In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with psychologist and couples counselor Bonnie Comfort about her book 'Staying Married is the Hardest Part,' which delves into the complexities of her 30-year marriage. Bonnie shares her motivations for writing the book, driven initially by grief after the loss of her husband, Bob. The conversation explores Bonnie's personal experiences with the ebbs and flows of her marriage, particularly the struggles they faced around sexual incompatibility and fetishes. Through their discussion, Bonnie emphasizes the importance of honesty, empathy, and self-advocacy in maintaining a long-term relationship. The episode also addresses broader themes such as the unrealistic expectations set by society about marriage and sex, and provides insights for both therapists and individuals struggling with similar issues.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:50 Meet Bonnie Comfort: Author and Psychologist

01:52 The Journey of Writing Through Grief

02:23 Therapists Are Not Perfect: Personal Struggles

04:25 Navigating Marriage Expectations

05:30 The Romance Industrial Complex

06:27 Dealing with Sexual Incompatibility

15:58 The Impact of External Stressors on Marriage

18:04 Balancing Self-Care and Partner Support

19:35 Navigating Sexual Differences in Relationships

20:48 Balancing Personal Desires and Partner's Needs

21:36 The Role of Empathy and Compromise

22:27 Manipulation vs. Coercion in Relationships

24:48 Overcoming Sexual Insecurities

26:06 The Importance of Honest Communication

29:22 Deciding to Stay or Leave a Relationship

31:23 Psychological Insights into Relationship Dynamics

32:41 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

33:57 About the Book and Final Thoughts

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Bio:

Bonnie Comfort is the author of "Staying Married is the Hardest Part," a new memoir that explores the complexities of long-term love. She has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner. Find out more about her at http://bonniecomfort.com.

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More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

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