In January 2009, my guest Naomi Kreske went looking through her husband's phone on a hunch. What she found ended the white picket fence life she thought she had: an affair, a relationship three months in, and a husband who wanted out that same night. She told him no. She wanted to save the marriage. Over the next year, he left her two more times for two more women.

Naomi was a stay-at-home mom with three kids under five — a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a nine-month-old. She and her ex co-owned a pub. The house went into foreclosure. She kept taking him back because she didn't want to be a statistic, because her parents had a 50-year marriage, because she didn't know how to tell anyone she'd "failed." If you've ever wondered what to do when your husband keeps cheating, this is what it actually looks like in real time.

She calls the years that followed her hot mess express. Ten years of survival mode. Bad decisions. Toxic people. Comfort in the misery. The turning point was a single line in a book — her aha moment about why she kept attracting the same kind of man — and the moment she finally said the thing out loud: I am the problem.

Today Naomi is a Jay Shetty certified life coach, remarried to a man she dated on and off for years, about to turn 50, and unapologetically herself. This conversation is for any woman trying to figure out how to leave a cheating husband, rebuild her life after divorce with kids, or stop being the perpetual victim of the worst thing that ever happened to her.

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