July 09, 2025

62: Q+A Series 3: Can anxious and avoidant relationships work? How to break the anxious avoidant cycle

26 minutes

I remember one night… I was crying. Not loudly.

Just quietly. Silently.

And he didn’t even look up.

I didn’t need him to fix it.

I just needed him to care. To ask. To hold me. To see me.

But instead.. I felt invisible.

Like I was too sensitive… or just not enough to be comforted.

That moment? It stuck with me.

Not because of what he did — but because of the old wound it reopened.

If you’ve ever felt that ache

like your partner’s emotional distance confirms a fear you’ve carried your whole life…

This episode is for you. 🖤

Today on the Anxious Secure Podcast, I’m unpacking one of the most triggering, magnetic, and misunderstood dynamics in love: the anxious-avoidant relationship.

We’re diving into:

Can an anxious-avoidant relationship really work?

Why do they attract each other in the first place?

How does the anxious partner mirror avoidance from childhood?

What you’ll learn:

Why your partner pulling away hurts way more than it “should”

How your nervous system is reliving childhood experiences — not just reacting to today

Why the avoidant pulls back when you need closeness most

How your needs might feel threatening to someone who never learned emotional intimacy

And what happens when YOU stop taking their distance as proof that you’re too much

I’d love to hear from you:

Have you ever felt that moment... needing comfort and getting silence instead?

Share it under the YouTube video. You are so not alone, babe. 🖤

Want more support?

Attachment Library

YOUTUBE:

@theanxioustosecurecoach

📱 Text + Talk Coaching

Private voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription.

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

🎯 Mini-Courses

To stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca

🌱 Anxious to Secure Coaching

This is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between.

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics

01:06 Can an anxious-avoidant relationship REALLY work?

04:15 What made the biggest difference in breaking this pattern, the Anxious-Avoidant trap?

15:55 Why do they attract each other in the first place - the anxious and avoidant?

20:11 What's the first thing you can recommend, for Anyone with an anxious attachment can try today?

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

3.7

33 ratings