucker.com/wp-content/uploads/Sweet-Sacred-Singing.pdf

I Am Loved https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7rKUFTAE

Loving Kindness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CEe_Kh7Gxc

Donna Eden https://edenenergymedicine.com/

Donna Eden—daily 5 minute energy routine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gffKhttrRw4

Dr. Elaine Aron's self-test for the Highly Sensitive Person https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

Elizabeth Gilbert Big Magic

Patricia's Links:

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE

The Highly Sensitive Brain—What the Research Says, Esther Bergsma MA

GUEST

Esther Bergsma

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Esther joins us to discuss her studies of HSPs and how their brain works. First, we discuss the differences in HSPs and non-HSPs. We discuss that the brain is active in many more areas then the non-HSP. Esther shares that one of the major areas that the brain is always turned on to is social context. HSPs are always asking what others think of them. We also discuss the role anxiety plays for the highly sensitive person and how HSPs have optimal option ambition which makes them want the best outcome. Esther discusses research in emotional granularity and introspection. We discuss Esther's style of working with clients to figure out what's going inside. We focus on the strengths of HSPs, and we end discussing the four-step process that Esther uses when working with children in order to help them identify their feelings.

QUOTES

• "There's so much misunderstanding around the term, people think its about being sensitive to light."
• "The area that's always tuned in is the area surrounding social constructs. What is someone else thinking of me? Does he accept me? It's always on."
• "The troubles we experience as an adult often come from our strengths."
• "Cut out images from a magazine just because it feels good. Then analyze why it makes you feel good."
• "A lot of HSPs built these walls because they have been hurt in their lives."

BIO

Esther Bergsma, MA, is a frequent speaker on High Sensitivity in the Netherlands. She is an author, trainer, scientific researcher and expert on High Sensitivity. Esther has been project manager with the Ministry of Social Affairs and at a Union. After a burnout that lasted four years, she discovered she is highly sensitive, and has two highly sensitive children. She wrote the book Hoogsensitieve kinderen (Highly Sensitive Children) which included research amongst over 700 parents, and the book the Highly Sensitive Brain (both are in Dutch).

Esther wants to create awareness about the trait from a more scientific angle. She tackles skepticism with easy-to-understand but scientifically sound information, both verbally and written. She speaks for medical professionals, psychologist, teachers and managers. Last year, she conducted international research to gain awareness on the trait of High Sensitivity in the workplace. 5500 Highly Sensitive Persons from over 20 countries participated and the results are as important for HSP as for employers.

Hoogsensitief.NL is initiated by Esther to create a place for HSPs to meet, learn and share.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Lisa Feldman Barret How Emotions are Made
• There are many misunderstandings around the term HSP
• HSPs are actually deep processors.
• HSPs are perceptive and also and notice subtilties and emotions in others.
• The brain processes in a lot more areas in HSPs. 10-20 in HSPs and 4-5 in non-HSPs.
• HSPs tend to have difficult childhoods, and tune into social contexts and wonder how they are seen and how they fit in. This often turns into anxiety disorders.
• If HSPs have good childhoods, then they learn to manage their emotions better. They are still intense but they know how to manage it.
• Optimal Option Ambition: connect to the best outcome. Keep everyone happy, keeps brain making loops, but the options HSPs come up with are more creative.
• HSPs tend to be good at self-reflection. Often asking themselves can they be better, how can they improve.
• Emotional granularity is important for HSPs. Use the right words to describe what's going on, so you send the right messages to your body.
• Introception: Feel what's going on inside our bodies and help connect our brain to our body.
• Emotional Intelligence: Knowing what's going on in yourself. Connecting to others.
• Esther helps her clients figure out what they want/need by cutting out images that make them happy.
• It's important to remember the brains function differently then others. Try not to be like others. Take breaks and remember you may be better at some tasks.
• On the subject of Highly Sensitive Children, it's important to give our children the ability to talk about their feelings. We need to honor, validate their feelings. It's about understanding, acceptance, guidelines and steps for future.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Esther's Links:

Website: https://hoogsensitief.nl/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HoogsensitiefNL/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/esther-bergsma-1896327

Patricia's Links:

Website: www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/

E-mail: [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music: Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Editor & Show Notes: Cianna Reider – YourPodcastVA.weebly.com

TITLE

A Discussion About Empaths and The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

