The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne

#269: The Art of De-escalation - Walking Away vs Stepping Back


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In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can navigate escalating situations without making a child feel abandoned. He draws a clear distinction between “walking away” in frustration and “stepping back” with intention. The latter offers a child the reassurance that their parent is still emotionally present, even while taking space to calm down. Kim encourages parents to model the ability to pause and reset—something we often ask children to do. He suggests preparing for these moments by discussing them during calm times, so children understand that stepping back is an act of love and not rejection. This gentle practice helps preserve connection, reduce conflict, and build emotional safety within the family.

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The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John PayneBy Kim John Payne/Center for Social Sustainability

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