In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ Betsy helps us focus on the present moments in our lives. She reminds us to emphasize the cozy, reflective moments amidst holiday preparations, to fully “wear our lives” by making conscious choices for ourselves. Betsy clues us into the powerful messages in our dreams; metaphors produced by our unconscious mind that we can learn from. She concludes with a message of hope for the new year and an invitation to embrace our true potential.

Transcript:

 Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big.

Hi, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the show today. It’s our last show before the holiday, so I hope everybody’s ready. I hope you’re getting some time to decompress. I know the last couple weeks it’s been cold here in Atlanta, like super cold, and I have had. Twinkly lights. I feel like I’ve got my decorations just right.

, I haven’t turned on an overhead light in weeks. It feels so nice and cozy. I actually have really been enjoying it, being really chilly out. I don’t know, just I’m in the top floor of my apartment, which I like to call the penthouse and. I can really hear the wind because I’m right , on the corner, but I really love it.

The other day , it was like a, it was Saturday, I think. Saturday or Sunday. It was so windy here, so, so, so windy. You could just hear the wind whipping outside. And I was like, this is a perfect conditions for a nap. And yeah, so I just took a nap and I could hear the wind and it was just kind of magical.

I grew up in Vermont, you know, I live in Atlanta, but I grew up in Vermont. So anyway, I attribute my love of the cozy to that experience, I guess. . So I’m excited to be here with you today. , Just a reminder, next month we have a fireside chat. It’s January 11th. I’m really gonna try and do these every month, and it’s just a free time for everybody to come together on Zoom, you can sign up by going to my Instagram.

The link is gonna be in my bio, but you can also just message me, fire and it will automatically send you the link to get signed up. , We did this in November and it was really so nice to have everybody come together and it was nice to see some of my old clients and favorite people. And we just talked about midlife and some of the challenges.

I’ve got some thoughts for this time. Last time was very unscripted, which this time will be two. I mean, I wanna just go with the flow of what everybody needs, but. Wanted to invite you to join us. I know last week, I don’t know, every week probably, I’m talking about that quilted house coat from Cozy Earth and Cozy Earth’s one of our sponsors here on the podcast, but I’m obsessed with my quilted house coat and they’ve sold out.

, I’m so sorry if anybody didn’t get theirs, still get it in January. The code live big Betsy. That’ll still get you 20% off like any time of the year. But those are just so great. I’m not surprised it sold out. One of my very best friends was waiting to get one and she was gonna have that be her Christmas gift.

And when she went to go buy it, they were completely sold out. I actually looked last night, the night before and they just had extra, extra large. , And if you look at the size and guide, I think they’re pretty. Pretty true to size. So , I was like, get the extra, extra large and then just return it so you get the super discount.

But it’s, so good. But I wanna remind you also that they have those cozy lounge socks. Those are great stocking stuffers, so don’t sleep on those. ’cause , I think when I looked at the other night, it was like 30% off on the website and then the live Big Betsy code gets you an additional 20%. So it’s a huge difference.

And those stocks are lovely. So. Just wanted to shout out Cozy Earth and remind you guys, I know I’m gonna wear , my bathrobe , to the fireside chat. I have no shame. I love that thing, so I will show up in that. , But I’m really excited to see everybody, so hopefully you’ll be able to make it.

All right. So today, okay, so this is kind of a vulnerable thing, but , I, I wanted to share something because I. I talk a lot on the show about unconscious change and how we show up in the world and , a little bit of magic. I think. I love a little bit of magic in the universe and , one of the things that I have done for years is I use a journal on my iPad called Day One.

You’ve probably heard me talk about this before, but it is a online journal. It’s an app on my phone and on my iPad. I use it on my iPad. I’ve used it for, I don’t know, probably 12 years, maybe more. And I love this thing because it’s easy. I like, , we continue to do things that are simple, right, and easy.

And it gives me a chance in the morning to just sort of like. Data dump, like everything that’s on my mind and whenever I have a dream that was really vivid, I like to write it out with all the detail that I can remember. And I find this really helpful because it helps me remember the dream and I can think about it later and figure out what this means.

But also one of the cool things about this journal is it’ll tell me like, this is what you said last year, this is what you said three years ago, 10 years ago. And , sometimes we forget. How much we’ve grown or how much we’ve changed unless it’s right in front of us, , unless it’s like something that we can actually see to compare.

And I think we all have this habit, I’m gonna say like a really bad habit where we’re looking forward, right? These are the things I wanna experience. This is what I wanna have in my life. These are the things not working. And so when we’re comparing it to the future, it appears as. Lack, it appears as absence because we’re not where we wanna be, but when we have a chance to reflect and to say, look at where I was and now look where I am.