GUEST

Colette Davenport

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Colette talks about the differences between Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) and Empaths. Colette gives us steps and tools to help us figure out if it is our own emotions, or if we are picking up on the emotions of other people. We discuss the care and feeling of an empath, and how what we consume, food or in our environment, can impact us. Colette also discusses medical challenges, and how she has been working with a biohacker to overcome these. She discusses the brain/gut connection, and muscle testing.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Empaths – internalize the emotional states of others.
• HSPs externalize emotional states of others
• Empaths have a hard time expressing feelings, and absorb the energy of others.
• They experience stomach aches, headaches, tightness in chest and these may not be their own.
• Is the feeling mine, or someone elses?
• The basic care and feeding of an empath
• How to get grounded
• What we "consume"—food, emotions, news, friends, thoughts
• Shifting what we think is wrong with us to seeing our superpowers
• Brain/gut connection—can cause depression, anxiety, difficulties with concentration
• What is muscle testing
• Colette has hypoglossal schwannoma – a tumor on her brainstem
• How to take your energy back
• • Shift perspective—we are not weak or we are not sponges
  • We are capable, strong, competent
  • Let our defenses down—stop protecting ourselves
  • Stop trying to help others—witness, support, being, listening, "light and love," allowing others to be who they are
  • Stop taking responsibility for others and shine light on them
  • Embody and exemplify in the world
• 4 Step process

1. See the situation for what it is
   • Distinguish between the situation and what happened inside of you (we all have a soul wound/core wounding)

1. Feel the feelings

• It can be uncomfortable, but it's about diving into the feelings

1. Call back the castoffs

• Welcome back the parts of ourselves that we deem unlovable/unacceptable
• We must have unconditional love for self (self-compassion)

1. Re-state the facts—identify statement—I am….

• Deeply buried belief about self that is false
  • Colleen's soul wound "I am an ugly disgusting waste of time"
• "I'm a beautiful magnetic woman that people love to be with." Truth

QUOTES

• I'm a beautiful, magnetic person that people love to be with.
• Highly sensitive people feel their feelings, and they want that for the world.
• My understanding of the difference between Highly Sensitive People, and empaths is that as empaths we take in and get lost in the emotional states of others.
• The Soul Wound, our deepest, most buried powerful pain.
• We have to restore wholeness, by loving those parts that we feel are unlovable.

BIO

Colette Davenport is a Master Empath and CEO of Badass Empath United, a global organization that provides personal and professional development exclusively for empaths. She is an international coach and speaker, and author of Get Your Magic Back.

Colette's 20+ years of experience in the relationship field, along with her personal health crisis, and her fine tuned empathic abilities generated a unique vision for the future of the highly sensitive community. She believes empaths can only live up to their full potential through emotional mastery and speaking their truth. When this happens on a global scale, the world as we know it will shift from fear to love.

"In my early experience as an empath, not having the awareness and tools to navigate my sensitivities made me feel broken and alone. My self-esteem was tied to the acceptance of others. I made myself sick trying to fit in and be normal, and as such, I suffered from depression, anxiety, and addiction. Over the course of two decades I've learned how to establish healthy boundaries, speak my truth, give zero f*cks about fitting in, and connect deeply with people who get me. I share my wisdom and systems with other empaths who are ready to be the bada**es they were born to be."

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS/RESOURCES

Dr. David R. Hawkins MD, PhD Power Vs. Force

Colette's Links:

Website: https://www.colettedavenport.com

Website: http://www.badassempath.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwtNhreE5hPsELSFYAiRNOw

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colette.davenport/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/badassempath/

Medium: https://medium.com/@colettedavenport/latest

Patricia's Links:

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Editor & Show Notes: Cianna Reider – YourPodcastVA.weebly.com

Episode 33

TITLE

Parenting Differently Wired Kids

GUEST

Deborah Reber

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Podcast host, and parent to a neurodivergent son who is twice exceptional, gifted, has ADHD, and experiences challenges with Executive Functioning and Sensory Issues, Debbie talks about how parents can support their differently wired kids. Is authoritarian parenting effective? What is attachment parenting, and how does our culture view nurturing vs. coddling? What is executive functioning? Are kids really being manipulative or is it due to lagging skills? How can we help our kids have a sense of agency, control and self-direction? What is scaffolding, and how do we teach this to our kids? Debbie gives a special message to kids who are differently wired, and a message to their parents.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Why self-care is imperative as parents
• Why vulnerability and open communication with our kids is crucial
• How parents can support their differently wired kids
• A message for parents who have kids who are differently wired
• A message for the kids who are differently wired
• Our expectations before we have a child (children), and the shifts we have an opportunity to make once we have a child who is wired differently than we are.
• We can choose to be authoritative parents, or parent the way we had planned, or we have an opportunity to really learn from our child and change how we parent
• Scaffolding—what is it and why is it important
• Authoritative parenting—is it effective?
• Our culture typically doesn't want us to coddle or spoil our children, when in fact, we may be meeting their needs for attachment and learning in really healthy and adaptive ways (but feeling guilty because we're not being strict or structured enough)
• Executive functioning and lagging skills—what is it and why is it important to know about this
• Kids do the best they can—Ross Greene
• ADHD (and other neurodiversities) are consistently inconsistent. It can look like manipulation or stubbornness or willfulness, but it's about lagging skills
• Where compassion comes in to play with parenting neurodivergent kids (for the parents and the child)

