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234: The problem with Time Outs: Why they fail, and what to do Instead
The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do Instead
Recently, in Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa: "Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach? (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t.
Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships.
Key points include:
- We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed. But what if we aren’t as good at telling the difference between those two states as we think we are?
- Understanding why children do things we tell them not to do: We look specifically at what Melissa’s 3 ½-year-old son is doing - things like poking her face, throwing a toy when she’s told him not to, and dropping food on the floor during dinner, as well as pulling his sister’s hair, and hitting/kicking her.
- How alternatives to time out are even more effective: Even in controlled lab settings, compliance after time-outs often doesn’t exceed 60%. We’ll meet parent Kendra, whose child had an Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis that she no longer believes is true now she’s using the tools we discuss in this episode.
Drawing on research and these real-life stories, this episode offers actionable insights for parents who want effective alternatives to time-outs.Whether you’re dealing with boundary-testing toddlers or older children’s challenging behaviors, this episode provides tools to help you deal with your child’s misbehavior by creating empathy and trust, rather than disconnection and resentment.Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate
Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free quiz to see how these strategies could work for you!
Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey?
If you want to:
😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior,
😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration,
😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,
the Why You're So Angry with Your Child's (Age 1- 10) Age-Appropriate Behavior - And What to Do About Itmasterclass will help you make this shift.
Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.
Click the banner to learn more!
Other episodes mentioned:
- Episode 227:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2
- Episode 226:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1
- Episode 213:How to stop using power over your child (and still get things done)
- Episode 207:How to not be a permissive parent
Jump to highlights:
01:52 Review of previous episode on timeouts
05:41 Understanding emotional distress and misbehavior
15:51 Addressing misbehavior without timeouts
19:30 The role of emotion regulation in parenting
36:02 Alternatives to timeouts
References:
Allen, K. D., & Warzak, W. J. (2000). The problem of parental nonadherence in clinical behavior analysis: Effective treatment is not enough. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 33(3), 373-391.
Bostow, D. E., & Bailey, J. B. (1969). Modification of severe disruptive and aggressive behavior using brief timeout and reinforcement procedures. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2(1), 31-37.
Brown, G. D., & Tyler Jr, V. O. (1968). Time out from reinforcement: A technique for dethroning the “duke” of an institutionalized delinquent group. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 9(3‐4), 203-211.
Burchard, J. D., & Barrera, F. (1972). AN ANALYSIS OF TIMEOUT AND RESPONSE COST IN A PROGRAMMED ENVIRONMENT 1. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 5(3), 271-282.
Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., ... & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, social comparison, and depression on social networking sites: a systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(2), 364-376.
Corralejo, S. M., Jensen, S. A., Greathouse, A. D., & Ward, L. E. (2018). Parameters of time-out: Research update and comparison to parenting programs, books, and online recommendations. Behavior therapy, 49(1), 99-112.
Everett, G. E., Hupp, S. D., & Olmi, D. J. (2010). Time-out with parents: A descriptive analysis of 30 years of research. Education and Treatment of Children, 33(2), 235-259.
Kendall, S. B. (1965). Spontaneous recovery after extinction with periodic time-outs. Psychonomic Science, 2, 117-118.
Knight, R. M., Albright, J., Deling, L., Dore-Stites, D., & Drayton, A. K. (2020). Longitudinal relationship between time-out and child emotional and behavioral functioning. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 41(1), 31-37.
Larzelere, R. E., & Raumrind, D. (2010). Are spanking injunctions scientifically supported. Law & Contemp. Probs., 73, 57.
Larzelere, R. E., Gunnoe, M. L., Pritsker, J., & Ferguson, C. J. (2024). Resolving the Contradictory Conclusions from Three Reviews of Controlled Longitudinal Studies of Physical Punishment: A Meta-Analysis. Marriage & Family Review, 60(7), 395-433.
