On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Matt James’ personality or the lack of it. They question whether this season is poorly scripted or if Matt is simply stale. Dissecting his actions towards the women offers an abundance of lessons. Marni sees the signs and shares how to maintain dignity if you encounter a man like Matt in the wild.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

• How to spot a hunter
• Why it’s a good idea to date more than one guy at a time
• Chemistry or intimacy?
• The fine line between being interested and being obsessed

 

Matt James is a ‘Him’bo [1:56]

Be on the lookout, the best hunters dress up and look and present themselves just like Matt James. He shows very little humor, kindness, empathy, depth, or personality. Plus, they dress him like a Patagonia ad or beer commercial. 

Marni is not a fan. Chris, on the other hand, thinks he is hot. This is a good lesson about getting caught up on looks. If a guy is super-hot we can confuse chemistry with intimacy. When dating, delve deeper into the person underneath the wrapping.

That being said, Matt was abandoned by his father. He may be missing the ability to set boundaries because he wants to be liked and loved. It's about him. The girls are presenting themselves to him but he barely notices the gestures they attempt to get his attention. 

Classic hunter behavior is giving you crumbs and then pretending you don’t matter. 

 

Can a Guy Be Hot & Have Substance? [16:02]

Marni says to observe a hot guy like a silent movie.  Notice his actions and behaviors. Matt doesn’t seem to be interested in any one of the thirty-two ladies. He doesn't make anyone feel special or give any indication of a front runner. He may be attracted to someone who is broken. Marni sees through the smoke and mirrors but a lot of the girls have accepted that they are in a one-sided relationship. 

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel insecure or are feeling triggered and start to doubt yourself, be aware of what is happening. With a clear head, say, ‘I'm getting triggered’ or  ‘This is making me insecure and I'm starting to doubt myself.’ 

Will you do the same shit or will you change it? Will you choose dignity over validation? Marni advises us to make the courageous move and choose dignity over validation. 

 

The Most Amazing Guy Syndrome [35:54]

If you are dating and you have a couple of great conversations it is easy to lose sight of collecting data and having fun. It’s OK to have fun when dating and take your time before passing judgment. Let someone show you who they are over a period of time. Everyone can be awesome for a few weeks or months. 

Matt James realizes he has thirty-two women waiting in the wings. He is reacting by being physical and emotionally unavailable. 

If you are into a guy too much, too fast, too soon… it will be too intense. There is a fine line between being interested but not being obsessed. Dating a couple of people at once will keep your options open and your energy up. 

 

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