BIO

Deborah Reber is a parenting activist, New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker who moved her career in a more personal direction in 2016 when she founded TiLT Parenting, a website, weekly podcast, and social media community for parents like her who are raising differently wired children. The TiLT Parenting Podcast has grown to be a top podcast in iTunes' Kids and Family category, with more than 1 million downloads and a slate of guests that includes high-profile thought leaders across the parenting and education space. A regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, Debbie's newest book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. In November 2018, she spoke at TEDxAmsterdam, delivering a talk entitled Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired.

Prior to launching TiLT, Debbie spent more than fifteen years writing inspiring books for women and teens. Before embarking on her own path as a solopreneur, Debbie worked in TV and video production, producing documentaries and PSAs for CARE and UNICEF, working on Blue's Clues for Nickelodeon in New York, and developing original series for Cartoon Network in Los Angeles. She has an MA in Media Studies from the New School for Social Research and a BA in Communications from Pennsylvania State University.

In December 2018, Debbie and her family relocated back to the NYC area after living in Amsterdam, the Netherlands for the past five years.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them in understanding their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS/RESOURCES

Debbie Reber Website-- http://www.tiltparenting.com/start-here/

Tilt Parenting Podcast-- http://www.tiltparenting.com/podcast/

Differently Wired—Raising Exceptional Kids in a Conventional World by Deborah Reber

TedXAmsterdam--Why the future will be differently wired https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZcrDVruby4

The Explosive Child : A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene

The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives Hardcover by William Stixrud PhD (Author), Ned Johnson (Author)

Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson EdD, Richard Guare PhD

Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/

Dr. Ted Zeff's website— http://www.drtedzeff.com/

HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/

To write a review in itunes:

1. click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
2. select "view in itunes"
3. chose "open in itunes"
4. choose "ratings and reviews"
5. click to rate the number of starts
6. click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 52

TITLE

Loyalty—How We Perceive Things Differently, & Relationships

GUEST

Solo Episode

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) tend to be incredibly loyal. This can pose a challenge when we're in relationships that aren't working for us. Some HSPs struggle with conflict and setting boundaries; because we feel more empathy, we can imagine how the other person might feel. HSPs notice things that others don't, which can also create challenges when we perceive things, and we feel that no one else gets why we're upset (or why certain behaviors don't work, or aren't acceptable to us). We have an opportunity to validate what we experience.

HIGHLIGHTS

• The pattern of being in relationships that don't work—the different cycles we experience
• Some of the reasons why people are reluctant to end relationships
• Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) have more mirror neurons—we feel more empathy and can imagine what the other person might feel, which can make it more difficult to make decisions that work for us—like ending or changing a relationship
• Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) tend to be really loyal when it comes to relationships.
• HSPs sometimes feel uncomfortable with conflict and setting boundaries. This can make it harder when it comes to ending relationships, or setting limits in relationships
• Why naming what we're experiencing/feeling is so important
• If we don't name things, the energy comes out "sideways"
• What do you do when you have long standing friendships, but they're no longer working or meeting your needs?
• HSPs are going to notice more things than non-HSPs. This can also cause us to question our perception, or our sense of reality
• When we are feeling something that others aren't aware of, we have an opportunity to validate our experience, because WE feel it
• Some aspects of relationships to look at to evaluate how it's working
• HSPs tend to want more meaning, depth, connection, feeling seen and heard in relationships

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 51

TITLE

Our Highly Sensitive Strengths and How I Am Working with Anxious Thoughts

GUEST

Solo Episode

EPISODE OVERVIEW

We need to talk more about the incredible strengths we have as Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs). I highlight some of these in this episode, and I talk about some anxiety I'm experiencing as I'm preparing to go away to a 7 day silent retreat at a Monastery, and what I'm hoping to get from this retreat.

