Todd and Cathy discussed highlights from their recent Zen Parenting Conference, including various topics such as generational slang, societal challenges for boys and girls, and the importance of open communication with children. They reflected on the conference’s success, emphasizing the interactive nature of the event, the impact of guest speakers, and the significance of human connections. Todd also shared personal experiences and insights from the conference, expressing gratitude towards family, friends, and supporters while acknowledging the need for continued growth and adaptation in their initiatives.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Exploring Generational Slang Evolution
Todd and Kathy discussed their top 10 best moments from their recent Zen Parenting Conference, also known as Zen Con 25. They shared various slang terms used by different generations, including “no cap,” “busen,” “slay,” “glaze,” “8,” “locked in,” “aura,” “bet,” “cooked,” “mogging,” “sigma,” “gang,” “take the L,” “unk,” “facts,” and “finna.” Todd also shared his experience with his daughters, Skylar and Jc, and how they use these terms differently. The discussion aimed to help listeners understand the current slang used by different generations and how it has evolved over time.

Zen Parenting Conference Success and Future
Todd discussed the success of the Zen Parenting Conference, highlighting the interactive nature of the event, including the use of cards on the tables for speakers and a “Good Intentions” wall. He expressed his gratitude towards the conference’s sponsors and attendees, emphasizing the positive impact they have on the world. Todd also mentioned the team Zen get-together, which has become a yearly tradition for many attendees, fostering strong friendships and connections. He suggested the possibility of organizing a smaller, more intimate event in the future, possibly at a retreat center.

Todd’s Conference Experience and Discussion
Todd shared his experiences from a recent conference, highlighting the social aspects and the importance of human connections. He also mentioned a special moment dedicated to Millie, who was unable to attend due to health issues. Todd then discussed the format of the conference, emphasizing the need for more interaction and space for questions. He shared his experience of a session with Dr. John Duffy, where they discussed their respective books and the questions they received from the audience. Todd expressed satisfaction with the session, noting that it went beyond the initial topic and allowed for a more engaging and interactive discussion.

Adaptation and Leadership in Changing World
Todd and John discussed the challenges faced by girls and boys in adapting to a changing world. They emphasized the importance of adaptability, particularly for girls who have had to continuously adapt to a world predominantly run by men. They also discussed the need for boys to adapt to a culture that requires more compassion and understanding. Todd suggested that boys could adapt to new roles in industries such as teaching and social work, which are currently underrepresented. The conversation also touched on the role of parenting and leadership in shaping the next generation’s perspectives and behaviors. Todd and John encouraged parents to engage in conversations with their children about the messages they receive from various sources, rather than shutting them down.

Navigating Beauty Standards and Media Influence
Todd discussed the complexities of societal beauty standards and the influence of media on individuals, particularly young girls. He highlighted the confusion and pressure girls face due to the portrayal of beauty in media, such as makeup and clothing. Todd also touched on the importance of understanding the history of oppression faced by women and girls, and the need to adapt and overcome these challenges. He suggested that parents should engage in open and honest conversations with their children about these issues, rather than demonizing certain aspects of society. Todd also mentioned the need to balance discussions about body image and societal expectations for both boys and girls.

Addressing Podcast Host Criticisms
Todd discusses receiving feedback from listeners who express concern that he doesn’t speak enough on the podcast or that his co-host overpowers him. He clarifies that this is not the case, emphasizing that he has ample opportunities to contribute and that their dynamic works well. Todd also mentions feeling nervous about speaking without notes during a live presentation, but his co-host encouraged him to be more spontaneous. The conversation touches on the different pressures and criticisms faced by podcast hosts, particularly noting that Todd’s co-host experiences more scrutiny.

Balancing Seriousness and Levity in Groups
Todd discussed his approach to different social settings, acknowledging the need to balance his serious demeanor in men’s groups with a lighter, more lighthearted approach. He also considered adding a new suggestion to the men living group, focusing on levity. Todd and his partner, Kathy, also discussed their approach to their podcast, emphasizing the importance of feeling and not forcing things. The conversation also touched on the importance of grassroots leadership and the role of mentors in personal growth. Todd shared his appreciation for a talk by Jay Alvarez and Brittany Egan about being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, and he highlighted the importance of mentorship in their lives.

Personal Growth, Movies, and Music
Todd discussed the previous CEO of Men Living, Tony Schmidt, and their work in personal growth and law enforcement. He praised Dr. Alexandra Solomon’s keynote speech on healthy conflict and vulnerability mapping. Todd also mentioned the importance of movies and music in setting the tone for their events, using clips from movies and TV shows to engage the audience. He shared a personal anecdote about an argument with a friend about Natalie Merchant’s concert setlist, which was resolved when Glenn Phillips from Toad the Wet Sprocket listened to their podcast and played a song from it during their event. Todd expressed his appreciation for the guest speakers and the overall experience of the event.

