‘Not tonight’ isn’t rejection — it’s survival. You can be deeply in love, feel safe and connected, and still feel absolutely no desire for sex. For neurodivergent mums, it’s not about being broken. It’s about being depleted. Burnout, overstimulation, resentment, and chronic executive load all take a toll — and desire doesn’t grow in captivity.

This episode names the unspoken truth: you can love your partner and still dread intimacy when your nervous system is tapped out.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why love and desire aren’t the same thing
• How ADHD, burnout, and motherhood impact libido
• The difference between rejection and depletion
• Voices from ADHD mums on how sex feels in burnout
• Why desire needs space, safety, and energy to return
• Small ways to honour yourself without guilt or shame

This Episode Is For You If…

• You’re in a healthy relationship but feel no desire for sex
• Even the thought of being touched feels like one more demand
• You’ve been told ‘sex is proof of love’ but feel otherwise
• You’re burnt out, touched out, or running on empty
• You want to know you’re not broken for feeling this way

References & Resources Mentioned

• Esther Perel — Psychotherapist and author whose work on intimacy highlights that desire needs space and autonomy to thrive — two things ADHD mums are rarely afforded.
• ADHD Mums Facebook Group — A safe, supportive space where thousands of mums share the unfiltered truth about ADHD, burnout, intimacy, and the realities of daily life.
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• ADHD Mums Jotform Confession Box — An anonymous space where mums contributed raw, honest experiences about sex, exhaustion, and survival with ADHD.

🎧 Other Episode with Kylie Smart:

• S1 E43 PMS and ADHD 
• S1 E48 Supplements and ADHD

If you’ve ever felt alone in this, these episodes prove you’re not.

🎧 Listen now: Can You Love Someone and Still Dread Sex? — on Spotify, Apple, or adhdmums.com.au

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