Breaking the Grip - Finding Faith and Freedom from Toxic People

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide

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FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

I didn’t even realize he was a narcissist until after we were divorced.

I felt like a fool for not seeing it, embarrassed because it took me that long to put a label on it.

But the truth is, it didn’t need a label. I knew something was wrong six days after we returned from our honeymoon.

I stood at the kitchen counter opening the mail. As I scanned the unusually high cable bill, I saw one pornographic movie after another. It felt like someone just sucked all of the air out of the room. He was sitting right there and saw my face. I was never one to cower in fear, so I pounced like a puma.

I challenged him, and his response was the beginning of what I could see was a dream turned nightmare.

He said, “Well, since you didn’t put out, what did you expect me to do?””

Amazing how it was MY FAULT. Don’t think for a second that I assumed that responsibility.

Still, I didn’t know what to do. It was early enough to bail, but I stayed. I decided to be a loving, understanding wife who wins her husband to Christ.

But two months in, he came to me and said, “You know that whole church thing we’ve been doing? You can go, but I just don’t think it’s for me anymore.”

Again, I felt bamboozled. He fooled me into thinking he had come to Christ and wanted a Christian marriage.

Needless to say, the marriage was strained at that point. I realized that his man wanted to be married in title only.

It started to dawn on me that he was proud to brag to his colleagues about his young wife, but he lived his life like he was a bachelor.

At the beginning of our marriage, he said he would like to wait three years before we had kids.

Three years came and he said, “I never said that. I said, after three years we could talk about it and see if that’s what we want. And I’ve thought about it and I just don’t think that’s something ‘we’ want.”

I may not have known then that he was a narcissist, but after this, there was no doubt that he was a lying, self centered control freak that was using me for everything.

That’s when I entered phase two of the marriage, which was, “God get me out of here.”

Love was not driving this ship anymore. I confess—I hated him. I hated who he was and what he had done to my dreams. And worst of all, I hated that the beautiful Christian marriage I had longed for turned out to be a scam.

Once he knew that I was on to him, it went from bad to worse.

There was no way I was staying in that toxic house with that lying manipulator. I prayed, “God I love you, but I’m not staying here another minute. Do what you have to do to me, but I’m out.”

Then a counselor I was working with calmed me down and said, “Are you willing to trust God to either change him or deliver you?”

I was definitely praying that God would change him, but the thought of deliverance had never occurred to me. A sudden peace came over me, knowing that it wasn’t my responsibility to change him and I wasn’t trapped. I could trust God to be God.

Then I entered phase three: “God I’ll trust you.”

I’ve made more impulsive decisions to try to take the bull by the horns than I care to admit. Although now there was a little voice in me that kept saying “trust me,” my flesh had it’s running shoes on.

I knew my decision would be a pivotal moment in my walk with God. “Am I going to keep doing things my way? Or will I follow Him, even though I have NO idea what this will look like?”

I won’t lie, my prayers were more for my deliverance than it was for God to change my husband. But the more I trusted God with whatever the outcome would be, the more I grew in maturity.

I spent SOO much time with God. It was glorious. I even reached a point where I prayed, “God, if delivering me from this means t

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I recently had to cut someone out of my life and just before I hit that send button, I realized,

THIS IS SO CONFUSING!

I vacillated between thinking, Maybe it’s me and No, I’m positive I’ve done all I could.

And between, Maybe I didn’t give them enough chances and I can’t keep doing this.

Days turned into weeks until five months later, I was no closer to setting boundaries and more confused than ever.

The stress of keeping this person in my life was hitting me big time but the thought of setting boundaries made me feel like a terrible person. It was driving me mad.

And then it hit me—I wasn’t taking my own advice.

I confess, I thought maybe my situation was different. I battled with feeling like I had to live up to a higher ‘grace’ standard.

I kept trying to find alternate solutions that always ended in disaster because I was ignoring the 3 signs that God wants this person OUT of my life.

It reminded me of April 1988. I had worked so hard to grow my hair long and it was finally grazing my mid back. I was so happy. But there was a problem—my hair was fried. It was so dry and brittle from all of the perms and bleaching (don’t judge me) that even though it was long, it didn’t look good.

But my thought was, “It’s better than nothing, right?” Wrong!

Maybe you didn’t rock the ridiculous hair styles of the 80s, but I know you’re battling with the same confusion regarding the toxic person in your life, so I’m going to show you those three signs, as well as the one thing that will get in your way if you don’t address it.