Todd’s Gratitude and Conference Update
Todd expressed his gratitude towards his family and friends for their unwavering support and encouragement. He highlighted the importance of their presence at the Zen Parenting Conference, which he described as a party. Todd also mentioned that the conference was a significant event for him and his family, with his daughter missing a speech event to attend. He acknowledged the need for a break after the conference but assured that they would continue with their initiatives. Todd also encouraged those who attended the conference to continue supporting them and thanked Jeremy Kraft for his contributions.

Todd and Cathy discussed the importance of optimism, perseverance, and emotional intelligence in personal and professional development, using examples from their experiences and current events. They also highlighted the impact of independent filmmakers and digital platforms on the entertainment industry, and expressed optimism about the growing understanding and research on menopause and women’s health. Lastly, they emphasized the need for expanding one’s awareness and perspective, and the importance of self-compassion and nurturing relationships in personal growth.

Time Stamps

47:32 Todd’s reflections on MenLiving weekend

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Zen Con 25 and Personal Experiences
Todd and Kathy discussed the upcoming Zen Con 25 conference, emphasizing its importance for those feeling heavy or needing a shift in perspective. They also touched on their personal experiences with Zoom and Google, expressing frustration over the lack of control over their accounts. Todd mentioned a past men’s retreat and hinted at a reflection from it. They also discussed the possibility of Glenn Phillips playing certain songs at the conference. Lastly, they encouraged anyone interested in attending the conference to reach out, assuring that financial issues would not be a barrier.

Embracing Optimism and Perseverance in Challenges
Todd discussed the importance of optimism and perseverance in the face of challenges. He emphasized the need to celebrate small wins and not give up when faced with setbacks, drawing parallels from his experiences as a parent and his interest in mindfulness and self-awareness. Todd also highlighted the importance of focusing on the long game, using examples from history and current events to illustrate how progress is often slow but ultimately leads to positive change. He concluded by encouraging the audience to maintain optimism and to recognize the small victories that contribute to larger goals.

Independent Filmmakers and TV Shows
Todd discussed the impact of independent filmmakers and digital platforms on the entertainment industry. He highlighted how these platforms have made it easier for independent filmmakers to reach their audiences and share unique experiences. Todd also shared his excitement about upcoming TV shows, including “Severance,” “White Lotus,” “Yellow Jackets,” and “Stranger Things.” He emphasized the importance of these shows in exploring themes of connection and disconnection among people. Todd also mentioned that he and his family enjoy watching these shows together, as a way to connect and discuss their experiences.

Optimism in Women’s Health Research
Todd expressed optimism about the growing understanding and research on menopause and women’s health. He highlighted the historical lack of research on women’s health, with many pharmaceuticals and healthcare inventions being developed with only men in mind. Todd gave an example of Ambien, a sleep medication, which was initially tested on men and later found to require a different dosage for women due to their slower metabolism. He noted that this oversight led to car accidents and other issues for women. Todd’s optimism stems from the increased focus on women’s health and the recognition of the need for more research and understanding.

Emotional Intelligence and Human Connection
Todd and his co-host discussed the importance of emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and self-awareness in parenting and personal development. They highlighted the need for human connection and the potential for AI to enhance human interaction, but also emphasized the importance of human touch and compassion. The conversation also touched on the need for adaptability and resilience, particularly in leadership, and the necessity of being creative in the face of challenges. They also mentioned their upcoming conference and a book they co-authored, “Restoring Our Girls.”

Expanding Awareness and Embracing Change
Todd discussed the importance of expanding one’s awareness and perspective, particularly in relation to personal relationships and community dynamics. He emphasized the need to move beyond expectations and adapt to new situations, using the example of parenting and community leadership. Todd also expressed optimism about the potential for positive change, citing various initiatives and developments that he believes are indicative of a shift towards a more progressive and sustainable future. He ended the conversation on a positive note, encouraging everyone to embrace the new year with hope and enthusiasm.

Addressing Environmental and Personal Issues
Todd discussed various environmental and societal issues, including the ozone layer, climate change, and the importance of science in improving human lives. He also shared his personal experiences with sun exposure and skin cancer. Todd emphasized the importance of channeling fears and worries into positive actions for change. He also shared his recent experience at a men’s living weekend, where 21 men came together to connect, laugh, and feel their emotions. Todd highlighted the importance of self-compassion and nurturing relationships, using an example of a listener who improved their relationship with their child through consistent effort.

Todd’s Personal Growth and Conference
Todd shared his personal growth experience from a recent weekend event led by his friend Frank. He discussed his struggles with journaling and distractions, and how he has modified his approach to reduce distractions and investigate his priorities. Todd also mentioned his plans to have fewer arguments with his partner, Skylar, by being more mindful of his time allocation. He expressed his appreciation for the sponsors of the upcoming conference, Zen Con 25, and encouraged everyone to contribute to the world in their own unique way. Todd also mentioned his plans to give individual shoutouts to the sponsors in the upcoming weeks.

