We've had a few clients come to us recently with career conundrums they just could not figure out. They'd looked at it from every angle and were only getting more confused about what they should do.

And yet, like magic, when we asked them to stop thinking of their job (either the one they have, or the one they want) like a job, and start thinking of it like a person they were dating, all of a sudden the answers appeared.

Job searching and dating are almost exactly the same thing. And the sooner you adopt this mentality, the better off you'll be (whether you're "on the market" romantically or professionally speaking!).

In this month's brand-new Side Chat we're getting into…

• Why desperation drives both lovers and employers away.
• How codependence shows up on the job search and on the dating scene.
• Why trying to be impressive on first dates and interviews is never going to work for you, and how to show up, instead.
• Setting the ground rules for how you expect to be treated in your career and in your romantic relationships.
• How to handle breakups of the romantic and professional varieties.

After you listen come leave a comment to share what resonated most about the relationship between job searching and dating!

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT AGAIN!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through Tuesday, March 31st!

• We'll be taking on about 15-20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (March or April).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the coming months, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until summer 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief call with you!

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In case you hadn't heard, every-other-Tuesday we're publishing "Magic 8-Ball" episodes! AKA, we shake up the nearly-200 episodes we've released in the past two years, and the one that rises to the surface has a message that you needed to hear today.

Today's episode is a Side Chat from last summer about how to hone your intuition (and tell the difference between that, and fear). Pretty relevant right now, don't you think?

So, imagine a dude pumping iron, except he only ever works out one arm. He's basically a circus attraction with his one giant bicep on the right and a puny, atrophied bicep on the left.

Well, this freak is all of us. Except the over-developed right arm is your logic/fear muscle, and the atrophied left arm is your feelings/intuition muscle.

Most of us want to start working out that sad, deflated left arm, because we really want to let go, trust our intuition, and make decisions from a place of deeper knowing, but we have no idea how to do it.

In this episode we got into:

• All of the ways you can turn down the volume on fear and allow space for your intuition to flow.
• How to get into a consistent rhythm of "exercising" your intuitive abilities.
• Real-life examples of what recognizing (and trusting) your intuition looks like.
• How to tell the difference between the voice of intuition and the voice of fear.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how you're going to start making space for your intuition to speak to you!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again starting this Friday, March 20th! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15-20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (late March and into April).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in June 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

Want to hear how our coaching process works (and why it works so well)? Check out our episode, "Why career coaching has (almost) nothing to do with your career" from October 2019.

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS SIDE CHAT

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

Breaking your phone addiction with Kristen Kalp (May 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

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We all have our laundry lists of insecurities, self-doubts, and things we don't particularly like about ourselves. But when those self-judgments turn into full-on self-hate, that can open the floodgates for all kinds of numbing, self-sabotaging behaviors.

For Adam Miller, that manifested as drug addiction. Throughout his process of recovery, he learned that the best cure for self-sabotaging, addictive behaviors is learning how to like — and eventually love — himself again.

Adam will be the first to tell you that cultivating self-love takes time, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to healing from years (or a lifetime!) of self-hate. But it's a journey that just keeps feeling better and better, and life on the other side … well, you can hear Adam describe in his own words exactly how that feels!

In this month's interview with a normal person, Kristen and Adam talk about how to recover from self-hate and all its insidious side effects. They got into…

• A few of the many self-sabotaging side effects you might be experiencing if you're struggling with self-hate.
• Adam's take on the correlation between a lack of self-love and addiction.
• Why the "cold turkey" approach to changing behavior isn't right for everyone (and might actually be counterproductive), and what to do instead.
• How to choose which self-improvement path is right for (Adam's method for this is slightly scandalous and so freeing!).
• Adam's advice, based on lots of personal experience, for how to start cultivating self-love in small ways right away.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Adam's story resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT ADAM MILLER

Throughout my life, I have always been the "advice friend." You know, the one that people come to for support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to rant to, and one that can be trusted to listen with an unbiased point of view. A lifetime of being this person has shaped me into someone with a great intuition and an ability to understand why people do what they do, even if they cannot necessarily put their thoughts and feelings into words. It has become my passion, and what I believe to be my purpose in the world.

