Coaching for Leaders

130: Your Two Biggest Critics and How to Handle Them

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What do you do when you’re the target of criticism? Here are the two kinds of critics that show up at work in the workplace and also how to address them.

  • It all comes back to Mathnet
  • Two kinds of critics
    • The bully
    • The champion
    • Why you need your critics
      • Hawthorne studies (Harvard article) (Economist article)
      • Benefits You Get From A Recognition Program (episode #79) with Michelle Smith of O.C. Tanner
      • “Our chief want in life is someone who will make us do what we can.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
      • Actions you can take
        • Listen and be calm (useful for both the bully and the champion)
          • Our urge is to become defensive
          • It may put up barriers to hearing something of value
          • If the criticism is unwarranted, you’re the one keeping your cool (unless the other party is factually wrong in a public forum)
          • If the other party is factually wrong in public, make your case confidently and professionally
            • Set aside the tone or personal attack (useful for both the bully and the champion)
              • Is there value in what the person is saying, beyond the tone?
              • Ask a more independent party to analyze it for you.
              • Ask for feedback and criticism (useful with the champion)
                • “Be your own toughest critic. Demand excellent performance from yourself and your leadership will thrive in the face of adversity.” –Doug Conant
                • This worked for me in my first full-time job
                • Take advice of Tom Henschel for episode #107
                  • Ask often
                  • Say thank you or can you help me understand
                  • Do something with it or don’t
                  • Embrace the criticism and make change (useful for both the bully and the champion)
                    • Realize that a lot of people use criticism as a primary tool for development
                    • Take one suggestion this week to actually put into action
                    • Love your enemy (useful with the bully, and sometimes the champion)
                      • Find something about them you can love
                      • Feel sorry for them
                      • Be glad you’re not married to them
                      • What if your boss is the bully?
                        • Try one or more things above that you think might help
                        • Are you getting more than you’re giving?
                        • If not, work towards another opportunity
                        • Don’t throw them under the bus on the way out the door
                          • To Those Who Want Great Careers: Don’t Do What This Guy Did
                          • Other episodes that might help
                            • Benefits You Get From A Recognition Program (episode #79)
                            • Ten Ways To Pick Yourself Up When You’re Beaten Down (episode #85)
                            • Three Steps To Soliciting Feedback (episode #107)
                            • Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” -William Shakespeare
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                              Coaching for LeadersBy Dave Stachowiak
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