Todd and Cathy discuss Mel Robbins book “Let Them”, the importance of nuance in self-help concepts. They also touched on the importance of trust and communication in relationships, and the concept of “letting go” in personal relationships. Lastly, they shared their thoughts on various TV shows and movies, and emphasized the importance of self-awareness and emotional expression in relationships.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Zen Parenting Conference and Self-Help

Todd and Kathy discussed the upcoming Zen Parenting Conference, which has been taking up most of Todd’s time. They also touched on the topic of self-help, noting its resurgence and the repackaging of existing ideas. Todd expressed his appreciation for self-help but emphasized the importance of nuance, using Mel Robbins’ book “Let Them” as an example. He mentioned that he plans to write a substack about the topic and acknowledged that the concept of “let them” has been around for a long time, even though it’s now being called a “theory.”

Zencon 25 Event and Parenting Tips

Todd discussed the upcoming Zencon 25 event, which starts a week from Friday, January 24th. He mentioned that Glenn Phillips, the lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket, will be performing an acoustic set and sharing stories. Todd and Kathy will also be on stage for a couple of hours before the musical act. Todd encouraged everyone to attend the event, even offering to help with ticket costs for those who are interested but facing financial issues. He also discussed a section from a book called “Restoring Our Girls,” which highlights phrases to avoid when dealing with daughters. Todd emphasized the importance of being mindful of the language used when interacting with children.

Building Trust in Sensitive Conversations

Todd discussed the importance of trust and communication in relationships, particularly when dealing with sensitive topics such as sexual assault. He emphasized the need to question negative myths and stereotypes about girls, and to create a non-judgmental environment where they feel comfortable sharing their experiences. Todd also highlighted the importance of not shutting down conversations with phrases like “I don’t believe you,” and instead encouraging open dialogue. He concluded by briefly touching on the topic of “I told you so,” which he described as a potentially damaging phrase in relationships.

Balancing Self-Reflection and Conflict

Todd discussed the concept of “let them” from a self-help book, emphasizing the importance of allowing others to be themselves and not trying to control their feelings or actions. He noted that while this approach can be beneficial, it should not be taken to an extreme where it leads to passivity or avoidance of conflict. Todd also highlighted the need for personal growth and self-reflection, suggesting that one’s own reactivity and aversion to conflict should be investigated. He used the example of a yoga class to illustrate the balance between allowing others to have their own experiences and ensuring their safety.

Balancing Letting Go in Relationships

Todd and the speaker discussed the concept of “letting go” and its application in personal relationships. They agreed that while the idea is not new, it can be easily manipulated or oversimplified. They also discussed the importance of self-awareness and nuance in applying this concept, emphasizing that it’s not about being hyper-focused on others’ experiences but about finding a balance. They touched on the idea that sometimes, letting go means not trying to fix or control a situation, but rather allowing it to unfold naturally. The conversation also highlighted the need for individuals to explore what feels right for them, rather than blindly following a concept.

Sesame Street Characters and Interstellar

Todd discussed his favorite Sesame Street characters, including Oscar the Grouch and Snuffleupagus, and how they represented different emotions. He also shared his thoughts on the character Murray, who he believes could still be on the show. Todd then shifted the conversation to his recent viewing of the movie Interstellar, expressing some difficulty in understanding certain aspects but overall enjoying it. He also mentioned starting to watch the show Land Man, which features Jon Hamm and Debbie Moore. Towards the end, Todd acknowledged that the women in Land Man were not well-written, but he was willing to give the show more time.

Balancing Personal Growth and Relationships

Todd discussed the importance of self-awareness and emotional expression in relationships, particularly in parenting. He emphasized the need to balance involvement in children’s lives with personal growth and emotional well-being. Todd also highlighted the potential for oversimplification in self-help literature, such as Don Miguel Ruiz’s 4 Agreements, and the importance of considering one’s own consciousness and intuition. He concluded by encouraging the group to continue their personal growth journey while maintaining a balance between personal and communal responsibilities.

Todd and Cathy discussed Cathy’s most recent Substack which were 10 quotes that impacted Cathy.  The conversation covered a range of subjects including the balance between joy and sadness, the value of kindness and compassion, and the significance of critical thinking and role modeling in conversations.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Quick recap

Todd and Kathy discussed their upcoming podcast episode and conference, while sharing personal experiences and reflections on various life topics. Throughout the meeting, Todd emphasized the importance of authenticity, self-reflection, and finding joy in everyday experiences, drawing from philosophical concepts and personal anecdotes. The conversation covered a range of subjects including the balance between joy and sadness, the value of kindness and compassion, and the significance of critical thinking and role modeling in conversations.

Next steps

Summary

Podcast Episode and Upcoming Conference
Todd and Cathy discussed their upcoming podcast episode, which will be their 797th. They also talked about their last conference, Zen Con 25, which is 18 days away. Todd encouraged anyone who can attend to join them, mentioning that they have scholarships available. They also discussed their vision boards and how they use them to set intentions. Kathy shared her moment, “Starting the Year with Empowering Quotes,” where she shared 10 quotes she thought were worth sharing with her subscribers. They also briefly discussed their recent holiday celebrations and how they had to readjust to normal life after the festivities.