So let’s dive into the three signs that God is trying to remove someone from your life. But before we do, I want you to understand that in order to gain the clarity and confidence to walk away from a toxic relationship and stay away from dangerous pitfalls, you’re going to need wisdom and trust.

Yes, trust that the healthy shorter hair will look much better than long stringy hair, but also trust that God is with you and wants to guide you.

There is one thing that can hold you back from hearing the voice of God. And that is clutter.

Not the kind of clutter that falls on you when you open your closet. I’m talking about the clutter in your mind.

All those shoulds and shouldn’ts will keep you trapped.

Saying things like, “Oh, I really shouldn’t be feeling this way,” or, “She’s my mother, she should be treating me with respect,” or, “He’s my friend, he shouldn’t be talking behind my back.”

Getting caught in the toxic thought pattern of what someone else should or shouldn’t be doing puts you on an emotional rollercoaster with the other person at the controls.

So let’s dive into the three signs that God is trying to remove someone from your life.

Sign #1: They’re poisoning your garden.

I’m not much of a gardener. In fact, I have two black thumbs.

The other day I pointed out to my husband that we have this plant growing out of nowhere in our backyard. After all, it was green, it had leaves. It looked like a plant to me. But when I touched it, it didn’t feel like any plant I’d want to be around.

In fact, it wasn’t a plant, it was a weed. A giant, prickly weed. The problem with leaving this plant to proliferate is that they will eventually choke out everything good in my garden. And you’ll be tempted to blame the weeds, but it’s your job to pull them up.

The same is true with toxic people in your life. When someone in your life looks and acts healthy and normal one minute but you’re constantly getting pricked by them, it’s likely a sign that God is trying to show you that this person isn’t who you want them to be.

Letting them grow in your garden, isn’t going to make them into a beautiful plant, it will just infect the good.&a

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Have you ever tried to speak to someone who spoke a different language than you?

Maybe you’re really patient at first but the more you realize that it’s not helping, the more frustrated you get.

 You likely start talking s-l-o-w-e-r. Maybe you even start yelling, as if a higher decibel is going to change the fact that they can’t understand you.

 The same is true for a narcissist who doesn’t interpret things the same way you do. Yes, they may speak the language. But what you say and what they hear are two completely different things.

 The truth is, no amount of repeating, yelling, or rehashing that is going to change what they hear. I know you want to treat others with love, patience, and kindness. But something just feels off—like they’re not getting it.

 That’s because they don’t. They have a language all their own and if what you say doesn’t match what they want to hear, you’re going to get frustrated and confused because they don’t really say what they mean or mean what they. That means what you say is up for interpretation too.

 So join me as we dive into 14 things you’ll say versus what the narcissist will hear. 

 You: You really hurt me when you said we would save money but then you took it out
of our account without talking to me. Why did you do that?

 Narcissist: You’re trying to control me. Why are you doing this to me?                    

 This is their way of playing the victim

 You: But you said that you wouldn’t touch the money without talking to me first. 

 Narcissist: Are you calling me a liar? Are you calling me a liar? Great, you’re calling me a liar.

 This is their way of deflecting the issue at hand, and playing the victim.

 You: I don’t want to argue with you.

 Narcissist: Of course you don’t. That’s because you know you’ll lose.

 Narcissists love to intimidate you.

 You: Are you going to put the money back so we can stay on track to get out of debt?

 Narcissist: After all the times you spent money and I didn’t say anything, I can’t believe you’re giving me a hard time about this. Maybe I shouldn’t forgive you. 

 The narcissist is always looking to take the focus off of their wrongdoing and turn it back on you.

 You: But I only spent money on necessary things for the house and kids. You took $10,000.

 Narcissist: If you weren’t so tight with the purse strings, I wouldn’t have had to go behind your back to take the money. It’s your fault.

 Blame is the narcissist’s favorite game. Nothing is ever their fault. 

You: I would like to try and resolve this. It’s not just about the money. I’m having trouble trusting you. 

 Narcissist: No you’re not. You’re just complicating things. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?

 Narcissists will always deny your reality. This is called gaslighting.

You: Let’s try to move past this. I forgive you.

 Narcissist: It’s about time. Enough of this nonsense. Now we can get back to the way things were.

 They love to exploit your good nature

You: I’m still upset about this and would like to talk about it.

 Narcissist: Since you’re upset with me, I’m going to give you the silent treatment to make you feel so uncomfortable that you come graveling back to me.