It might be where you are physically, it might be where you live. It might be goals you’ve reached. It might just be, I am shifting and changing and I’m moving forward. And there were years where I would look back at a year ago, two years ago, and I would say to myself, oh my God, , I’m talking about the same exact things.

Like I feel like I haven’t changed or grown at all. Like when am I gonna get. Unstuck. But the truth now that I can see when there’s been a little bit more space, and I can look back, I can see that this is actually like turtle, right? Like a turtle. Like little tiny shifts moving me in the direction that I want.

And that’s really, really important. So what I wanna do is I wanna talk about a dream that I had last year. So it was right around this time last year and I was on that day that I was taking that little nap. It was so windy, windy out, and I opened my journal and I wrote it in my journal, and then I was like, I’m gonna take a little nap.

But in my journal, I looked back and then sometimes I’ll look back at the year before or two years before, but then I’ll look at days surrounding it, you know? I’m like, what was going on? Just so I can remember. And. I had a dream last year and I wanna tell you about this dream. And it’s not because I think dreams are, , mystical or predictive in some like woo woo way, but it’s because I have learned both personally and professionally that when something inside you knows the truth before you are ready to face it.

It often speaks to us through our unconscious, and our unconscious speaks to us in metaphor. And so this dream actually happened in one of the final months that I was still living in the same house as my now former husband. And the timing of that really matters because emotionally, , the relationship was over.

We were trying to sell the house. It took quite a while, and so we were living in close proximity, but. The relationship was over. My nervous system knew it , just that my body was still there. And when you live like that for too long, right? When your inner world and your outer life are out of sync, something starts trying to get your attention.

And so in this dream, I was at the airport. Now I wanna share this dream because, and I’m gonna relate it back , to you and why this. Could be helpful. Okay, so I’m at the airport. It’s not a normal airport though. It’s , packed, like wall to wall to wall people. So as far as you could see, like a sea of people.

And , you’re in a crowd, so there’s just, you’re not really walking regular. You’re like shuffling. You know that feeling. So I get this feeling that everyone’s moving really fast. Like everybody is going someplace. They know where they’re going and they’re all. Moving and bumping into me. So I’m like, goochie, goochie, goochie.

And they’re bumping into me and I feel like I am not able to actually take a step forward. And , airports are in between places, right? You’re not where you were and you’re not yet where you’re going. You’re in this like in-between place. And that is exactly where I was in my life at that time. So.

In this dream. I was traveling with him, but I wasn’t walking beside him. I was following him. So he was like way ahead of me, completely unaware that I was even there just doing his thing, right? He just kept moving forward and I was getting pushed around, like losing my footing, trying to keep up, and in my dream he never turned around and that’s the image that I remember.

I remember feeling like I was. Almost a kid getting lost in the shuffle, ? And I, think that experience of my life at that time is reflected in that dream, because that’s where their relationship was , at that time. I, felt like. I was orienting around him, like tracking him or adjusting to him.

And when you live that way long enough, , you lose your own internal compass. And at some point in the dream, I realized that I had a backpack that was gone. So I wasn’t carrying the backpack on my shoulders. I had been holding it like by the top straps. You know how sometimes backpacks have that little handle?

So I was holding it by that, so it was like an accessory. So at the moment that I realized I was missing the backpack is the same moment that I realized I actually had been carrying a backpack, if that makes sense. And then I looked down and realized it was just gone. It was like I noticed my hand first.

I don’t remember setting it down. I don’t remember like choosing to let it go. I just looked down and it was missing, and I think that’s how this actually happens. Like we don’t wake up one day and decide to abandon ourselves. We adapt and we accommodate and we make it work. Until one day we look around and we think, like, where did I go?

And I tried to backtrack through the crowd in my dream, and eventually I found a backpack that I thought looked like mine. It was like the same pattern, like the same kind of backpack, but it was empty and it wasn’t quite the right size. And I remember thinking in the dream, and I wrote this in my journal that I don’t even know if this is mine anymore.

I think this is like such an important moment because from the outside my life looked the same. Like the same house I was, looked like the same woman. It looked like the same marriage. Right. But inside it was empty. It was empty backpack. And , I don’t think, when I look back I’m like, that wasn’t unhappiness.

That was dissociation. Right. Dissociated from what was happening and in my dream, I went to the gate attendant and I told them that the only picture that I had of my mother who died when I was 16, was in that bag. It wasn’t true. I even wrote that in my journal. Like I told her a lie that the only picture I had of my mom was in that backpack because I needed her to understand how serious this felt and that I needed help and I needed somebody to see me.