Currently, as a professional coach, I get to live that purpose daily. I get to use my own life experience as a person recovering from addiction and as a person who has struggled with self-hate, anxiety, and depression to support those navigating the issues those struggles can cause.

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again starting next Friday, March 20th! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15-20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (late March and into April).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in June 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

How to tell the difference between self-loathing & tough love

Dear Krachel: How do I stop self-sabotaging?

Dear Krachel: How do I find real self-worth (when nothing has worked yet)?

Moving past the worst years of your life with Lauren Mowbray

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Miranda, who took the Passion Profile Quiz and can't tell if she's a "real" Thriver, or whether she's only getting that result because she's burnt out and resentful of working. Could she have a different Profile if she recovered from burnout?
• Jules, who wants to get better at feeling her feelings, but doesn't want to indulge so much that she spirals out of control. How do you walk the line between having feelings and letting them run amuck?
• Eric, a single guy in his 20s who's ready to start dating again. He wants to know how he can stand out on a dating app, beyond just "being himself."

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our April episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again soon! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15-20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (late March and into April).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in June 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

IF YOU LIKED THIS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO…

Dear Krachel: How do I recover from burnout? (January 2019)

Blog: How to feel work energized at work (& generally in life) (December 2019)

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

Healing the worthiness wound with Thais Sky (October 2019)

Side Chat: When your feelings are ignored, scorned, & gaslit (January 2020)

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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Every-other-Tuesday we're going to be publishing "Magic 8-Ball" episodes. AKA, we shake up the nearly-200 episodes we've released in the past two years, and the one that rises to the surface has a message that you needed to hear today.

For our inaugural Magic 8-Ball episode we're re-releasing something from the very first day we launched this podcast!

The original title was "How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)." It explores the push-pull between masculine and feminine energy, which is something you're almost definitely struggling with, even if you haven't been conscious of it.

On this episode we talked about:

• Why "equality" doesn't mean having to become masculine in order to succeed in your career.
• What "masculine" and "feminine" actually mean (we guarantee you've got some misconceptions on this one).
• Why you might be struggling with burn-out, fatigue, and overwhelm.
• How to go after freedom and flexibility, even if you feel trapped in a rigid environment.
• How to embrace your intuition and emotions in a workplace that doesn't encourage you to.
• How you can get more done, in less time, and still feel rested and energized.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know what message this Magic 8-Ball episode had for you today!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again soon! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15-20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (late March and into April).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in June 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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A few weeks ago, we hosted a live online workshop about getting what you want in 2020. In typical fashion, the two of us were bouncing ideas and insights and jokes back and forth, and had a great time (and hopefully enlightened a couple people, too). But something that one of our attendees commented on stayed with us long after the hour was over. She said:

"I have never had a female interaction like you two have. It's wonderful to see, totally alien to me! :( That bond is so powerful and affirming. Thank you for being who you are, and doing that side by side."

She was 100% right. Having really solid friendships is powerful and life-affirming! And if we could, we'd wave a magic wand over all of you and grant you at least one soulmate-level-platonic-life-partner.

But since we can't manage that, we decided to whip out the big guns (or big wands, as it were):

We're doubling down by bringing another dynamic duo on the podcast to talk about all things friendship: Our friends Shannon Egan & Inés Battistini, who are BFFs and co-founders of The Biz Sisterhood!

Join Krachel and Shanés as we get into…

• How Shannon & Inés were "love at first sight," but Kristen & Rachel were more "meh" at first sight.
• Taking friendships from tentative, excited, new friends to soulmate-level-BFFs.
• Navigating messy, complicated feelings and disagreements between friends.
• How to tell if someone has the potential to become a deep, authentic, lifelong connection.
• Where to go to find potential friends if you're struggling to meet people.

After you listen come leave a comment to share your feelings about making friends in adulthood!

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

MORE ABOUT SHANNON & INÉS

Inés Battistini & Shannon Egan are on a mission to help female entrepreneurs boost their productivity & manage their time, so they can get things done & achieve their BIG goals without burning out in the process!

