Cathy and Todd share how we can take care of ourselves and say no during the holidays without feeling guilt. They discuss Shauna Niequist’s book Present Over Perfect and why our decision to be good to ourselves allows us to be more present for the ones we love. They also discuss why discomfort and confusion during this time of #metoo is normal and necessary for change, and how we can be more thoughtful and self-aware about our choices. It’s awards season again! Cathy shares the Golden Globe Best Picture nominees.

Todd and Cathy discuss how inequality can lead to challenging and often unconscious communication, and they share some civil statements that women can use to feel heard. They discuss common unconscious double standards in private life and the workplace, and explain why the skit “Welcome to Hell” from Saturday Night Live was so thought-provoking. They share a moment from A Very Brady Christmas, some wisdom from Zen Parenting Conference keynote Mike Domitrz from The Date Safe Project, and a powerful speech from actor Jeff Daniels.

Todd and Cathy discuss how they experience the world differently, and why understanding and respecting these differences lead to better communication. They talk about why connection is like nourishment, and why not connecting can make us feel uncomfortable mentally and physically. They discuss Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies and share which tendency describes their underlying motivation. They talk about the movie Wonder, owning our stuff, and why sexual assault allegations are uncovering a deeply-embedded systemic issue.

Todd and Cathy discuss Jessica Lahey’s The Gift of Failure, and discuss why allowing our kids to make mistakes will help them succeed. They also discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, why rewards and punishment don’t work, and why praising our kids for effort rather than outcome will lead to greater success and a healthier sense of self. They play a clip of a Hillary Clinton interview on the Dear Sugar podcast, a commercial about failure from Michael Jordan, and discuss Carol Dweck’s book Mindset.

Cathy and Todd discuss The Five Invitations, a book that shows us how to wake up fully to our lives. As a compassionate teacher and cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, author Frank Ostaseski supports the dying. His five invitations dive into the suffering, joy, and inevitability of death, and why embracing this wisdom will lead to a more mindful and compassionate life. Cathy and Todd use clips from Dead Poets Society and Star Wars to highlight his points, and discuss why this book empowered them to live with greater intention and meaning.

Todd and Cathy discuss an article in Harpers Bazaar titled “Women aren’t nags, we’re just fed up” about emotional labor and the sensitivity surrounding this topic. They discuss how to have a productive conversation about what it really takes to manage a house, and why it’s not always true that men are “problem solvers” and women are “sensitive”. They discuss how they are challenged with this issue, how it’s easy to go on autopilot, and why this is an ongoing discussion and not a one-time conversation. They explain how this relates to gender issues overall and what we are all currently modeling for both our daughters and sons. If you find this discussion interesting, join Cathy+Todd for a one-time virtual class about civility and compassion (in the home and for the holidays), and why the way we talk to our loved ones extends into the world. Click here to register.

Todd and Cathy discuss why it’s OK for kids to change their minds and try new things, and why it’s important for adults to do this, too. They discuss how self-awareness is essential, and how self-forgiveness and understanding are also essential because we will always be a mystery (the great paradox!). They discuss the offensive gesture during the world series, how they managed their daughter’s crying episode, Byron Katie’s “The Work”, cranial sacral holds, and some humor from Anchorman.

Cathy and Todd talk with Roksanna Taghizadeh, an immigrant who grew up in Iran, became a refugee in Germany, and eventually made it to the United States where she became an structural engineer. She shares her immigration story, explains what it’s like to live in a refugee camp, and shares why the current political environment has been surprising and emotionally challenging.

Cathy and Todd discuss why it’s OK to be uncomfortable, and why focusing on what works and what we are grateful creates the foundation to deal with discomfort. They reference the Good Newspaper, and explain why good news can help us speak out about the uncomfortable news. Todd shares some wisdom from Simon Sinek about why cell phones shouldn’t be the classroom or the boardroom, and why will power sometimes isn’t enough. They discuss if it’s safe for Todd to drive with his knee, why we shouldn’t answer the phone in a movie theater, and a wise observation from Martin Luther King.

Cathy and Todd discuss the power of #metoo (a hashtag for anyone who has been sexually harassed or assaulted) and why sharing stories and listening to each other paves the way for change. They also talk about the power of words and why inclusive language is not just about being politically correct, it’s about growth and understanding. They discuss software that allows parents to see how their children are doing throughout the school day, why children hold in painful secrets, and why Cathy won’t share her water bottle.