This time of year puts love under a spotlight.

Flowers.

Reservations.

Big gestures.

And sometimes… quiet pressure.

For many years, I didn’t enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Not because I didn’t believe in love — but because something underneath it didn’t feel steady.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Valentine’s Day doesn’t create closeness.

It reveals it.

If the foundation feels strong, the day is sweet, but ...

If it feels strained, the holiday quietly magnifies what’s already there.

In this week’s episode, I share something I wish someone had told me years ago — even when I was training to be a psychiatrist.

1. Why romantic gestures can’t compensate for emotional distance.
2. Why date nights and “I-statements” only work when something deeper is already solid.
3. And what the unseen part of a relationship truly requires.

Believe me, it’s not flashy.

And it’s not romantic in the Instagram sense.

But it’s the work that makes an ordinary Tuesday feel calm and connected — instead of anxious and on guard.

Episode timestamps:

01:13 — Why I didn’t enjoy Valentine’s Day in the past

02:26 — The relationship struggles no one prepares us for

04:06 — When Valentine’s Day started feeling different

05:51 — Icing vs. foundation: what really sustains love

07:32 — The “unsexy” work that changes everything

09:02 — Listening to the whispers you’ve been ignoring

10:52 — How to start strengthening your foundation

If this season is bringing up anything — longing, disappointment, hope, or quiet frustration — this episode is for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day! (And the rest of your days.)

May it be sweet not because of the gesture — but because of what you’ve been building all along.

🗣️Oh—and if you have something you're navigating and would love my take on it...

You can submit a question or situation for a future episode right here (totally anonymous!):

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