Embracing Different Parts of Self
Todd discussed the importance of understanding and accepting different aspects of oneself, using the concept of ‘parts work’ and ‘internal family systems’. He emphasized the need to acknowledge and love these parts, rather than denying or repressing them, as they often act in protection or distraction. Todd also shared a quote by Jane Hirschfield about the unpredictability of life, using the example of a rock garden in Kyoto where one cannot see all the rocks from a single viewpoint. He suggested that this unpredictability can be both negative and positive, and that there is always something we cannot foresee. Todd concluded by emphasizing the need for humility in understanding our own lives and the lives of others.

Finding Joy Amidst Grief and Sadness
Todd discussed the importance of understanding paradox and the balance between joy and sadness. He shared personal experiences of feeling joy in the midst of grief and at funerals, highlighting the unique energy and connection present in such situations. Todd also reflected on the challenges of organizing funerals and the need for a suitable venue to accommodate the necessary events. He emphasized the importance of finding a balance between the binary nature of joy and sadness, and the need to appreciate the moments of joy amidst difficult situations.

Kindness, Compassion, and Humility in Life
Todd discussed the importance of kindness and compassion in making a difference in people’s lives. He shared a personal experience of receiving a meaningful quote from a listener, which he still looks at daily. Todd emphasized the value of humility and understanding one’s place in the world, drawing from a Zen saying that encourages embracing both the specialness and ordinariness of a person. He concluded by highlighting the significance of balancing ambition with everyday experiences and the importance of respecting one’s time on earth.

Finding Joy in Everyday Experiences
Todd discussed the importance of living an ordinary life and finding joy in everyday experiences. He shared his personal experiences of having lofty goals and achieving fame, but emphasized that these moments did not bring lasting happiness. Todd also referenced a quote from Jim Carrey, who suggested that being a millionaire for a day would not significantly change one’s life. Todd concluded by expressing his preference for simple comforts and spending time with loved ones, rather than pursuing fame or wealth.

Demi Moore’s Acting Career and Legacy
Todd discusses his appreciation for Demi Moore’s acting career and her recent Golden Globe win for the film “The Substance.” He highlights her breakout role in “Ghost” and how she paved the way for higher pay for female actors in films like “Striptease” and “G.I. Jane.” Todd also recalls her iconic Vanity Fair pregnancy cover and the ups and downs of her personal life, expressing happiness for her long-overdue recognition as an accomplished actress. He and his friend reminisce about her standout performances, particularly in “Ghost” and “St. Elmo’s Fire.”

Embracing Self-Reflection and Prioritization
Todd discussed the importance of self-reflection and prioritization in life. He shared a quote about societal expectations and the need to let go of unnecessary pressures. He emphasized the importance of making space for oneself and recognizing what’s truly important. Todd also shared his personal experiences of balancing work and family responsibilities, and the need to appreciate the daily joys often taken for granted. He encouraged the group to reflect on their priorities and invest in what truly matters.

Embracing Authenticity and True Connection
Todd shared his appreciation for the beauty of life, using the example of sunsets and sunrises as a reminder of the importance of living authentically. He used a parable about a rabbi named Zuziah to emphasize the importance of being true to oneself, rather than striving to impress others or fit into a certain crowd. Todd also highlighted the difference between loneliness and being alone, suggesting that true connection comes from being surrounded by people who understand and accept who you are.

Authenticity, Self-Expression, and Human Connection
Todd and Ty discussed the importance of authenticity and self-expression in their lives. Todd shared his experiences with his body temperature and blanket preferences, emphasizing the importance of being true to oneself. They also discussed the influence of philosophers like Soren Kierkegaard and Leo Tolstoy on their perspectives on life. Todd highlighted the impact of sharing one’s work, such as writing a book or creating a podcast, on others’ lives. He also reminisced about his parents and mother-in-law, emphasizing the importance of building strong relationships that can last beyond one’s lifetime. The conversation concluded with a quote from Ricky Gervais’ show, emphasizing the beauty of being human and the importance of planting trees for others to enjoy.

Critical Thinking and Role Modeling
Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and role modeling in conversations, particularly with children. He shared a personal experience with his daughter Skylar, who had been struggling with eating, and how he used the opportunity to understand her perspective and encourage her to open up. Todd also emphasized the need to avoid turning every conversation into a lesson and to be a normal human being, asking questions and showing genuine interest. He concluded by thanking the sponsors of the upcoming conference, Zen Con, and encouraged everyone to attend.

Todd and Cathy discussed various TV shows, movies, and practices to improve mental and emotional well-being, including gratitude lists, morning pages, and yogic adjustments. They also emphasized the importance of prioritization, effective task management, and creating playlists for personal enjoyment and staying connected with others. Lastly, they touched on the concept of meditation, the importance of initiating conversations with daughters, and the need for nonjudgmental and engaging interactions.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Quick recap

Todd and Kathy discussed various TV shows, movies, and practices to improve mental and emotional well-being, including gratitude lists, morning pages, and yogic adjustments. They also emphasized the importance of prioritization, effective task management, and creating playlists for personal enjoyment and staying connected with others. Lastly, they touched on the concept of meditation, the importance of initiating conversations with daughters, and the need for nonjudgmental and engaging interactions.

