Breaking the Grip - Finding Faith and Freedom from Toxic People

In today's episode, we talk about the 6 steps to building biblical confidence that can conquer anything.

Just believe in yourself. You can do anything, you set your mind to. Everything you need is already in you. Or maybe you've been hit with the famous Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”  

There's no shortage of pithy statements designed to encourage you to let your inner confidence roar. There's only one problem they don't work. Not because they're not true. Well some of them aren't but it's mostly because they don't address the core of the issue. If confidence were simply a matter of changing the words that you speak, we wouldn't have a worldwide epidemic of insecurity and low self-esteem. Without the right confidence, your purpose can go unfilled and you can live way below potential.

Today, I want to talk to you about the six steps to building a Biblical confidence that can conquer anything. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about the 4 steps to handling adult toxic children biblically. 

We're living in a time where toxic parenting is not tolerated so much anymore. The “I'm your mother” line that once worked on kids is no longer enough to bully adult children into submission. And if you've been raised by a toxic parent, I truly empathize with you, but we're also suffering relationships of some epidemic proportion and they're coming from adult toxic children. And there are serious consequences for adult children, who disrespect and dishonor, parents, a growing number of adults or children are disrespectful. Critical manipulative, self-serving, they are magnifying, the parents flaws and minimizing the parental sacrifices and God never excuses, disrespect towards parents and even if your parents made colossal mistakes you can return good for evil.

Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your Father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be enough to motivate some children today. So parents, what are you to do?  Some will go so far as to return toxic for toxic and throw scripture in their face, in an effort to do their own manipulating, but I want to encourage you to take a step back for a moment. I know the relationship is important to you and I know that you believe you are owed something more than you've been given.

So, I want to help you to understand the best way to biblically handle toxic adult children.

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about the 4 Biblical steps to quiet the chaos in your mind.

You’ve got the attention span of a goldfish. Okay, my friend before you go and get mad at me, those aren't my words. But the average attention span for a goldfish is 9 seconds. Yep, that's it. But here's the kicker according to a new study from Microsoft Corporation, human beings lose concentration after 8 seconds. That's it. Like, I've seen the difference, just watch a sitcom today compared to 20 years ago and you'll see a vast difference in the pacing and the changing of the scenes. 

In fact, just a few months ago while I was on YouTube and old favorite, sitcom popped up into my feed. It was a short episode of The Golden Girls and I was feeling a little nostalgic. So I watch the four-minute clip and I was shocked at the thought that I had one minute into the show and I, here's what I thought. Wow, this is really moving slow and I would never have considered myself a person with a short attention span. But I think that there's no doubt that I to fall into the goldfish bowl and whether our attention, spans are shorter because of the media or the media adjusted to account for our attention span. I don't know, but what I do know is that there is no debating, the fact that our lives are over loaded and it's not just TV and social media. It's our thoughts. 

 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we'll talk about how to respond and not react when toxic people push your buttons.

 Toxic people can really push your buttons whether they're twisting scripture for their benefit, playing the victim to make you look bad, or gaslighting every negative emotion that you experience.  Trying to be in relationship with the seemingly double sent individuals requires an extra dose of grace, but what do you do when that doesn't even seem to be enough? 

So what are you do when your pressure cooker blows and you explode in anger and frustration? Rightfully so, but it leaves you looking like the bad guy. Look, I get it, I wish I could say that I have never been triggered by self-centered entitled egotistical people, but that would be a lie. The truth is they have gotten the better of me on more occasions than I care. 

Count the one day during my devotional time. I came across Proverbs 14:29 and it changed my life. Here's what it reads. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

In other words, those who react are fools. What a blow here, I am looking at these arrogant, self-righteous, manipulative people that they are what I was just as bad as I was responding as a fool, not as a child of God. My friend, it snapped me right into place faster than a toddler with a Lego set. And from that day forward, I was determined to learn how to respond in a healthy and Godly manner that exposed their foolishness, but kept my integrity. And that's what I'd like to share with you today. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode we talk about how to decipher and deal with guilt, shame, conviction and condemnation.

We've all experienced the guilt at some point in our lives, some more than others. But in the Christian Community there seems to be two extreme schools of thought. One camp is going to say, there's so much wrong with me and they feel more holy and humble for beating themselves up all the time. Now, the other camp says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus therefore they vehemently reject any negative feelings. 

Many of the feelings associated with guilt and shame, conviction, and condemnation, come as a result of something you did or what someone has done to you. But you'll want to be very careful because these terms shouldn't be used interchangeably. So let's go ahead and break down what each of these terms mean and how to deal with him in a God-honoring. 

For starters: guilt.  Guilt is the result of having violated a specific rule or a law. Guilt is a state or a condition. 2 Corinthians 7:10 reminds us that “Godly sorrow brings repentance, that leads to salvation and leaves, no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death, guilt is a state of unhappiness marked by regret.”

