How can a mom whose only parenting experience has been during Covid feel okay about protecting her newborn in a post-pandemic world?

A listener emailed us to say:

I am pregnant with my second baby, due in September. Now that we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I don't think I know how to be a mom in a post-COVID world. I have learned how to be a parent during a pandemic and that is my family's "normal," it's all we know! 

Our family and friends have already started talking about how they can't wait to be able to come to my house and hold the baby when he's born, now that COVID is "over".

We've been invited to huge family Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations (to make-up for missing last year) and I am already freaking out! Company with a newborn? Nope, not for me.

After explaining my feelings to my husband, he and I agreed we will not allow visitors to our home for [at least] the first month after I have the new baby.

Give it to me straight... am I being ridiculous and unfair? I realize my family and friends did not get to experience my first born's first months because of the pandemic, but I am feeling pretty strongly about doing it without company again.

Second question... how do I learn how to be a post-pandemic mom? Do I go back and listen to old episodes you both taped before the world turned upside down, or do you think parenting has changed forever!?

-Sincerely,

Isolated, Stubborn, and Not Sorry

We think there are only a few times in your life when what you say goes: your wedding, your big birthdays, and what happens with your newborns when they come home from the hospital. You are entirely entitled to make the decisions that feel safest for your family, and others are entitled to like those decisions or not.

But we suggest that it's too early to decide what will happen at the holidays this year. You shouldn't be receiving undue pressure to attend, but you don't have to rule it all out yet, either. We're still very much in a "still collecting information" phase. Once the calendar says November, then you can make a decision about Thanksgiving, based on the most up-to-date information– and your comfort levels– at that time.

Becoming a "post-pandemic mom" might be a very gradual process for you, and that's okay. Take advantage of warmer weather to do things outside; keep masks on if that makes you more comfortable; and don't accept the burden of Other People's Feelings About That. Better days are already here and are almost certainly in our future, and you will feel more comfortable– but on your own timeline.

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

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Kira Dorrian and Deana Thayer are parent coaches and authors who are passionate about preparing families to thrive on their parenting journeys.

They're the co-founders of Future Focused Parenting, the parenting philosophy that starts with the end in mind, thereby encouraging families to make intentional parenting choices.

They are also co-hosts of the Raising Adults Podcast where they discuss parenting with a long-range view.

In this "Fresh Take" interview, Kira and Dorrian explain the benefits of future-focused parenting, and how it can make our daily parenting decisions clearer– both for ourselves and for our kids.

Follow Kira and Deana, and find out more about their work, at http://bit.ly/raisingadultspodcast.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

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The pandemic shrunk our social circles, first literally and then metaphorically. Our time for ourselves evaporated, and with that any chance of catching up with our best friend– even if she lived two blocks away. We lost the once-a -month lunch friends, the "micro-interactions" with strangers, and even the overheard conversations that spark our curiosity and feed us more than we ever realized.

But picking something back up, after you've put it down for a long time, can make it seem surprisingly heavy. As the restrictions end, and we can see all of the people all of the time, we've been surprised by our own conflicting emotions about it all. Dr. Marlee Bower, a loneliness researcher at the University of Sydney, explains that "an extended period of loneliness can make social interaction feel more challenging in the longer term."

In this episode we talk about how we're alternating periods of social-butterfly celebration with days we still want to hide under the covers. It's a process, and we're all feeling it. Here's how to get a little more intentional about reestablishing those friendships we have missed the most.

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Arthur Brooks for The Atlantic: A Once In A Lifetime Chance To Start Over

Celina Ribiero for BBC Worklife: How lockdowns are changing our friendship groups

Catherine Pearson for HuffPost: Moms Have Held Everything Together This Past Year, Except Their Friendships

Kelcey Borreson for HuffPost: Some Friendships Are Taking A ‘Pandemic Pause’ And That’s All Right

Anna Goldfarb for New York Times: “How to Deal With a Friendship ‘Quiet Season,’

Kat Vellos on Twitter

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Conversations with kids about consent are tricky. It can be awkward or uncomfortable to talk with kids of any age about sex, but the more often we have these conversations, the more likely our kids will be able to navigate difficult situations. Have conversations about peer pressure, sex, consent, and personal safety as early and as frequently as possible, while keeping these conversations age-appropriate.

This week a listener on our Facebook page asks:

When and how do I have conversations with my kids about consent?

Regarding their bodies.... touching and allowing touch from others (their peers?)

How to be safe – physically, emotionally, and with their devices?

How they can safely explore their questions and curiosities around sex and sexuality?