Summary

Avoiding Disappointment and Classic Sitcoms
Todd prepares to record a podcast episode discussing ideas for avoiding disappointment in the new year. Instead of making resolutions, Kathy suggests 10 enjoyable practices that can improve life. Before that, they pay tribute to the recently deceased Linda Lavin from the show Alice and former President Jimmy Carter. Todd and Kathy reminisce about 1970s and 80s sitcoms like Alice that reflected more realistic family situations. They fondly recall memorable catchphrases from those classic shows that audiences eagerly awaited.

TV Shows, Movies, and Parenting Conference
Todd discussed various TV shows and movies, including Hill Street Blues, Hawaii 5-0, and The A-Team. He also mentioned his boss sending stone crabs every year and the catchphrase “make it so” from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Todd then promoted the upcoming Zen Parenting Conference, encouraging listeners to invest in themselves and their families. He also shared his thoughts on eccentric director Boz Luhrman and his dislike for musicals, except for Wicked and Blues Brothers. Lastly, Todd mentioned a movie he watched called Bad Christmas Moms.

Improving Mental Well-Being Practices
Todd discussed various practices to improve mental and emotional well-being. He suggested starting the day with a gratitude list, a brain dump through morning pages, and writing letters from love. He also recommended a yogic adjustment called’shoulders back’ to improve posture and breathing. Todd emphasized the importance of these practices in shifting one’s mindset and promoting positivity. He also mentioned his intention to share more about these practices in his substack.

Todd’s Emotional Flu and Memories
Todd discusses crying while watching several movies due to being sick with the flu. He reflects that grief and sadness can get “stuck” in the lungs according to Eastern medicine beliefs. Todd attributes his susceptibility to illness partly to unresolved emotions needing release, in addition to exposure to germs. He and his friend reminisce about an amusing “Pants on the Ground” performance from American Idol.

Promoting Mindfulness and Self-Care Practices
Todd discussed various practices to promote mindfulness and self-care. He emphasized the importance of taking breaks, such as lying on the ground to release stress and gain positive energy. He also highlighted the value of gratitude texts, which can be sent to express appreciation for others. Todd also stressed the importance of weekly opt-outs, allowing individuals to reassess their commitments and prioritize their well-being. He used the metaphor of pebbling, likening the act of sending texts or gifts to offering love and support. Todd encouraged the practice of recognizing and opting out of obligations that may not be necessary, promoting a sense of freedom and choice.

Eisenhower Matrix and Vision Boards
Todd discussed the importance of prioritization and managing tasks effectively. He introduced the Eisenhower Matrix, a tool for categorizing tasks into urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and not urgent or important. He emphasized that tasks should be delegated when they are urgent but not important, and distractions should be eliminated. Todd also shared his personal approach to creating a vision board or mood board, which he uses to set a desired vibe or feeling. He suggested that these tools can be used to guide decision-making and help individuals stay focused on their goals.

Creating Personalized Playlists for Connection
Todd discussed the benefits of creating playlists for personal enjoyment and staying connected with others. He suggested making playlists for oneself, such as songs from different eras or genres, and also creating playlists based on recommendations from others, like family members. Todd also emphasized the importance of asking for favorites, such as books, movies, and podcasts, from others to discover new content. He shared his own experiences of using these methods to stay connected with his family and to find new content to enjoy.

Exploring Meditation and Accountability
Todd and the speaker discussed the concept of meditation and its various forms. Todd suggested that the speaker could try different approaches to meditation, such as taking a meditative walk or sitting quietly with someone. He also proposed the idea of having an accountability partner to help maintain a creative meditation practice. The speaker agreed to consider these suggestions, acknowledging the value of rethinking and reframing meditation. They also discussed the importance of not being too rigid in their practices and being open to change if something isn’t working.

Initiating Conversations With Daughters
Todd discussed the importance of initiating conversations with their daughters, emphasizing the need for nonjudgmental and engaging interactions. He highlighted the use of specific questions to encourage open dialogue and the importance of responding to statements without judgment. Todd also stressed the need to manage one’s own discomfort during conversations and the importance of being vulnerable. He encouraged everyone to read his book, which serves as a roadmap for solid conversations with daughters, and to leave reviews on platforms like Amazon and Goodreads to keep the book relevant.

Todd and Cathy discussed the movie “Elf,” covering its production, casting, and memorable scenes. They explored the film’s themes, characters, and cultural significance, while also playing a trivia game and sharing personal reflections on the Christmas spirit.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Todd & Cathy discussed the release of Cathy’s book “Restoring Our Girls,” which focuses on challenges faced by teenage girls. Todd shared insights on making P, B, & J’s, parenting, particularly maintaining connections with his daughters as they mature and become more independent.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Cathy’s Book Release and Workshop

Todd’s Frustration and Daughter’s Schedule

Todd shared his frustration about making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, specifically the clumpiness of the jelly. He learned from someone that putting the jelly on the peanut butter makes it easier to spread. He then shifted the conversation to his frustration with his daughter’s busy schedule, particularly during her junior high school years. He acknowledged that he tends to forget how busy his daughter is during this time. Todd also mentioned that he had been venting to Cathy about his frustration. He then read a paragraph from a book, which he felt was written specifically for him on that day.

