In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ host Betsy Pake discusses her journey of creating new traditions after a significant life change. She shares her experience of making intentional choices and emphasizes the importance of self-trust and honesty, encouraging listeners to honor their true desires. She also highlights the role of community and the value of supportive relationships. The episode concludes with reflections on the past year and the anticipation of new beginnings.

Transcript

 Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big.

Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today.. I have something to talk to you today about, but , I wanna start by telling you about my Christmas tree. I, , it’s the holiday time. And if you’re new here, I have been living in an apartment this, whole year. I sold my house towards the end of last year.

, , Got divorced, moved into this apartment. And in April I got a kitty. Okay, so these are important aspects to my thought process for the holidays this year, one of the things that I’ve really tried to do is just to create new traditions, , or new rituals in the morning.

How I do things. I wanted it to be different. Like I didn’t wanna be rerunning old patterns. I really wanted to create something new for myself. And so. I have been really intentional about that over the year and as we get closer to the holidays, I was really thinking , do I wanna bring in the energy of all the old decorations?

, There’s some things that I do wanna pull out like my daughter’s stalking and that kind of thing, but for the most part, I didn’t really feel aligned with it anymore. It’s like that person that owned all those things is so unfamiliar to me that I didn’t wanna bring the energy of it in. And because I got this cat, in Dean Martin I got in April,

he’s a sweet, sweet kitty. I think he’s so close to cuddling with me. Honestly, he’s, he’s gonna cuddle any day, but it took a long time for him to warm up. I mean, it took him like four months before he even pured. Literally. I think he’d had like a hard life on the streets, you know? So when he got in my house, I basically kidnapped him and , I got him from the pound, but brought him home.

He didn’t have any choice. And then he was like, what woman? You are crazy. So here we are. It’s Christmas time and I’m like, if I get a Christmas tree, , he’s gonna, it’s, he’s, it’s gonna be diabolical. He’s never gonna be able to handle it. And so I was thinking like, do I get like a Christmas tree? .

, One of those pre-lit trees, like a big tree. Do I just get maybe a little tree? Do I get like just a tree that’s in a little fake tree that’s in like a pot? Do you know what I mean? I’m like, I could, I, went to a million different stores. I’m like looking at everything. I’m like, what am I gonna get?

Because I think he’s gonna be just a nut job. So I finally went to Lowe’s last weekend and they had these two. Trees that kind of went together. One’s like maybe four feet, and the other one’s like maybe three feet. So they are supposed to sit next to each other. They’re connected. Their, light system is connected, or I would love to put them in separate spots, but they’re connected together.

And it’s like a cone that has this holographic ribbon that sort of wraps around the cone and a star on top. And the lights are little, they’re not like little Christmas tree lights. It’s like a, I wanna say like a techno light. It’s like a strip. Do you know what I mean? Inside the thing. So it does all kinds of different things.

It flashes, it dances, it twirls around. It does a million things. And so I thought. This will be really good because I don’t think Kitty will mess with it, and so anyway, I brought it home. It looks really pretty. Maybe you’ve seen it on Instagram. I’ve shared it in my stories, but I was correct. He is not messing with it, which is great.

And it looks really pretty and the lights bring me a lot of joy. So. You know, we can create new experiences for ourselves that can be really good. I talk to women every day that are , trying to make these big decisions in their lives and in their marriage and what to do, and I think there is so much fear in the unknown that I wanted to kind of share that little piece of what’s going on here.

Because what if it’s great? , What if it. All works out better than you thought. And we have so much power in our imagination, but so many times we use our imagination to go down the rabbit hole of all the things that could be wrong. And what if we harness that for , , what could happen if it could be great.

And , this year I have thought, and I think I mentioned this last week, I’ve thought about doing a podcast just on my year. ’cause I think there have been so many lessons in it . , That everybody could benefit from, right? I mean, so many lessons, and you probably have a lot of lessons in your life too, that people could benefit from if you shared those.

And so I have thought about that. ,, I might do it, but this year has been the most wild ups and downs and twists and turns. The way that it’s landing is just like the most beautiful place. Like I’m so happy with the way this year has turned out for me, , and next year already.

Really amazing things to look forward to. I went to an event last month with my coach and the coaching group that I’m part of, and there was a new woman in the group who I just hit it off with. She was so fun and so cool, and she lives in New York City. I’ll have to have her on the show sometime. But anyway, the women in this group that I’m in, we all tend to form such tight friendships and we have stayed in the group.

,, This particular woman is new, but the other women. . We stay. And so we’ve been together for many years. And so I went for this walk with this new friend. We were there at the resort and we decided to go get coffee and we were gonna go for a walk. And we were just talking and I was talking about my year and some of the things that have happened and how great it’s been.

