WTF is AuDHD?

In this week’s episode, Ellie's ADHD partner Sam is back to share the story of their relationship - navigating conflict, emotional regulation, and yes, how they deal with intimacy. From being good friends and retrospectively noticing early signs of undiagnosed ADHD and AuDHD to how they’ve learned to grow together, they open up and celebrate the strengths that neurodivergence brings into their lives. It’s a candid and vulnerable look at what it means for Ellie and Sam to love and live as an ND couple, in the hopes of helping others feel seen when it comes to the trials and tribulations of finding love and a partnership.

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In this episode Paige is on holiday, so Ellie sits down with her partner Sam to talk about his journey with late-diagnosed ADHD. From childhood challenges and misunderstood behaviours, to the coping mechanisms he developed along the way, to the huge relief (and grief) of finally getting a diagnosis - we dig into what life looked like before and after. Sam shares how he found his career as a young social media star, why it helped him process his emotions pre-diagnosis and he opens up about struggling with emotional regulation.

Next week we’ll chat with Sam again, and dive into what it’s like to navigate a relationship together as two neurodivergent people.

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Just like last episode, we're going through a common autism screener (Autism Quotient) and discussing the limitations of these questions (especially if you might be AuDHD). While tools like this can be a helpful first step, they also have major blind spots - especially around masking, nuance, and gender differences. We share the answers we gave in our actual screeners from a few years back and disuss why lived experience needs to be an important part of neurodevelopmental assessments.

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If you’ve ever taken an ADHD screener and thought, “Well, that didn’t feel accurate…” you’re not alone! In this episode, we walk through the 18 questions you're generally asked in New Zealand, to work out whether you are "worth" further assessment for ADHD. We go through the screener, answer them as AuDHDers, and show why screeners don't always capture the full picture - especially if you’ve spent years masking, you've got trauma or other diagnoses. There are so many limitations to these screeners, and we hope this episode gives you more confidence in your interpretation of them.

Here's the link to the screener we are referencing.

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Meet our ADHD Dad, Grant! He was born in the 60s - in a generation that barely knew anything about neurodivergence. Dad went through school, work, parenting, literally everything without a diagnosis until much later in life, and unfortunately his parents had passed away before he was diagnosed. In this episode, Grant shares what it’s like to piece together your story backwards, how late diagnosis changed the way he sees himself, what it's like getting ADHD coaching and we discuss the generational differences in awareness and stigma. He also reflects on some hilarious stories from his childhood (that now make sense after getting his diagnosis). We're really grateful for our Dad's vulnerabilty and the advice he shares from his own lived experience.

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In this episode, we explore Pathological Demand Avoidance (more compassionately known as Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) - a profile most often linked with autism that goes far beyond being just being “stubborn.” We break down what PDA is, our understanding of it and how it's appeared in our life, and why everyday requests can feel overwhelming or even threatening - even if the demand is from within your own mind. We share personal stories of when demands have triggered resistance (sometimes without us even realising why), and unpack the differences between ADHD task resistance and PDA driven task resistance.

Again, please use this episode as a jump-off to do your own research!

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In this episode, we open up about our personal journeys with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and other gastrointestinal / autoimmune issues we've experienced, using hindsight to recognise it may have all been linked to our autism and ADHD (stress!). We start exploring the connection between the brain and the gut, including how our stomach microbiome impacts our brain. We dive into emerging research linking neurodivergence with physical health and common correlations. This episode isn’t medical advice, but more a conversation to spark curiosity. We encourage you to do your own research but we just wanted to remind you that you’re not the only one with a gassy gut!

Find the research article we reference HERE.

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Transitions can be some of the hardest moments for people with ADHD, autism, or both - even when we’re looking forward to what’s next. Paige and Ellie have had a few ephiphanies recently about how transitions have affected them throughout their life. In this episode, we explore why shifting from one activity, environment, or phase of life can feel so dysregulating, and how neurodivergent inertia plays into it. We unpack our own personal struggless and offer tips for supporting yourself and your kids through transitions.

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Dr Khurram Sadiq is back for part two where we dig into common misdiagnoses, masking, family dynamics, and how to truly identify AuDHD traits. We also touch on workplace accommodations, co-occurring conditions like OCD and PMDD, and how to manage burnout and executive dysfunction (especially when medication isn’t accessible or effective). Dr Sadiq offers grounded advice and hope to anyone navigating late diagnosis, uncertainty, or feeling "too much" for the world.