When Inés & Shannon first became entrepreneurs, they struggled to be productive, stay motivated, and get results. But when they started co-working together, magic happened! That's why they created The Biz Sisterhood—a community of Girl Bosses supporting each other on their entrepreneurial journeys. They believe you have what it takes to build a thriving business doing work that you love with less overwhelm and more ease!

Follow them @thebizsisterhood on IG

Take The Girl Boss Quiz

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We've been obsessed with the Enneagram ever since we discovered it last year, and we're pretty sure we passed that obsession on to many of you!

One of Rachel's clients recently said that discovering her Enneagram type felt like "a punch to the soul." And damn, that's exactly how it feels when you pinpoint your type—like you've been truly seen, but in the most vulnerable, cold-sweat inducing way!

And for those of you who haven't taken the Enneagram yet, and are wondering why in the world you'd ever inflict a "cold-sweat-soul-punch" on yourself … fair. We'd argue it's because until you know your deepest (and often most unattractive) default programming, you can't break free or grow beyond it. And that's something worth doing.

So, in the spirit of growth, we're revisiting the Enneagram in this month's brand-new Side Chat, after stumbling upon a theory about the Enneagram that makes SO much sense (and made Kristen cry a little).

We're getting into…

• What Enneagram Soul Child Theory is, and why it made the Enneagram click even more deeply for us and our other coach-friends.
• How you might have adapted your dominant Enneagram type as a way to protect yourself from rejection/pain … and what type you might really be, on a soul-level.
• An explanation of what type you might have started out as in childhood, and what type you became as an adult.

After you listen come leave a comment to share your reaction to this theory and how accurate it felt for you!

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, LISTEN TO THESE NEXT

Bonus Book Club! The Wisdom of the Enneagram (Part 1) (August, 2019)

Bonus Book Club! The Wisdom of the Enneagram (Part 2) (August, 2019)

CHECK OUT SARAJANE CASE OVER AT ENNEAGRAM & COFFEE!

Sarajane's site

@EnneagramAndCoffee on IG

Her Instagram series on Soul Child theory, by type: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, and Nine

ENNEAGRAM TESTS

There are many Enneagram tests you could take, but here are two that we've both personally taken. Keep in mind that you'll want to set aside about 45 minutes to complete either test:

Eclectic Energies Enneagram Test (free)

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (paid)

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Remember in Harry Potter when Fawkes the phoenix would near the end of his life cycle? He'd get all wheezy and bleary-eyed, and generally look the worse for wear, and Dumbledore would encourage him to "get on with it."

Then, of course, he'd burst into flame and emerge again from the ashes, a tiny and somewhat ugly little chick who would soon grow into his former glory.

Well, as we near our 200th episode of the podcast, we're feeling a bit more like "old and wheezy" than "youthful and resplendent" Fawkes. So, it's time to burn some stuff down and start anew!

In the spirit of death and rebirth, we're taking something away and giving you something new.

KRACHEL TAKETH AWAY

We're cutting back from 8 podcast episodes per month to 6!

Instead of blogging every Tuesday, we're going to be publishing episodes every-other-Tuesday. Sometimes they might be blogs, or Rachel Rants, or special bonus episodes.

But mostly, we're going to use our two Tuesdays a month to give you "Magic 8-Ball" episodes: Where we pick any of our past 200 episodes, somewhat at random, and reintroduce it to you.

It's likely, even if you're a Clarity on Fire super-fan, that you haven't heard 100% of our past episodes. And that's a shame, because there are some really great gems just sitting there, waiting to be discovered (or rediscovered, as the case may be).

Think of these episodes like a shake of the Magic 8-Ball—whatever message you get is the probably the exact one you needed that day!

BUT KRACHEL ALSO GIVETH

We've been wanting a way to connect with you that's easy, fun, and a lot less time consuming than listening to us gab on the podcast for an hour or more each week!

So, we're getting hip to the times and sliding into your DMs (that's how the youths say it, no?).

That's right, we've got a phone number and we mostly know how to use it! So, want to get weekly texts from us??

