Breaking the Grip - Finding Faith and Freedom from Toxic People

Are you struggling to hear from God?  In this episode, we talk about 4 ways that God is speaking to you and how to attune your ear to hear from God.


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TRANSCRIPTION
Are you struggling to hear what God is saying to you? Maybe you’re battling with your identity or you have a decision that you need to make and you think to yourself, if God would just speak to me, send me a sign, something so that I know it’s him, then I would know what to do. One of the perks of having a personal relationship with someone is that you get to communicate with him directly. I mean, there’s a mutual give-and-take of ideas and honest expression, but what happens when you feel like the relationship is a little more one-sided when you’re doing all the talking and you feel like you’re getting nothing in return. Well, unfortunately, that’s how many people have described their relationship with God. They feel as though their prayers are just bouncing off the sky and they can’t hear his voice.

Today, I want to talk to you about the ways that God is speaking to you and how you can attune your ear to hear his wonderful voice. But before we dive in, I want to get the obvious out of the way. If you were trying to pray to God without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as your personal savior, you will not hear from God, repentance of sin and acceptance of his son opens the line of communication with God.

Jesus said, in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

So if you’re not my friend, may I encourage you to make Jesus, your Lord, and Savior and let that amazing relationship begin. But for the sake of this video, and this podcast today, I’ll assume that you are a follower of Christ and as a Christ-follower, I have amazing news for you. He is speaking to you.

John 10:27 reminds us of Jesus’s words when he said “my sheep, hear my voice and I know them and they follow me.” Now, you may be saying to be great Kris but I don’t hear him and I don’t know what to do.

So the question that we are going to answer in three parts is this, “Is God speaking to me?”


#1 – He is. He’s just not saying what you want to hear.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a beloved passage of scripture and it reads “for, I know the plans that I have for you, they are plans for good and not a disaster to give you a future and a hope.” And we love reading encouraging scriptures that make us feel good. But what do we do when the word we’re getting from God is not what we want to hear?

If we back up in Jeremiah 29 and read the passage, just before the promise, we find something quite different. And here’s what it says in verses 4 through 8, “the Lord God Almighty, the God of Israel, sends this message to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem, Build homes and plan to stay. Plant gardens and eat the food you produce. Marry and have children then find spouses for them and have many grandchildren. Multiply, do not dwindle away, and work for peace and prosperity of Babylon. Pray to the Lord for that city where you are held captive for if Babylon has peace so will you.”

In verse 10 he tells them, “the truth is that you will be in Babylon for 70 years.” Huh?  There was a plan all right, a plan before the promise, but not the plan that they would have hoped for your city, which has been invaded by the enemy. You’ve been violently ripped from your home and carried off to a distant land. You’ve been made to live in captivity, the security that you’ve known for your entire life is now, instantly vanished. And God

In this episode, we talk 12 colors in dreams and their biblical meaning

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TRANSCRIPT

God often speaks through dreams. Job 33:14 says, "for God, does speak now one way, now another though no one perceives it in a dream and a vision of the night when deep sleep falls upon people as they slumber in their beds, so he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings to turn them from wrongdoing and keep them from pride, to preserve them, from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword."

 Dreams are an active part of everyone's life. It's not just limited to believers. However, the difference for the believer is that they can have greater access to the interpretation, through number one, the Holy Spirit. Joseph said to the baker and the cupbearer in Genesis 40:8,  "Do not interpretations belong to God?" We could have every dream book in the world, but without the help of the Holy Spirit, we will fail in our interpretation. 

And number two, we have the word. The Bible is our handbook for life. It is God's love letter to us. It is also rich with symbolism and metaphors that God uses to communicate with his people, and the colors are no different. Throughout scripture, color has been used to symbolize many things from rainbows to silver bowls, and now there are many colors in our world and I believe that we're going to see even more in heaven. And just like all other, symbols, all the meanings of color can have a positive, negative, or personal meaning, depending on the context of the dream.