Leitenberg, H. (1965). Is time-out from positive reinforcement an aversive event? A review of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 64(6), 428.
Lieneman, C. C., Girard, E. I., Quetsch, L. B., & McNeil, C. B. (2020). Emotion regulation and attrition in parent–child interaction therapy. Journal of child and family studies, 29, 978-996.
Morawska, A., & Sanders, M. (2011). Parental use of time out revisited: A useful or harmful parenting strategy? Journal of Child and Family Studies 20, 1-8.
Risley, T. R. (1968). The effects and side effects of punishing the autistic behaviors of a deviant child. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 1(1), 21-34.
Roberts, M. W. (1988). Enforcing chair timeouts with room timeouts. Behavior Modification, 12(3), 353-370.
Roberts, M. W. (1982). Resistance to timeout: Some normative data. Behavioral Assessment4, 239-246.
Roberts, S. (2021, June 3). Arthur Staats dies at 97; called ‘time out’ for unruly kids. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/03/health/dr-arthur-staats-dead.html
Rubenstein, L., & Mourino, A. P. (1983). Time-out: an evaluation of a behavior management technique. Pediatr Dent, 5(2), 109-112.
Samra, A., Warburton, W. A., & Collins, A. M. (2022). Social comparisons: A potential mechanism linking problematic social media use with depression. Journal of Behavioral Addictions.
Sanders, M. R., Bor, W., & Morawska, A. (2007). Maintenance of treatment gains: a comparison of enhanced, standard, and self-directed Triple P-Positive Parenting Program. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 35, 983-998.
Siegel, D. (2014, October 29). You said WHAT about Time-Outs?! Dr. Dan Siegel. Retrieved from: https://drdansiegel.com/you-said-what-about-time-outs/
Spitalnik, R., & Drabman, R. (1976). A classroom timeout procedure for retarded children. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 7(1), 17-21.
“The Colombo Family,” Supernanny. Season 7, Episode 9. Ricochet Television, 2011.
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/about/index.html
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Tips for Time Out. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/time-out/index.html
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Treatment of ADHD. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/treatment/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/treatment.html
Vander Schaaf, S. (2019, March 9). The man who developed timeouts for kids now stands by his hotly-debated idea. Washington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-man-who-developed-timeouts-for-kids-stands-by-his-now-hotly-debated-idea/2019/03/08/c169439e-3159-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html
Webster-Stratton, C., Reid, M. J., & Hammond, M. (2004). Treating children with early-onset conduct problems: Intervention outcomes for parent, child, and teacher training. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology, 33(1), 105-124.
Weinberg, M. K., Beeghly, M., Olson, K. L., & Tronick, E. (2008). A still-face paradigm for young children: 2½ year-olds’ reactions to maternal unavailability during the still-face. The journal of developmental processes, 3(1), 4.
Willoughby, R. H. (1969). The effects of time-out from positive reinforcement on the operant behavior of preschool children. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 7(2), 299-313.
Willoughby, R. H. (1970). The influence of different response consequences on children's preference for time-out. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 9(2), 133-141.
Wolf, M., Risley, T., & Mees, H. (1963). Application of operant conditioning procedures to the behaviour problems of an autistic child. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 1(2-4), 305-312.
Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., Chan, E., Davison, D., Earls, M., ... & Zurhellen, W. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for the diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4).
Xu, Jingyi, Lucy A. Tully, and Mark R. Dadds. "Generation time-out grows up: young adults’ reports about childhood time-out use and their mental health, attachment, and emotion regulation." European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2024): 1-9.
View all episodes
By Jen Lumanlan
4.7
410410 ratings
The Problem with Time Outs: Why They Fail, and What to Do Instead
Recently, in Part 1 of this two-part mini-series, we began looking at a question from listener Melissa: "Can time-outs ever have a place in a respectful parenting approach? (And if not, what else am I supposed to do when my kid looks me in the eye and does something he knows he’s not supposed to do?)" That episode looked at the academic research on the effectiveness of time-outs, what else might account for the research that finds them ‘effective,’ and whether time-outs might harm children even if the research says they don’t.