And I said, , the only thing that I really miss. About having a partner because I really like being single., I’m in a really good place of just doing things on my own and discovering myself, and there’s no space right now for anybody else, , to be honest. But the one thing that I miss is, sometimes it is nice to have a built-in person to go.

Travel with, right? Like to be able to go on a trip and to go with, and I have done many trips this year. I’ve gone by myself, I’ve gone with this group to several places, and it’s been great. And I love that. And there’s other places that I wanna go. And so she said, well, where would you go? And I said, well, I really wanna go to, to Morocco.

I have a, a friend that I met online, and she and I message back and forth. She’s divorced as well. And you know how you just find somebody and you start talking? She’s a, a, famous author and we just have hit it off. So I’m like, I really wanna go see her. She lives in Marrakesh. And she was like, let’s go.

So I was like, okay, we were on the walk, we booked the trip on the walk, opened up our apps. I, I am a big points girl, so I did it with points. I share that just because that is a privilege to be able to open up an app on a phone, on the, on a walk on and book a trip to Morocco. It was, , cost me $11 fees.

Um, but I was able to, book my trip and to go to Morocco. So this spring we’re going to Morocco and it just goes to show you that for when you get in a place where it’s really clear what it is you like and what you don’t like, and you’re able to voice it, and you’re around people who are like extraordinary people, right?

You’re building your life around people who. Like similar things and are adventurous and able to take those kinds of risks, , it, it can change everything. I think our community is so, so important, and I always say this inside the, women Inside the Navigate method, you know, , once you come into the Navigate Method, you’re sort of like in forever.

I joke, that they can never get rid of us, , unless they want to. But you know, after you go through the program, you stay in our alumni group and we meet every month so people can see each other every month and form those relationships. Um, and if you wanna keep going with me, there’s an opportunity to do that in another way.

. So building community I think is so incredibly important, and especially when we’re going through big things or hard things, and to be able to say like this is to have somebody witness your life, right? To be able to have somebody witness. Things that you’re going through. It doesn’t always have to be a partner or a spouse.

And many times we have partners or spouses and they’re still not witnessing your life. Right. It’s just a, a placeholder. And so I have found that there is just such a, a, need for this and a way to do it. I think women are coming together in community in totally new ways. Which, leads me to remind you that next month in January we’re doing the fireside chat.

If you go onto Instagram and you just message me fire, it’ll automatically send you the link or the, link is in my bio. , Every month we’re just getting together, , on Zoom and you can turn your camera on or leave it off, whatever’s comfortable to you. And I’ve got questions that I ask and we just kind of reflect and get together for this.

I call it the middle verse, right? This is where we are in the middle verse. And so I think creating those pockets of community is really invaluable in terms of building a life that feels really good and really full, you know? And I think that’s where, , where I could say I am right now. After this year, I have built a life that feels really good and really full there.

And when I say that I’m not looking for a partner. I know a lot of times my friends will ask , are you gonna date? And I just, my life is really full and really good. I don’t, I’m not missing anything. And now I have a fun, somebody fun to travel with, so there’s no, there’s nothing missing.

Um, and maybe someday there will be, but right now it just feels really good. So I think that as we. Look, and we think about well, what will my life be like? I wanna just reflect that. What if it’s better than you thought it would be? Like, what if things come together in ways you couldn’t expect? If you had told me last Christmas, you will have just booked a free trip to Mor Morocco with a new friend That is so fun and lovely like.

Probably, well, I probably would’ve believed you just because, ’cause I’m open to that kind of stuff. But it would have been like, oh my God, that’s cool. That’s really cool. But being in a place where I was open to receiving that is, is the thing maybe that would have surprised me. So to this, week, I wanna talk to you a little bit about something that has been on my mind when I’ve been thinking about this past year, and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. , And I’ve been thinking about the thing that I think rises to the top of so many of our conversations inside the Navigate Method, and it is this moment when a woman realizes that she’s spent years and years editing herself in order to keep the peace. And I think. Probably likely, in my case at least, I know I can say this for myself, years of looking for outward validation, right?

I would, kind of throw ideas off of my dad or my sister when I was younger, you know, when I was in my twenties or even thirties, gosh, I mean probably forties. I probably was doing it in my forties, but always looking to make sure I was doing things right. Checking on someone else’s emotional weather before I even knew how I felt about things.

And at some point the cost of that becomes really huge. Because when you start to outsource your decisions or your peace long enough, you start to detach from what is you. So instead, you are seeing everything through a lens of what would they think? What would my dad’s response be? How would my sister react to this?

What would my spouse think? Or my brothers or sisters, or. Coworkers or whoever that is for you. And in that you stop believing that your instincts are reliable and you start, I think, really doubting parts of you that do speak really loudly. And the more that you deny those parts of you, the harder it is to be able to hear it.

Right? I mean, if you keep shushing. Part of you, if you keep shushing someone, pretty soon they’re gonna shush. Right? And that’s the thing that I hear over and over inside the Navigate method when I work with women is like I, I don’t even know. I have no idea what I think. Like you could ask me a question like, do I like shells or spirals, pasta better?

I don’t know. But I know what my husband likes better. I know what my kids would prefer. So today what I wanna do is I wanna talk about what it really means to become the woman that you can trust, because I think that is the foundation for all decision making and for creating a really big life, right?

It’s not about your partner’s approval, it’s not about your family’s expectations. It is not about the path that is very safe. Or respectable. I hear this a lot too, like what will people think? Right? The foundation of all of this is you and it’s your inner knowing and, I think that there is a, woman inside you who, who has always known, but we were taught out it was taught out of us, right?

Or you know, I don’t know. Screamed out of us or whatever, so that we started to quiet that piece. And I have noticed even in myself over the past year and now I’ve been a, coach in doing this work since 2012, like a long time. I have done decades of my own work. I have done. Everything from therapy to meditating for days on end to screaming into a pillow.

Do you know what I mean? , I’ve done it all. I’ve run the gamut. And what I know that from this past year is that rebuilding your trust isn’t about becoming fearless. It is about becoming honest. It’s about being honest with yourself and how you feel. It’s becoming honest with what you have tolerated.

It’s becoming honest with what you have been carrying that was maybe never yours to carry in the first place. And I think that self-trust starts to build every time that you tell yourself the truth. And I always say this in my groups, is you don’t have to take action on it. You can still betray yourself in the action, but if you’re telling yourself the truth.

Being honest about what it is you really want. Even if you don’t do it, it is a step forward. And I wanna say that again ’cause I think it really matters, is that self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and then you can start to learn to stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth.

I saw something online a couple days ago and I thought it was so good and it was like, you’re not stuck. You just don’t wanna go through the, consequences of what will happen if you act on that truth. And I thought, oh dang, that’s so good. Right? It’s so good. And I think that for a lot of us, , the idea of being true is foreign because we were really raised to be agreeable.

I was talking. Inside one of my groups the other day, and I was saying that my lease is coming up and my plan was to buy a house. And now things have shifted and I’m not sure where, if I wanna stay here, there’s some opportunities that I may take to move to a new city. , I don’t wanna sign a year long lease.

And when I asked my body what. How long I wanted to be here. I asked, is it six months? And I felt very unsteady. And I asked, is it a year lease? ’cause those are the options they gave me. They gave me six months, 12 months, 13 months, which I thought was weird. Um, I think that’s what it was. And when I asked my body 12 months, I felt constricted.

Like, no, I gotta get outta here. And so it was eight months. Eight months is where my body felt relaxed and happy and positive. And so I asked the apartment, can I get an eight month lease? And the lady, the manager, said, yeah, but I’ll have to, I mean, I don’t know. I’ll have to ask corporate. And she looked at me and she’s very sweet, but she looked at me like, it’s more work for her.

God love her. She looked at me like, take the six or the 12, ’cause I have to do more work. If you want eight. And there was a moment where it was uncomfortable, and then a moment where I decided it was okay. That’s what I wanted. That was my truth. And when I was talking in groups, someone in group was like, I could never do that.

I could never do that. And I think that you can get to a place where you can do. Because self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and you stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth. And the consequences of that truth were that I had to sit with the uncomfortableness while someone else sorted out in their head how they were gonna take a step forward and ask corporate.

And when they were gonna do that, and they were a new person down there, new manager, and they were going through their own process and I didn’t need to fix that. I just asked, I just had to ask and then see what the answer was would be. And I still don’t know. And so we wait. We wait and we’d be comfortable in that waiting.

And I think,, , we were raised to just, just take the 12 months, it’s fine, you’ll stay a couple more months. And that may be what I do, but I needed to ask in order to move forward and feel like I had honored myself. You know, if you were, , someone in a family where you had to really walk on eggshells, maybe.

You had a explosive mom or dad or an alcoholic, all of these things, you may have been tiptoeing around and minimizing everything that you needed just to be able to move through things. And it can be really hard to make these shifts. So self-trust is rebuilt in the moments. Where you’re truth telling and they’re micro moments., I talked last week, I think it was about micro joy. The, small things, the doing, the puzzle, the snuggling with the cat, if you’ll ever let me, like all these little things are what makes life bearable. ’cause life has big, hard things. And I think self-trust is in micro moments of truth telling, telling the truth to yourself, to the people that matter.

And over time those start to become a pattern. It starts to become who you are. , When I was in group and that woman said, I could never do that, I thought to myself, I think I used to be like that too, where I would never do that. And I think that you do over time as you create that, you create a new identity.

