Alan Weiss's The Uncomfortable Truth®

What do you mean? What do we mean? What is “meaning”?

We seem to be engaged existentially in some search for meaning. The Beatles were famous for a spiritual odyssey with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. We seek such spiritual guidance in many (often strange) forms: sweat tents, therapy, 12-step programs, trodding on hot coals.

The meaning in our lives needn’t be religious or spiritual, but one would think it’s above and beyond the trite and every day, sort of a North Star providing guidance. Yet it’s often normative, derived from others. We compulsively seem to emulate others’ styles, behaviors, and beliefs.

The definition of meaning is “an important and worthwhile quality or purpose.” We often consider it a magical breakthrough. We picture the guru on the mountaintop (somehow living without running water or electricity, but strangely content) to be consulted and answering in runic complexity.

Is this a practical pursuit? Does it matter? Does it make a difference in our daily lives, suiting us when it’s convenient but ignored when “meaning” gets in our way?

I think that meaning is like a rudder that provides the direction when we’re not consciously steering. It can provide and enhance resilience and decision making, and can reduce stress and conflict. It can guide our daily actions. Which begs the question: Is meaning an ever-moving goal or is it on our shoulder, sometimes unrecognized and unheard, but available for daily guidance and direction?

I’ll reveal what I think it truly is at the end of this podcast.

I could share theater stories with Tony all day long. As both an actor and director of great stature, his knowledge of the theater and its strengths and weaknesses is impressive.

We talk about the myth of the “dying” theater and the “aging” demographic. Tony points out that both the theater and the audiences have been “dying” since birth, to be replaced by new cohorts. His view is that people most appreciate the arts in their middle age and beyond. It’s not all that surprising that younger people often have far less interest.

I brought up the “drama within a drama” when an audience medical emergency stops a play, and those times when the “fourth wall” needs to be broken (or shouldn’t be). We’re both big Kevin Kline fans, and we have appropriate “fourth wall” stories (Tony’s is far better).

Money is a chronic problem for the arts, because debt kills the ability to experiment and the freedom to fail. It’s dangerous for the arts to become conservative and afraid.

We’ve both been colleagues of Oskar Eustis, who is now the artistic director of The Public in New York City, and who’s brought works such as Hamilton to the stage. We parse what Oskar has meant in his writing and speaking about “art being neither red nor blue, but for everyone.”

The “Netflix” phenomenon has created serious problems for movies, but there is no such comparison with live theater. Since Thespis began the art form, and two people began speaking to each other on stage, creating dramatic tension and a storyline, the culture of the theater has remained a central element of society. The recent actors’ strike since we recorded this session brings even more relevance to our discussion.

I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.

Remember “the benefit of the doubt”? That was meant to convey the belief that, when something was in doubt, give the other person a break. Don’t assume guilt, or fault, or ulterior motive. Maybe it was just a mistake, or an accident, or your misunderstanding.

So we tended to ask, “Is that what you meant to say?” or “Why exactly did you do that?” or “Perhaps I’m not understanding this correctly.” We also forgave people when it was their fault, they did make an error. Marriages generally have not ended because of a forgotten anniversary or the divorce rate would be even higher than it is.

Today, we almost always assume fault and flaw, and often we assume malice. We don't just believe someone inadvertently causes us pain, we default to the belief that they intentionally wanted to harm us. We don’t see accidents, we see conspiracies. And we don’t forgive or forget.

We get even.

We’ve moved light years away from “Do unto others….” to “undo others.” The other person isn’t wrong or even mistaken, they are ignorant and unethical. We see this clearly from a higher moral plain. If you’re not here to help me then you must be here to hurt me. There is no middle ground. You’re with me or against me. And if you’re against me, well you’re an inferior and subject to whatever I can dole out to demonstrate that.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that most of you will agree that we ought to give each other a break.

Randy told me once that you don’t end poverty by creating more of it. He’s an independent thinker on prosperity and success. He doesn’t connect prosperity solely to financial well-being, but rather to an intelligent combination of factors, happiness being one of them.

He very pessimistic about our news sources and you’ll be fascinated by his personal, daily routine. He actually times himself on Twitter and eschews the other social media platforms. He’s overall an optimistic guy, but admits his pessimism has slightly increased of late. (Here’s his blog post on social media killing prosperity: https://randygage.com/social-media-is-killing-your-prosperity/)

We both agree that young people have it harder today with extreme normative pressures, poor educations, and more limited opportunities. Once upon a time you were graduated from college with an assortment of useful business and life skills. Today, not so much. Consequently, we discuss the “fall of conventional universities” and their increasing irrelevance. The future will be about competencies and not initials after one’s name.

