Clarity on Fire

After years of job hopping (including starting her own side gig), hoping to find the right fit, Ella recently landed a job that by all counts should have been her "dream job."

And yet, she felt strangely conflicted about it right from the initial interview. On her very first day of the new job, she knew this was utterly wrong for her.

So what happens when you get your dream job … and you hate it from Day 1?

Cue panic, confusion, and plenty of existential questioning.

Now, Ella will tell you that getting that "dream job" (including all of the previous jobs leading up to it) was exactly what she needed to identify her deeper purpose and give her more clarity than she thought was possible for her.

Listen in to this week's interview with a normal person as Kristen and Ella talk about…

The frustration and self-judgment that comes from job hopping and never feeling quite satisfied with any job. The emotional rollercoaster that ensues after you get your "dream job" and hate it. How everything along your path is happening for a reason (even if you can't see it yet), and how it feels when all the dots finally connect. How finally having clarity about your career path doesn't mean you never have moments of doubt or fear or uncertainty.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Ella's story resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT ELLA

Ella has had her fair share of twists and turns in her personal and professional journey that has challenged her to take a deep look inward. In college, she was dead set on becoming a lawyer, but that decision never felt quite right. After several years of working various jobs in the legal field and holding off on going to law school until she was "completely ready," she realized that her heart wasn't in it. It took her a few more years to figure out that she loved psychology, and she went back to school to study positive psychology, which is much more aligned with her interests. After graduating, she found a great job as a researcher in tech, and thought she found a career that truly fits her. Yet, after some time of working jobs that anyone would agree are amazing opportunities, the feeling of it being "not quite right" came creeping back in.

In the last few years, Ella has gone back to the drawing board to dig deeper to really understand her purpose. With the help of trial and error, introspection, and coaching, she has learned to lean more into her intuition in order to make space for the answers she needs to find that purpose. Time after time, her intuition has guided her in the right direction, and now Ella has more clarity than ever before on who she is and how she can help make an impact in this world. She now coaches others along their journey to self-discovery and is planning to go back to school to become a counselor.

You can find her at elevatewithella.com.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Finding a dream job after years of searching with Teanca Shepherd (September 2018)

Getting what you want, then losing it with Sara Griffin (June 2019)

How to transform knowing what you DON'T want into knowing what you DO want (August 2018)

LINKS

Leave a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

A client of mine recently wrote to me saying:

"I feel like at my age, I'm SO far behind and need to be insanely productive every single day."

She was referring to feeling behind in her career, which is something I hear all the time from my clients (regardless of their age). But feeling behind can spill into every area of your life.

If your friends start getting married while you're still single, it can make you feel behind.

When your colleagues all have mortgages and you're still renting a tiny apartment, it can make you feel behind.

When you scroll through social media and see all of your high school friends posting baby pictures, it can make you feel behind.

If you see someone else living out your dream career and you're still stuck at the same old company, it can make you feel behind.

What's going on to make us all feel like we're falling behind?

In this week's blog (which is a throwback from 2017), I'm offering one big shift to help you stop feeling so behind, as well as a better way of measuring your progress in life.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO…

Why I love jealousy (and you should, too) (April 2018)

Stop looking for evidence of what you don't want (November 2018)

Do you want it? Or do you only think you SHOULD want it? (January 2019)

Side Chat: The 4 Passion Profiles (December 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Find out more about the Passion Profile Short Course

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Sarah, who's trying to eat better and get in shape, but keeps rebelling against even the most reasonable calorie limits that her nutritionist sets for her. How can she meet her goals without constantly rebelling and self-sabotaging?
• Terece, who has energy vampires in her family that she can't fully cut out of her life. How do you deal with toxic family members, especially when putting up boundaries with them often makes you feel worse?
• Dheesha, whose long history of mental illness has made it much harder for her to succeed in traditional ways that come easy to other people—stellar grades, prestigious degree, steady resumé, etc. How does someone who isn't neurotypical find a comfortable job that they enjoy, especially when they can't afford to take time off or pay for expensive treatments?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to) (May 2018)

Change your bad habits (& get over your fear of failure) with Jes Binder (March 2019)

Losing 100 pounds in 9 months with Tony Weaver (May, 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup, M.D. (May 2019)

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person) (April 2018)

Blog: How to make your own Rules for Sane Living (August 2018)

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later next month about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Back in college I did a case study about something I thought was wild at the time …

It was called Second Life. Maybe you've heard of it? It was a virtual-reality online game that connected hundreds of thousands of users around the world. You built an entire life — complete with houses, jobs, pets, and spouses — inside this game.

