Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Abuse: A Journey to Personal Freedom

In this episode of the Flying Free Podcast, Natalie reflects on the power of transformation and shares profound insights from both the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community and the personal stories of women who are seeking freedom from abusive relationships. With heartfelt testimonials and a listener’s deeply personal question about navigating a difficult separation, this episode delves into the complexities of emotional abuse and the path to self-discovery.

The Power of Transformation: Real-Life Experiences from the Flying Free Kaleidoscope

Natalie begins the episode by reading reviews from members of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community—a safe space for Christian women seeking healing and growth. These women share how the program has impacted their lives in profound ways:

• "Two months in this program has changed my life. My relationship with myself and the way I parent my children has changed dramatically. I'm addicted to the coaching sessions."
• "Your programs are incredible. I talk about them every chance I get. They have literally changed my life. Hugs."
• "There are so many resources in this program. It is mind-blowing."
• "I am blown away. I joined a few months ago, and every course I take, I listen to three to five times. Each lesson gets better and better."

These testimonials emphasize the depth of support available to women within the Flying Free Kaleidoscope program. Natalie likens the community to a “kaleidoscope of butterflies,” a metaphor representing the beauty and strength of women transforming their minds—and ultimately their lives—through support, coaching, and faith.

A Listener’s Question: Navigating Separation and Emotional Abuse

Natalie addresses a question from a listener who is struggling to understand her husband's childlike behavior and lack of engagement during their separation. The listener shares her journey of enduring seventeen years of anxiety, feeling inadequate in her marriage, and facing a spouse who refuses to communicate or take responsibility.

The listener asks three key questions:

1. Why is my husband choosing childlike behavior and ignoring me and our separation?
2. How do I work with him to move forward?
3. I want insight into this type of man.

The Alligator Metaphor: Focusing on What You Can Control

In response, Natalie draws a vivid analogy, comparing an abusive relationship to falling into a swamp with alligators. She explains that focusing on why the alligator behaves the way it does is futile. Instead, the priority should be on getting out of the swamp. Similarly, understanding the abuser’s mindset isn’t the key to healing. Rather, the focus should be on what you can control—your own decisions, actions, and growth.

“We can’t control other people. Our challenge is not to understand the psyche of an abuser. Our challenge is to gain self-awareness and understanding around our own psyche and what is driving our beliefs and behaviors. This is where 100% of our opportunity lies.”

Reframing the Questions

Instead of asking why her husband behaves in a certain way, Natalie encourages the listener to shift her focus. She offers three thought-provoking reframes for the listener’s questions:

1. Why is my husband choosing childlike behavior?
   • Reframe: Why am I choosing to revolve my life around this other adult, meanwhile ignoring my own sanity and health?
2. How do I work with him to move forward?
   • Reframe: How do I work with myself to move forward? You can’t force someone else to change, but you can focus on your own path to healing and freedom.
3. I want insight into this type of man.
   • Reframe: I want insight into my own mind and beliefs so that I can evolve into the next version of who I was created to be.

Natalie emphasizes that healing comes from within, not from trying to understand or change the abuser. She explains how many women are conditioned to prioritize the needs and feelings of others, often at their own expense. But true freedom comes when you take control of your own life, set boundaries, and focus on your own growth.

The Mission of Flying Free: Transforming Minds to Transform Lives

Natalie ends the episode by reminding listeners of the mission of Flying Free—to help Christian women find freedom, truth, and love in their lives. The Flying Free Kaleidoscope community offers resources, coaching, and support to help women on their journey toward healing and wholeness.

For those who are ready to take the next step, Natalie invites listeners to join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community, where they’ll find a network of support, guidance, and hope.

Join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope Community

If you’re looking for a place to belong and grow, the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community might be the support system you’ve been searching for. Visit joinflyingfree.com to learn more about how you can start your journey toward healing today.

Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. 
• My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming.