Clarity on Fire

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Kaitlyn, who wants to know the secret to making healthy, lasting relationships.
• Leslie, who's frustrated because she can't get anyone—co-workers, potential employers, and even contractors she wants to pay to work on her house—to communicate with her. Is the Universe trying to tell her something, or is there a way she can get people to actually pay attention to her?
• Southern Searcher, who's realizing just how much she's based her self-worth on what other people think. She's tried to measure her self-worth by her personal achievements instead, but that only works when she's achieving something significant. How do we find real self-worth—the kind that doesn't depend on anything outside of us?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our July episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

THIS ISN'T FATE

Carl Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

A lot of us (these Dear Krachel letter-writers included) are, consciously or unconsciously, allowing deep-seated fears and old patterns to direct our life. If you don't question and uproot those patterns, you're guaranteed to keep getting the same results.

If you're tired of patterns you either aren't aware of (or are aware of, but can't get rid of) controlling the direction of your life, and you'd like to take back that control, then that's exactly what we do in 1-on-1 coaching.

If you're seriously considering coaching, read this page and then click "sign me up" to talk to one of us about the possibility.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

How to find your tribe and grow a network with Carolyn Birsky (April 2018)

Side Chat: How to get through life's big transitions (September 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

Side Chat: The trick to overcoming your deepest, most secret blocks (May 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

Every Sunday evening, you have a growing sense of dread as the last few hours of your weekend slip by.

Most mornings, you can barely drag yourself out of bed because you can't imagine spending another day at your job.

You have big plans for your after-work hours, but after 8+ hours at your job, all of that flies out the window because you're flat-out exhausted. You hardly have enough energy to pick up dinner on the way home and zone out to a few hours of Netflix.

You have a habit of casually scrolling through job postings, but rarely have the energy to actually apply for anything. That is, until you have a particularly awful day at work, and then you spend hours checking every job board you can think of and sending out rapid-fire applications.

You, my friend, have a draining job. And you need a new strategy.

Enter the bridge job.

In this week's blog (which is a throwback from 2017), I'm explaining what a bridge job is, how to tell if you could benefit from one, and how to find the best bridge job for you.

FREE INTERVIEW SERIES STARTS TODAY!

We'd like to introduce you to an expert who might be able to shine some light on your biggest issues and spark a few "aha moments." Our new friend Caroline Garnet McGraw is an author, coach, and speaker (with multiple TEDx talks under her belt!). She's put together a FREE expert speaker series called The Clarity Course Series: How to handle doubt, get unstuck, & live your purpose.

The Clarity Course Series showcases experts who can help you stop second-guessing and start moving forward. Past guests include an Olympic Gold medalist, two TED speakers, a dazzling musician who shares stages with Michelle Obama, and many more.

Caroline's interview with us is out TODAY, Tuesday, June 4. You'll be able to access our conversation, as well as all 9 of the other expert interviews in the series, for 3 days (until Friday, June 7 at 9am Central).

Registration is free! Just sign up here and you'll be emailed when the interviews are live!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it's time for another book club episode of the podcast!

Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can't get enough of. This time we decided to have a conversation about a rampant problem that a LOT of people in our audience are likely suffering through—being preyed upon by energy vampires.

1 in 5 people is on the vampire spectrum (YES, you read that right), which means you've known many throughout your life, and have likely been preyed upon by more than one.

If you're an empath, highly sensitive person, people pleaser, peacemaker, or anyone who has difficulty enforcing boundaries with other people, this conversation about Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships that Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power by Christiane Northrup, M.D. is going to hit home for you!

We talked about:

• The type of people who are tasty prey to an energy vampire, and how to tell if you're an easy mark.
• How to spot an energy vampire from a mile away.
• How to set hard boundaries, escape the drama, say no, and steer clear of the people who are draining your energy and making you miserable (even if they're a member of your family).
• How to heal the wounds and blind spots that made you susceptible to energy vampires, so that the pattern can't repeat itself.

Come leave us a comment after you've listened and let us know if you've been an inadvertent snack to an energy vampire, and how you're going to start shutting that down ASAP!

EPISODES YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO NEXT

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person) (April 2018)

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease (May 2018)

Side Chat: When you want to fix someone, but can't (March 2019)

Side Chat: Why positive thinking is mostly BS (April 2019)

Side Chat: The trick to overcoming your deepest, most secret blocks (parenting your inner child) (May 2019)

How to negotiate anything (even if you're a people pleaser) with Devon Smiley (May 2019)

CHECK OUT OUR PAST BOOK CLUB CONVERSATIONS

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Bonus Book Club! The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver

Bonus Book Club! It's Not Your Money by Tosha Silver

TUNE IN TO THE CLARITY COURSE SERIES

Do you want to live your life in sleepwalker mode, just going through the motions … or do you want to live on purpose?

If you chose the latter, you've gotta check out The Clarity Course Series. It's a free online video interview series designed to help you handle doubt, get unstuck, and live YOUR purpose … not anyone else's.

Attend this high-caliber online event for FREE here.

Previous speakers include an Olympic Gold Medalist, two TED speakers, a bestselling author, and many more!

Our interview goes live on June 4th, so sign up now to make sure you don't miss out!

LINKS

Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup, M.D.

The Empath's Survival Guide by Judith Orloff, M.D.

Leave a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube Channel

If you started following us in the last couple of years, you probably don't know that we used to do this thing called #ClarityGems. They were pretty images with a quotable on them that people got in their inboxes once a week. Here's an old one, just so you get the idea:

They were fun to write, in part because they were so different than a traditional blog. It was all about getting straight to the point instead of meandering to one. I liked to think of them as a magic 8 ball that people shook up once a week and got exactly the message they most needed.

And people loved them. We got feedback regularly about how our #ClarityGems made someone's day or helped somebody see their situation in a new light.

And yet … I quit doing them a few years ago. Even though logically it should have been easy to keep doing it (it was a weekly image and a handful of paragraphs once a week; how hard could it have been?), I just couldn't muster the energy for it anymore.

I had plenty of mixed feelings about calling it quits. But I'd been there before — feeling the desire to transition, to move on — and I recognized the signs. I couldn't pretend they weren't there.

So, in this week's blog I'm walking you through how I made the decision to quit (when logically, I should have kept doing it), and how you can tell when it's time for you to quit (not just your job, but anything else).

PAST EPISODES ABOUT QUITTING

How to know if you should quit your job and work for yourself (April 2019)

Why you don't need to feel guilty about quitting your job (April 2019)

Dear Krachel: I love my job but hate my team. Should I quit? (August 2018)

Dear Krachel: Should I follow my passion or is it too risky? (May 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

If you're a compassionate, sensitive, people-pleasing-type person who hates rocking the boat, then the very idea of negotiation is probably nausea-inducing at best, and horrifically impossible at worst. (And even for those of us with thick skin, it's still awkward as hell!).

A lot of us think, "What's the point of asking for what I really want if I have to be someone I'm not—pushy, aggressive, selfish, demanding—in order to get it?"

Well, that's why we asked Devon Smiley to come on the podcast. She's a Negotiation Consultant (yes, that's a real job!) with 15 years of experience and $5 billion in contracts negotiated! She's also a genuinely warm, upbeat person who proves that you don't have to be an a-hole in order to get what you want.

We asked Devon:

• What are the most common hang-ups people have around negotiation? What's getting in our way?
• What does negotiation even mean? (Her answer is SO not what you think it is).
• How does being a woman change the way you negotiate, for better or worse?
• How do people pleasers handle negotiation?
• What are some not-so-obvious things we can negotiate, that we might not realize we're allowed to ask for?
• How can we feel confident about our ability to negotiate, and take baby steps to get there?

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Devon's advice landed with you! And if you've got an opportunity to implement her strategies in your life, we'd love to hear how you plan to do that.

MORE ABOUT DEVON

Devon Smiley is a Negotiation Consultant & Speaker with 15 years of experience with Forbes' finest and small business alike. She closed $5 billion of commercial contracts as a lead negotiator and brings this experience to organizations, entrepreneurs and founders focused on securing strong commercial results without sacrificing relationships.

Devon's global consultancy firm works with companies of all sizes, and she contributes as mentor and advisor for programs including Startup Bootcamp FinTech NYC, Startup Canada and the HEC Paris Incubator @ StationF. Her insights on negotiation have been featured in The New York Times, Glamour magazine and The Chicago Tribune.

A strong believer that negotiation benefits more than just the bottom line, Devon is honored to work with pro bono partners including The Clinton Foundation and UN Women to lead negotiation skills training for their teams and communities.

Find her online at DevonSmiley.com Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @DevonMSmiley

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN

A former recruiter tells all (& helps you get hired) with Emily Liou (September 2018)

Navigating a toxic workplace with Stacy Campesi (February 2019)

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease (May 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

As the Harry Potter super fans (and Ravenclaw nerds) that we are, it's truly amazing that this idea hadn't occurred to us before … but better late than never!

Instead of a blog this week, we sat down for a quick, fun round of sorting our favorite HP characters by their Passion Profile.

Can you guess whether Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Luna, Neville, Ginny, and even He Who Must Not Be Named is a Firestarter, Tribe Member, Thriver, or Side Hustler??

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know your own Hogwarts house, Passion Profile, and if you agree with how we sorted everyone!

(We also couldn't help ourselves … since Game of Thrones is officially over, we had to sort a few of our faves from that series, too! So come share your take on GOT sorting as well).

$50 OFF THE PPSC & A FREE COACHING SESSION!

Today (Tuesday, May 21) is the LAST day that we're offering a special deal ($50 off AND a free hour-long coaching session!) on the Passion Profile Short Course— our 5-ish hour, totally online, go-at-your-own-pace program that helps you find your career direction in as little as 1 day.

Use code MAY during checkout! Check out all the details and sign up here.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE

Side Chat: The 4 Passion Profiles (December, 2018)

Bring your own butterbeer (Kristen interviews Rachel on her 30th birthday!) (August, 2018)

Exploring the 16 personality types with Leslie McDaniel (August, 2018)

Krachel plays 36 questions to fall in love with anyone (April, 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

We all have that thing—that one block we just can't get over; the thing we keep bumping up against, but either can't fully see or don't totally understand.

In this month's Side Chat we're shining a light on the likely source of your deepest, most secret (and stubborn) blocks, so that you can identify them and then finally get over them.

We're talking about:

• The ways your brain got wired in childhood, and how that's still impacting you today
• Why so many people know that they have issues—people pleasing, overworking, bad relationship choices—but keep repeating themselves anyway
• How to identify where the negative patterns started, and go back and insert a new pattern
• Examples of deep blocks our clients have identified and overcome that you're sure to find relatable and inspiring

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know what light this conversation shined on your deepest blocks!

$50 OFF THE PPSC & A FREE COACHING SESSION!

Now through Tuesday, May 21 we're offering a special deal ($50 off AND a free hour-long coaching session!) on the Passion Profile Short Course— our 5-ish hour, totally online, go-at-your-own-pace program that helps you find your career direction in as little as 1 day.

Use code MAY during checkout! Check out all the details and sign up here.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE

Therapy vs. Coaching with Sarah Rossmiller, LPC (November, 2018)

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease (May, 2018)

Side Chat: "I'm not enough" vs. "I'm too much" (February, 2019)

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person) (April, 2018)

Bust through any block with Ryan Mathie (January, 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

I've never been 100% sure how I feel about the concept of soul mates.

Although the Pride-and-Prejudice-loving side of me wants to believe that we each have one specific soul mate who's our perfect match, I can't fully buy into the idea.

Now, don't get me wrong … I wholeheartedly believe in soul connections.

We've all experienced that phenomenon when you meet someone for the first time and you instantly click. It feels like you've known them forever, there's no awkward small talk (shudder), and you find yourself revealing your deepest beliefs in the first 15 minutes.

Sometimes, you just intuitively know that someone is right for you, whether it's as a friend, romantic partner, business connection, etc.

And the great part about soul connections is that there's no limit on how many you can have! Hopefully you have many people in your life who you feel deeply, soulfully connected to.

The part about soul mates that I can't fully get behind is the belief that there's only one person in the entire world who is your "other half," and you'll never be completely happy if you don't find that person.

That's a lot of pressure!

And it's the same level of pressure that we put on ourselves to pick the exact right career. It's setting you up for failure.

Here's what I've come to believe…

After you've listened, come share your comments on the blog.

GET IT WHILE THE GETTIN'S GOOD

Imagine this: You've been asked to cook a dish you've never made, and you've got two choices. The first is to shrug your shoulders, guess at the ingredients and the steps, and hope your dish comes out well.

The second is to follow a recipe and know your dish is a winner. It's a no brainer, right? Why would you suffer through guesswork when you could just as easily be certain?

So … if you wouldn't guess your way through making a meal, why in the world would you do it with something as important as your career?

The Passion Profile Short Course is like a recipe for your career path. It's the "secret sauce" that takes the thought out of trying to plot your career direction and prevents you from wasting years of your life hopping from job to job, hoping that you eventually stumble across something you love.

If your career has you feeling stuck, confused, and overwhelmed, and if you're starting to wonder if you might be "broken," then the PPSC is the perfect place for you to start your new career journey.

You can get unstuck, feel confident that you're on the right track, and build the foundation you need to have a thriving career and life — in as little as one day.

The PPSC might be right for you if:

• You're looking for a way to get un-stuck that doesn't involve a lot of time, money, or complication (it's a 5-ish hour, video-based DIY course with workbook prompts).
• You've been hoping for a simple answer to this whole "finding career direction" thing.
• You don't know where to start and wish someone would tell you what to do about your career situation.
• You loved your Passion Profile Quiz result and want your life to actually align with what you read.

The PPSC is available 24/7, but between now and next Tuesday, May 21, we're offering the course for $199 instead of the usual $249. Use code MAY during checkout for $50 off!

AND ... we're doing something we've never done before (and may never do again, 'cuz it's kind of crazy): We're giving everyone who signs up in the next week a free, hour-long coaching session with one of us!

Need more details? Check out the PPSC page to see whether this is right for you.

Remember, you have until May 21st to take advantage of this special deal! After that, the price goes back to normal and the free coaching sessions disappear.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

After 40 years of obesity, Tony Weaver decided it was time to make a drastic life change.

Despite having many previous failed attempts at living a healthier life, he committed to losing 100 pounds in a year. Not only did he achieve his goal (and then some! He lost 131 pounds in total), he also went on to run two half-marathons, start a blog, and write a book.

Maybe most importantly, he found his voice, gained a new sense of confidence and purpose in the world, and learned to genuinely like himself, just as he is.

If you're considering making any significant life change, whether it's health-related or not, you'll definitely want to tune into this month's interview with a normal person. Listen in as Kristen asks Tony questions like…

• What was the catalyst that made you want to make this huge lifestyle change?
• What were your biggest fears when you were just getting started?
• A lot of people start making changes like this (getting healthier, finding a new career path, paying off debt, etc.), but they don't see them through. What made you stick with it?
• How did you handle disappointments and challenges along the way?
• When you were losing the weight, you had a clear goal in mind. Now that you're in maintenance mode, how do you continue to keep yourself motivated?
• What are the biggest things you learned about yourself through this whole experience?
• What advice do you have for anyone considering making a big lifestyle change, whether it's weight loss or something else?

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Tony's story resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT TONY

Tony Weaver made a choice to change his life. After 40 years of obesity, Tony decided he was going to lose over 100 pounds in under a year. But that wasn't the whole story because he also decided not to follow any fad diet, not to give up anything, and to do it his way. Instead he turned to his project-management expertise and managed his transformation as a project. It worked! He lost 100 pounds in just 9 months and 131 pounds overall. He went from 325 pounds to completing his first half marathon in just 16 months. But it wasn't just what he lost that matters; it was what he gained. He found his voice, he found his confidence, he rediscovered himself, and he found a calling. Early in his transformation, Tony launched has blog, OperationMelt.com, to share his journey in real time. His goal was to help other people working on similarly big goals to be more successful. Recently he also published his first book, Operation Melt: How I Used Life-Changing Project Management to Lose Over 100 Pounds in Under a Year. Tony's blog and book are all part of a broader vision: to create a world where goals never die of loneliness. Tony lives in Columbus, Ohio with his wife Liz where they enjoy living the urban life and spending time at Indian Lake Ohio.

WANT $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE? Starting on Tuesday, May 14 (through Tuesday, May 21), we're going to be offering a special deal ($50 off!) on the Passion Profile Short Course — our 5-ish hour, totally online, go-at-your-own-pace program that helps you find your career direction in as little as 1 day. We're also going to be offering the first 10 people to sign up a free coaching session with one of us! So be sure to check your inbox next Tuesday for the official announcement.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Are you already living your worst-case scenario? (April 2019)

I'll live when I'm skinny with Nina Blagojevic (June 2018)

Side Chat: The 4 Passion Profiles (December 2018)

LINKS

Leave a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

The other day I was on a walk with my dog, which is as great a time for mental wandering as it is physical wandering, when something weird happened — I remembered a part of my life I had completely forgotten about.

I'm not talking about something that happened in a single day, and that naturally faded from memory. I'm talking about something I did almost every day for many months (maybe even a year), and had totally brushed to the back of some dusty corner of my mind.

Has this happened to you before? I wonder if it's a side effect of getting "older" (I still use that word lightly, since 30 doesn't quite count as old). It would make sense! The more experiences you acquire, the more there is to remember, which means older and seemingly unimportant stuff falls through the mental cracks.

Anyway, the thing I remembered was my tenure as a writer for one of those celebrity gossip websites.

To be fair, it was a bit more highbrow, and it dealt in more than just celebrities. There were articles about music and film and food and other "lifestyle" things.

My "beat" (if you can call it that) was relationships — analyzing celebrity breakups, giving advice, that kind of thing.

I'm not really surprised I forgot about this weird stint in my career — I mean, it didn't even pay, so obviously it wasn't all that memorable — but now it's got me thinking about the random, twisting path that led me to where I am.

WANT $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE?

Starting next Tuesday, May 14 (through Tuesday, May 21) we're going to be offering a special deal ($50 off!) on the Passion Profile Short Course — our 5-ish hour, totally online, go-at-your-own-pace program that helps you find your career direction in as little as 1 day.

We're also going to be offering the first 10 people to sign up a free coaching session with one of us! So be sure to check your inbox next Tuesday for the official announcement.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel