Christian’s car is on empty, Josh’s brain is on husk, and Dion thinks a mouse has a mortgage.

Christian kicks things off by pushing his car well past the fuel light, trusting the mysterious dot-dot-dot to get him home. Josh prefers a more conservative two-thirds–full approach, and Dion shares his experience of running out of petrol almost within reach of the bowser. We compare our refuelling habits, quietly question each other’s life choices, and try to remember what side the fuel cap is on.

Things then shift to mice. Dion’s convinced they have homes. Josh wonders where they go to sleep, and Christian’s interested in what spiders are doing with all their neatly wrapped flies. We also touch on skirting board secrets and psyllium husk.

Finally, we introduce you to our very own large language model, PatchGPT.

With very special guests Elon Husk and Snap Rat.

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Dion has finally succumbed to caffeine dependency, and Christian and Josh interrogate his new addiction. What makes a good coffee order? Why does Dion refuse to learn the difference between a flat white and a cappuccino?

Meanwhile, Christian grapples with existential dread every morning, and Josh suggests he simply “get in the shower.” We question whether professional athletes should thank water runners, why tennis demands silence while Formula 1 drivers scream for their lives, and whether football players ignore the national anthem to appear cool.

Plus, Dion reveals a deeply unsettling secret about his morning alarm.

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In this Patch, we crown pizza as the best party food for a large group of people before trying to define some rules around quantity, presentation and flavour. Christian feels that hosts must announce the arrival of the pizza to the party, Dion reflects on the pathetic image of guests hovering around unopened pizza boxes and we collectively ask if any other food could act in pizza's place. Josh then recounts a supermarket stakeout involving a would-be Heineken slab thief, and we ponder the ethics of 'dobbing' as an adult. Do you really care about someone stealing from a large supermarket chain? Dion targets Josh for wearing two novelty items to the recording before Josh ponders his responsibilities as a 'tall person' in a crowd. Is there tall privilege? Are taller people really more attractive?

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Dion and Christian argue over whether someone can feel proud of arriving to a location on time. Josh tries to share a frustrating experience of being stuck in a queue that wasn't moving at the Australian Open but neither Dion or Christian can understand what he's saying. After some translating, we discuss the circumstances that might make someone leave a queue early and whether those circumstances change when waiting in a phone queue. Finally, Dion asks Josh and Christian to really consider whether the Imperial system is superior to the Metric system and we decide on which unit of measurement we would take with us to a desert island.

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We're back with Season 10! Misdelivered packages, passive-aggressive laundry, and the correct way to clean a percolator. This week Dion's Rooibos Challenge for a Fridge Friend takes a turn for the ethically ambiguous. Josh reveals the depths of his percolator cleanliness standards, and Dion confronts Christian on his plan to install roller shutters and 24/7 security cameras in his new home. Are they a symbol of suburban bliss or too Italian?  Plus, a typically spirited debate on the concept of "normal wear and tear".

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After 27 weeks, 3 additional kilos and no ageing, Dion is back in the Patchwork Studio! He tells us some brothy stories of his culinary experiences and recalls an awkwardly silent breakfast experience at a hostel. We then discuss what factors make for a positive hostel experience - is atmosphere or cleanliness more important? Does that answer change if some of the other guests absolutely stink? Christian gets frustrated at the volume of zippers and we try to invent a better closing mechanism for luggage. We then wonder, why do we find nature beautiful?

Christian then asks Dion and Josh whether we are obliged to mow our neighbours' nature strips? Is it an act of aggression to only mow up to the boundary of your property? Is it strange to buy gifts for your neighbours when you move into a new property? Dion proposes a borderless society where we can freely wander into each other's homes and Josh recalls an angry anti whipper snipping neighbour. 

Finally, we practice being assertive.

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After countless people telling him to get one, Christian has finally purchased an air fryer and won't shut up about it! But what really is an air fryer? Is it just small oven? Is small oven better cook reddit? As the discussion develops, both Christian and Josh lose the ability to form full sentences but manage to discuss the research and development behind air fryer pre configured modes. 

For your main course, how much do you give a coworker departing a workplace? Josh poses this question to Christian after being faced with a similar conundrum at work. Would it change your mind if the recipient didn't know how much money you were giving? Do you even need to give them a gift? And while we're at it, when signing a farewell card, do you read what other people have written? Would you let AI write the message for you? Josh and Christian then cover off the minutiae of signing a farewell card from length and angle to location. 

Finally, we debate whether to write a message above and below the template text on the right hand side of a birthday card.

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After another lengthy break, Josh and Christian are back in the WTP studio and the first thing they can think to talk about is how podcast consumption aint what it used to be. It's all content, content, content these days! Maybe if we posted a little more regularly, we would actually have some content to turn into clips. 

Christian kicks off the 'content' by recalling a recent interaction with a colleague/friend of Josh's who claimed that she was 'good at napping'. Christian was stunned. Isn't napping something that needs to happen organically and without planning? Is there a way to hack the system and seamlessly insert a nap into your day? Josh has a few strategies to help Christian nap better including arm placement and a reason to wake up. The conversation works it's way to Christian and Josh laying out the blueprints for a new room designed entirely for to streamline your pre-bed routine and, victims of volcanoes.

Christian then asks Josh for advice on how to handle the situation when you've sent a voice note to a friend and they chose to call you instead of listening to it. Josh declares the voice note required listening! As the victim of this egregious act, can you choose to avoid repeating yourself and tell them to listen to the voice note? Could we turn voice notes into clippable CONTENT? Finally, do you fake enthusiasm in your messages?

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We have wiped away the emotional cobwebs of the Depression Sessions and are ready for a little more unstructured fun. Christian picks up on Josh's brute force attempt to bring colour to the podcast before we both become self-conscious of our most overused phrases. We quickly move onto discussing workplace attire and some of the characters in our workplaces. Is there anything wrong with wearing an oodie to work? Is wearing a suit antiquated? 

Christian reflects on the clever parenting technique his Mum employed to make him do a law degree while Josh reckons with how casually he has adjusted to an increase in  spending to match his salary. We then grapple with the unfortunate reality that some people make more money than others despite their jobs having very little utility to the world.

We then change topic to a conversation about changing topics. Josh tells Christian about an attempted hard steer topic change at a recent party. Did he need a proper segue between topics or can Josh just launch into what he wanted to talk about? Christian reveals that he's always got a conversation "up the barrel" before he and Josh talk about whether they struggle to deal with silences in conversations. 

Josh then tells Christian about a new friend who carries a Rubik's Cube and we discuss people who become incredibly good at one thing. Finally, we agree that the best way to waste time is playing silly games with friends.

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. 

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On a cold Monday night in August 2024, tired from just existing, Josh and Christian decided to record Patch 133, "The Depression Sessions" aka Frankly Mr Chatly. For any first time listeners, this is not the Patch for you. 

Christian and Josh reflect on winter and the sadness of realising that you're already half way through the year. Christian and Josh then exchange some stories from a night out the week before; Christian looks like a little boy, Josh accidentally made a back zipper on his costume's pants.

After a rubbish day, how do you self soothe? Do you get cosy like Josh? Do you need to numb your brain like Christian? Christian and Josh discuss ASMR, weighted blankets and keeping your mind distracted.

Christian then asks Josh whether there's a healthy level of overthinking? How do you handle overthinking? Are you a good communicator? We then throw down some real introspection about our capacity to communicate with those around us. We also ask, what are your tools for falling asleep?

Finally, we get really depressed over the bottomless pit of online content. 

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