7 Steps to Moving Through Resistance

1.     Notice the anxiety/feeling

2.     Journal it out

3.     FEEL the emotions you need to feel 

4.     NOW – What do you want to decide to think about this on purpose

5.     TAKE ACTION – What’s the next step?  

6.     ANTICIPATE YOUR FEAR BRAIN – what are all the things your brain could tell you about your next action forward now that you have decided?  This is NORMAL.  If you plan for this ahead of time, then you won’t freak out as much.

7.     EVALUATE – How did it go?

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Why we compete

Competition comes from a place of not feeling what we have is good enough.  Women have been living inside patriarchal system for 12,000 years.  There have been consequences for women in their power. 

Every time I offered a different perspective to the masculine in coaching, I was met with resistance and told things like  

“you don’t know how to manage egos.”

“you need to be more aggressive in order to get people to give you what you want.”

“you need to care less about how people feel.”

“I don’t know how to talk to you so you don’t get upset… aka… do what I want without challenging my perspective.

Exploration of patriarchal beliefs, how they manifest for you, what you can do about it

Book a consultation – it’s an hour where we do a deep dive on whats showing up in your life and how we would work through that together.  https://calendly.com/nikkikettcoaching/free-1-hour-coaching-chat

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The importance of balancing empathy and empowerment.

You can have empathy for someone and not get stuck in their story.

I was a college coach for 9 years and constantly was learning the boundary between being empathetic and empowering. 

 Sometimes I needed to say the triggering thing and be willing to not be liked.

I still do that now – except my clients can feel the love behind what I’m saying when I’m direct in my coaching… I’d describe my coaching style as direct but loving.

I wanted to talk about this topic because I think it is always a balance and it works both ways…  

 Who do you go to for what?

Friendships – who do you go to for what.  There’s the one friend that is going to give you endless love no matter what you decide.   And there’s the friend that you go to when you need someone to tell it like it is. 

You have to be willing to trust WHAT YOU NEED.  Sometimes the biggest transformations can come from being a bit triggered by something someone says, even if it makes you angry.

Sometimes that just keeps you spinning.

What do your relationships need?

I work with a lot of coaches in athletics and we often reflect on how being too empathetic means they are “jumping in the pool with their athletes” 

Their value is their empathy, but not when it becomes overused.  This is really common with women because we are used to “swooping in” and fixing things.  

 We can feel the burden sometimes that it is on us to make everything okay.

 Sometimes it’s okay for there to be conflict, and it’s okay to let other people do their own work.

The other side of this coin is by overusing empowerment … by getting frustrated to the point where you just want someone to DO WHAT YOU SAY and you’ve lost all empathy.

I have been here before too.  When you are stuck being frustrated by someone it’s hard to still have empathy and realize that it’s up to the other people to do their own work.

Think about when you maybe have overused empathy which leads to disempowerment.

 Or when you have overused empowerment which leads to being controlling.

How can you do your own work and allow yourself to sit in the discomfort of offering support or encouragement but then leaving it up to the other person to take appropriate action.

This is what it looks like to set boundaries as well.  When you master the balance of empathy and compassion, you’ll trust yourself enough to compromise in relationships (seeing their perspective) but to also stand up for yours (and let other people do their work).

Living in this way creates a freedom.  Ultimately we can’t change anyone else’s emotions or responses, we can only take responsibility for our own.

Have you been called high maintanence, if so… what does that mean?

Are you being called high maintenance because men and WOMEN are conditioned to think that women shouldn’t be asking for what they want, desire, and need?

Or are you just demanding?

We’re going to talk about the balance within this.

It is your responsibility to ask for what you need.  Some of us aren’t even at the point where we know where that is because we are so disconnected from our bodies.  High achievers and athletes tend to think the answer is to just grind through everything instead of getting curious about what they need.

Your emotions are information… yes even negative ones.  IMPORTANT information for you to get curious about the environments you are in.

If something is off – it’s up to do you get curious and do your own inquiry.

NOW – it’s your decision whether or not to accept that behavior.  This is where your own personal growth lies. 

 EXAMPLE: If it’s a new relationship and you don’t like their communication style… and they aren’t meeting your idea of “healthy communication” … you have a choice to walk away. 

But before you walk away... you can ask yourself if there is any growth for you before you make the decision.  This requires you to process your own emotions and be okay when your partner isn’t doing what you see as “baseline relationship material”.  NOTE: I am not recommending staying in an abusive relationship -- if that is where you are at please get support you need immediately.

But also ask about the stories --- am I making theyre communication mean something about me… that my partner doesn’t like more or love me?  Or is it just that they don’t communicate in the same way OR simply that they don’t know how.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. Because whatever while demanding doesn’t work because we can’t make anyone change or do their own work, it’s important to not compromise your own values.

Because staying in a dynamic that is fundamentally misaligned with your values and your needs will take it’s toll and there is a difference between using the dynamic for your expansion and growth versus compromising your values and integrity.

TRUST YOURSELF and your intuition to know the difference.  AND GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO PROCESS IT.

Ultimately this is all about building self trust – so that you don’t spend all of your time and energy questioning yourself and what you need.  Spinning back and forth between being reactive and defensive when someone or something isn’t giving you what you need OR just decided you will be low maintenance instead.

LOW maintenance happens when you don’t believe you are deserving of your own needs.  It’s not that cool to be the “cool” girl because you’re not being truthful with yourself and others about who you are.

If you want to learn more about my 90 day program, CONFIDENT WITHOUT THE PRESSURE... book your consultation HERE.  This hour alone will change your life.

1.     What is the thing you are lacking confidence in right now?

2.     What do you think holds you back?

3.     Acknowledge the thoughts with compassion and ask where they could have come from. 

4.     Connect with what you would like to be different

5.     How would she think?

6.     Most important – take action!  It will be scary.  But this is the only way to actually see the change. The more inspired action you take from being with the negative thoughts and intentionally practicing new ones

Book your free consultation call HERE.

There is no path.

There is only the journey.

The dance between what happens to you, and how you integrate it into your life?

Can you let life impact you while you impact it in turn?

Common barriers to allowing this beautiful journey called life to unfold are discussed.

Book your free consultation call HERE.

What does it look like to engage with your work in a productive, healthy way?

What are the signs that you are disconnected from yourself and your needs are you complete tasks?

Listen to the episode to find out!

Book your free consultation call here: FREE CONSULT.

Self-compassion requires patience.

When we live like we are on fire, we get burned.

When we experience anger and want to avoid it at all costs, we oftentimes REACT to ourselves and others in ways that are harmful.

We stay stuck in the same cycle.

We experience burnout.  We are constantly angry and frustrated at the world.

And we create an unintended result.

Loving your life requires more LOVE -- for yourself and for others.

The requires you to have patience as you process through anger.  As you uncover what feelings are underneath that anger.

As you choose thoughts that create love for yourself and for others.

Ready to start coaching ... book your FREE consultation here: 

FREE CONSULT.

Internal value is not about masculine control. 

In this episode: what is feminine/masculine energy?

How do we rebalance both?

Why do we express unhealthy masculine/feminine?

Are you avoiding your true desires?  Often times it's because you're not willing to be uncomfortable.

You can't create anything you truly desire without discomfort.

Ready to get uncomfy -- schedule your free coaching consultation here.