The holidays are usually so difficult when you love someone who drinks too much or suffers with substance abuse.

While everyone is excited to celebrate, attending all the holiday parties, and planning for a perfect celebration, somewhere in the back of your mind you’re just worried how much your partner is going to drink.

You’re feeling anxious that he or she won’t be able to hold it together. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells and waiting for the moment you smell alcohol on their breath.

Or perhaps you’re just hoping and praying you won’t be receiving a phone call or text message telling you he or she is going to be coming home late.

So instead of spending your time worrying, I want you to have a wonderful holiday if your partner drinks or not (yes, it’s possible).

I’m going to share a few helpful tips about boundaries that will help you celebrate this holiday season with a full heart and a deep gratitude.

I know we spoke about boundaries last week, but I want to really cover the basics because if you don’t fully understand what boundaries you need in your life, you will stay stuck in your recovery. You need to master this skill if you decide to leave your partner or stay together.

Boundaries are one of the keys to YOUR recovery.

What would make you happy this holiday season? Is there a special meal you like to cook? Do you want to get all your present shopping done early? Do you have a tradition you love? Is there an opportunity for you to serve or help someone else in need that brings joy to your heart?

Make a list of things you would like to do this season that make you feel warm inside.

After you’ve made your list, go to your calendar and make time to do each one. Move things around and cancel events or commitments if you have too. Give yourself at least one thing to look forward to every week (and make sure they are activities not dependent on your partner's sobriety).

By managing your calendar and making time for the things that bring you joy, you’re setting a healthy boundary that your self-care is important. You’re choosing joy. You’re controlling your time rather than letting people or demands manage your time for you.

Now, think back to your last holiday… was there anything you did that drained you?

Something you committed to that was just too much or that caused you a lot of stress?

Alright… now promise me you’re not going to do that again. Your time is precious and if it doesn’t fill you up, you’re not meant to do it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t serve. You should just serve in the area that lights you up.

Perhaps you like to organize? This holiday season volunteer to organize your church’s supply closet. Or maybe you have an elderly neighbor who would love a home cooked meal and you love cooking.

When you serve using your gifts it fills you back up. It’s the exact opposite of feeling drained by doing something you don’t really like to do just to make other people happy.

If you practice these two simple boundaries (learning to make time on your calendar for you and serving only in the areas that bring you joy), you’ve just created amazing boundaries around your time.

You’ve made space for the things you love by removing the things you don’t.

I hope these two boundaries have helped you realize that you can make time to have wonderful holiday moments every week regardless if he or she is acting up or not.

If you’re ready to start creating your own personal boundaries for your life and learn how to implement them, I have created a new program just in time for the holidays called Love Over Boundaries.  You can click here to check it out.