If your child holds it together at school but falls apart at home — this episode is for you.

In this raw and deeply validating conversation, Jane is joined again by educator Millie Carr to unpack what happens when school is no longer emotionally or psychologically safe for neurodivergent kids. From missed warning signs to outright shutdown, we explore how subtle distress gets overlooked — and how easily parents are made to feel like they’re overreacting.

You’ll learn what to watch for, what to say to schools without getting dismissed, and how to hold your ground when your gut says something’s not right. Whether your child is masking, refusing, or silently burning out, this episode gives you tools to recognise what’s happening — and advocate without losing yourself in the process.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

• What it looks like when school stops feeling safe for your child
• How stomach aches, fatigue, and ‘bad behaviour’ are often nervous system distress
• Why behaviour plans focused on compliance miss the point
• The invisible trauma of forced attendance
• How to approach schools without being labelled the ‘difficult parent’
• Repairing a broken relationship with school staff — and when not to bother
• Why sitting on the floor too long can be the final straw
• The difference between refusing school and not coping
• What to do when your child can’t tell you what’s wrong — and no one at school is listening

💭 This episode is for you if:
– You’ve ever sat in the car after drop-off wondering if you’re doing the right thing
– You’ve been told your child is ‘fine’ at school while you’re watching them unravel at home
– You want to stop walking on eggshells with the school and start backing yourself

📥 Related Resource:
➡️ The School Choice Kit — A neuro-affirming guide to help you choose the right school for your child. Includes questions to ask, red flags to watch for, and planning tools to support your decision-making. Download the Kit

📖 Read the blog version of this episode:

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/when-school-stops-being-safe/ 

Need support navigating school chaos?
Making School Work is your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn’t coping — and the school says they’re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter.
Get it here: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/ 

Other Quick Reset Episodes:

• S3E8 Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does: Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3E10 Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?: Spotify  | Apple Podcast
• S3E12 I can’t stop snapping when my child does this one thing: Spotify | Apple Podcast 
• S3E14 I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality: Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3E15 He wants the Maldives but we can't even manage the park: Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3E16 No meds, No plan, and no help..... but yet they're still calling us undiagnosed: Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3E17 How we survive the 3- 6:00 PM shit show when kids are coming down off meds: Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3E18 Why you are bad at asking for help and what to do instead: Spotify | Apple Podcast

Resources Mentioned:

🔗 To find out more about Millie Carr or purchase her books please click on her website or check out her IG

🔗 Sign our Change Petition here

🔗 Submit your experience with schooling here

🎧 Listener Questions please send here

🔗 Free Guides and Resources: https://adhdmums.com.au/resources/

Disability & Education Laws Referenced (Qld Human Rights Act, DSE 2005, UN CRPD)

👩‍⚖️ Human Rights Commission: humanrights.gov.au

📚 References & Further Reading

• Disability Standards for Education 2005
  Read via the Department of Education – Australian Government
• Disability Discrimination Act 1992
  View the full legislation on the Federal Register

🎧 Listen Now

If you’ve ever sat through a 15-minute IEP meeting where nothing changed, or wondered how much louder you have to get before someone listens—this episode is your script, your validation, and your reminder:

You’re not too much. The system is too underprepared.

Hit play. Forward it to your child’s support coordinator. Save it for your next meeting.

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MORE RESOURCES:

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Topics Covered  In This Episode:

school trauma, masking, school refusal, neurodivergent burnout, ADHD parenting, shutdown, emotional safety, school gaslighting, dysregulation, behaviour plans, invisible load, sensory overwhelm, difficult parent myth, school advocacy, trauma-informed education, IEPs, school transitions, nervous system overload, emotional regulation, parenting instincts, neuroaffirming support.

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