BANG!

In episode 3 a group of 20-somethings tell us what dating and hooking up looks like for them, plus Eleanor Butterworth on 'ethical sex', Hera Lindsay Bird reads a new poem, and Laura Borrowdale reviews a website dedicated to female pleasure.

In episode 3 of BANG! a group of 20-somethings share what dating and hooking up looks like for them, plus Eleanor Butterworth tells us about 'ethical sex', Hera Lindsay Bird reads a new poem, and Laura Borrowdale reviews a website dedicated to female pleasure.

It is the natural way of things for older generations to decry the actions and values of those that follow. So headlines like this one and this one, labelling hookup culture as 'rampant' and 'epidemic' among millennials, should come as no big surprise.

But while they might have better access to birth control and face less social stigma for having casual sex, this 2016 study found that in their millenials in their early 20s are more likely to abstain from sex than Gen X'ers. Previous research also identified this group as having fewer sexual partners overall than both GenX'ers and Baby Boomers.

The misperception that millennials are hooking up more than ever might in part be driven by dating apps and social media - where those who are interested in casual sex are increasingly upfront about their desires. But even if it is sometimes jarring for older generations to read, one of the likely effects of this transparency is a wider normalisation of conversations around sex.

Eleanor Butterworth has worked with Wellington Rape Crisis and Women's Refuge and is the project manager for NZ Rugby's Respect and Responsibility programme. She says open dialogue around sex is an important part of moving towards a healthy sexual culture.

"The more normal it is  'Do you wanna hook up? What does that mean to you? What do you like?' ... the better the sex that we'll have will be," she says.

For those who remain anxious that normalising conversations around sex equates to encouraging promiscuity, Butterworth has this to say:

"Sexual empowerment is about knowing what's right for you. For some people sex exists in this really special, sacred place that is part of a marriage or long term relationship, and for other people what's right for them is casual... but all of those things should be imbued with respect... Even if they're not the love of our life we're still going to treat those people as precious as opposed to disposable."

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

In episode two, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

In episode two of RNZ's podcast about sex, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

The calls for better and more comprehensive sex education in schools is growing louder, and in recent months much of it has been coming from school students themselves.

In March, hundreds of demonstrators, mostly students, protested at Parliament, concerned that schools aren't doing enough to combat rape culture among some groups of teens. The action came after revelations of comments made online by Wellington College students, encouraging sexual assault.

In response to the protests, Education Minister Hekia Parata maintained the matter is "first and foremost a parental, family and whānau responsibility".

Tomorrow, Wellington High School students Lauren Jack and Ruby Medlicott will deliver a petition to Parliament asking for better sex ed in schools, calling for the government to commit to making "consent and healthy relationships a compulsory part of the curriculum".

BANG! creator Melody Thomas asks New Zealanders with strong views on the subject why this issue is important to them, starting with the petition's creators.

"If we want to fight sexual assault in New Zealand, we need to have consistent and comprehensive sex education for young people in New Zealand. One in three girls experience some form of sexual assault before the age of 16, and the same goes for one in seven boys. We need to educate and be educated on not only reproductive systems, but consent and why it is needed, and what makes up a healthy relationship. This education also needs to come with LGBTQ inclusion, we are sick of the exclusion of non-heteronormative relationships in the discussion around sex ed.

"Through providing consistent and comprehensive sex education in schools, New Zealand's young people will grow up knowing how to be in a healthy relationship, putting an end to rape culture and leading to a generation of respectful, self aware and educated New Zealanders. We think this is too huge of an issue to ignore, and don't want to live in a world in which we are scared to be in."

"We are only just beginning to see the significant impact that the widespread access to pornography and the influence of technology is having on this generation of young people and on the opinions and attitudes that young people are developing about sex and relationships…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

Melody Thomas leads a frank and often-entertaining exploration into sex, sexuality and relationships - starting at the very beginning with 'The Birds and The Bees'. Featuring everyday kiwis reflecting on their experiences of 'the talk', young parents now on their struggles when it comes to discussing sex and sexuality with their kids, and Sex Therapy NZ's Mary Hodson with some practical advice.

With the release of new podcast series Bang! Melody Thomas reflects on making the series. 

When you spend six months talking about nothing except sex, a few things happen.

The first is that the topic becomes absolutely normal. Or at least your recovery time after that initial embarrassment is significantly lessened.

In the past few weeks I've hit the streets to ask strangers how 'The Talk' went down in their households, ventured into a high school to quiz students on sex education, called an old primary school friend to explore an incident from our childhood we never addressed... and last week my mother and I talked at length about her intimate experiences.

Not only did I live to tell the tale but I actually feel better for it. Despite the fact that the whole reason for making this series was to normalise these kinds of conversations, I live in a constant state of surprise at just how fast the process is.

And that normalisation is contagious. As the weeks go by I have noticed friends and family start to open up and share their experiences. Even strangers move quickly from shocked to open book - sometimes they almost seem relieved at being given permission to share this stuff without judgement.

Is there anything besides sex that is so widely practised and so resolutely ignored? Where does the shame come from? In episode one of BANG! I speak with Sex Therapy NZ's Mary Hodson about ways to talk with young children about sex - but I started the interview by asking her about this.

"I think it probably stems back to.... 2000 years of religious domination of human sexuality, particularly female sexuality... Women died in child birth, poverty was extensive... and if a girl got pregnant and had a baby she may not even survive. There were good reasons for controlling sexuality," she says.

The contraceptive pill became available to New Zealand women from 1961 - though unmarried women would have trouble accessing it for the next decade and until 1989, it was illegal to discuss birth control with people under 16. Slowly but surely, we began to acknowledge that sex was about more than making babies, but decades on we still struggle to talk about what else it is for. …

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

Featuring real stories from real people about sex, sexuality and relationships, Melody Thomas leads a frank and often-entertaining exploration over 7-parts, into topics too often shrouded in shame and secrecy.

BANG! explores sex, sexuality and relationships over a lifetime, from parents attempting "the talk" with their children, through the fraught teen years, modern dating, long-term relationships, contraception and conception, right up to intimacy in retirement homes.

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details