I was fascinated by the intersection between real-life and virtual reality. I read stories about people on Second Life who played 8 or 9 hours a day — to the point that their "second life" felt more like real life than their actual life.

I read about people whose virtual reality persona married another person's virtual reality persona … and the legal ramifications that ensued when the real-life spouses found out.

I also read about people spending real-life currency on completely virtual products, which was the major question underlying my project: Is there a real-life market for unreal products?

Turns out the answer was yes. Big companies like Coca-Cola were actually considering selling products on Second Life because people would buy themselves (their virtual selves, that is) virtual Cokes! It blew my mind.

Eight years later, my mind is not so easily blown.

To put it in perspective, this happened around the same time that a professor mentioned Twitter during a public relations class, and a classmate and I turned to each other and asked, "Do you know what that is?"

Facebook was a thing obviously, but hardly anyone had it on their phones yet. Instagram had yet to arise. And forget about Snapchat.

It was a simpler time when people's actual lives and their technological lives were still somewhat separate.

Now I wonder … is there even a difference anymore between "life" and "what happens on the Internet?" Should there be? And where would you even begin to draw the line?

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later next month about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Breaking your phone addiction with Kristen Kalp (May 2018)

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Blog: What to do when you're bored with life (March 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

A few weeks ago Kristen and I were out to lunch and we couldn't help but overhear the conversation happening between the people at the next table.

The man said to the woman, "If millennials had helicopter parents, then Gen Z has snowplow parents—They're constantly clearing any obstacles or difficulties in their kids' path."

We were intrigued and, quite honestly, it's hard to deny the truth of that. We can all think of plenty of examples that prove that point.

What baffled our unwitting lunch companions, and us too, is how short sighted "snowplow parenting" is.

When a kid reaches adulthood and they've NEVER had to struggle, fail, be rejected, or challenge themselves, then they are completely unequipped for life in the real world. They become incredibly fearful, anxious, and overwhelmed, to say the least.

Failure, struggle, and rejection help people grow and become healthy, well-adjusted adults. But most of us are still afraid of those things, even if we've been through them before.

In this month's interview with an expert, we talked to Alex Grodnik, host of the Moving Up podcast, about how to desensitize yourself to failure and rejection. He's a living example of how quickly you can get over your fears!

We talked to Alex about:

• How he suppressed his innate entrepreneurial nature to pursue more "traditional" success with a high profile job on wall street, and why that didn't satisfy him at all.
• Why he quit that high paying job, and why his friends from wall street are jealous of him, even though some of them make nearly $1,000,000 per year!
• How he's been rejected at least 1,000 times since starting his own business, and why that hasn't stopped him.
• Little ways you can strengthen your failure and rejection muscles, so that you're more resilient and not as easily scared.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Alex's advice landed with you! And if you've got an opportunity to implement some "rejection therapy" in your life, we'd love to hear how you plan to do that.

MORE ABOUT ALEX

Alex is the co-founder of fintech startup Payclub, a free app that allows groups of friends to manage and budget money together. He's also the host of the Moving Up podcast, where he interviews business leaders (like the co-founder of Venmo, and the founder of Facebook) about the struggles and successes they've encountered all the way. Alex got his MBA from UCLA Anderson. His background is in investment banking, working for JPMorgan and Houlihan Lokey, and then in the strategy group of a digital media company in Santa Monica.

Alex lives in LA with his wife, 9-month-old baby girl Elle and goldendoodle Smith. He grew up in Park City, Utah and loves to ski and golf.

You can follow him on Twitter @agrodnik and email him at [email protected].

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

We've all heard the advice that, if you want to be a more confident person, you've got to "fake it 'til you make it."

As in, if you pretend to be confident for long enough, eventually you'll actually FEEL confident.

Who knows, maybe that works for some people. But I think for most of us, faking confidence when we're not feeling it just makes us feel … well, fake.