 This is their way of manipulating people

You: I’ll love you no matter what but I re

 Are you ready to set boundaries like a boss? Check out my online course….Boundaries with Toxic family. https://krisreece.com/biblical-boundaries-with-toxic-family/

 Maybe you’ve just discovered that your manipulative friend isn’t as sweet as she pretends to be. Or the guilt your mother has been laying on you isn’t your biblical burden to bear.  

 You’re probably here because you realize that ‘no’ needs to become a more regular part of your vocabulary.  

After all, every relationship—whether with a parent, pastor, partner, coworker, or friend—needs boundaries. They are what makes relationships healthy.

 Boundaries are limits we set with others to protect our relationships and ourselves. They’re guidelines that we communicate to others regarding how we want to be treated.  

  Maybe you’ve just realized that you need to say no to certain people, or perhaps you’ve been avoiding setting limits for a while and it’s finally catching up with you.

  What do you say we make today the day you learn to speak your NO in love?

 In today’s episode we’re going to talk about 3 key principles and the 2 boundary barriers you’ll need to avoid if you want to set guiltless boundaries.

 Let’s dive in.

 Principle #1: Know thyself

Have you ever been given the advice to just be yourself?

 Great advice, but what do you do if you don’t know who you are?

 If you don’t know who you are and what you want, someone else will gladly define that for you.  

 To set rock-solid boundaries, you need a rock-solid identity. This may be the hardest step of all because many of us have formed our identities based upon the needs and expectations of others. 

But you, my friend are a unique creation. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the Universe (Psalm 139:14).

 So how do you get to know you? There are 3 key areas I want you to identify.

1. What’s your temperament? Your temperament is your God given nature. We all have one, and we either operate in its strengths or weaknesses. My hope is that you will freely flow in all that God created you to be when you understand how God wired you. If you need help, grab my FREE What’s My Temperament Guide to get you started. (link)
2. What are your preferences? This includes your likes, dislikes, passions, annoyances, dreams and values. These are what make you different. (Yes, it’s OK to differ from others.) 
3. What are your needs? You can’t expect others to meet your needs until you know your needs, as mind reading is not a spiritual gift.

Establishing boundaries and getting to know yourself can feel selfish first. But you won’t be able to set healthy boundaries until you discover where the other person ends and you begin. 

 Principle #2: Own your stuff

Most rookies to boundaries usually arrive at the desire to declare their ‘no’ after a long time of abuse. While I have no doubt that people have taken advantage of you, putting yourself in the role of victim can feel like it absolves you of responsibility when the truth is, you had a part to play.

 Now would be the time to examine what part you played in the toxic tango.  

 Ask yourself, ‘Was there something I was getting from the relationship that I was unwilling to give up if needed? Did I believe that my behavior could change theirs? Why did I surrender my values for their approval?’

 Next you’ll want to own your feelings. Examining what’s in your heart is going to be crucial if you truly want to speak the truth in love.

 Luke 6:43-44 reminds us that out of the mouth the heart speaks. If you’re harboring resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, victim mentality, or anything of the kind,&

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There is a type of narcissist that is the worst of them all—the type of person Jesus warned of when he said beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15).

 This narcissist sneaks in undetected and infects your life in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

 When we think of the grandaddy of all narcissists, we usually think of the highly abusive, malignant narcissist. But it doesn’t take a discerning eye to spot this narcissist from a mile away.

 The narcissist I’m talking about today, flies under the radar and even comes across to many as sweet, caring, easy going, and nice. But beneath that erroneous exterior, you're dealing with a self-centered, egotistical, self-righteous, entitled brat.

 You may be saying, Kris that sounds a lot like the covert narcissist. Andd you’d be right, but there’s a tiny element that you’re missing.

 This isn’t just the convert naricsisst, this is the ‘Christian’ covert narcissist.

 This is the narcissist that knows all the right words to say. They’ve learned the lingo—maybe they even learned it from you—but they are anything but true followers of Jesus. In fact, many of them are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

 So in today’s video I want to give you insight into their behavior and help you to follow the biblical mandate found in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”

 So let’s talk about 8 contradicting characteristics of the Christian covert narcissist.

 Contradiction #1: Sweet on the outside, shallow on this inside

Two opposing flavors may work well for candy bars, but not for healthy relationships. 