So let's talk today about some common dream colors, and their possible meaning, remember colors, like other symbols can have a positive or a negative meaning it all connects to the context of the dream.

Red. - Red is a capturing color. It is often used to warn us of danger, and in the Bible, it represents the blood of Jesus, in the positive red can represent wisdom, anointing power, and new birth in the negative, it can represent anger and war. 

Blue. - Blue is often a common color. Just look up at the sky and you'll see. In the positive blue can represent revelation and communion. But in the negative, it can represent depression and anxiety.

 Yellow. - Yellow can be seen as a form of gold, which is representative of the purification process.  In the positive yellow represents hope. But in the negative, it can represent fear and intellectual pride. 

Green. - Green is a mixture of both blue and yellow.  And is often a symbol of growth and life in the positive. It does represent growth prosperity and unconscious. In the negative, it can represent envy, jealousy, and pride. 

Purple. -  Purple is often associated with the color of royalty, especially in biblical times when very expensive to make purple garments. In the positive, it represents royalty, authority, and wealth, but in the negative, it can represent false authority or corruption of wealth. 

Orange. - Orange can be associated with the fire of God. In the positive, orange can represent perseverance and change, but in the negative, it is often a sign of stubbornness. 

White. - White is often associated with purity as in the bride of Christ. In the positive, white, represent righteousness and holiness, but in the negative, it can represent a religious spirit or disease.

 Gold.  - Gold often represents the glory of God. And in the positive, it represents purity, glory, and holiness, but in the negative, it can represent idolatry and defilemen

In today's episode we talk about why demons won't leave.

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In this episode, we're talking about 10 common symbols that show up in your dreams.


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TRANSCRIPT

Did you know that God can speak to you in dreams? He did it on numerous occasions in both the Old and the New Testament. While some dreams are direct and clear in their meaning, most leave us scratching our heads wondering, “what was that?”. Today, we are talking about 10 common dream symbols and their possible meanings. God often uses symbols and metaphors to communicate with us. Some symbols in the bible include a lamb, a dove, and rainbow rocks. Before we get into these symbols and what their meaning is, I want to remind you that leaning on the meaning of symbols too much can lead you astray instead of towards God. The most important thing to keep in mind is the context. Symbols can have a positive or negative meaning and can come from God, Satan or your soul, so focus on the context when looking at the symbols. 

Let’s dive into the 10 symbols and meanings. 

Bathroom Dreams

This often indicates a cleansing and this could be a cleansing of sin or simply from the filth that comes on us. Be sure to recall the condition of the bathroom. Was it dirty? Or was it refreshingly clean? Dirty bathrooms can indicate sickness or disease. And also, pay attention to where the bathroom was. What building was it in?

Being Naked

Being partially naked or fully naked represents a level of vulnerability. So, think of the context. Were you comfortable being exposed or were you embarrassed? Were you on stage in front of thousands of people or just one? Asking these questions will really help you decipher what is going on. This could be a warning from God to clean up an area of your life before He exposes it. 

People

This is one element that we most often misinterpret. We often assume that this person is real and can’t even believe that the dream is about this person. Most often, dreams are about you. These people can be literal or a representation. They could represent a position, the meaning of their name, or even how you feel about them in real life. The same can be true about dreaming about people that you don’t know. Faceless people often hold a spiritual meaning. Sometimes, they can be Angelic, Demonic, or even the Holy Spirit. 

Weapons

A weapon represents an attack or even spiritual warfare. Look for the size and power of the weapon, and also, if it was being used against you.

Vehicles

Vehicles can represent work or ministry. These vehicles can vary from bicycles, spaceships, or anything else. The bigger the vehicle, the bigger the impact. Also, recall who was driving the vehicle. 

Water

Water can frequently represent a move of the Holy Spirit. Again, it depends on the context of the dream. Rain can be a spiritual blessing. 

Hallways

Hallways frequently represent times of transition. So, when you're in the hallway, look for things like light, darkness, turns, and doorways.

Doors

Doors in a dream can represent opportunity, new beginnings or secrecy. So ask yourself, “is  the door wide open, is the door closed, is it locked”? Was it big or small? Are you unfamiliar with where it leads? It could be a door to your past. 

Money

Money can represent a gain or loss of favor.

Ex Partner or Person From Your Past

This can indicate that you are slipping back into old patterns. Don't worry. It's not likely God telling you that you're going to be back with this person.

 *Bonus*

In today's episode, we're talking about the signs that you're emotionally dependent on people and not God.

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TRANSCRIPT: 

Is your need for love and affection insatiable? Do you suffer distress when someone physically or emotionally withdraws from you?  You could be struggling with emotional dependency. Today’s blog will be talking about the signs that you are emotionally dependent on people.  

Emotional dependency is when the ongoing presence or nurturing of another is believed necessary for your personal security. It's when your happiness is based upon someone else or the relationship's success. We can even mistake the feelings of emotional dependency for love. When there is a secure attachment developed in childhood, we are better equipped to have healthy relationships with others and with God, but in the cases of insecure attachments, the struggle is often exhibited through performance. When your worth hinges on others, you can easily slip into emotional dependency. Emotional dependency can be on just about anybody; anyone that you put in the place of God. This dependency can become an emotional crutch for you, but God calls us to be in a relationship and calls us to have healthy interdependence on others. 

Let’s go over the 18 signs that you are emotionally dependent on people. 

1. Security. Do you struggle with your worth and identity?
2. Attention-Seeking. Do you get jealous? If you are not the focus of their attention?
3. Unsure of Yourself.  Do you frequently? Doubt yourself, your desires, your goals, your decisions?
4. Unable to Be Alone. Do you struggle to enjoy frequent quality alone time without this person?
5. Need For Approval.
6. Tolerating Toxic Behavior.
7. Indecisiveness. Do you have trouble making even the smallest decisions, usually out of a fear of displeasing the other person?
8. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth. Do you question your identity in Christ?
9. Critical of Self and Others.
10. Frequently Anxious. Do you often feel physical or emotional? Anguish? Are you unable to relax?
11. Jealousy and Trust Issues.
12. Fearful.  Are your actions driven by fear, fear of rejection, confrontation, or loss?
13. Self Punishing. Do you beat yourself up when your needs aren't met?
14. Plays the Victim.
15. Poor Communication.
16. Constant Need for Reassurance. Are you frequently checking in with the other person to be sure that they're okay so that you can feel okay?
17. Manipulative. Do you often feel the need to control others? This is more often in a passive manner, through guilt.
18. Overthinking.

Anyone can struggle with these traits from time to time, but an emotionally dependent or needy person will display these traits with much more frequency than on occasion. It's not hard to fall into the emotional dependency trap. There is no one my friend that could possibly meet your needs for love and approval. God wants to be your all in all. Will you let him? 

There are some serious dangers remaining in an emotionally dependent state. It makes you prone to manipulation, blocks your ability to hear from God, and you may not reach your full potential in life. God is our source, and people are a resource. 

Remember, all things are possible with God. 

Thank you for reading and until next time friends.

Having trouble getting out of your own head?  In today's episode, we talk about how to believe God's Word over your thoughts

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TRANSCRIPT 

If you’re anything like me, you get hit with a half-dozen destructive thoughts, all before getting out of bed. Every day we have a battle going on in our minds. We are bombarded with thoughts that either give us life, suck the life right out of us, and thoughts that contradict God’s truth. Not only can they wear us down, but they also cause us to make choices based on our feelings and it now becomes a mindset. These thoughts can actually keep you from living an Abundant Life. The Bible often speaks of putting off wrong thoughts and actions and then putting on Godly actions and thoughts.


Let’s talk about the steps that you can take to believe God’s Word over yours.


Step One | Receive God’s Word

Jesus in the wilderness in Matthew 4, responded to each of Satan’s temptations with the word of God. He responded with the scripture that applied to the direction that he knew his mind should be taking.  You need to be in God’s Word! You can’t pull out of you, what isn’t deposited in you. 

Step Two | Replace the Lie

Some thoughts are easier to detect than others. The thoughts that simmer beneath the surface can be just as destructive as the temptations that seek to destroy you. One of the main reasons that Christians have difficulty renewing their mind is because they don’t recognize the lies in their minds. They don’t recognize them as lies and these lies and half-truths have been present for so long that they actually feel like truth. Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” If you’re not sure, seek the scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the lies in your life. According to Psalm 139: 23, “Search me God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

Step Three | Repent

Proverbs 28:19 tells us that “whoever conceals their sin does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Thinking thoughts that are contrary to the truth are sinful. The Bible considers sins of the mind the same as any other sin. It doesn’t matter what the cause of your thought was. Your response is your responsibility. 

Step Four | Resist

God has made it simple when he tells us in James 4:7, “Submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee.” You can repeat steps one, two, and three and live in victory. I hope that you will join me in the words of the Apostle Paul, when he says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me and the life, which I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me, receive God’s word, replace the lies, and resist the enemy.” That’s how you begin to believe God’s Word, over your thoughts, and live in mental victory.

If you are struggling with a victim mentality, I want to encourage you to jump on over to our previous blog post on How to Overcome a Victim Mentality in Christ. Look out for our next blog post.  Remember all things are possible with God.

If you've been harmed at the hand of others but no longer want to live the victorious  christian life, join me in today's episode as we talk about how to overcome a victim mentality - Biblically!

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TRANSCRIPTS

Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, or harmed in some form during their lifetime. If not physically, then emotionally. We’re all victims in moments of life’s challenges and difficulties. John 16:33  said that “in this life, you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” So, what do you do when you feel like a victim? We should affirm the reality of the innocent victim’s suffering as we have the opportunity to address it, but we do them a grave disservice if we allow ourselves to fall into a victim mentality.


How do you overcome a victim mindset and walk in God’s victory? We will talk about the six steps to getting there.

Step 1 – Stop making excuses.

You are requiring that someone else come in and override your fault for you, which they can’t do. The truth is, someone will always have it worse than you, and better than you and it doesn’t matter. You can continue to blame others for the defeats in the challenges and settle for less than God’s best for your life, or you can choose to embrace the truth. 

Step 2 – Take ownership of your needs.

In most cases of victimhood, the battle is more in the mind and it stems from the inability, or the unwillingness to take ownership of one’s wants and needs. If you feel powerless my friend, I want to encourage you to get help in dealing with that.  If someone is violating your needs, learn to set boundaries. You are not a victim of this other person’s bad behavior. 

Step 3 – See yourself and God correctly.

When we slip into a victim mentality, our vision is a little distorted. We aren’t viewing through the lens of scripture. Instead, we are viewing through the lens of experience.  Instead of seeing God, as our provider, our justice, our avenger, our guide, we see him as just someone else who was abandoned and forgotten. What does God say about you? You are a victorious Creation in Christ. So what do you say about God? Do you say that God has forgotten you rather than believing His word that he will never leave you or forsake you? 

Step 4 – Find the root before you construct.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where this began, ask him to reveal the root. Jesus can heal all wounds. But sometimes it’s helpful to get additional help to work through those residual emotions that have seeped into other areas of your life.

Step 5 – Repent.

You may be thinking, why do I need to repent? There’s nothing you need to repent of except allowing yourself to stay stuck in a victim mentality and not believing God’s Sovereign justice will prevail in your life. Still, for many with a victim mentality, it shows up in everyday life. A victim mentality magnifies the harm that is done to us and it blinds us to our own sin. It tells us a false narrative explaining our situation, so that blame lies exclusively with other people or circumstances. God never calls us victims of our circumstances. We are called to take responsibility for our actions. Your mental actions need to be repented of. 

Step 6 – Forgive.