A client of mine has been role-playing the confident, bold girl-boss at her latest job. In her mind, confident people are the ones who walk into a room and immediately take charge; they're the ones "crushing it" at work and "doing it all" in life in general. So she's been trying to act the part, and from an outside perspective she's doing it quite convincingly.

The thing is, she's a ball of anxiousness on the inside. She feels like a fraud, she's constantly worrying that it's all going to come crumbling down around her, and she's tired and overwhelmed all the time.

Her attempt at becoming a more confident person isn't working because she's going about it entirely wrong. In fact, her whole concept of confidence is skewed, as is most of ours.

Confidence isn't about being the loudest, boldest person in the room. It's not about "doing it all" or "crushing it" in life. It's not about being fearless or never having doubts.

It's about something much deeper and far less sexy.

I'm sharing my take on what self-confidence is really about, and how to become a more confident person (no "faking it" required!) in this week's new blog.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later this summer about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Overcoming impostor syndrome (July 2018)

Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear)

Getting over your 'all or nothing' obsession with Amy Everhart

Treating life like a magical scavenger hunt with Francisca Hernandez

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Imagine a dude pumping iron, except he only ever works out one arm. He's basically a circus attraction with his one giant bicep on the right and a puny, atrophied bicep on the left.

Well, this freak is all of us. Except the over-developed right arm is your logic/fear muscle, and the atrophied left arm is your feelings/intuition muscle.

Most of us want to start working out that sad, deflated left arm, because we really want to let go, trust our intuition, and make decisions from a place of deeper knowing, but we have no idea how to do it. And that's exactly what we're talking about in this month's new side chat!

We got into:

• All of the ways you can turn down the volume on fear, and allow space for your intuition to flow.
• How to get into a consistent rhythm of "exercising" your intuitive abilities.
• Real-life examples of what recognizing (and trusting) your intuition looks like.
• How to tell the difference between the voice of intuition and the voice of fear.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how you're going to start making space for your intuition to speak to you!

LET'S TALK ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING!

One-on-one coaching will now be enrollment based! Which means:

• Instead of taking on clients whenever, we're going to be taking them on a few times per year, in waves.
• Today, Friday, June 21, is the LAST DAY we're accepting sign-up forms for potential new clients.
• We're taking on about 20 people! If you're seriously considering being coached, fill out the "sign me up" form on this page and one of us will be in touch to talk about it.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks). If you'd like to do coaching later than that, we now have a wait list
• We WILL have coaching spots open up over time, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients. So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.
• We don't yet know when we'll be taking another official wave of clients. Likely not until the fall, so perhaps 5 months or more.
• We're planning on raising coaching rates later this year or early in 2020, so now is a good time to get off the fence if you've been sitting on it for a while!

If you're seriously considering coaching, read this page and then click "sign me up" to talk to one of us about the possibility.

Remember, today, Friday, June 21, is the LAST DAY to fill out that form! After that, you can add your name to the wait list.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later this summer about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS SIDE CHAT

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

Breaking your phone addiction with Kristen Kalp (May 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

If I want to test the unconditional love of any friend, family member, or future spouse, I have one epic assignment for them—Go on vacation with me, and if we both make it back alive and still sort-of liking each other, then we're made to last.

Last summer Kristen and I flew to Europe for my 30th birthday. We spent half the time in Austria, with my brother and his wife, and the other half in Scotland with my mom. My brother and his wife only have one spare room, so Kristen and I had to share a bed. By the second night, Kristen was on the couch (and would stay there every night until we left).

I am, uh, not pleasant to travel with, to say the least.

What can I say? It brings out the worst of my tendencies. I'm highly sensitive; not just emotionally, but in a lot of physical ways, too—I can't sleep unless the conditions are just right (so forget sleeping on a plane, ever), my digestive system doesn't enjoy being tested with new foods, and all the over-stimulation of people and noises and sights is often too much.

To compensate for how overwhelming traveling is, I get super perfectionist and controlling. If I can predict and manage everything that's going to happen, then maybe I can actually relax. So, you know, forget about anything super spontaneous. And I laugh in the face of any plans that happen after 9pm.

I know. I'm so fun!

