After the Affair

167. Is Non-Monogamy Just an Excuse for Betrayal?


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In the aftermath of betrayal, a growing number of people are hearing something deeply confusing, and often deeply hurtful:

“Maybe we should open the relationship.”

“Monogamy just isn’t natural for me.”

“I think I’m actually non-monogamous.”

But what happens when these statements appear after an affair, not before?

Is it genuine self-discovery… or a way to avoid accountability?

In this episode, Luke breaks down the crucial difference between ethical non-monogamy and the post-affair use of non-monogamy as a justification, distraction, or manipulation tactic.

You’ll learn why this dynamic is so common, how it preys on the emotional vulnerability of the betrayed partner, and when it crosses the line into gaslighting.

If your partner has cheated and is now talking about open relationships, this episode will bring clarity, validation, and truth to an incredibly confusing situation.

Key Takeaways (Short, Sharp, High-Impact)
  • Ethical non-monogamy requires consent, clarity, and communication — betrayal involves none of these.
  • Claiming non-monogamy after cheating is often about avoidance, not identity.
  • Betrayed partners are emotionally vulnerable, which makes them more susceptible to pressure or coercion.
  • Using “non-monogamy” to justify cheating can be a form of gaslighting.
  • Wanting commitment and exclusivity is normal, and not a flaw.
  • The issue isn’t monogamy vs non-monogamy, it’s consent vs deception.
  • If you’re trying to make sense of a partner’s sudden interest in non-monogamy after betrayal, or if you’re questioning whether this is manipulation, avoidance, or something deeper, coaching can help you get clarity without losing your sense of self.

    Explore one-to-one coaching and The After the Affair Collective at lifecoachluke.com, or reach out directly.

    You don’t have to navigate this alone, and you don’t have to accept a relationship structure you never agreed to.

    Connect with Luke:

    • Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
    • Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
    • ...more
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      After the AffairBy Luke Shillings

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