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Mireille and Adam discuss the process of forming memories, the various types of memory, anxieties, phobias, panic attacks, and how our attention and our memory relates to learning. Where you place your attention influences what you might remember. What you are able to remember influences how you feel, the choices you make, and your future outcomes.
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In the wake of the coronavirus outbreak being declared a global pandemic and a national emergency here in the United States as well as many other countries around the world, it would be extremely difficult to have a serious conversation here on Brain Science that’s not colored by today’s very serious events. Mireille and Adam discuss the anxiety, fear, and panic that many may be facing. How do we navigate the unseeable unknown? How should we respond to change and the state of the world we are now living in?
Don’t panic. Prepare for change. Be adaptable. Be resilient.
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Mireille and Adam discuss the power of choice as it relates to our locus of control, decision making, and the changes we want to make in our lives. Emotions play a role in decision making as do our values and the perceived payout. When we are aware of the choices we make, we have the capacity to change them and henceforth, the direction of our lives, and the way we feel.
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Mireille and Adam discuss the mechanism of attention as an allocation of one’s resources. If we can think of attention as that of a lens, we can practice choosing what we give our attention to recognizing that multiple things, both externally and internally, routinely compete for our attention. Distraction can also be useful when we utilize it intentionally to manage the focus of our attention.
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Attention is the mechanism through which the brain focuses resources on some thing. If you can direct your attention, then you can direct where your brain puts its resources. You can think of attention similar to that of a camera lens. What lens and at what focal length are you using to focus with?
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Mireille and Adam discuss shame as an emotional and experiential construct. We dive into the neural structures involved in processing this emotion as well as the factors and implications of our experience of shame. Shame is a natural response to the threat of vulnerability and perception of oneself as defective or inherently “not enough.”
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What is shame?Brené Brown, leading researcher on shame, vulnerability and connection — ”Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.”
Shame is the response to threat. It is a stress response. Think of Shame as the inner critic. The one who berates and belittles you out of this place of fear of inadequacy or inherent flaw.
Guilt is rooted in a behavior you did whereas shame is all encompassing, fundamentally who you are as defective or inadequate.
Shame prompts hiding. Because when we feel ashamed, we don’t want to expose ourselves to others. If we “feel” or believe ourselves to be marred, it makes sense that we would be apt to hide.
From an evolutionary perspective - Shame is a signal that you aren’t part of the tribe, which would’ve been threatening or dangerous.
Is the culture of today conditioning us to feel dis-content more often?
“I stopped trying to keep up with the Jones’ because I realized that when I wake up someone moved the line.”
Examine what you are optimizing for as opposed to applying the “one-size-fits-all” approach.
How do I manage shame more adaptively?
It all comes back to being grounded in knowing what you’re optimizing for and recognizing that being who we are — being human, always involves vulnerability so we have to practice showing up.
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Mireille and Adam dig deeper into empathy as a construct. What key brain structures are involved? How can we better understand empathy to be able to better navigate ourselves and our relationships with others both at home and in the workplace?
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Daniel Siegel, MD, in his book Aware notes 5 Aspects of Empathy:
Empathy: In face-to-face interactions, communication has a multi-modal nature involving the processing of visual facial cues (such as the speaker’s facial expression), the tone of the voice (i.e., affective prosody) and the choice of words (i.e., semantics).
**Empathy involves a working model of another person in the mind’s eye.
Brain structures involved:
In particular, the Anterior Cingulate Cortex includes:
Claus Lamm, PhD, University of Vienna, investigates the processes that regulate firsthand pain and those that cause empathy for pain through numerous studies on the influence of painkillers. According to Lamm, research “suggests that empathy for pain is grounded in representing others’ pain within one’s own pain systems.”
The Role of Facial Expression in Empathy: The value of “looking at” the face of another to provide another data point to understand where they are emotionally.
How might you build your empathy skills? Consider EMPATHY as an acronym: (adapted from Harvard psychiatrist, Helen Riess, MD)
E: Eye contact
Getting practical - What can I do differently in order to cultivate empathy?
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Mireille and Adam discuss goal setting and the different types of goals we set. We reflect on how can you set goals that work for you and measure them. We also talk about how you go about building the behaviors that align with your identity and resistance we face when we do this. We also share our 2020 goal for Brain Science. This is a must-listen episode to get a grounded perspective in planning your goals for this year and decade.
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Goal setting — are you ready for the new year/new you?
The Marshmallow Test (Carol Dweck, Ph.D.) — The role of delayed gratification in growth mindset and why self-control is the engine of success.
The Kaizen Way - “itty bitty” steps to move you in the direction of the goal you want to achieve.
How committed am I? If I’m optimizing in one way, it will invariably affect other aspects of my life. Therefore, have I considered the implications of this goal in my life?
The Role of Identity in the goal setting process. Are my goals aligned with my identity?