Not a feeling, is it? You could feel guilty and not be and you could not feel guilty and be very guilty. And that is why this whole you have your truth I have mine mentality is so dangerous because it is based upon a dead-end conscience. For example, according to the Bible, we are all guilty before God. Romans 3:10 has an awareness of a wrongdoing. It doesn't usually reflect on the person, there's usually ownership and accountability. 

Hopefully, I could feel guilty for example, for missing an appointment and that guilt should lead me to apologize to the person and take measures to ensure that doesn't happen again. There actually can be positive change as a result of guilt. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about what it really means to make Jesus your King.

Scripture refers to Jesus as king. Revelation 17:14 refers to him as king of kings. And this means that Jesus has rule over all every ruler and every authority in the end. All other rulers will be conquered or abolished and Jesus alone will reign supreme. There is no one more powerful than King Jesus, but what does it mean to make Jesus your King? 

if you live in the United States like I do you have an idea of what a king does but you don't have kind of direct experience of what it's like to live under the rulership of a king and truth be told even if you did, it's likely pretty pathetic in comparison to what the kingship of Jesus is like since his kingdom is not of this world. So it's kind of hard to grasp the concept of what it means to make someone your king and if you have made Jesus, your personal savior, it's likely that you spend time in prayer and reading the Bible, maybe with some degree of struggle. But if we're truly being honest, we spend most of our time crying out to God. 

God, help us with our personal life and our situations. God, please pay my rent. God, please get me out of this job. But God, please give me this job. God, please get this person out of my life. God, please bring this person into my life. Oh, God. Please, God! Please, God please, and our prayers become a series of supplications rather than adoration to our King. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Will God Let  Me Separate from a Toxic Spouse?

What do you do when you have no biblical grounds for divorce but you can't take another minute living in your toxic marriage? Perhaps you've considered separation, but are there biblical grounds for separation from a toxic spouse? 

The answer is simple, and it's, yes. But there are many nuances that you need to be aware of before taking this drastic step. For starters, if you are struggling because you are not getting along, not equally yoked, have differences of opinion, or having arguments that you think are unnecessary my friend these are not biblical reasons for separation. And God often uses people to change people and just because there may be grounds for separation also doesn't mean that God is pleased with it. 

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says “a wife must not leave her husband, but if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him and the husband must not leave his wife.” Separation, my friend is never an ideal situation, but because of sin, it is sometimes necessary. If your spouse is addicted, adulteress, or abusive these would be biblical grounds for separation. 

Abuse.  

Abuse is a word that unfortunately is thrown around far too easily these days. He got snippy with me can be packaged as abuse. If all you're looking for, is an excuse to, get away from this man. But on the other side, physical, emotional, and mental abuse are very real and they should be taken seriously. And for those going through this abuse, it is no picnic. But the problem with abuse outside of physical that is, it's subjective. It's difficult to prove. One could have an intense way of communicating that works well for them. While someone else would say no, he's abusive to me. On the other hand, the term abusive can be used by abusive people to create hurt and harm to another. 

I knew this woman that would keep a book of abuse from her ex-husband and she would share this book with her children and had, you not known this person yourself you would have actually believed that she had been through a tremendous amount of abuse. But here's what's interesting is, it took quite some time, even for her children to recognize it. And she was actually the abusive one, but she would take all of these little interactions that she could blow out of proportion and call abuse. This woman was in no way abused. In fact, she was the abuser. 

This does a great disservice to those who are truly being abused in relationships and the separation should be a step towards restoration. It should not be an excuse to get away with and get on with your life and that's how the world does it. The world does separation as one step further to divorce as Christian separation should be used towards reconciliation and restoration. So if you're not sure, I want you to please, keep in mind that the Lord often uses relationships to refine us, not divide us. So I want to encourage you to start with a healthy self-examination and ask God to show you how you need to grow and perhaps grow in your ability to set boundaries or your ability to deal with the anxieties that come from the awkwardness of the relationship or work through the differences of opinion or let go of a controlling nature. Learn how to have grace in another's weaknesses, that could be one of the things that God could be dealing with you on. Again, this is not permission to allow abusive behavior. 

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Does being with a narcissist feel like you lose parts of yourself?
In today's episode, we talk about the 8 Biblical Tips to Get Along with a Narcissist Without Selling Your Soul

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In this episode, we talk about 4 easy Biblical tips to not be so easily offended

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

Are you the type to get easily offended? Do you frequently find yourself taken aback by the things that people say and do?  

I remember going out to eat with friends one time after we finished a long event we were enjoying our food in the conversation and then I looked over at my friend’s plate. And I saw that she was nearly finished in record time and I remember thinking to myself, wow, she must have been hungry. 

