After the Affair

120. Does Secrecy Breed Passion In An Affair?


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What is it about an affair that feels so intoxicating? Is it the person, the connection, or is it something else entirely, like secrecy?

In this episode, let’s dive into the psychology and physiology behind the passion that often accompanies infidelity.

Discover how dopamine, adrenaline, and novelty create an addictive emotional cocktail, and why the thrill of secrecy can amplify feelings of desire. But here’s the real question: can that same spark be reignited in a long-term relationship without the secrecy?

We explore:

  • The brain’s role in fueling passion during an affair.
  • How “erotic space” and escapism shape the intensity of infidelity.
  • The connection between limerence and the forbidden nature of affairs.
  • Practical ways to reignite passion and curiosity in committed relationships.
  • Whether you’ve experienced an affair, are trying to rebuild your relationship, or simply want to understand how passion works, this episode offers insights and strategies for moving forward authentically.

    Reflective Question:

    What would it look like to bring curiosity and vulnerability into your relationship to rekindle the spark?

    Resources Mentioned:

    • Episode 25: The Power Of Limerence
    • "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel.
    • Connect with Luke:

      • Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
      • Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
      • Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

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        After the AffairBy Luke Shillings

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