But most of the time I'm actually not that controlling and not that much of a perfectionist anymore (well, this might be because my life is very simple and I have total control over my schedule … so maybe I'm playing myself).

The point is, I used to be a lot worse! And the more I reflect on my own experiences, the more I realize there is a HUGE correlation between perfectionism and being a highly sensitive person. I'm diving into that, and what to do about it, in this month's new blog!

LET'S TALK ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING!

One-on-one coaching will now be enrollment based! Which means:

• Instead of taking on clients whenever, we're going to be taking them on a few times per year, in waves.
• This Friday, June 21, is the LAST DAY we're accepting sign-up forms for potential new clients.
• We're taking on about 20 people! If you're seriously considering being coached, fill out the "sign me up" form on this page and one of us will be in touch to talk about it.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks). If you'd like to do coaching later than that, we now have a wait list.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up over time, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients. So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.
• We don't yet know when we'll be taking another official wave of clients. Likely not until the fall, so perhaps 5 months or more.
• We're planning on raising coaching rates later this year or early in 2020, so now is a good time to get off the fence if you've been sitting on it for a while!

If you're seriously considering coaching, read this page and then click "sign me up" to talk to one of us about the possibility.

Remember, this Friday, June 21, is the LAST DAY to fill out that form! After that, you can add your name to the wait list.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later this summer about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

EPISODES I MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG

We are not the crazy ones (how to tell if you're a highly sensitive person) (April 2018)

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

How to create your own rules for sane living (August 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

We're sure you guys have heard the oft-quoted inspirational phrase, "Jump and the net will catch you!"

Obviously it's something people tell you so that you'll have faith. Go ahead and take that risk, because it's bound to pay off!

But that's not how life works, is it? Life doesn't guarantee any of us success. Sometimes you do take risks … and you fall flat on your face. What happens after that?

That's what Rachel talked about with Sara Griffin during this month's interview with a normal person. They got into:

• The journey from getting fired, to taking a risk, to falling "flat on her face," and the existential crisis that ensued.
• How she came to realize that she'd gotten exactly what she'd been asking for (so, you know, be careful what you ask for).
• How she came to appreciate life not working out the way she expected.
• The obsession with needing your next move to be "forever," and how she came to embrace that everything is "for now."

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Sara's journey resonated with you!

LET'S TALK ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING!

One-on-one coaching will now be enrollment based! Which means:

• Instead of taking on clients whenever, we're going to be taking them on a few times per year, in waves.
• Continuing until Friday, June 21, we're accepting sign-up forms for potential new clients.
• We're taking on about 20 people! If you're seriously considering being coached, fill out the "sign me up" form on this page and one of us will be in touch to talk about it.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks). If you'd like to do coaching later than that, we now have a wait list.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up over time, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients. So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.
• We don't yet know when we'll be taking another official wave of clients. Likely not until the fall, so perhaps 5 months or more.
• We're planning on raising coaching rates later this year or early in 2020, so now is a good time to get off the fence if you've been sitting on it for a while!

If you're seriously considering coaching, read this page and then click "sign me up" to talk to one of us about the possibility.

Remember, you have until Friday, June 21 to fill out that form! After that, you can add your name to the wait list.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later this summer about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Instead of a new blog, on today's episode of the podcast we're taking a few minutes to clue you in to TWO major developments in the Clarity on Fire universe!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #1

One-on-one coaching will now be enrollment based! Which means:

• Instead of taking on clients whenever, we're going to be taking them on a few times per year, in waves.
• As of today, continuing until Friday, June 21, we're accepting sign-up forms for potential new clients.
• We're taking on about 20 people! If you're seriously considering being coached, fill out the "sign me up" form on this page and one of us will be in touch to talk about it.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks). If you'd like to do coaching later than that, we now have a wait list.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up over time, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients. So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.
• We don't yet know when we'll be taking another official wave of clients. Likely not until the fall, so perhaps 5 months or more.
• We're planning on raising coaching rates later this year or early in 2020, so now is a good time to get off the fence if you've been sitting on it for a while!

If you're seriously considering coaching, read this page and then click "sign me up" to talk to one of us about the possibility.

Remember, you have until Friday, June 21 to fill out that form! After that, you can add your name to the wait list.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #2

We're going to have a brand-new course later this summer about GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel