March 24, 2026

126: why do I keep being 🧲 🚩ATTRACTED to avoidant and EMOTIONALLY unavailable men

44 minutes

Hands up if you have an anxious attachment and wonder… why do I keep being attracted to avoidant and emotionally unavailable men?

Then this one’s for you..

…and it’s starting to feel like a pattern you can’t break 🖤✨

At first, it feels SO good.

There’s chemistry. There’s excitement. There’s hope

But then…

He pulls away.

He shuts down.

He avoids emotional conversations.

And you’re left in your head again… overthinking, waiting, hoping ⛈️

“Why do I always attract emotionally unavailable men?”

In this episode of the anxious to secure podcast, we talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Because this isn’t random.

And it’s not because you’re “too much.”

If you have an anxious attachment style, you might feel things deeply, attach quickly, and crave closeness.

And without realizing it… you can end up attracting avoidant partners who do the opposite.

This anxious-avoidant dynamic can feel intense, addictive… and exhausting ❤️‍🩹

We break down why this happens:

Maybe emotional distance feels familiar to your nervous system.

Maybe a part of you feels safer with someone who can’t fully see you.

Maybe you learned early on that love means chasing, proving, or waiting.

And sometimes… you’re trying to get love from someone who can’t give it, hoping this time it will finally feel different.

We also talk about something most people don’t want to hear…

You might be emotionally unavailable to yourself too.

Not because you’re doing something wrong…

but because you were never taught how to sit with your feelings, soothe yourself, and feel safe on your own.

So you reach for someone else to do it for you

This episode will help you understand your patterns, your attachment style, and why avoidant, emotionally unavailable partners feel so hard to let go of.

And more importantly…

how to start shifting into a more secure way of loving

Because you don’t need to become less emotional.

You just need to feel safe with your emotions first 🫶

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Emotional Unavailability

00:57 What emotionally unavailable actually looks like

06:37 Attachment styles breakdown

27:30 5 Reasons You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men

FREE RESOURCES:

Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ

✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached

🚩🚩🚩10 Signs YOU are the Red Flag in your Relationship

🌀 11 Habits To Rewire Your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND Secure Love

★ 3 Steps ★ Stop being "NEEDY" GUIDE

☁️ The Worry-Free ☁️ Flow-Chart for relationship anxiety

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

3.7

33 ratings