The Christian covert comes across like she/he cares, but it’s a facade, and an overly exaggerated one at that. They have to ‘sell’ you because they know that if you lift up the hood, you’ll see there’s no depth. A few minutes of genuine conversation and you’ll see you can’t swim in those shallow waters. But if you are the type to hang out on the shoreline, you may not spot this person easily.

 Contradiction #2: Uses vulnerability to manipulate

Have you ever had compassion for someone, only to later to feel bamboozled? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something about your care for them made you feel uneasy. Maybe they cried the financial blues when it came time to pay the bill, but you found out later that they really didn’t need you to take them out to dinner.

  Or maybe they convince you do something for them that you later learn they could have and should have done for themselves. Covert Christian narcissists love to play the victim in need.   

 Contradiction #3: Nice, but not kind

‘Nice’ by definition means pleasant and agreeable—two characteristics that can easily be faked. Nice is shallow, while kind is self sacrificing.

 The Christian covert narcissist is not genuine. That’s why they erect a ‘nice’ image. Because they care more about how they appear than how they really are.

 Contradiction #4: Quotes scripture, but is biblically illiterate

Christian covert narcissists know enough scripture to be dangerous. If they lie and twist their words and yours, why wouldn’t they do it to God’s Word?

 Be sure to know God’s truth for yourself, as one of the enemy’s favorite tactics is to confuse you with lies that are founded and grounded in SOME truth. That’s what makes this narcissist so dangerous, they know enough of God’s truth to twist it.

 Contradiction #5: Says one thing, but does another

The Christian covert narcissist takes hypocrisy to new heights. I hate to imagine how many people they’ve turned off to Christ with their two-

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 When you think of love and care, the first person that will likely come to mind is Jesus. After all, he gave his life so that you and I could be reconciled with God and spend eternity in His presence. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

And if you’re like most Christians, your desire is to BE more like Jesus. And yet, when you look at Jesus’ life and how he interacted with others, there are times that might make you scratch your head and think, “Jesus, that wasn’t very loving.”

 But that’s because what we think is love often isn’t love at all—it’s codependency.

 Codependency is the need to be needed. Someone who is codependent is driven by the need to please others—often at the expense of one’s own values.

 This is not to be mistaken for the bible concept of Interdependency, which is a mutual responsibility to others with whom you share a common set of principles.

 Even though codependency displays itself as caring, giving, and self-sacrificing, at the core, it’s very self-centered, destructive, and dishonest. That’s because codependency’s focus is to serve others in order to get your needs met.

 So today, I wanted to break down a few interactions that Jesus had with some key people in scripture and show how much different that interaction would have looked IF Jesus had struggled with the dysfunction of codependency.

 (Please note, it’s not my intention to be irreverent. Rather, it’s to bring awareness to our lack of insight into true biblical love.  

 Interaction #1: Judas  

We all know about Judas’ notorious betrayal of Jesus. Judas stole money from the ministry treasury and he told the chief priests and elders where Jesus was for a meager 30 pieces of silver.

I think we could say that the life of Judas was marked by selfish, manipulative, deceitful ambition.

 Codependent Jesus would have begged Judas to change by trying to make him feel guilty. He would have told Judas just how much he was hurting him. And in his pleadings, he would have been enabling Judas’ behavior for fear of losing a disciple. 

 But our Jesus knew exactly what Judas was doing, and he allowed him enough rope to hang himself (literally). We may view that as uncaring and unloving—after all, Jesus could have prevented it. But at what point does prevention cross into control?

 Jesus will let us walk down whatever road we choose. May that be a lesson for us when we think it’s our job to change someone’s behavior and choices, all in the name of ‘love.’ Jesus never tried to manage others’ behavior, and neither should we.

 Interaction #2: Mary, Mother of Jesus

Many of us are thankful for all that our mothers have done in our lives. And while there is a natural bond that can occur within families, many people take this connection a bit too far. With the pervasiveness of mottos like ‘blood is thicker than water,’ and ‘family trumps all,’ it’s no wonder many people feel disloyal if they are not at their family’s beck and call.

 In Matthew 12:46-50 Jesus was speaking to the crowd in typical Jesus fashion. “While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

 Our Jesus knew what his purpose on this earth was.

 Codependent Jesus would have dropped everything because his family needed him. He would have pushed his purpose aside, believing that he owed it

The Demonic Spirits Driving Narcissists

Why do narcissists mess with your mind so much?

