Many of us grew up in a world that praised the idea of having high self-esteem - but what exactly is self-esteem, why have we been wrongly focused on it for so long, and what do we need to focus on moving forward?

What to Listen For

Artificially inflating someone’s self-esteem is never advisable. On one end it can lead to a collapse of the person’s identity the moment he faces significant stress because there is no foundation for that view he holds of himself. On the other end it can lead to arrogance and entitlement when a person expects the world to be handed to her simply because she thinks she’s “the best.”

We all face challenges in life that push us to our limits and beyond, so why not equip ourselves with the tools necessary to endure the resulting pain and move forward with our lives?

One of those tools is self-compassion, a term not many of you might not be familiar with just yet.

There are 3 components to self compassion: (1) be kind to yourself, (2) realize everyone is dealing with these struggles, and (3) be present with what you feel - don’t exaggerate your feeling or play them down. If you can cultivate self-compassion you will accept that your life will not always be rainbows and butterflies, your thoughts and feelings can’t always be positive, and you can be patient with yourself during stressful times..

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Resources from this Episode

Is Self Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.

Alex Banayan Episode

The Third Door by Alex Banayan

Self-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample by Sarah Marshall

Steven Hayes TED Talk

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