Vanity Project

Join Laura and Charles in their state of undress as they straddle the axis of sexy and smart. After successfully finding the ugliest dress on earth (see images only from behind the paywall on Patreon) in a dressing room somewhere in Berlin, which left them wondering...what does it mean to dress for success...

They take stabs in the dark as they try to situate straight male desire and let off steam about gay men who love to humiliate women. The world is rife with f-slur lounge lizard yes-men telling you to buy the dress, and for what! 

Vanity Project is comprised of sexy, pretentious, and hostile Margielerites and we dare you to understand our very intelligent outfits!

Reading and Viewing list for this episode:

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Back in Paris, just in the nic (sic) of time for the Balenciaga show, Charles and Laura shine a spotlight on the preeminent actress who could be Australia’s only diva… it’s time for a double dog of a feature with the one and only Nicole Kidman. 

We talk radical formalism (re: Brinkema), anti-Americanism (re: von Trier), and the bravery it requires to portray falling in love with the wrong ten-year-old (re: Kidman and kid man). Between the wig in Dogville (2002) and Birth (2004) our favourite wig on Nicole is… well, she’s using her real hair now, so I think that’s probably our favourite, is her own hair.

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

In Berlin your favourite threesome continues their hole exploration in the good company of bestie of the pod Lev Kaya! This time, situated in the arse end of the world, we stare deeper and deeper into The Hole dir. Ming-liang Tsai (1998). 

We strain our talk holes to stretch the definition of hole, and ask how many kinds of excretion can you name? What’s the deal with the wiping gender gap? Can gay men explain a dental dam? Is cunnilingus when you lick the pussy hole? Stay tuned to find out what our favourite holes on each other are - you’d be surprised!

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Today on Wednesday 22nd of June, 2022, our lovechild Vanity Project turned one! Charles and Laura do their greatest hits to celebrate and look back on their first year of one-off collaboration p-p-podcasts. Inspired by Drumloop's 'Open Space', and instrumental remixed by us from Cukor Bila Smert' 'The Great Hen-Yuan River'. 

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https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

On this week's episode of Vanity Project, Laura and Charles visit one of Berlin's most notorious sex-clubs so that you don't have to! Our names is both Dita, we'll be your mister-es-es-es tonight...

They go down[town] to see a jarringly immersive Tom of Finland exhibition, and challenge each other to take the Eiffel Tower. Don’t look now, there’s men in leather with huge hard ons that boyfriend of the pod is avoiding.

We ask, are people going to the sex club to avoid kink? Why are married bisexual men rejecting us from behind? Are two cocks better than one? Vanity Project wants to tease married men to the brink of absolute terror. Can you resist? You’re in danger, girls!

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Charles and Laura are lured into the web of Kirsten - I mean Kristen - Stewart’s oeuvre (spelling?) for a double feature. Alongside Personal Shopper (2016) they slur, stutter and mumble their way through the streets of Paris. But a spectre is haunting Europe. Is it KStew’s dead twin? Or Willem Dafoe’s allegedly distractingly enormous penis?

In this exclusive peak into one of Cannes’ most anticipated premieres, we break the story of Crimes of the Future (2022). Spoiler, it’s the micro-plastics turning you trans.

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Charles and Laura just got a sneak peek of Top Gun: Maverick. Your mission, if you have the courage, is to find Lady Gaga’s penis. We unsheathe mother monsters' biggest conspiracies in a journalistic undertaking of satanic proportions. 

We take a peak behind the Scientological curtain to see what’s hiding underneath the covers… Spirit cooking, Clinton’s emails, Abramovic method, oh my!

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

It’s that’s time of the year again! But this time, Charles and Laura are doing things differently. Join us on the Met steps as we desperately prove we are Not Like Other cultural commentators and their hot takes about rich people in expensive dresses. In a vain attempt to differentiate ourselves, we’ve refused to give our opinions on the clothes. Save from Cara Delevingne’s gilded chest, but does that really count?

We talk co-parasitic accelerated image creation, liberty, boobs’ shape and direction of boob spillage, making women uncomfortable, the emperors new clothes, snapback caps, Other Women in the form of Amanda Lepore. Do my gilded boobs look busty in this?

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project

Charles and Laura are joined by bestie of the pod Lev to ram, head on, into Crash (1996) and Crash (2022). In a cataclysmic collison between a lavender Lamborghini (driven by one miss Charli XCX) and the car JFK died in (piloted by David Cronenberg) our podcasters try to keep their eyes on the road. Don’t look back, Deborah Unger is giving road head.

They talk the road, the highway, landing strips, Sophie Anderson's tits, and the highly politicised terrain of the foreskin. In a competition between death drive and sex drive, which urge will be triumphant? Get in loser we're going to crash! We've saved you the passenger seat of Lady Gaga’s car because she's just more comfortable this way...

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Charles and Laura, clad in micro-minis (rumoured to be the very same one Nicole Kidman wore) and branded satin ballet slippers, painstakingly examine fw22 fashion week so that you don’t have to!

They talk forever refugees, the hypernormalisation of the aestheticisation of war, violence, the UN, and garbage bags, how-to, and how not to make jokes in fashion, annoying gay men with no taste, learning object permanence through micro mini skirts, and boys invading girls spaces. Balenciaga, Loewe, Miu Miu, oh my!

For more paywalled content head over to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vanity_project