HIGHLIGHTS

• I talk a little bit about the retreat I'm going to
• What I'm hoping to get from the retreat, and what I struggle with
• Listing our HS strengths, and there are many!
• Why vulnerability and authenticity is important to me
• My concern about oversharing, and wanting the listener to feel validated, but wanting to also talk about the strengths we have as HSPs
• Some challenges I'm having; how I would have handled it in the past, and what's different now
• I talk about what my gremlins are saying now—thank you for sharing
• The importance of naming things
• How when I've named things, I often struggle after releasing an episode
• How to pre-dispose for upcoming bumps
• Looking at the possibilities
• Playing around with our anxious thoughts and using that as a guide to see possibilities

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Bonus Episode 50

TITLE

Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome, Expectations and Disappointments

GUEST

Solo Episode

EPISODE OVERVIEW

As Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), it's not uncommon for us to judge when we are having big feels, or the feels last longer than we want them to. The feelings aren't what causes us to suffer; it's our reactions and judgment about our feelings. How do we learn to create space for big feels, disappointments, and how do we learn to really honor and appreciate the AMAZING gifts we have as HSPs?

HIGHLIGHTS

• We are sold by society that things are "broken" and therefore there are "cure" and "fixes"
• When we have feelings that we don't like, or they last longer than we want, we believe something is wrong with us
• We aren't broken and we don't need to be fixed
• As Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), we ARE going to have big feels, and sometimes the feelings DO last longer than we want them to
• HSPs tend to function at very high levels in certain areas—we notice details, and remember things; we're thorough and very conscientious
• We tend to think that everyone else is like we are, and we get frustrated and disappointed when other's don't show up at the level that we do
• Many HSPs in my practice tell me that they struggle with perfectionism. HSPs tend to be thorough and want to get things "right"
• We get to practice Done is better than perfect
• In the HSP Online Group, Jen Fusco Perry and I are co-facilitating, we each talked about some of our struggles after our check in—a group member shared how validating it was and how much they appreciated our willingness to be vulnerable and authentic
• When everyone pretends that they are living a life that is fine without struggle, it hurts everyone
• Sometimes we feel anxious or depressed—this is part of being a human being and having a human experience
• Whatever we are feeling is ok
• Wounding from the past can interfere with present day relationship
• How to ground in the present when wounding is coming up
• It takes tremendous strength and courage to allow ourselves to feel deeply
• It's the skill of Emotional Intelligence to feel our feelings and identify what we are feeling—this IS healthy
• Being vulnerable takes tremendous courage—it's a strength
• HSPs can be incredibly tenacious and focused—it's how we perceive our traits and how we talk about them
• I thought I was doing therapy wrong, and it turns out my perceived weakness is my superpower as a coach when I work with HSPs
• What are your perceived weaknesses?
• What are the corresponding superpowers?

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young is a Life Coach in California. Patricia works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPS providing coaching. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have coaching from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; while you travel; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. Patricia also facilitates online specialty groups for HSPs.

LINKS

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 32

TITLE

Best of the Podcast: You're Not Fragile; You're Very Strong

GUEST

Annie Schuessler, LMFT

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Annie Schuessler, podcast host of Rebel Therapist, talks about overwhelm, and how she has created an environment that works for her, and what she needs when she travels. Annie talks about how she helps others create fulfilling businesses. We talk about podcasting (and as an introvert), what this has allowed her to do. Annie talks about being called a crybaby, and what she would say now to her younger self.

QUOTES

• You're not fragile; you're very strong
• Annie's response to being an HSP, "I love me, and it's absolutely a part of me."
• I am strong and I want to be in difficult conversations
• Another name for HSP—"Highly Percepive" or "Tuned In"

BIO

Annie Schuessler is a business coach and the creator of The Superpower Method For Therapists® Program and the podcast Rebel Therapist. She's been a therapist in private practice for over 15 years, and since 2010 she's been helping private practice entrepreneurs build profitable and fulfilling businesses by leveraging their unique superpowers. You can find her resources for entrepreneurs trained as therapists at coachingwithannie.com.

HIGHLIGHTS

• The card game Annie mentions is called Settlers of Catan (or simply Catan)
• Associations made with the term HSP—difficult, sensitive, fragile
• Helping clients identify ideal working hours, what drains their energy, how to make more room for themselves
• We talk about perceived weaknesses and the corresponding strengths of being an HSP
• Annie talks about the myths that clients have when trying to decide what their ideal business looks like
• The challenges Annie experiences when anticipating new situations
• Having full creative control of podcasting and the unexpected gifts it has brought her.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young is a Life Coach in California. Patricia works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them embrace their HSP gifts, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia has developed a method for coaching HSPs that has been very effective. If you want to dig in, and move through the challenges you're facing as an HSP, Patricia has the gift of being able to hone in on the barriers, so you can get straight to work and focus on living the life you were meant to. Patricia also facilitates online specialty groups for HSPs.

