Marni and Chris mine the gold nuggets from this week’s Bachelorette episode. They have to extract with care because they don’t want Bachelorette Michelle to get defensive. They share practical examples of what to do and not to do in real-life dating scenarios. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

• Leaking your past hurts on to new relationships
• Recognizing compatibility
• Dating from a healthy place
• Exploring differences when dating

Is Being Defensive a Dating Strategy? [1:24]

While Michelle seems to like all the guys on the show, she can be hot and cold. If a guy says something that triggers her, she gets defensive and puts up her hackles or sits in contempt. For example, when Martin asked her if she was high-maintenance. But, Martin is looking for someone who vibes with his beliefs so he should ask qualifying questions.

Can you be into someone but keep waiting for them to mess up or do something you don't like?

Because of our beliefs, we interpret what someone says from the lens from which we have been hurt or our protective wall. Michelle has an outgoing personality but when things start to get real or when there is a spark of intimacy she feels she needs to take control. Marni says if you can relate to this it may be because you are coming from a hurt space. 

We all have patterns that stem from hurt places. The challenge is to be aware of them and not let the fear from past hurts get in the driver’s seat of how we navigate the dating process. 

During dating, many women think they have to say what a guy wants to hear because they want him to like her. But, this is the time they should be exploring each other’s differences. A difference of opinion is not the end of a relationship, and if it is you haven’t found your person. 

        

Searching for Compatibility [19:11]

As dating progresses people are searching for compatibility. Marni says that getting to compatibility is the easiest part. Getting back to compatibility is the true test of a healthy relationship. Small differences can derail people if they are not invested in the relationship. They, often, see a misfire as a red flag or a trap, so they bail rather than wait to see how they can work through it. 

Marni recommends having conversations about your differences to see if you are on the same page and if it is an opportunity for someone to take responsibility and grow in that area. 

Ladies, don’t get caught up in what you think a relationship is supposed to be like.  

 

Why the Internet Loves Leroy [31:12]

Chris thinks the internet loves Leroy because he is a nice guy that doesn’t say much. The cameras just slide right by him without ever stopping. He has surprisingly made it to Michelle's top 12 guys by staying in the shadows.  

 

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