It’s because YOUR mind is Satan’s number one target. If he can get in your head, he can infect every other area of your life. And he starts by using the people closest to you.

A narcissist is someone who has demonic spirits driving their destructive behavior. These spirits tempt the narcissist with a false sense of hope, strength, and control.

Because the narcissist has a deep sense of shame that they desperately try to avoid and cover up, they become easy targets for wicked spirits to have their way.

The demonic goal is not only to destroy the life of those they infect, but also the lives of those connected to the narcissist. People they couldn’t otherwise get to are now easy prey for demons as the narcissist becomes their Trojan horse.

Their goal? To make you feel like you’re going crazy and get so consumed in the narcissistic behavior, that you have no time or energy to focus on God and His purpose for your life.

Demons will use narcissists to:

1. Jam up your receiving signal from God.

2. Keep you on an exhausting emotional rollercoaster.

3. Trap you in a toxic mental spiral.

4. Deceive you into believe that as a Christian, you’re responsible for improving this relationship.

So, to better arm you, let’s talk about eight of the common demonic spirits that operate behind narcissists, and how to overcome them.

1. Spirit of witchcraft

If you think witchcraft is limited to voodoo and black magic, think again. Behind witchcraft is rebellion and manipulation. Narcissists are master manipulators. And remember the words of 1 Samuel 15:23: “For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.” Many will even refer to this as a Jezebel spirit.

2. Spirit of envy

Envy is a resentful dissatisfaction over what another person has. Its quiet cousin is covetousness. And scripture is clear—thou shall not covet. But narcissists always feel entitled to what they don’t have. Satan is the prince of envy.

envy may be the head demon, but there are many demons operate under the spirit of envy, like murder, revenge, spite, anger, strife, hatred, cruelty, divisions, envy and competition, just to name a few

3. Spirit of confusion

There’s just something sinister about confusion. It’s a weapon that the enemy uses to unleash his attack through mental and emotional distraction and disorientation. Confusion is designed to paralyze you with overwhelm and cause you to question the Word of God and your own sanity. This is a realm that narcissists love to play in, as it takes the focus off of their diabolical behavior.

4. Spirit of condemnation

Since deflection is the name of the game with a narcissist, it’s no wonder that the spirit of condemnation is right there to encourage hateful accusations designed to find fault in their victims. Their aim is to create a sense of hopelessness within you through constant criticism and blame shifting.

5. Spirit of control

Controlling people don’t have anyone’s best interest in mind except their own. They will seek to control the narrative, their image, and YOU, and will use mental and emotional tricks to get you to do their bidding.

Angry, bitter, traumatized people are targets for narcissists since their emotions can be so easily manipulated.

This spirit of control is also often referred to as a Jezebel spirit.

6. Spirit of deception

Narcissists are addicted to lying. With their word shifting, truth avoiding, hollow flattery, a narcissist’s only ambition is to exaggerate themselves and diminish you.

These spirits of deception open the door to other evil spirits, such as religious bondages, superstitions, false prophecy, accusations, gossip, slander and false teachings and of course, confusion.

The narcissist is the bullhorn for S

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Behind the Mask: What 24 Narcissists Had to Say About You

Narcissists have a superficial and alluring charm that draws you in to their web. They say everything you want to hear, but over time the cracks in their mask start to show.

Maybe after years of inconsistent behavior that didn’t match their words, you’re left wondering if it’s ALL been a facade.

Well, you don’t have to wonder any longer. I set out to get to the bottom of what they really think, and what I found surprised me. They all said the same thing. I mean they all used the same exact words. That’s right. All 24 narcissists that I spoke to said the same exact thing about their victims. And today I want to share that with you in hopes of bringing you a little clarity to your confusion.

(I spoke to both male and female narcissists, so I am going to use he/she interchangeably. The statements are reflective of both genders.)

So buckle up. Here’s what the narcissist had to say about you.

· What the F--- is wrong with her? Forgive my use of foul language here, but I wanted to bring you the exact picture of what they say. They don’t mince words, nor do they see their part in the problem. Even the ones that did still honestly believe that their bad behavior is justified, but yours is inexcusable.

· He/she doesn't get me This is usually after you’ve discovered their bologna and don’t worship them anymore.

· He/she wasn't supportive. Again, when you're not supporting them in whatever cockamamie endeavor they dream up, you're the bad guy. They truly believe that you should support (aka agree with) them in every way.

· She’s just a b——. He’s just a jerk/a—. Again, my apologies for the language but narcissists are children that resort to name-calling when things don’t go their way.