It’s a new way of being and a new way of relating to yourself and eventually a new way of relating to everybody else. Right? So I think that a woman who really trusts herself doesn’t make the decisions that she has to make from a place of fear. She makes them from a place of clarity. Right? And I think about, , going back to the apartment lease, it may seem insignificant.

And I thought to myself, I have to ask because I have to honor what it is that I feel. Even if I end up choosing one of the others, I’ll feel really good that I did this ask, and I think that, , over time we get this new identity and then we don’t even have that conversation back and forth in our head.

I’m guessing by next Christmas as I continue and continue and continue to do this, that. It won’t even be, it won’t even be something I would, it would be like tying your shoe, right? I don’t have to watch a YouTube every time I go to tie my shoe. Right? So I think that there is a part of this whole process that surprises women in, in, I notice this when we’re teaching it inside the Navigate method, is that, that when you start doing this, when you start.

Rebuilding trust, rebuilding that self-trust, you’re gonna feel grief. And that feels so foreign to people. And sometimes they’ll be like, I don’t know what this is. And we talk a lot about, what are the specifics? I have a dictionary on my desk and someone will say, I have resentment. And I’ll open up and we’ll read the definition.

And I’ll say, does that define what you just described? No. So what is this really? And I think that one of the things that we run into so many times is we run into a feeling of grief. And this grief is about the years that you abandon yourself. So many times I hear women say this is resentment towards their husband or resentment towards, , or anger towards si situations or things that have happened.

But I can always trace it back. Yes, , did. Somebody overstep your boundaries. Yeah, like all those things, he’s not off the hook. That’s not what this is about. This is about you recognizing that you may have feelings of grief for the moments that you did know better, but you felt you had no choice. You felt you had to do it to keep the peace you felt you had to do it.

’cause that’s what a good wife does, or a good sister does. Or a good daughter does. Grief. Grief for a version of you that, that put everybody else first. That version of you was slowly disappearing while everybody else was really comfortable, and I think that this grief isn’t a sign that. You’re doing it wrong.

It’s a sign that you’re actually returning, right? That you are becoming a woman who you can trust. And that means trusting yourself enough to let your past self know that she was never wrong or weak, but she was doing the very best she could with the tools that she had. And now you have new tools, right?

So now you can do it differently. So here’s the North Star in all this. To start small. I know I say, I know. Start small, right? Start small, start honest and start with just one moment of noticing when you override yourself. This can even be after. This can be you get in bed at night and you’re like, where did I abandon myself today?

It’s gonna be a tiny moment where saying no, when you mean no. Is important and you’re gonna notice where you said yes when you meant no. And there’s gonna be a moment where you are okay saying no, and you might brace yourself and nothing bad will happen. And I think that moment. Also leads to some grief because you may realize that you were doing things to protect yourself, and it was a pattern that you created when you were young and it worked and it was needed at that time.

But now you are a grown ass adult and you don’t necessarily need the, pattern. But maybe you’ve created a bit of that experience for yourself by acting that way in places that you didn’t need to, like with the apartment complex, right? Every one of those moments is like a brick in a foundation of the woman that you were and the woman that you’re now becoming.

And there can be a new steadiness, right? A new groundedness in this, a new version of you that isn’t looking for permission, or to validate yourself from anybody else, and that’s self-trust,? And that I think is really the beginning , of living a big life, right? So this season, as we’re going really into the, real Christmas holiday season, whatever holiday you that you celebrate, this time of year, new Year’s at least, that is a universal, but I want you to just notice.

You are allowed to rebuild a relationship with yourself. I want you to remember that and that you are not necessarily becoming somebody new, but you are returning to the woman that you always have been and that you’ve always been meant to be. And this is the one who knows, the one who is certain, the one who chooses, the one who trusts herself.

And the one who trusts herself enough to live a life that is built on that reflection of truth. And you can start it right now, practice through the holidays. There’ll be so many opportunities to practice on the holidays. And just start with one little promise. I will not abandon myself again. Alright.

That’s all I got for you this week. Thanks so much for listening. I love you guys so much. I will see you, I will see you next week. I think what we’re gonna do, we’ll have maybe one more this year, and then I’m gonna take some time off for the holiday, which I’m really excited about, and then we’ll be back after the new year.

, My plan is to be here next week. Then take some time. So I’ll see you next week, but I hope if you don’t catch next week, I hope you have a really wonderful, a wonderful holiday and new year. I hope you do something that really lights you up. I hope you see the value that you brought to everybody over this past year and.

How you can really show up for yourself in a new way in 2026. , 2025 is the year of endings. It is a nine year in numerology. We are moving into a one year, and that is the year of new beginnings. So what do you need to leave behind this year and what can you call in for next? We’ll talk about that maybe more next week.

All right. I love you guys. I’ll see you then. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today.

You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake. And on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big.