After the Affair

138. Seeking Reassurance after Betrayal: It’s Never Enough Though


Listen Later

You know your partner’s betrayal wasn’t your fault.

You understand the logic.

But still, deep down, you’re stuck.

Still needing reassurance. Still bracing for the next emotional shift. Still terrified of being too much, or not enough.

Why?

Because some of what you’re feeling didn’t start with them.

In this episode, Luke explores how emotional survival strategies from childhood shape the way we respond to betrayal, uncertainty, and intimacy as adults. If you’ve been chasing reassurance, battling emotional spirals, or waiting for your partner to give you the peace you can’t seem to find, this episode is for you.

It’s not about blame.

It’s about awareness.

And reclaiming the power you forgot you had.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

✔️ Why betrayal activates old survival wiring, not just current fear

✔️ The truth about reassurance, and why it never lasts

✔️ How emotional outsourcing creates cycles of panic and distance

✔️ The difference between fear of what might happen… and the belief you wouldn’t survive it

✔️ How to build internal trust using the self-coaching model and ladder thoughts

✔️ Why your partner can’t fix wounds they didn’t create, and why you can

 

💬 Reflection Prompt:

Where in your healing are you still waiting to be saved?

And what might shift if you stopped outsourcing that safety, and started practising it with yourself?

 

Connect with Luke:

  • Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
  • Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
  • Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

    ...more
    View all episodesView all episodes
    Download on the App Store

    After the AffairBy Luke Shillings

    • 4.6
    • 4.6
    • 4.6
    • 4.6
    • 4.6

    4.6

    20 ratings


    More shows like After the Affair

    View all
    Relationship Radio: Marriage, Sex, Limerence & Avoiding Divorce by Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Beam Holmes: Experts in Fixing Marriages & Saving Relationships

    Relationship Radio: Marriage, Sex, Limerence & Avoiding Divorce

    500 Listeners

    The Save The Marriage Podcast by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

    The Save The Marriage Podcast

    411 Listeners

    Healing Broken Trust In Your Marriage After Infidelity by Brad and Morgan Robinson

    Healing Broken Trust In Your Marriage After Infidelity

    750 Listeners

    Relationship Revival Podcast: Expert Advice on Relationships, Marriage, Dating by Nicola Beer

    Relationship Revival Podcast: Expert Advice on Relationships, Marriage, Dating

    388 Listeners

    Betrayal Trauma Recovery by Anne Blythe, M.Ed.

    Betrayal Trauma Recovery

    1,417 Listeners

    Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting by Optimal Living Daily | Greg Audino

    Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting

    306 Listeners

    From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer by Geoff & Jody Steurer

    From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

    203 Listeners

    Relationship Renovation: Marriage Advice, Intimacy & Couples Communication by EJ and Tarah Kerwin

    Relationship Renovation: Marriage Advice, Intimacy & Couples Communication

    170 Listeners

    Helping Couples Heal Podcast by Marnie Breecker

    Helping Couples Heal Podcast

    442 Listeners

    Heal from Infidelity by Andrea Giles

    Heal from Infidelity

    352 Listeners

    Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast by Dana Che - Christian Marriage  Coach & Speaker

    Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

    166 Listeners

    Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon by Dr. Alexandra Solomon

    Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

    299 Listeners

    On Attachment by Stephanie Rigg

    On Attachment

    1,049 Listeners

    Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating by Tracy Schorn, Sarah Gorrell

    Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

    168 Listeners

    Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS by Betrayal Recovery Radio

    Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS

    59 Listeners