Have you ever shared an observation with your partner or child, only to watch them immediately become defensive or shut down? You meant well, but somehow your words landed as criticism instead of the helpful insight you intended.

 

In this episode, we explore The Feedback Process framework with Joellen Killion, examining how we can transform our family communications. When we participate in the feedback process effectively, we create conversations that family members can actually hear—conversations that lead to lasting positive change rather than defensiveness and resistance.

Questions this episode will answer

What you'll learn in this episode

 

This episode provides practical tools to break cycles of criticism and defensiveness, creating space for authentic communication that leads to positive change in your family relationships.

 

Joellen Killion's book

The Feedback Process (Affiliate link)

 

 

00:57 Introduction of today’s guest

04:17 Key distinction between the traditional feedback that we usually practice and the feedback process

09:50 When we encourage our partners, children, and siblings to express their views and desires, we acknowledge that we don't have authority over them. True connection comes from understanding what others want, sharing our perspective, and finding mutual agreement.

14:55 When parents define success differently, navigate this by exploring each other's underlying values without judgment, sharing your perspective, finding common ground, and experimenting with compromises that honor both viewpoints while meeting your child's needs.

20:52 Create space for productive dialogue by focusing on the agreement versus the action, and inviting reflection rather than demanding explanations, you maintain connection while addressing inconsistency. This helps parents recommit to thoughtfully revise agreements when needed.

27:48 The feedback typology and how do we know what type of feedback to use in any given situation

32:48 Examples of what the feedback process looks like in the regulate middle stage, and the metacognitive reflect stage

35:19 What does reflecting and metacognition look with a child and with a parenting partner?

38:56 The stages of the feedback process

40:11 Situations given by Joellen in which we can determine if it is construction knowledge and deconstruction knowledge

49:26 Success comes from finding middle ground that allows for consistent parenting. We can examine specific situations where we approached our child's emotions differently, analyzing how each of us felt, how our child reacted, and the ultimate outcomes. From this analysis, we can construct an ideal approach that incorporates both perspectives.

55:55 The first question to feedback process is what do you want to learn about the topic because it shows a small indication of motivation, openness, and willingness to learn

57:46 The difference between giving and receiving feedback and engaging in the feedback process or a learning process

59:10 Wrapping up the discussion

 

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Bok, H. G., Teunissen, P. W., Spruijt, A., Fokkema, J. P., van Beukelen, P., Jaarsma, D. A., & van der Vleuten, C. P. (2013). Clarifying students’ feedback‐seeking behaviour in clinical clerkships. Medical education, 47(3), 282-291.

Butler, D. L., & Winne, P. H. (1995). Feedback and self-regulated learning: A theoretical synthesis. Review of educational research, 65(3), 245-281.

Hattie, J., & Timperley, H. (2007). The power of feedback. Review of educational research, 77(1), 81-112.

Kluger, A. N., & DeNisi, A. (1996). The effects of feedback interventions on performance: a historical review, a meta-analysis, and a preliminary feedback intervention theory. Psychological bulletin, 119(2), 254.