We’re “taught” to be self-effacing and “humble,” two conditions which neither boost our self-worth nor improve our standing in others’ eyes. Too many people feel powerless today, and believe they have little or no control over their lives and destinies.

Guido and I have known each other for a quarter century. He introduced my concept of value-based fees in Germany in building his multi-million euro boutique consultancy.

We talk here about the post-pandemic atmosphere in Germany and in Europe. These issues include:

• labor shortages

• remote vs. in-person work

• post-Brexit realties

• existential vs. pragmatic issues

We discuss what his clients are most concerned about today, and whether those concerns are valid. As is the case elsewhere, we examine the motivation, productivity, and work ethic of people in organizations, and what they’re seeking.

On the morning we chatted it was reported that Germany had “slipped into recession” and Guido pointed out the irony of the government complaining that consumers weren’t spending enough!

The difference between strategic business and tactical concerns, relative to the nature of the types of meetings was an important distinction in communication which we can all learn from. And we examine the current French environment where, with morbidity outpacing fertility and immigration problems, and the public rabidly against raising the retirement age, labor shortages will be a harsh economic reality.

Guido is a superb example of someone building a boutique firm that is successful with the top officers of major enterprises amidst turbulent times.

How much have times changed in the past 50 years? What is the difference in view point, expectation, and options for college graduates today versus those in 1968?

Of course, 1968 was no picnic. The Tet Offensive raged in the Viet Nam War, Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated, and the inner cities burned.

But in ’68, seniors in college became engaged and married soon after graduation, having children in the next few years. That was the sequence then, as religious institutions, schools, and the family dinner table imparted values. An “intact family” (two parents married for the first time and one or more children) constituted 85% of all family units. Today that number is 7%. That is not a misprint.

In ’68, young adults were looking at rental apartments leading to buying a home, independence, jobs, travel (no matter how modest), reliance on an extended family—the world was wide open for us. Today, there is the sinkhole of social media, dismal job prospects with ugly commutes or distracting work at home, politicians no one trusts, high stress, a feeling of powerlessness—according to Cigna International, 91% of 18-24 year-olds report they are stressed.

People who are optimistic and happy perform better, are healthier, and are more prosperous than those who are pessimistic. (Dan Gilbert, PhD, and his book, Stumbling on Happiness.)

In 2021, suicide rates increased after two years of decline, and it’s worst among 15-24 year-olds where it increased by 8% (CDC). The pandemic was terrible, but perhaps more so because today’s youth are not as resilient as their forebears.

In less than a generation—55 years—what have we done?

50s: Constancy, GI Bill, Levittown, Sputnik, Korean War, Univac, DNA discovered, Joe McCarthy, Hungarian uprising, Montgomery bus boycott

60s: Kennedys shot, King shot, Woodstock, the Beatles, Watts riot and cities burn, Cuban missile crisis, Viet Nam, Bay of Pigs, first televised presidential debate, USSR had hydrogen bomb

70s: Kent State shootings, Watergate, Nixon and Agnew resign, Mars landing, Viet Nam ends, gay liberation movement

80s: CNN begins, Iranian hostages released, Falklands war, Sandra Day O’Connor first female on Supreme Court, Sally Ride first woman astronaut, Challenger explodes, Macintosh computer, Cold War ends with Reagan/Gorbachev, Berlin Wall falls, intense materialism and consumerism, MTV emerges

90s: LA riots, Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine shootings, Persian Gulf War, TWA flight 800 is blown up, relative peace and prosperity, end of USSR, rise of the Internet, Dow Jones clears 2,900 for first time

00s: Al-Qaeda attacks world trade center and Pentagon 9/11, Department of Homeland Security established, invasion of Iraq, Nancy Pelosi first woman Speaker, Michael Jackson dies, economic collapse, Y2K a flop, Barack Obama first black president immediately receives Nobel Peace Prize, Great Recession, Tesla launched

10s: Black Lives Matter, Brexit, occupy Wall Street, launch of the iPhone 4, Trump elected, natural disasters, Boston Marathon bombing, LGBTQ, Ebola, Prince dies

We’ve come from a period of constancy to a period of continuing turmoil; from privacy to omnipresent publishing and exposure; from civility to rudeness and aggression; from support for the law to defund the police; and from respect for institutions to near-anarchy.

This is not merely the changing of generations or progress or evolution of thought. It is a decline and declivity into amazing self-absorption, disdain for differing opinions, and really a wallowing in ignorance. Our primary institutions of the conveyance of values have all decayed: the schools, organized religion, the intact household, statesmanship.

Is this a natural sign of the times, or more like the old trope that the first generation founds a business, the second modernizes and expands it, and the third, having no such hunger, runs it into the ground?

The US is about 240 years old, which is one-thousandth of one present of the tenure of the dinosaurs on earth. They were erased by space junk, or they’d still be here.

Will we be erased by junking our values?

Chris gave up his commission as a full Colonel in Afghanistan to assist three, four-star generals and two Secretaries of State to try to negotiate with the Taliban. He was the only combat officer ever asked to do so.

The lessons he learned he’s applied to both business and charity. Chris specializes in helping leaders, entrepreneurs, and our “wounded warriors.”

We talk about the readily-transferable leadership traits that lead to success in private business, including the great discipline and self-accountability that we encounter in most officers. But then there is the difficulty in moving from a world where feedback from below is rarely solicited—and Chris demonstrates how that can best be accomplished—to one where it’s essential to listen to subordinates and customers.

He explains his battlefield webinars where executives learn “on the ground” why battles were won or lost, and then examine what those principles mean in their own businesses and lives.

You’ll hear about Chris’s remarkable work with wounded warriors and his Saber Six charity, including a 1,700-mile bike ride to visit the gravesites of six men from his unit who died in battle.

We also chat about whether the military and private business have grown too “top heavy” with general officers and business executives, and what that means for effectiveness and efficiency.

You’ll be hearing this not too far removed from Memorial Day in the U.S., so the conversation provides an excellent opportunity to reflect on others’ service and our own.

Learn how I’ve been banned from Linkedin, though not why, because none of us knows why. Consider what might happen to you—with your business, a special event, your reputation—when these aloof, powerful social media platforms simply use stupid algorithms and poorly trained people.

Social media are really public utilities at this point and, as much as I’m not a fan of big government control, I do think they need to be controlled just as the gas, electric, and water companies are. Imagine if your accountant, or attorney, or architect refused to talk to you in person and required only automated interactions? How long would you stand for that?

What Zuckerberg et. al. created and, too ironically, Musk is now a part of, has morphed into cesspools of disinformation, misinformation, and confirmation bias. I’m told by several people who are social media savvy that only 15% of members post over 75% of content, and 100% of the 15% are either radicals on the right or left.

If you want to post photos of family vacations or impress someone with your new boat, go for it. But for most people in professional services, there is too much “noise” and amateurism on social media for them to serve as legitimate marketing routes.

Scores of people have written me since I exposed this banishment, telling me that they or friends have been banned for varying amounts of time without explanation. Yet I find myself dealing daily, on Facebook in particular, with profanity, threats of violence to various groups, and rudeness.

My model train group was closed by the administrators because the members had become intolerable in their fighting about modelling!

It’s social media (not “business media”) and if you haven’t noticed yet, society is getting pretty ugly.

Macroaggressions should be pretty obvious, but even they are often ignored because they are too common. I’ve been involved in shining a light on them for some clients.

“Micro” means small and often “unimportant.” So what are “microaggressions”? Well, it certainly is rude to ask an Asian student you don’t know to help with your math homework, which is based on a stereotype. It’s equally rude to ask 6’6” black people if they’re at the university on a basketball scholarship. I know a priest who is that size and immediately says to new people that he never played sports. He’s rather dour at times, and I think it’s because he’s seen too much rudeness that other people simply think is humor. “Dour” isn’t good for a priest.

Recently, the leading candidate for superintendent of Easthampton Public Schools claimed he lost his job offer for using the word “ladies” in an email to two women on the board. He said he was “shocked” because he “grew up in a time when ‘ladies’ and ‘gentlemen’ was a sign of respect.” Some of you will remember when Ritz Carlton Hotels (before Marriott bought them and damaged the brand) had a sign in the employee areas that said, “We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.”

So when do we properly point out and acknowledge inappropriate behavior and language, and when are we simply the “targets” of “diversity and inclusion experts” who see their job as taking shots at anyone who doesn’t meet their particular criteria? I once heard a diversity speaker say that she wasn’t “childless,” but “child-free.” Does that make me “child-burdened”?

The House of Representatives has adopted a protocol whereby terms such as “mother, father, and step-sister” are no longer to be used, replaced by “parent and step-sibling.” “Father-in-law” becomes “parent-in-law” in this gender-neutral double-speak.

There is no doubt that the rudeness and insensitivity and worse that needs to be changed must be changed, and is intolerable. But I doubt that extends to calling a woman a “lady.”