By Luke Shillings
4.7
1212 ratings
The podcast currently has 106 episodes available.
In this powerful episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings delves into a deeply nuanced and often overlooked aspect of infidelity: same-sex affairs within long-term marriages. Inspired by a listener’s courageous story, Luke explores the unique layers of shock, pain, and confusion that arise when a spouse’s betrayal involves a partner of the same sex.
He discusses:
Whether you’re personally experiencing this kind of betrayal or seeking to understand it better, this episode offers insights and compassion for navigating an incredibly difficult and complex journey.
Key Topics Discussed:
Reflective Question:
How do you begin to rebuild trust and identity when a betrayal challenges everything you thought you knew about your relationship?
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome back to After the Affair with your host, Luke Shillings.
Join Luke as he explores:
This episode is all about rethinking what it means to move forward after infidelity and finding empowerment in ways you may not have considered. If traditional methods of healing have left you feeling stuck, this episode offers a new perspective.
Key Topics Discussed:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
What would it feel like to let go of your need for closure and embrace the uncertainty of the future?
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them are not just wrong but harmful.
He lists the top 34 most common Societal Expectation Statements and challenges each and every one!
We often think of infidelity in black-and-white terms, assigning blame and passing judgement based on outdated norms and rigid stereotypes. But infidelity is far more complex than society tends to acknowledge.
Luke unpacks the dangers of oversimplifying infidelity, the damaging effects of punitive mindsets, and why rigid gender norms don’t hold up in the real world. Through honest reflection, this episode challenges the idea that infidelity always has to end a relationship, and instead offers a more nuanced understanding of what it means to heal, rebuild, or move on.
Whether you’ve been betrayed or were the one who was unfaithful, this episode will make you rethink what society says about infidelity and how it can impact your recovery.
Key Topics Discussed:
Why Black-and-White Thinking Is Harmful:
Infidelity is often judged as entirely the fault of the unfaithful partner, ignoring relational dynamics and the complexity of the emotions involved.
Gender Norms and Why They Don't Work:
The stereotype that men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotional reasons misses the broader picture of human behaviour.
The Punishment Trap:
How shame, public humiliation, and the pressure to leave the relationship can hinder healing and growth, both for the betrayed and the unfaithful.
Why Infidelity Doesn’t Have to Mean the End:
Exploring the idea that, with the right support, some couples can rebuild trust and come out stronger on the other side.
The Overlooked Forms of Infidelity:
Emotional and digital infidelity often get ignored in societal discussions, but they can be just as damaging as physical cheating.
Judgement vs. Understanding:
Why casting judgement on the unfaithful partner doesn’t allow for personal growth or relationship repair, and how a restorative approach can offer more.
Reflective Question:
How have societal expectations shaped your response to infidelity? Have these expectations helped or hindered your healing process?
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of betrayal, particularly in the context of the self-help world.
Luke discusses the importance of committing to self-improvement not just in times of crisis but as a regular practice.
Whether you’re currently dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or simply interested in how self-help can be integrated into your everyday life, this episode offers valuable insights into the power of "doing the work" before life throws its curveballs.
Key Topics Discussed:
The Concept of "Doing the Work":
Self-Help as a Preventative Tool:
The Self-Coaching Model:
Applying Self-Help in the Aftermath of Betrayal:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
How can you start integrating self-help practices into your daily routine, not just when things go wrong but as a way to build ongoing resilience?
Call to Action:
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website After the Affair and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," we tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal.
Luke explores how early experiences shape our self-worth, how our identities become tied to how others perceive us, and what happens when those perceptions are shattered by betrayal.
Key Topics Discussed:
The Impact of Early Experiences on Self-Worth:
The Role of Identity and External Validation:
The Crossroads: A Moment of Reflection and Potential Change:
Moving Forward: The Path to a More Fulfilling Life:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
What would it look like for you to build a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on external validation?
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome to a special 100th episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory," we take a deep dive into the emotional significance of anniversaries, those dates on the calendar that can bring both joy and dread.
In this episode, we explore why we associate such strong feelings with these dates, how they can control our emotions, and what it means to redefine these anniversaries in a way that supports our healing and growth.
Key Topics Discussed:
The Origin and Significance of Anniversaries:
The Emotional Impact of Anniversaries:
Rewriting Our Stories Around Anniversaries:
Choosing the Anniversaries We Want to Celebrate:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
What anniversaries do you want to celebrate in the future, and how can you start rewriting your story around the ones that bring you pain?
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship.
This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these wants can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.
Luke shares practical steps to identify, communicate, and navigate these desires, along with relatable examples to illustrate the concept.
Key Topics Discussed:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
How can you and your partner better communicate and align your desires to create a more fulfilling relationship?
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings.
Luke shares listener stories and provides compassionate insights into the struggles faced by both parties. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity or seeking to understand the dynamics of trickle truth, this episode offers validation and empathy.
Key Topics Discussed:
Key Takeaways:
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity.
Join Luke as he explores how the awareness of mortality can bring clarity to the complexities of infidelity, encouraging a renewed focus on authenticity, meaningful connections, and the choices that define our lives.
Key Topics Discussed:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
How can the awareness of limited time inspire you to live more authentically and intentionally, especially in the context of your relationships?
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.
Connect with Luke Shillings:
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity
Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right?
Key Topics Discussed:
The Universal Desire to Be Right:
The Emotional Underpinnings:
The Zero-Sum Game:
Throwing Fuel on Each Other's Fire:
Moving Past the Need to Be Right:
Personal Reflection:
Listener Takeaways:
Reflective Question:
How can you shift your focus from being right to truly understanding your partner’s perspective the next time a disagreement arises?
Take some time to think about this and consider how it might change the dynamics of your relationships.
Your help is really appreciated by others just like you:
If you found this episode helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com/podcast and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.
Connect with Luke Shillings:
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