LINKS

Annie's website: https://www.annieschuessler.com/

https://rebeltherapist.me/podcast-grid

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

TITLE

How to Work with Our Feelings When They're Bigger and Stronger Than We Want Them to Be

GUEST

Solo Episode

EPISODE OVERVIEW

It's not uncommon for Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) to have strong emotional reactions to things. We may not be able to control our initial reaction(s), but we can learn ways to master how we choose to respond. When we think our feelings are bigger than we are, we are going to feel overwhelmed. I talk about a recent experience where I had a bigger emotional and physical reaction to a situation, and I share the tools that I used to move through this experience.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are deep thinkers and deep feelers. This means we are likely to respond more to things than others do.
• There is nothing wrong with having a strong emotional reaction to something
• We can learn tools to master how we choose to respond (which is different than the reaction that we have)
• When we find ourselves having a strong emotional reaction, it's really important to name what's going on
• This doesn't mean we have to DO anything. The practice of observing what's happening; identifying it, and stating what's going on (naming it), is the first step
• To me, the word reaction is what happens automatically. I don't have control over my initial reaction. It's what happens internally. I don't have to DO anything about my initial reaction
• What I do after I have a reaction is what I call my response. I have time to feel my feels, think about my reaction, and then I choose how I want to respond
• I share about having to go clothes shopping to buy some pants for a 7 day silent retreat I will be attending, and how this triggered an emotional reaction
• While shopping, I got triggered with body-image issues; my issues around spending money came up, and all of a sudden, sweets looked really appealing to me (because I was having feelings)
• In spite of mastering my emotional reactions/responses in other areas of my life, this was an area that I hadn't had an opportunity to apply new skills to
• I found myself feeling tired, overwhelmed, discourages (in spite of having found what I needed—the shopping trip was a success, but my feelings told me otherwise
• Often we have expectations that we're not even aware of. Then when something unexpected happens, we find ourselves upset, frustrated, disappointed, and we don't understand why we're feeling this way.
• When this happens, it's not uncommon for us to go into self-blame—there's something wrong with me; I shouldn't be feeling this way.
• We also tend to negate our experience because we're having strong feelings
• Often when we're having uncomfortable feelings, the mind wants to make up stories to match our intense feelings, and this often begins what I call circling the drain. This is NOT a helpful place that we go
• We often judge our feelings, and THAT'S what makes us feel badly!
• When we can just allow our feelings to be, and curiously observe them, they are not as strong and powerful.
• When we judge our feelings, we feel worse, and we tend to stay in those uncomfortable feelings longer, and we continue to make up stories in our head to justify the uncomfortable feelings
• We can look with curiosity—what happened? What came up for you? What were your expectations?
• When we don't name our feelings, the feelings can feel bigger than we are—that can be scary and overwhelming
• We are bigger than our feelings
• Feelings are just feelings—they come and go
• When we focus on the process—the actual steps we took (I went shopping; I tried on clothes; I looked for things; I experienced some body-image; I had money issues come up; I felt uncomfortable) and we emphasize what we DID and not the outcome, this creates a shift
• We may still be having feelings; that's ok. The goal is NOT to get rid of the feelings. It's to observe them; feel them; name them and honor them
• We CAN tolerate uncomfortable feelings
• We can also predispose that when we engage in certain activities, we may feel disappointed, frustrated, low energy etc. This helps to "prepare" us for feelings that may come up
• I've found it really helpful to "set the bar really low" so that no matter what happens, we experience success
• Many HSPs tend to have really high expectations, so we often feel frustrated and angry with ourselves due to perceived failure, when in fact, we just have really unrealistic expectations
• When you find yourself reacting, you can get really curious and think about how is it you think you're "supposed" to be feeling, or how you want to be feeling
• It's important to allow yourself a LOT of grace for where you're at
• It's temporary; you will feel differently later on. It's just a blip on the radar
• When we fight the feelings/reactions/responses we're having, it causes US more suffering
• It can be messy, uncomfortable and it takes a lot of practice to learn to be with our feelings, but there are so many gifts on the other side of the discomfort
• The more we practice, the more we get mastery over being with our feelings and moving through them

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young is a Life Coach in California. Patricia works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPS providing coaching. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have coaching from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. Patricia also facilitates online specialty groups for HSPs.

LINKS

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

e-mail-- [email protected]

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com