August 07, 2025

71."Dear ANXIOUS Attachment" - If Avoidant Attachment Could Speak - Things They’d Say to you

7 minutes

"Hey… it’s me. The avoidant partner you never quite understood."

This episode is different 🖤 It’s a letter from Avoidant Attachment… to Anxious Attachment.

To the part of you that’s been chasing, aching, spiraling not knowing why they keep pulling away 🪞

If you’ve ever felt like:

✨ “Why do they shut down when I get close?”

✨ “Why do they ghost, avoid, or seem cold especially when I need them the most?”

✨ “Why does it feel like they’re not even TRYING to love me back?”

…then THIS episode will crack open a whole new level of compassion + understanding.

This isn't about excusing avoidant behavior ❌

It’s about understanding the nervous system behind the silence.

The pain behind the distance.

The fear behind the walls.

What you'll hear in this episode 🖤:

🗝 The avoidant partner’s real internal story (in their own words)

🧠 How trauma taught them to self-protect, shut down, and “flee” from connection

⚔️ Why conflict and closeness feel like danger

💭 How their nervous system reacts to emotions (hint: it’s NOT logical)

🧊 Why they retreat, not because they don’t care — but because they feel like they’ll FAIL you

🪫 How their independence is a survival strategy, not rejection

✨ What they’d say if they could speak their truth, without fear

This is for the deeply feeling, anxiously attached souls who keep ending up with distant partners…

…and want to finally understand: It’s not that you're too much. It’s that they were never taught how to be close. 🥺

✨ Want more support?

➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤

(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤

(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription

➞ SHOP:

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money)

➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse

➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety

Grab more FREE resources:

ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach

Like….

Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ

Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety

✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached

How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)

Chapters:

00:00 Understanding Avoidant Attachment

01:26 Growing up, safety was missing - replaced by silence or criticism.

02:02 My nervous system reacts with ‘flee’ - not fight or freeze.

02:41 Conflict terrifies me - I’m hypersensitive to any criticism.

03:20 Meeting your needs feels impossible because I don’t know how to meet my own.

04:17 Sometimes I feel like my flaws are on display with you - and it terrifies me.

04:48 Dear Anxious Attachment please know this:

05:32 Reflection

✨ Whether you're healing from a past relationship, or currently navigating a push-pull dynamic — this episode will help you see the fear behind the avoidant mask, so you can stop taking their distance so personally and start choosing secure connection.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

...more

View all episodes

By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

3.5

22 ratings