Today’s episode builds on Part 1 by exploring why time outs often fail to address misbehavior effectively - and may harm parent-child relationships.
Key points include:
- We often don’t understand the distinction between misbehavior and emotional distress: Researchers agree that we should use time-outs when children misbehave, but not when they’re emotionally distressed. But what if we aren’t as good at telling the difference between those two states as we think we are?
- Understanding why children do things we tell them not to do: We look specifically at what Melissa’s 3 ½-year-old son is doing - things like poking her face, throwing a toy when she’s told him not to, and dropping food on the floor during dinner, as well as pulling his sister’s hair, and hitting/kicking her.
- How alternatives to time out are even more effective: Even in controlled lab settings, compliance after time-outs often doesn’t exceed 60%. We’ll meet parent Kendra, whose child had an Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis that she no longer believes is true now she’s using the tools we discuss in this episode.
Drawing on research and these real-life stories, this episode offers actionable insights for parents who want effective alternatives to time-outs.Whether you’re dealing with boundary-testing toddlers or older children’s challenging behaviors, this episode provides tools to help you deal with your child’s misbehavior by creating empathy and trust, rather than disconnection and resentment.Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate
Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free quiz to see how these strategies could work for you!
Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey?
If you want to:
😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior,
😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration,
😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,
the Why You're So Angry with Your Child's (Age 1- 10) Age-Appropriate Behavior - And What to Do About Itmasterclass will help you make this shift.
Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.
Click the banner to learn more!
Other episodes mentioned:
- Episode 227:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2
- Episode 226:Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1
- Episode 213:How to stop using power over your child (and still get things done)
- Episode 207:How to not be a permissive parent
Jump to highlights:
01:52 Review of previous episode on timeouts
05:41 Understanding emotional distress and misbehavior
15:51 Addressing misbehavior without timeouts
19:30 The role of emotion regulation in parenting
36:02 Alternatives to timeouts
References:
Allen, K. D., & Warzak, W. J. (2000). The problem of parental nonadherence in clinical behavior analysis: Effective treatment is not enough. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 33(3), 373-391.
Bostow, D. E., & Bailey, J. B. (1969). Modification of severe disruptive and aggressive behavior using brief timeout and reinforcement procedures. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 2(1), 31-37.
Brown, G. D., & Tyler Jr, V. O. (1968). Time out from reinforcement: A technique for dethroning the “duke” of an institutionalized delinquent group. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 9(3‐4), 203-211.
Burchard, J. D., & Barrera, F. (1972). AN ANALYSIS OF TIMEOUT AND RESPONSE COST IN A PROGRAMMED ENVIRONMENT 1. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 5(3), 271-282.
Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., ... & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, social comparison, and depression on social networking sites: a systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(2), 364-376.
Corralejo, S. M., Jensen, S. A., Greathouse, A. D., & Ward, L. E. (2018). Parameters of time-out: Research update and comparison to parenting programs, books, and online recommendations. Behavior therapy, 49(1), 99-112.
Everett, G. E., Hupp, S. D., & Olmi, D. J. (2010). Time-out with parents: A descriptive analysis of 30 years of research. Education and Treatment of Children, 33(2), 235-259.
Kendall, S. B. (1965). Spontaneous recovery after extinction with periodic time-outs. Psychonomic Science, 2, 117-118.
Knight, R. M., Albright, J., Deling, L., Dore-Stites, D., & Drayton, A. K. (2020). Longitudinal relationship between time-out and child emotional and behavioral functioning. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 41(1), 31-37.
Larzelere, R. E., & Raumrind, D. (2010). Are spanking injunctions scientifically supported. Law & Contemp. Probs., 73, 57.