Navigating Parental Relationships and Rejection

Todd discussed the challenges of maintaining a relationship with his daughters as they mature. He acknowledged that he sometimes feels hurt when they prefer to spend time with friends or alone rather than with him. Todd recognized that he has not experienced rejection in the same way as others, having had a series of relationships since he was 12. He suggested that this lack of experience with rejection has made it difficult for him to handle his daughters’ independence. Todd also noted that parenting can be messy and harder to define when it comes to understanding his daughters’ preferences.

One-Way Connections in Parenting Discussed

Todd discussed the concept of one-way connections, particularly in the context of parenting. He emphasized the importance of providing support and stability to children without expecting anything in return. Todd also touched on the idea of letting children grow and develop their own relationships, even if it means they pull away from their parents at times. He shared personal experiences with his daughters, noting that they eventually return, but in a more mature and independent way.

Todd’s Parenting Strategies and Boundaries

Todd discussed his approach to maintaining connections with his children, emphasizing the importance of small, one-way gestures such as sending texts and pictures throughout the day. He shared an example of how he surprised his daughter with a quiet morning and a new shower curtain for her bathroom. Todd also highlighted the importance of setting boundaries and expectations for his children, such as informing him about their whereabouts and following through with commitments. He expressed his belief that these small actions and expectations contribute to a sense of security and comfort in the home.

Empathy and Perspective in Parenting

Todd discussed the importance of understanding and empathizing with children’s experiences, rather than judging them. He emphasized the need for parents to have a wider perspective on the world and to see things from their children’s point of view. Todd also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance in parenting. He shared personal anecdotes about his daughters, illustrating how they sometimes need time to catch up with their parents due to their busy lives. Todd concluded by stressing the need for parents to be open to their children’s experiences and not to judge them for being busy.

Planning Family Activities and Games

Todd shared his enthusiasm for planning family activities, emphasizing his preference for setting up games and movie nights with specific rules and timings. He also discussed his stress around these activities, suggesting that he should let go a bit and allow others to join in at their own pace. Todd also introduced a game called “Cones of Dunshire” which he had learned from his daughters and was eager to play. The game involves rolling dice, building civilizations, and accumulating cones to win.

Zen Con 25 and Attendance Balance

Todd discussed the upcoming conference, the Zen con 25, which is the last one. He emphasized the need for a more balanced gender representation, with more men and dads attending. He also mentioned the various speakers and activities planned for the conference. Todd encouraged everyone to attend, even if they face financial constraints, and assured that arrangements could be made to accommodate them. He also addressed the issue of delayed book deliveries, apologizing for the inconvenience and promising to look into the matter.

Cathy & Todd discussed the release of Cathy’s fifth book, the importance of allowing oneself and one’s children to express their true selves, and the challenges of parenting. They also shared personal stories about their daughters and the reasons behind children unloading their emotions at night. Lastly, they emphasized the importance of emotional release, creative problem-solving, and maintaining stability for children.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Cathy’s Book Release and Workshop

In this episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Cathy discussed the upcoming release of Cathy’s fifth book, “Restoring Our Girls,” which is set to be released on December 10th. They also announced a free workshop on December 16th for those who have purchased the book, focusing on how to have conversations with daughters. Todd emphasized the importance of the book and the workshop, stating that it would be a valuable resource for parents seeking to understand their daughters better. The episode concluded with a reminder about the last in-person conference scheduled for January 24th and 25th, with details to be provided later.

Wicked’s Themes and Personal Expression

Cathy & Todd discuss the musical Wicked and its themes of conditioning and conformity. Cathy shares a personal story about dressing up as Dorothy for Halloween multiple years as a child, and how other boys’ reactions made her consider conforming to more stereotypically masculine costumes. This leads to a broader discussion about the importance of allowing oneself and one’s children to express their true selves rather than conforming to societal expectations. They also briefly mention their experience watching the Wicked movie and how it relates to these themes.

Leading in Parenting and Communication

They explored the idea of leading as a parent, including allowing children to lead and taking the initiative to reconnect with them as they grow. They also discussed the challenges of having real conversations with children, particularly when they come to their parents late at night. Todd emphasized the importance of validating children’s feelings without agreeing with them, and the potential for children to sense their parents’ emotions even when they are not explicitly expressed.

Finding Acceptable Communication Methods

They shared a personal story about their daughter who preferred writing letters to expressing her feelings verbally. This method allowed her to share her emotions in a less overwhelming way. They emphasized the importance of finding a method that works for both parent and child, rather than insisting on a specific way of communication. They also highlighted the need for parents to be open and accepting of their children’s unique ways of expressing themselves, rather than imposing their own expectations or preferences.