· He/she clearly doesn't care to understand what I'm dealing with. Narcissists always have excuses for why they aren’t succeeding, why they didn’t get something finished, or why they didn’t keep their word. And if they actually have a legitimate issue--like a health issue--that issue will be used every single time you try to challenge their lies and behavior.

· Whatever! he/she isn’t/wasn’t worth my time. Since the narcissist has no desire to work on a relationship, they will write you off faster than you can swat a mosquito in the summer. They love to talk trash about people who don’t play along with their inflated ego and will often use put-downs to garnish pity from others. They like to position themselves as the saint who put up with your abusive behavior. They can’t just walk away—they have to go down with a blaze of glorious victimhood.

· What can I do to get him/her back? After all of the name-slinging and trash-talking, every single narcissist asked how they

could get their partner back, especially if they were rejected and discarded. They often pretend that they don’t care, but the rejection is killing them and their one purpose is to get you back to regain control in the relationship—that’s it. They don’t care to change. They don’t feel bad about how they behaved. They only care that it had a negative outcome on them. That’s why they want you back—to regain control of the narrative. YOU don’t get the final say. Not in their world.

· Why do I always pick the crazy ones? This statement is meant to position themselves as the one who is always wronged.

· After all I did for him/her, this is how he/she treats me? Narcissists truly believe that you owe them. In their mind, they are self-sacrificing and you’re the beneficiary who owes them.

· He/she has trust issues. They’re just too sensitive. Narcissists can’t validate your feelings because it would force them to face their contribution to the problem. Instead it’s all directed on y

The Dark Side of Therapy: Avoid These 6 Counselor Types

Finding the right person to help you in your struggle is crucial. That’s why I’ve teamed up with Faithful Counseling—to help
Faithful Counseling  https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece 

Counselors have become like hairstylists—everyone's got one.

Just a few years ago, it was more taboo to need a counselor, whereas today, it’s often the topic of many dinner conversations. And that’s good. Mental and emotional health are crucial for emotional intelligence. But many well meaning people have landed themselves with counselors that could be doing more harm than good. 

Of course there are the obvious unethical, illegal, or immoral behaviors of therapists that need to be avoided, but there are other more subtle signs that you’ve got yourself a bad counselor.

#1: The Boundary Stomper

An intimate relationship can be formed between counselor and counselee, especially when the counselee is vulnerable. This can put an unhealthy counselor in a position to cross boundaries that shouldn't ethically be crossed. But they also cross much more subtle ones by getting just a little too involved with your life or taking advantage of the relationship.

I knew of a counselor one time who reached out to her clients soon-to-be-ex-husband to guilt him into giving her more alimony.

Other examples of poor boundaries are:

· cutting sessions short or running them longer than expected

· charging you more or even less than agreed

· canceling appointments regularly on short notice

· trying to have a relationship with you outside of counseling—for example, starting a business, hiring you to perform a service, or even a friendship.

#2: The Rent-A-Friend

Listening is an important part of the therapeutic process--a certain amount of advice and guidance (especially in the way of directive questioning ) is needed to help you come to new levels of understanding, revelation, and behavioral/belief change.

But the rent a friend is all about ‘talk therapy.’ In other words, you do all the talking--and that’s it.

Yes, sometimes we need a listening ear, but simply rehashing poor thought patterns and frustrations aren’t going to bring lasting change.

#3: The Authoritarian

While professional input is vital to help you shift your perspective and reframe things that you’ve been viewing the wrong way, the authoritarian takes it to a whole other level.

These are the counselors who don’t let you get a word in edgewise. They also have a quiet undercurrent of criticism and judgment that is designed to intimidate you.

This therapist will often make the sessions all about themselves.

#4: The Sweetheart

Compassion is a vital part of the healing process. It may be the only empathy and validation someone receives in their life.

But the sweetheart takes this to a destructive level by not holding you accountable for your part and challenging you in self-improvement.

No one is perfect and we all have a part to play in our relationships and healing. And even if you were victimized, it’s imperative that your counselor not coddle you, but rather challenge you to grow through your circumstances.

#5: The ‘Non-Christian’ Christian Counselor

Christian counseling is in high demand and good ones are hard to find.

True Bible-believing counselors that seek to live according to the word of God are a scarcity. And that’s what you’re looking for in a ‘Christian’ counselor.

Many have weaseled their way into the Christian