Today's episode is from an episode on Geoff Steurer LMFT The Illuminate podcast with one of our WORTH clinicians Kimberly Day LMHCA.  https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/episodes/Confronting-abuse-in-marriage---Kimberly-Day---Episode-74-enjsj4

Geoff's show notes:

"In this episode I interview Kimberly Day, LMHCA, about how to better diagnose and confront abuse in marriage. Kim says that when we think of betrayal trauma and really understand the dynamics of a relationship when one partner is addicted to porn or sex, it's important to look at all abuse dynamics to get a complete picture. Abuse is an important and often underappreciated dimension in a multi-dimensional problem.

Download the graph that corresponds with this episode (https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/abuse-download?preview_theme_id=3204962) and you'll see that one axis is our typical 'addict-mode' behaviors: acting out, lying, even gaslighting (even though that is abuse), etc.- these are behaviors that rise out of the compulsions to act out, keep it secret, addict-mode thought distortions, etc.  Along this axis is where most all addiction and betrayal trauma is assessed and treated.

But there is another dimension that helps us explain and more deeply understand and support a lot of people - that is the dimension of the Abusive Attitudes and Beliefs held by the addicted partner, including entitlement and superiority, out of which abuses of power and control, objectification of family members, and other forms of dehumanizing treatment arise. These are the underlying currents of devaluing and dehumanizing the partner that are the source of a lot of trauma, though they are very rarely fully recognized or addressed.

This perspective/model helps us to explain some of the confusion that both practitioners and partners experience when the "acting out" is dealt with, but the treatment toward the partner does not improve.

In this episode, we dialogue around what it might look like in each of the four quadrants and how the experience and the sources of trauma and safety/lack of safety may be different in each. We contrast the "Acting out High/Abusive Attitudes Low" quadrant from the "Acting out Low/Abusive Attitudes High"- this type of differentiation is what Kim believes is being missed when we blanket cover all addiction as abuse, or when we ignore so many other forms of abuse and clump them all into addict-mode behavior."

Download the chart here:

https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/abuse-download?preview_theme_id=3204962