Jesus said,<

Do you find yourself running thoughts over and over again in your mind?  In today's episode, we're talking about how to stop ruminating over a toxic relationship.

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TRANSCRIPT

Do you find yourself unable to stop thinking about the toxic person in your life? Maybe it’s your self-centered, husband your narcissistic mother or your obnoxious boss. You find yourself thinking repeatedly about the offenses maybe run the scenarios over and over again of what you should have, could have, and would have said. Maybe you repeat the offenses over and over again. And you struggle with forgiveness or perhaps you are the type who blames yourself and then wonders, what you could have done differently.

Whoever it is and whatever the thoughts, it is likely that this person is taking up way too much, mental real estate. And if you’re like many, your joy is gone, and you have trouble attending to the needs of life simply because you can’t stop thinking about this person and what they’ve done or are doing. Most people, I encounter will provide a blanket solution for this problem. They’ll say, I know, I know I just have to stop thinking so much about them, and to that, I challenged and say the problem is not that you’re thinking, the problem is what you’re thinking about.

If you’ve ever struggled to lose weight and just told yourself, I need to stop eating so much you’ve likely, found that suggestion not very helpful. So let’s dive deeper into understanding what you’re thinking about and bring some biblical resolve to that mental battle. Rumination is running thoughts over and over again in your mind, but wait, that sounds a lot like meditation and you’d be correct, but there is a distinct difference, in meditation in the Godly sense not the new age is the focus on God’s word.

Psalm 119:15 says, “I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.” Psalm 19:14 should be the cry of our hearts, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh, Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Rumination on the other hand is the fixation of your heart and mind on the negative aspects of the people, the situation, and maybe even God. It can take on an obsessive nature where you can’t seem to stop. It is the devil’s counterfeit to meditation. And for many, they believe that, if they can just think on it enough, they will find peace. And this is a trick from the enemy to pull you further into his mental pit.

And I’m guessing a big part of you doesn’t want to ruminate on this person. You want to get back to the plans and the purpose that God has for your life, but there’s a problem and our minds, don’t like unsolved problems.

So let’s talk today about what’s happening in your mind and how you can overcome this mental battle biblically.

Four primary problems we’re going to talk about that are taking place right now.

Problem #1 – Confusion.  Toxic relationships always create confusion. One minute the relationship is good and the next minute, it’s not. And as a person with a desire to be in a healthy relationship you are likely willing to deal with the ups and downs and go through the tough times with people. But this toxic person always seems to change the rules and it causes confusion. There’s never peace and you’re always waiting for the o

In today's episode we answer the question, Are empaths Biblical?

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TRANSCRIPT

Are you the type who feels deeply? Perhaps you’re highly sensitive to the feelings and moods of others. You may even get over-stimulated often and need a lot of alone time to regenerate. You could be considered what many would call an empath. And for all intents and purposes, one would likely call me an empath. 

So what is an empath? Well, in the dictionary an empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability, to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual chiefly in science fiction and paranormal activity is encompassing term that includes not only ghosts, hauntings, and demonic activity, but also other unexplainable phenomena such as unidentified flying objects, and extrasensory perception ESP, just to name a few. Much of the paranormal activity we see today is actually a total hoax.

But if there is paranormal activity, it’s coming from demons and as Christians, we should not be intrigued with or drawn to this type of activity, but rather turn from it as it is part of a spiritual battle that is taking place in the Heavenly Realms. Ephesians. 4:27 says, “Give no place to the devil.”

So, let’s take some of the qualities that cause you to believe that you’re an empath and examine them biblically.

Trait #1 – Highly intuitive. Those who believe they are empaths would describe themselves as having high intuition. Well, the truth is that the Bible never mentions intuition. In fact, it tells us not to trust ourselves. Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick, who can understand it.”

One site describes empaths as clairsentient. They went on to define it as this clairsentient is the most common of the four clairs of intuition with messages coming through as feelings. In the case of empaths, they are naturally strong in the clairsentient or feeling psychic pathway. Does this sound biblical to you?