Understanding Children’s Emotional Unloading

They discussed the reasons behind children unloading their emotions at night. They emphasized that it’s not due to a desire to be annoying, but rather a genuine emotional release after a day of heightened feelings and stress. Cathy also highlighted the importance of understanding that these unfiltered emotions may not always reflect the child’s full reality or perspective. They used a personal anecdote to illustrate this point, where a mother’s concerns about her daughter’s school experience were not entirely accurate. They concluded by suggesting that these emotional releases are akin to unloading baggage, allowing the child to see things more clearly.

Emotional Release and Parenting Strategies

They discussed the importance of emotional release and creative problem-solving in parenting. Cathy emphasized the need for parents to be adaptable and flexible, rather than rigidly adhering to a single approach. They also highlighted the significance of setting boundaries and understanding the needs of children, using examples from his own experiences with his daughters. Todd encouraged parents to be creative in their interactions with their children, suggesting that this approach can help maintain a strong connection.

The Spiritual Significance of Sneezing

They discussed the importance of releasing emotions and thoughts through sneezing, likening it to a spiritual release. He shared his belief that sneezing is a natural way to let go of energy and emotions, and that it’s unhealthy to suppress sneezes. Cathy also mentioned his habit of holding in sneezes in public settings, like weddings or airplanes, to avoid disturbing others. They emphasized the need for balance between releasing emotions and being considerate of others’ feelings.

Parenting Challenges and Emotional Support

They discussed the challenges of parenting and the importance of maintaining stability and sturdiness for children. He emphasized the need to be present and supportive during difficult conversations, even if it’s hard to do so. Cathy also shared her personal experiences of dealing with turbulence and the importance of not making a habit of falling apart in front of children.

This week’s podcast features a chat with three high school seniors from Hinsdale Central, just outside of Chicago. Zara, Rami, and Molly have started Chase Light, a group focused on breaking down the stigma around mental health and offering support to their peers. They were inspired by the community support seen in Alcoholics Anonymous and want to help other teens deal with stress and mental health issues that are common in high school. They talk honestly about how adults often don’t quite understand what teens need when it comes to mental health and give some ideas on what could be better. They also discuss how smartphones and social media add to the stress, making this a really relevant conversation for both parents and teens. Tune in to hear their stories and the positive impact they’re aiming to have.

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Quick recap

The group discussed the challenges faced by young men in expressing their emotions and the societal pressures that contribute to these behaviors. They also explored the impact of social media on their lives, with Zara sharing her personal experience of deleting social media for six months and Rami using it as a motivation. Lastly, they shared techniques for managing stress and anxiety, with Zara emphasizing the importance of planning, taking breaks, and listening to their kids.

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Summary

Overcoming Emotional Vulnerability in Society
Zara shared her personal journey of overcoming her initial reluctance to discuss her feelings and how it led her to create an organization to help others navigate similar situations. She highlighted the challenges faced by young men in expressing their emotions, attributing this to societal expectations and the need to appear tough. Zara’s friends, Molly and Sarah, agreed with her observations, noting the difference in vulnerability between young men and women. Todd, the facilitator, acknowledged the challenges faced by both genders and emphasized the importance of emotional vulnerability in connecting with others. The group agreed that societal expectations and conditioning play a significant role in shaping these behaviors.

High School Pressure and Competition
Todd and Zara discussed the pressure and competitiveness they feel in their high school community, particularly regarding college applications. Zara shared her personal experience of feeling pressure to attend a prestigious college, despite her parents not being overly concerned about her choice. She also mentioned the influence of social media, such as TikTok, where students share their college acceptances and extracurricular activities, creating a sense of competition. Todd acknowledged the cultural and societal factors contributing to this pressure, and Zara agreed that it was not just coming from parents or school advisors, but also from peers and social media.

Social Media Perspectives and Usage
In the meeting, Zara, Rami, and Todd discussed their perspectives on social media. Zara expressed her belief that social media can be both positive and negative, depending on the platform and how it’s used. She also shared her personal experience of deleting social media for six months during Covid, which made her the happiest person on earth. Rami, on the other hand, uses social media as a motivation to improve himself. Todd agreed with both perspectives, noting that social media can be both fun and toxic. The group also discussed the hypocrisy of parents telling their kids not to use social media while they themselves use it. Zara suggested that parents should have conversations with their kids about social media rather than punishing them for using it. The group also discussed the importance of having activities and scheduling things in their day to avoid addiction to social media.

Managing Stress and Music Preferences
In the meeting, Todd, Zara, and Molly discussed techniques for managing stress and anxiety. Zara shared her strategy of planning her day, which helps her stay organized and reduces stress. She also mentioned that she takes breaks when feeling overwhelmed and tries to approach tasks with a fresh mind. Molly agreed with Zara’s approach and added that music helps her stay motivated and in a better mood. The group also discussed their favorite artists and music genres, with Zara expressing a preference for 2016 music and Molly appreciating a variety of genres. Lastly, Zara emphasized the importance of listening to their kids and taking care of themselves while supporting their children.

Cathy & Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a theory about human evolution and societal development, and its application in parenting and relationships. They emphasized the importance of balance, flexibility, and empathy in understanding different stages of development and maintaining a strong value system. They also touched on the interconnectedness of values and the need for critical thinking. 

For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.

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Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Evolution

Todd discussed the concept of spiral dynamics, a theory about how societies and individuals evolve over time. He mentioned that he based his new book on this idea, focusing on the yellow level of evolution, which he hopes society is currently reaching. Todd also shared his personal connection to the topic, mentioning that he listened to others process through the complex theory. He briefly touched on the idea of colors representing different levels of evolution, but did not delve into specifics.

Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Compassion

Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a model that helps understand human behavior and evolution. He explained that people often revert to earlier stages of development, such as the survival mindset (Beige) or tribal understanding (Purple), depending on their circumstances. Todd also mentioned the importance of compassion in understanding these different stages. He ended the discussion by briefly touching on the last stage, Turquoise, which represents a holistic and interconnected mindset.

Exploring Color Associations and Personalities

Todd discussed the different personality traits associated with various colors, focusing on red, blue, and orange. He described red as assertive, powerful, and impulsive, often associated with authoritarian leaders. Blue, he explained, is about valuing order, authority, and structure, and is common in religious leaders and conservative politicians. Orange, he noted, is about enthusiasm, playfulness, and a desire for excitement. Todd also shared his personal experiences and connections to these colors, using Taylor Swift songs and personal anecdotes to illustrate his points.

Balancing Human Nature in Society

Todd discussed the importance of balance in society, focusing on the different aspects of human nature represented by the colors red, blue, orange, and green. He highlighted the potential pitfalls of each color, such as the shadow of green, which can lead to idealism versus practicality and exclusion in the name of inclusion. Todd emphasized the need for a more inclusive and empathetic society, but also acknowledged that there is still work to be done to achieve this balance.

Adapting Parenting Styles for Change

Todd discussed the importance of adapting and being flexible in parenting, drawing from the concept of yellow in the context of spiral dynamics. He emphasized that parenting styles should evolve to meet the changing needs of children, rather than relying on traditional methods. Todd also introduced a book, “Restoring Our Girls,” which explores the values of yellow and how they can be applied in parenting. He highlighted the need for integrating different concepts and understanding that multiple things can be true at once. Todd also touched on the importance of empathy and innovation, using the example of the TV show “Law and Order” to illustrate the balance between structure and adaptability.

Critical Thinking in Polarized Society

Todd discussed the importance of critical thinking and its role in preventing abusive relationships, high control groups, cults, and conspiracy theories. He emphasized that critical thinking is not solely about education, but also about being able to see things from multiple perspectives and understanding other people’s viewpoints. Todd also highlighted the current polarized society and how certain groups benefit from pushing people apart. He mentioned his past experiences with philosophy majors who claimed that business schools teach what to think, while philosophy teaches how to think.

Balancing Perspectives in Parenting and Relationships

Todd discussed the challenges of parenting and maintaining emotional regulation. He emphasized the importance of having a flexible mindset, being open to understanding the needs of others, and finding a middle ground in relationships. Todd also highlighted the need for resilience, creative thinking, and non-reactivity in parenting. He used the example of parenting as a metaphor for relationships and client interactions, suggesting that finding a balance between different perspectives is crucial for effective communication and understanding.

Global Collective Consciousness and Values

Todd discussed the concept of a global collective consciousness and the interconnectedness of values. He differentiated between various levels of thinking, such as blue, red, purple, yellow, and turquoise, with turquoise representing a holistic, spiritual viewpoint. Todd emphasized the importance of taking radical responsibility for one’s life and the potential for society to evolve towards a more holistic understanding. He also highlighted the need for flexibility and openness, rather than being certain about one’s beliefs.

Embracing Flexibility in Value Systems

Todd discussed the importance of flexibility and adaptability in maintaining a strong value system. He emphasized that while it’s crucial to have a core set of values, it’s equally important to be flexible and understanding in different situations. Todd used the example of yelling at children, suggesting that while it may not align with a value of kindness, it could be a necessary response in a safety situation. He also mentioned the need to avoid becoming overly literal or rigid in one’s thinking, and to be open to different perspectives. Todd concluded by sharing a song, “Turquoise Days,” which he found to be relevant to the discussion.

Developmental Stages and Societal Balance

Todd discussed the concept of developmental stages in societies, emphasizing that each stage is appropriate for specific life conditions and challenges. He rejected the idea of a sequential progression, suggesting that individuals can exhibit traits from multiple stages and may regress or advance based on circumstances. Todd also highlighted the importance of balance in a society, requiring elements like lawfulness, innovation, and rule-breaking. He concluded by stressing the need for flexibility and inclusiveness in the community’s evolution.

Exploring Spiral Dynamics and Zencon 2025

Todd discussed the concept of Spiral Dynamics, a framework for understanding human development and societal progress. He mentioned Ken Wilbur, a prominent figure in this field, and suggested that Spiral Dynamics could be used to empathize with others and understand societal issues. Todd also mentioned a forthcoming conference, Zencon 2025, and encouraged listeners to attend if interested. He emphasized that financial constraints should not prevent participation, as scholarships are available. Lastly, he thanked Jeremy Kraft for his long-term sponsorship.