And so they tried and they were confused. And then eventually , the,. Gate attendant, just admitted that she couldn’t do anything. And so I just turned around and just walked away. I just decided to move on, and that is when I realized that my phone was gone too. My voice, like my connection, my ability to call for help, everything was gone.

And here’s what I want you to hear in this. This dream wasn’t about my marriage. It, and I wanna say that again. He’s had a, he has his own experience of that. Like it is not about him. It’s not about my marriage. It was about my identity erosion. It was about what happens when you stay in a life that no longer fits for way too long.

And I think when we talk about metaphor and , our unconscious minds speaking to us through our dreams. , That backpack was my identity. It was my needs, , my internal resources, and I wasn’t wearing it. I was carrying it by that little handle so lightly so that I could maneuver around other people.

And that is what I think self abandonment actually looks like. It’s not like some big dramatic event. It’s not obvious. It’s reasonable. Subtle, and I see this all the time in my work, women who tell me that they can’t quite put their finger on it, like they feel kind of numb or lost or disconnected. And so they think , , that they’re broken, but they’re not.

They’re just, I would say like disembodied. Right? And so. I wanted to share that dream because I think it’s was such a good metaphor for where so many of us are and where so many of us are, whether we’re feeling lost or dissociated from a relationship or a job, or after your kids leave to , go off to college and you’re alone for the first time.

Like so many things. And so I think that when we think about. A big life, and I’m using air quotes, right? ’cause I talk about a big life. A big life isn’t some fancy living on a yacht. , That’s not what I mean by a big life. I mean, choosing yourself, right? It’s not about blowing everything up. It’s not about dramatic things.

It’s , it’s not about certainty even. It’s about embodiment. Embodiment, right? It’s about. Wearing your life, that backpack, instead of carrying it so loosely that anybody could knock it out of your hand. Wearing your life means , that your values live inside your body, not just inside your head. Right?

It means that when you speak and something feels off, instead of talking yourself out of it. It means you listen to it, right? It means you, you know what your yes and your no are, and that those come from inside your body, not from managing someone else’s comfort. Most people, and , I’m including myself in this, we don’t lose ourselves because of one big thing.

It’s not one big event that happened. We lose ourselves because we are so great at adapting. At, making ourselves smaller to keep things calm or low maintenance or understanding. And then one day you wake up and you realize that you’ve been holding yourselves by the little tiny strap. And so. , If you’ve been struggling in your relationship or in your job or anything where you’re like, should I stay or should I go?

Here’s the question that I wanna leave you with, is instead of that, I want you to ask yourself like, where am I managing my life? Instead of inhabiting it, , where am I carrying myself instead of standing in myself? , I think we can abandon ourselves in a million different ways. And, , I’ll say it again, it, had less to do with my ex-husband.

It had to do with me. I was the one doing that. I was the one choosing that. And yes, there’s were circumstances around it, but in the end it was when I decided to. Fully embody myself when I decided that I was gonna put myself first, when I decided that being kind wasn’t the end all, be all that what if being kind and people saw me as being so kind.

It’s not that I don’t wanna be kind to people. That’s not what I’m saying, but perhaps that was an indicator that. Yeah, I was putting everyone else first and that I didn’t always need to do that. There are times where I put my daughter first and that feels right. That is the right thing to do, and I want to do that, and there are times when I don’t.

So having the discernment of that, I think is really important so that we don’t lose ourselves. Because when you can start wearing your life again, that’s when clarity comes back to you. And , this year for me, I don’t know if you saw on Instagram, but every year I give myself an award. So I order these crystal awards from Crown Awards.

And this year my award was, , the Chrysalis Award This year has been. So transformative for me, not because I did some big thing or not because I, , had some big, huge success. Like it wasn’t that. It was that I started feeling really solid, that I started really leaning into my body as an oracle, that I started really trusting myself in a totally different way and hearing myself.

And I stopped getting lost in that big crowd getting bumped around. So it’s not, , the art of living big isn’t about becoming louder. It is about becoming solid, right? It’s about putting your backpack back on your shoulders, fully, like strapped in with the little strap around the front. You know that clicks in that.

That is how you live a big life. I hope you all have a really, really happy holiday. However you celebrate. I hope you have a hopeful New Year, and that 2026 becomes everything that you want it to be, and you get to decide. You get to decide how that goes. All right. I love you so much. I’ll see you after the new year.

Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today.

You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.