Trait #2 – Highly in tune with others. Those who consider themselves empaths pride themselves on being able to feel others emotions, and they often described themselves as having the ability to know what someone is feeling. They’ll often use words like we’re so connected. And the claim that empaths can perceive the physical sensitivities of others is a characteristic shared by many in the occult. No one except God has the ability to perceive the motivations and intentions of someone else. You can find this in Psalm 139, John 2:25,  1st Corinthians 2:10-11.  1 Corinthians  2:11 says this,” who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them.”

We are not given that insight. Sometimes these perceived abilities are a manifestation of learned codependent behaviors. So every person I have ever met, who calls themselves an empath actually displays codependent traits.  Now, on the other side, it is possible that God has given you a gift of discernment, but the enemy is looking to distort it.

Trait #3 – Often feeling over-stimulated. Those who identify as an empath will often struggle with feeling over-stimulated. They may claim that others negative energy and emotions, could send them into a total tailspin. And while I can agree that there are people out there that are more sensitive than others. I’m being one of them. Low tolerance for external stimuli doesn’t make me a new age empath.  It makes me less tolerant to external stimuli and as a unique creation of God, we would do well to honor those limitations, but not put in a cultic name or label on it. And

In this episode we explore the key reasons God is keeping you in a toxic relationship.

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TRANSCRIPT

Should I stay or should I go? That’s the question we often asked God when we find ourselves in less than healthy relationships, everything in us could be screaming get me out of here, but for some reason, God seems to be keeping you there with no way of escape. And perhaps you’re stuck, taking care of a toxic mother, who belittled you her whole life, or perhaps you are tied by covenant, with a narcissistic husband, or maybe you’ve got no other job options right now, besides that obnoxious boss, that takes advantage of you.

Being in a toxic relationship with no visibility of relief can make you feel trapped and hopeless. I know I’ve been there, years ago I found myself in a relationship with a man that I thought was a Christian, but it turns out he was a total narcissist. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Now, how do I follow Biblical advice? I would have held off on marrying this man and perhaps seen the issues ahead of time, but instead, in my ignorance and arrogance, which by the way, is a really dangerous combination, I bound myself to this man in marriage and it didn’t take long before I realize that it was the biggest mistake of my life.

It was horrible, everything from the gaslighting to the constant blame-shifting. This man was married in title only. He never cared about me or my daughter and everything was all about him. I held no value other than to serve his twisted purpose. I cried out to God in utter desperation. I wanted out, but I did not want to step outside of God’s will and timing. So I stayed 9 long years. I stayed in that loveless marriage. Then one day God revealed to me what this man was really doing with his time and money and it was released. What a sad but glorious day that was. We often look forward to the glorious release, but today I want to talk to you about the gap.

The time between when you realize what you’re dealing with and the time that God actually delivers you. It is often a torturous and depressing time, but I want to bring hope to you right now and let you know that God sees you. He has not forgotten you and he will not leave you without support but much. Like the Israelites’ Journey, there is often a reason that God will leave it in a less than desirable situate situation longer than we’d like to.


Today. I want to talk to you about four reasons why God may be keeping you in that toxic relationship.

Number one is to grow and strengthen you. If I’m truly being honest, I’ve grown more in my challenges than in my blessings. I’m guessing you can say the same and it’s not that God is sadistic in growing us, but he will often use difficult situations and people to mold and shape us into the people. He created us to be Romans 5:3-5 says, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering, produces endurance and endurance, produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

When I was stuck in that toxic marriage, I made a commitment to God, that I would allow him to change, whatever he needed to change in me to make me the woman that he purposed me to be. Look. It’s very tempting to go, “God punish this person. God, get me away from this person. God change this person.” 

But at the end of the day, sometimes it’s more about us. It’s not an easy journey, but it is well worth the pain and effort to hope that you find that encouraging.

Number two is to te