Sign up here

OR … text your first name, followed by a single space, then your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

We're going to send you some motivation/inspiration/food for thought on Monday mornings, and probably one other surprise throughout the week, too.

You guys feel like our friends, even though we've never gotten to meet or talk to most of you! So getting to text you will make that friendship feel even more real, on both sides.

The first official text goes out on Monday the 24th, so sign up before then so you don't miss it!

P.S. We'd be delighted if you added us to your contacts (call us Clarity on Fire, Krachel, or whatever else amuses you), and even more gleeful if you pick a great image for our contact photo (Oprah and Gayle? James and Sirius? Tacos and guacamole??) and share it with us. ;)

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When I first met Amanda, she was lugging around shame like it was an anvil strapped to her back. In her mind, she didn't deserve to feel light or free because she'd left her marriage of almost 20 years in a way that she felt very guilty about.

But as long as she was carrying guilt and shame like a penance, she wasn't able to pick anything else up. It's hard to move on with your life, or get clear about who you are on a deeper level, if you're not allowed to forgive yourself.

So, that's what she had to learn how to do. And that's what Amanda and I got in to during this month's new interview with a normal person!

We talked about …

• Why she was ashamed about how she left her marriage, and why she felt unable to let that shame go for a long time.
• The difference between letting yourself off the hook for bad behavior (something you probably shouldn't be doing) and genuinely forgiving yourself (something you definitely should do).
• How forgiving herself allowed her to heal the issues that caused her marriage to dissolve, in the first place.
• The newfound direction and purpose she found in her career once she was finally able to make peace with herself.
• How she's transitioning this month from her full-time job as director of a non-profit to full-time self-employment.

After you listen come leave a comment to share how Amanda's wisdom resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT AMANDA

At 48, Amanda Michaelis is finally starting to figure out who she is.

Amanda's shift in her life occurred after the end of an almost-20-year marriage. During that time, she dove deep and discovered who she was, what she valued, and how she was meant to live her life. Her career has led her into the healthcare industry; a large, family-owned and operated regional business; and most recently the nonprofit world. Amanda is currently participating in an open, transparent transition process with her Board of Directors to move out of her current organizational leadership role, and into the world of self-employment as a coach and facilitator in her own business called, appropriately enough, Shift Your Perspective.

In addition, she is deeply committed to developing leaders in her community. She is in her sixth year facilitating both the adult and junior Community Leadership Programs in her town.

Her goal these days is to like herself today more than yesterday.

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, LISTEN TO THESE NEXT

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

Bonus Book Club! It's Not Your Money by Tosha Silver (March 2019)

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Expecting the perfect job to be your savior with Sarah Knight (October 2019)

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"I think I'm bad at joy," said my client Laura at the start of our last coaching call.

She went on to tell me about a mini road trip she and her boyfriend took over the weekend. There was a moment in the car when everything felt right in the world — the sun was shining, the windows were down, her favorite music was blasting, and her boyfriend smiled over at her and put his arm around the back of her seat.

"I literally thought my heart was going to burst, I was so blissed out in that moment," she said.

But it didn't last long. Almost immediately, Laura's mind started to freak out:

"I really shouldn't have taken this trip. My boss is already annoyed that I took a whole week off earlier this month, and now I'm taking another long weekend?? Ugh, going back to work on Tuesday is going to be fun… And I probably should've put the money I spent on this trip toward my student loans. I'm going to be paying those off forever. Maybe I should get a second job. Or a higher paying job. But what kind of job? Do I need a second degree to get a better paying job? But that would mean MORE student loans. And what if I don't even like that job? I'm never going to figure this out…"

Within 30 seconds, Laura's joy had evaporated.

She asked me, "What happened? I was so happy, and then I just … wasn't. It was like all of these crazy anxious thoughts took over my brain. What's wrong with me?"

There's nothing wrong with Laura. She just has the same impulse that most people I know have — to rein in her joy. IF YOU LIKED THIS THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Our free downloadable e-book:

Are happy people for real? What it takes to live a happy, contented life in a world where that sometimes feels impossible

Make sure to check out the rest of our e-books, too:

E-Book Collections

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