Larzelere, R. E., Gunnoe, M. L., Pritsker, J., & Ferguson, C. J. (2024). Resolving the Contradictory Conclusions from Three Reviews of Controlled Longitudinal Studies of Physical Punishment: A Meta-Analysis. Marriage & Family Review, 60(7), 395-433.
Leitenberg, H. (1965). Is time-out from positive reinforcement an aversive event? A review of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 64(6), 428.
Lieneman, C. C., Girard, E. I., Quetsch, L. B., & McNeil, C. B. (2020). Emotion regulation and attrition in parent–child interaction therapy. Journal of child and family studies, 29, 978-996.
Morawska, A., & Sanders, M. (2011). Parental use of time out revisited: A useful or harmful parenting strategy? Journal of Child and Family Studies 20, 1-8.
Risley, T. R. (1968). The effects and side effects of punishing the autistic behaviors of a deviant child. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 1(1), 21-34.
Roberts, M. W. (1988). Enforcing chair timeouts with room timeouts. Behavior Modification, 12(3), 353-370.
Roberts, M. W. (1982). Resistance to timeout: Some normative data. Behavioral Assessment4, 239-246.
Roberts, S. (2021, June 3). Arthur Staats dies at 97; called ‘time out’ for unruly kids. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/03/health/dr-arthur-staats-dead.html
Rubenstein, L., & Mourino, A. P. (1983). Time-out: an evaluation of a behavior management technique. Pediatr Dent, 5(2), 109-112.
Samra, A., Warburton, W. A., & Collins, A. M. (2022). Social comparisons: A potential mechanism linking problematic social media use with depression. Journal of Behavioral Addictions.
Sanders, M. R., Bor, W., & Morawska, A. (2007). Maintenance of treatment gains: a comparison of enhanced, standard, and self-directed Triple P-Positive Parenting Program. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 35, 983-998.
Siegel, D. (2014, October 29). You said WHAT about Time-Outs?! Dr. Dan Siegel. Retrieved from: https://drdansiegel.com/you-said-what-about-time-outs/
Spitalnik, R., & Drabman, R. (1976). A classroom timeout procedure for retarded children. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 7(1), 17-21.
“The Colombo Family,” Supernanny. Season 7, Episode 9. Ricochet Television, 2011.
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Essentials for parenting toddlers and preschoolers. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/about/index.html
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Tips for Time Out. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/time-out/index.html
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n.d.). Treatment of ADHD. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/treatment/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/treatment.html
Vander Schaaf, S. (2019, March 9). The man who developed timeouts for kids now stands by his hotly-debated idea. Washington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-man-who-developed-timeouts-for-kids-stands-by-his-now-hotly-debated-idea/2019/03/08/c169439e-3159-11e9-8ad3-9a5b113ecd3c_story.html
Webster-Stratton, C., Reid, M. J., & Hammond, M. (2004). Treating children with early-onset conduct problems: Intervention outcomes for parent, child, and teacher training. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology, 33(1), 105-124.
Weinberg, M. K., Beeghly, M., Olson, K. L., & Tronick, E. (2008). A still-face paradigm for young children: 2½ year-olds’ reactions to maternal unavailability during the still-face. The journal of developmental processes, 3(1), 4.
Willoughby, R. H. (1969). The effects of time-out from positive reinforcement on the operant behavior of preschool children. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 7(2), 299-313.
Willoughby, R. H. (1970). The influence of different response consequences on children's preference for time-out. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 9(2), 133-141.
Wolf, M., Risley, T., & Mees, H. (1963). Application of operant conditioning procedures to the behaviour problems of an autistic child. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 1(2-4), 305-312.
Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., Chan, E., Davison, D., Earls, M., ... & Zurhellen, W. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for the diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4).
Xu, Jingyi, Lucy A. Tully, and Mark R. Dadds. "Generation time-out grows up: young adults’ reports about childhood time-out use and their mental health, attachment, and emotion regulation." European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2024): 1-9.
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