ADHD Mums

58. Things That Look Like Bad Parenting But Are Actually Neurodivergence


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When a child melts down in public or refuses to eat, the world sees “bad behaviour.” But often, what looks like defiance or poor parenting is actually neurodivergence — and a family doing their best in a system that doesn’t understand them.

In this deeply validating conversation, Jane sits down with Tracey Jewel — author, advocate, and mum of a neurodivergent family — to talk about reframing “bad parenting” through a neurodiverse lens. From ARFID and sensory overload to the grief and joy of parenting differently, this episode challenges the idea of what a “good parent” looks like and celebrates authenticity over appearances.

What You’ll Hear

  • Tracey’s journey from reality TV to raising an ADHD + autistic son — and discovering her own diagnosis
  • The hidden grief of parenting a child who doesn’t fit the mould — and how to hold both love and loss at once
  • What ARFID really looks like in real life (and why it’s not just “fussy eating”)
  • Why “structure” isn’t always the solution for neurodivergent families — and when it can become oppressive
  • The difference between co-regulation and control: what actually helps during a meltdown
  • How to reframe “fairness” in families where everyone’s needs look different

This Episode Is For You If...

  • You’ve ever felt judged in public for your child’s behaviour
  • You’re raising an ADHD or autistic child and constantly second-guessing yourself
  • You’ve wondered why “routine” doesn’t work for your family the way it seems to for others
  • You’re craving a conversation that feels real, not sugar-coated

Key Takeaway

What looks like chaos is often communication. When we stop chasing “good parenting” and start embracing true connection, our families thrive in their own rhythm — even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.

Resources Mentioned

  • Inclusive Mums Club — Tracey Jewel’s Perth-based and online community for neurodivergent families. Free membership and sensory-friendly events.
  • ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) information — Raising Children Network
  • Dr Brené BrownAtlas of the Heart and The Power of Vulnerability (on emotional awareness and co-regulation).
  • Check out Tracey's IG: @traceyjewel_ify

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

  • 🎧 The Emotional Load of Raising Neurodivergent Girls — And How to Lighten It — Finding compassion for yourself in the middle of invisible labour.
  • 🎧 Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year — How to stop blaming yourself when the system isn’t built for you.

Listen Now

🎧 Spotify | Apple Podcasts | ADHDMums.com.au

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COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected].

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

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ADHD MumsBy Jane McFadden

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