Win a signed copy of Dr Khurram Sadiq's new book - Explaining AuDHD! Head over to our Instagram @wtfisaudhdpodcast to enter.

Purchase your own copy here

Key moments:

1:50 – If one sibling is neurodivergent, does that mean the others are too? Genetics, family traits, and environment explained

3:50 – How undiagnosed neurodivergent parents can unknowingly impact their kids - and themselves

5:20 – When a child’s diagnosis leads to the parent’s lightbulb moment

6:34 – The most common misdiagnoses (and what clinicians often miss)

8:50 – Why all clinicians need better training to recognise neurodevelopmental conditions

11:12 – The biggest blind spots in current diagnostic practices - and how they affect adults especially

13:20 – How do you really know if you’re AuDHD - and not “just” ADHD or autistic?

18:34 – The link between OCD and neurodivergence: is it a separate condition or a secondary outcome?

21:06 – Why masking is subconscious - and how to begin unmasking safely

24:45 – Practical ways businesses and workplaces can better accommodate AuDHDers

29:38 – Managing life with AuDHD: realistic tips from lived experience

34:20 – Why content, podcasts, and peer education are critical to self-understanding

35:45 – The latest research on AuDHD that we should be paying attention to

37:50 – What’s the connection between neurodivergence and tic disorders?

39:59 – Dr Sadiq shares new insight into PMDD and neurodivergence

42:32 – How to handle AuDHD burnout - especially when you're trying to do everything

46:26 – What to do when medication isn’t working - or you can’t access it

50:21 – Assimilate or opt out? The hard choices AuDHDers face around work, education, and parenting

54:05 – Final reflections: a message to every neurodivergent person trying their best in a world not built for them

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Dr Khurram Sadiq - renowned psychiatrist and AuDHDer - joins us to help explain AuDHD. In this powerful first half of our conversation, we unpack his own diagnostic journey, what it means to live between ADHD and autism, and why this combination deserves more recognition. We explore how gender, culture, and systemic pressures influence diagnosis, and why many of us are missed or misunderstood for decades. Dr Sadiq also shares his perspective on whether ADHD and autism exist on a shared spectrum - and how we can begin to differentiate between similar traits. Part two of our chat is out next week!

Dr Khurram Sadiq's new book - Explaining AuDHD!

Purchase your own copy here

Key moments:

4:39 – Dr Sadiq shares his upbringing and the early signs of neurodivergence he experienced, including the emotional toll of trying to conform in a neurotypical world

15:04 – The unexpected journey that led him into mental health

17:20 – How Dr Sadiq came to be diagnosed as AuDHD himself

23:15 – What he now recognises in hindsight from his childhood and adolescence

26:13 – Why he chose to specialise in autism + ADHD - and what he's learned from that path

27:15 – How he believes neurodivergence should be diagnosed - and what’s missing in the current system

30:21 – Dr Sadiq breaks down how he defines ADHD, autism, and how they overlap

34:19 – A compelling story of a woman who denied her diagnosis - and what that says about stigma

36:35 – What really “causes” neurodivergent conditions? Dr Sadiq explains what the research tells us (and what it doesn’t)

37:45 – A fascinating hypothesis about genetics and brain development

41:35 – How gender, culture, and hormones all impact how neurodevelopmental conditions manifest - and why women and AFAB people are often missed

44:41 – How societal expectations around women’s roles can delay diagnosis and support

46:07 – How systemic pressure (not just individual traits) influences how autism and ADHD show up

48:45 – Are autism and ADHD truly separate conditions - or part of a shared spectrum?

50:58 – How to tell the difference between autistic “indifference” and ADHD “inattention"

52:58 – Distraction or sensory overload? Understanding how they can look the same but feel different

55:15 – Why some ADHDers speak without a filter, while autistic people often struggle with social nuance

58:30 – Is it over-talking, or talking with passion?

59:56 – The paradoxes of living with AuDHD - where traits seem to contradict themselves.

1:01:30 – Understanding the spectrum of autism: what's the difference between profound autism and levels 1–3?

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