The notion of consent is important for kids, and useful well before the idea of sex enters their lives. Play is a great place to start having these conversations. Set rules around play that emphasize consent such as:

Once we help our kids define clear language and rules around consent, then we are ready to include sex, control of their own bodies, and respect for other people's bodies into these conversations as they grow. We can expand our conversations around consent into:

Margaret cites this article from the Child Mind Institute in this episode:

https://childmind.org/article/how-talk-kids-sex-consent-boundaries/

For another great conversation about how to talk to kids - listen to our Fresh Take episode with Michelle Icard:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-michelle-icard-on-the-14-talks-parents-need-to-have-with-their-kids-before-they-turn-14/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode!

Radha Agrawal was named by MTV as “one of 8 women who will change the world.”  She is the co-Founder of Daybreaker, the early morning dance and wellness movement with a community of almost half a million people around the globe. She's recently launched DOSE, a new community with the goal of making joy the same sort of intentional practice as yoga and meditation. And she's the author of the book Belong: Find Your People, Create Community & Live A More Connected Life. 

In this Fresh Take we talk to Radha about the intentional practice joy, and the possibilities that exist for us to find our people and build our dream communities from scratch.

Find out more about Radha's new project, D.O.S.E. by Daybreaker, at https://collectivejoy.com

and find her book BELONG in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523502059

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout. 

Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our kids’ summer plans keep evolving– for the better and the more confusing. We fill out forms. Then we get emails saying "Forget the old rules, and fill out these three new forms indicating you agree with these new rules." Then things change again.

To be clear: thank you, camps and programs and town pools. We're not blaming the people who are most certainly doing their best to keep up, and to give our kids the most typical summer experience possible. But we're all building the plane while we fly it, and figuring out the new rules for this semi-normal summer seems, once again, to be kind of up to us.

This week we're talking about our summer plans, our summer maybe-plans, and how we'll decide.

Here are links to some of the things we mention in this episode:

Mary Laura Philpott for Washington Post: As the world starts to open up, it’s tough to let go

Gürbüz Doğan Ekşioğlu's "Venturing Out" https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cover-story/cover-story-2021-05-24

Kathryn Hymes for The Atlantic: Why We Speak More Weirdly At Home

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout. 

Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.

Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.

Betterhelp Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you have a kid at home who obsesses over collecting or acquiring the right kinds of things or just all the things in general? If so you are not alone.

A listener had this question:

What do you all do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists all his friends' parents buy all the Pokemon cards, and my husband and I are the worst because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokemon cards, but they're not the cool ones, I guess. We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him?

All kids express a need for control by having strong opinions about things they want and need, but some kids are particularly prone to obsessing over acquiring - ALL - THE - STUFF!

Margaret has labeled this phenomenon "the grabby greedies" for her kids. One way to help kids with this is to give them some context. It's important to make a distinction between things that are important to your kids (things they might want to save up for and buy with an allowance) and things that are just shiny and new (things that are being marketed to them through the TV or in their video games).

Help your kids understand that things like collectibles (example: Pokémon cards) are designed to make them want to buy more and more, but resist the urge to be dismissive of these kinds of collections by recognizing that they actually have value to your kids.

Give kids more control over the things they acquire. Consider a rule where your kid can make independent decisions over what they want for their birthday, even if it's things you consider junky. Give your kids an allowance and allow them to save up for things they want to buy. Have (tough) chores they can do around the house to earn things they want.

It's hard when we see our kids obsessing over things we consider to have no value. But the real lesson to impart to kids in this situation is that acquiring the things they want means budgeting, making choices about the value of things, and earning the things they want through patience and/or work.

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode!

Carla Naumburg is a mother, clinical social worker, and author. She is the author of three parenting books, including the bestseller How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which not only explains WHY we explode at our children, but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments.

Kids are hard-wired to push our buttons. We are hard-wired to freak out when they're pushed. In this Fresh Take interview, Carla explains how managing our triggers can help us stop the meltdowns.

This episode will make you feel less ashamed, more empowered, and a whole lot better.

Find How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523505425

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout. 

Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

These days we're surrounded by trackers– on our wrists, on our water bottles, on our phones. On the one hand, they help us pay attention to the things in our lives that are important to us, and to create new habits. On the other hand, they're crazymakers that give us new reasons to feel bad about ourselves.

In this episode we discuss some of metrics for life we do and/or don't live by, like

Behavioral scientist James Clear says one should "measure to see if you're actually spending time on the things that are important to you." We agree with him– as long as we make room for remembering that 9,000 steps is great, inbox one thousand is totally fine, and "perfect" is always a lie.

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Michelle Woo for Lifehacker: Your Baby's Head Is Probably Not Gigantic

The Conversation: Do We Really Need To Walk 10,000 Steps a Day?

John Murphy for MDLinx: 8 glasses of water a day: Myth or medicine?

Jackie Spinner for the Washington Post: Perfect attendance awards no longer belong in U.S. schools

Lauren Johnson for Slack: Inbox Zero and Other Productivity Myths

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:  

Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.

Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout. 

Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH. 

Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.

Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it!  Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices