November 20, 2025

101: What does a Secure person do 🧘🏼‍♀️ when an Avoidant Pulls away

35 minutes

🖤 ON SALE: How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps

(With Your Avoidant Partner)

https://www.julanoelle.com/overthinkingcourse

🖤 ON SALE: How to STOP needing so much reassurance via text

(because safety comes from within, and you chasing or not settling boundary is the thing that give you anxiety, NOT a delayed text.)

https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

Ever feel like the SECOND your partner pulls away… your whole nervous system goes into full panic mode? 🖤✨

Like one canceled plan… one quiet day… one shift in tone… suddenly feels like the whole relationship is falling apart?

I made this episode for you.

Inside, I walk you through EXACT real-life moments my clients faced — the moments that used to send them into overthinking, people-pleasing, chasing, and feeling “not enough.”

And then I show you how the secure version of you would handle those exact same moments.

Simple. Calm. Clear. No drama. No chasing. Just grounded self-trust.

You’ll hear:

★ What an anxious person does when someone cancels plans last minute

★ What a secure person does instead — even if it stings

★ How closeness freaks out your nervous system (not them)

★ Why avoidants pull away after intimacy

★ How to stop taking every shift personally

★ How secure people communicate… without fear

★ The small, everyday habits that turn anxious attachment into earned secure attachment

This isn’t a lecture.

It’s literally the blueprint to becoming the secure version of you... the version who doesn’t panic, doesn’t chase, doesn’t assume the worst… and doesn’t lose herself just because someone else needs space.

We’ll dive into:

➞ The FACTS vs. the stories your anxious brain makes up

➞ Why your body reacts like danger is coming (even when it’s not)

➞ How to soothe the panic BEFORE you text

➞ How to respond like someone who trusts themselves

➞ How to stop abandoning yourself when someone pulls back

And I’ll walk you through my 4R Method... the exact steps that helped me go from anxious and terrified of being left… to fully grounded and secure in myself and my relationship.

If you’re tired of feeling on edge, tired of overthinking the smallest things, tired of feeling like your partner’s mood controls your whole day…

This episode will feel like a deep breath.

Like someone holding your hand and saying,

“Hey… you’re not crazy. You’re just scared. And here’s how we fix it.” 🖤✨

Listen in and tell me which “anxious vs. secure” moment hit home for you.

FREE 3min Attachment Style QUIZ

https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz

1:1 Coaching Offers (via video calls or whatsapp)

https://tr.ee/PInPmy

Free Find your ANXIOUS Archetype NOW (to feel calmer)

https://tr.ee/9s05-v9M30

Free: Anxious to Secure Checklist

https://www.julanoelle.com/anxioustosecurechecklist

CHAPTERS:

00:00 What does a Secure person do when an Avoidant Pulls away

02:52 ✶ SCENARIO 1: They cancel plans last minute

09:24 ✶ SCENARIO 2: They go quiet after an intimate weekend

15:44 ✶ SCENARIO 3: They’re distant during a hard week

19:05 ✶ SCENARIO 4: The Long-Term Pull-Away Avoidant

26:00 What’s REALLY Going On?

29:43 What To Do Instead

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

3.7

33 ratings