For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You might think anger is your biggest relationship problem. You work hard on staying calm, bite your tongue, you try all the techniques. But while you're focused on not losing your temper, four quieter behaviors are slowly destroying your relationship.

In this episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy—and most couples don't even know they're doing them.

Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's decades of relationship research, Alastair walks you through what Gottman called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—the specific communication patterns that poison relationships over time. More importantly, he shows you the exact antidotes to each pattern and how controlling your anger is the key to breaking these destructive cycles before they kill your connection.

Key Takeaways:

1. Whether couples stay together or divorce isn't about how often they fight or even about anger—it's about four specific behaviors that quietly poison relationships over time.
2. Criticism attacks who your partner is as a person (not just what they did), sending the devastating message "I have a problem with who you are, not just what you've done."
3. Defensiveness escalates every conflict by turning discussions into fights about who's right—excuses, justifications, and counter-attacks prevent you from actually hearing your partner.
4. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce—eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, talking down to your partner, and communicating from a position of superiority all signal contempt.
5. Stonewalling (shutting down, silent treatment, walking out mid-conversation) makes your partner feel abandoned and creates distance faster than almost anything else.

If you've been working on your anger but your relationship still feels strained, this episode reveals the hidden patterns that might be doing the real damage—and exactly how to stop them.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System