So I said,” wow, you must have been hungry,”  and she stuttered a little bit and said, “yeah”, and we went back to our dinner conversation and it wasn’t until we were ready to get the check that I see that she had not finished what little food was left and she packed it up and she took it home. 

I sensed something was up. So later that evening one of my other friends said to me how hurt was by my comments, I knew what, she was referring to because it was obvious how hr behavior changed after it. But I couldn’t understand why and worse, why didn’t you say something to me? 

Whether you’re the type that gets offended and says something to the person vents it to another person or tries to keep it to herself, being easily offended can actually affect or even, infect our relationships.

And maybe that’s why Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7:21 says this, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that the many times you yourself have cursed others.” 

Are you easily offended? Do people have to walk on eggshells when they’re around you? 

Yes, there are people who are rude and cruel and I’m not talking about those people who make their snide, passive-aggressive comments, repeatedly, and then say, oh, I was just kidding or you misunderstood me. I’m talking about the situation where you leave it up to the other person to figure it out and fix it, but you never take the time to figure out if it was truly their issue or yours. 

Being offended is subjective. That’s why there’s no recourse for being offended. What offends me may not offend you and vice versa. If someone said to me, wow, it looks like you were hungry as I quickly polished off my dinner. That wouldn’t offend me, but it did my friend. So, what’s actually going on behind the scenes? 

Well, the truth is, people who easily get offended are often self-righteous. And I know this hurts to hear and it certainly hurt me to hear this years ago, when I thought that it was everyone else’s job to cater to my feelings and beliefs, otherwise they didn’t love me. You have free will to believe and prefer whatever you’d like, but so does someone else. So we have to stop making people wrong in order for you to be right.

Then we go and we kick it up a notch and we presume to know that we know what they were thinking, we know what they were feeling when they said what offended us, the truth is, you don’t know what someone else is thinking or feeling. You don’t know what their true motive is and when you have a self-righteous attitude, you automatically make someone else wrong. So you can stand in your self-righteousness. 

Doing this empowers you to point the blame outward and say, “you bad, me good”. And there are times that people can say something that was hurtful and they truly didn’t mean to. But there are other times where there are questions that are comments are truly innocent but you’re hit h

In this episode, we talk about how to speak the truth in love and the 4 ways you'll get tripped up trying to do it.

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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.

In today’s blog, we will be discussing ways that you may get tripped up while speaking the truth. 

There are typically two types of truth-tellers, the avoided, and the blurter. If you are the avoider, you typically do everything you can to avoid the topic at all costs. That is, however, until your internal pressure cooker blows and you spew out everything that you’ve pushed down. If you are the blurter, you have no problem telling it like it is, but, you usually leave people feeling 2 inches tall and you wonder why they want to avoid you as Christians.

As Christians, you will likely want to be like Jesus, bold in your expression of Truth, yet gentle in your delivery, all in the name of love. Ephesians 4:15 instructs us, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head. That is Christ. Speaking the truth in love is not just a matter of having a gentle and meek demeanor or a sweet-sounding voice.

So, let’s talk today about how to speak the truth in love and the four ways that you’re going to get tripped up trying to do it that way.

Number #1 –  Check your heart.

Luke 6:45 tells us the good person out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil. For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. What comes out of your mouth comes from within you, no amount of sugar coating is going to change what’s in your heart.

In Ephesians 4:1, Paul tells us “Therefore, I, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called; with all humility and gentleness, with patience bearing with one another, in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.”

We see that speaking the truth in love is not a matter of having just the right words with the right tone of voice so that you come across as gentle, humble, and patient. Rather, it’s about having the right heart where you are patient, humble, and gentle. If you are the type who can only be these things for only so long, I submit to you that you are merely trying to make behavioral changes and not true heart changes because whatever is in you, eventually will come out of you. If your heart isn’t in the right place, you will likely have a self-centered motive when you’re communicating. The best way to avoid this is to ask God to examine your heart before you communicate the truth.

Number #2  – Put honesty in the front seat!

You’ve heard it said, “honesty is the best policy” and it is true my friend. 1st Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love rejoices with the truth. So be honest, not only in what you say but also in what’s going on inside of you. If you don’t recognize and acknowledge the fears; the apprehensions that are all going on inside of you, they will quietly continue to drive you and your moods. Despite how hard you try to speak the truth in love, we often think that honesty is rude and cruel, especially when delivering something difficult or something that others don’t want to hear.  The truth is the only ones who don’t want to hear the truth are those who are living a lie. Sometimes, your desire to do the right thing to help someone can cause you to stay in an abusive situation.

Matthew 7:6 tells us this, “do not give to dogs what is Holy and do not throw your pearls before pigs lest they trample them underfoot and turn and attack you.”