The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) study on accountability found that you have a 65% of completing a goal if you commit to someone. And if you have a specific accountability appointment with a person you’ve committed, you will increase your chance of success by up to 95%.
There’s a lot of research around this at the Social and Affective lab at the University of Oregon. Will and Way –– “The will refers to the motivational and affective processes that drive goal pursuit such as approach motives, and the way refers to the suite of cognitive capacities and abilities that enable goal pursuit such as inhibitory control. Neither part is sufficient on its own; both are necessary for effective self-regulation.” (https://sanlab.uoregon.edu/research/)
Inhibitory control is a major part of goal achievement. I have to be able to “inhibit” my desire/drive for another behavior and replace it with the more adaptive or desirable one.
The goal for Brain Science in 2020 is to ship WEEKLY episodes (YEAH!). Can you help us achieve our goals? Give us feedback. Join us in Slack to share YOUR circumstances or challenges so we can work with you to help you hack it! Or get in touch on Twitter via @Changelog or @BrainScienceFM.
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Mireille and Adam discuss the role of our thoughts, how they run our lives, and how they make us feel. We talk through alternative ways to think, the power we hold in starving our habitual neural networks, and the ways our thoughts help us to be our best selves. How aware are you of the quality of the soil of your mind?
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Thoughts and the thinker – How do our thoughts affect how we do ourselves and live our lives?
The Role of Attention or Awareness: If we aren’t considerate or reflective of our thoughts, we ignore the environment in which we grow.
Maladaptive thoughts: Aaron Beck – 10 Cognitive Distortions
Thoughts affect feelings and feelings affect thinking.
All or nothing thinking: Thinking in binary or absolutes modes. This type of thinking perpetuates more cognitive rigidity and lends to feeling hopeless.
Don’t SHOULD on yourself! Creating an external construct and imposing and applying it to oneself. These are within the context of your own internal self-talk and personal expectations.
Mental Filters: Focusing on one aspect or detail of a situation and obsessing over it.
It isn’t just about NOT doing these things, it’s about being intentional and reflective around the thoughts we think and putting forth effort in the direction that you want to go.
Use the “Best Friend” test. Would you say to your best friend what you say to yourself?
Resources: Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage
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Mireille and Adam discuss empathy, respect, and compassion and the role each of these interpersonal constructs play in strengthening our relationships, both personally and professionally. What exactly is empathy, respect, and compassion? What are key indicator lights to be aware of when any of them are lacking or off-kilter? We also discuss Dr. John Gottman’s research on “The Four Horsemen” in relationships.
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Respect, empathy, and compassion as multiple parts of a system:
INQUIRE about others’ experience – instead of telling someone how they should feel or think YOU can ask questions to improve the clarity of YOUR understanding of THEIR experience. This is a way in which we can “build” our skill in terms of having empathy for others. Seek to understand, not judge.
Have REGARD for others’ experiences – this is evidence of respect. It is easy to use ourselves to make sense of what we don’t know; therefore, we need to learn how to consider the direction of the “lens” we use.
Collaboration as a key component of respect and empathy. How do we make sense of others’ perspectives or experiences?
Challenges with feedback from others:
Indicator lights of having difficulty giving respect, empathy, or compassion with ourselves and others.
We can acquire and cultivate the skills of respect, empathy, and compassion. We don’t improve any skill we don’t practice. How can we do things differently relationally?
Dr. John Gottman’s 4 horsemen in (marital/couple) relationships:
Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them, but this knowledge is not enough. To drive away destructive communication and conflict patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones.
Fortunately, each horseman has a proven positive behavior that will counteract negativity.
This infographic highlights some of Dr. John Gottman’s most notable research findings on marriage and couple relationships.
What’s a good action plan for change? Self-awareness is key place to start.
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Mireille and Adam discuss key aspects of mental health and what it looks like to manage our own mental well-being. What are the key ingredients to managing it? How do our relationships and boundaries impact it? Are sleep, food, and activity really that important? We talk through these questions and more to better understand mental health and the ways in which we contribute to our well being.
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Mental health is a system issue — if one aspect isn’t working well, it impacts the system as a whole. Similar to that of a symphony, we, as individuals, work better when we acknowledge and allow all of our systems to work together. When key ingredients that contribute to our mental health are depreciated, we can expect that other aspects of our lives will be influenced as well. Mental health is variable. Just like our physical health, the knowledge base we have is always in flux. We never stop managing our mental health just like we don’t stop managing our money, health, relationships, etc. Remembering that there are always “knowns” and “unknowns” when we talk about health will help us better apply what we know about these things to us as individuals.
Below are some key ingredients that impact our mental health.
Sleep, food, and activity are critical — as are the rhythms of each of these.
As we’ve discussed previously, we fare better when we’ve got good social relationships and boundaries too. Boundaries involve consideration of our resources and the allocation involved in these. What are you committed to in terms of work responsibilities, home, relationships and relational demands, and stressors in general?
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