Clarity on Fire

Everyone is, or has been, in denial many times over the course of their life. And if you think this episode won't apply to you, think again! You may be in denial about being in denial. Meta.

Denial isn't inherently bad or wrong, though it's understandable if you've thought so. It's actually a pretty normal form of self-protection — sometimes it's just too hard to face something, or you've got too many other layers to peel back before you can get to the deeper heart of the issue.

But people often don't move through those layers of self-revelation. They get stuck (heads buried in the sand, naturally) in denial, which then wreaks havoc on their life. The truth always wants to get out, and sometimes we end up doing an elaborate dance to keep the truth stuffed down.

So, how do we know for sure that we're in denial? And how do we actually look at something that we've been unwilling to see, often for a very long time?

In this brand-new side chat we're getting into 7 signs that you're in denial, which include…

• Making excuses for people and rationalizing things to yourself.
• Fixating on why other people are to blame (so you don't have to look at your own responsibility).
• Distracting yourself with work, plans, Netflix, your phone, etc., so that you don't have time to think or feel.
• And more that you'll have to tune in to hear!

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know if (gulp) you've been in denial and what variety has been your go-to.

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again in early October! A few pointers to keep in mind before then:

• Instead of taking on clients whenever, we now take them on few times per year, in waves. This next one will be happening in early October.
• We're taking on about 20-25 people!
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients. So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

As you can probably imagine, a lot of the people I coach are currently on the hunt for a new job. Some of them are desperate for a new job, like, yesterday … and others are happy where they're at for now, but know this isn't their "forever" career, so they want to be open to new opportunities.

Whatever your reason for looking for a new job, I wish I could tell you with complete sincerity that job searching is usually a breeze … but most of the time, that's a big fat lie.

Now, I've taken enough clients successfully through the job searching process that I know for a fact there are ways to make the job hunt significantly simpler, more effective, and generally less miserable. (We actually provide a detailed worksheet in our Passion Profile Short Course all about "Job Searching According to your Values," which has been a game-changer for our clients.)

But most of the time, job searching kinda sucks. Not to be a total downer, but I think most of you would agree that it can be time-consuming, frustrating, and overwhelming … and worst of all, it can make you question yourself and your abilities.

I've heard just about every complaint you can imagine about job searching, but the one I hear the most is also the one you have the greatest ability to change.

More than anything else, I hear clients tell me, "I found a few jobs I would absolutely love, but I'm not qualified for them, so there's no use applying." In this week's blog, I'm getting into why you should apply anyway.

READY TO APPLY FOR A JOB YOU'RE NOT 100% QUALIFIED FOR? HERE'S HOW TO DO IT…

Now that you know you absolutely CAN apply for jobs you're not 100% qualified for, you probably want to know HOW to do it so that you actually have a good chance of getting the job (even without tall of the required experience).

So Rachel and I recorded a 35-minute audio for you where we're sharing our top 3 tips for how to apply for jobs you're not 100% qualified for. You're going to want to know this stuff before you start sending out applications!

To download this free audio recording, scroll down to the end of this blog and enter your name and email address.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Francine Mends' life is unrecognizable from four years ago when she was feeling trapped and miserable in her highly specialized field of neuroradiology, with no escape in sight.

After a series of personal tragedies that emotionally shook her to her core, she decided to finally make some serious (and scary) changes in her life, including doing something she never imagined she could do: take a year-long sabbatical from work.

Since then, she's quit her job, lived internationally, worked as a digital nomad, and started her own business.

Listen in to this week's interview with a normal person as Kristen and Francine talk about…

• How she broke through her self-imposed limitations to finally make big life changes that she never imagined she could make.
• How she was able to take a year-long sabbatical from work to travel the world and get right within herself.
• Once she realized she wanted to work for herself, how she figured out what business to start.
• Her criteria for choosing a bridge job to support her new business, without sacrificing her newfound freedom.
• What advice she wishes she could give her past self or anyone who's feeling trapped in a career they don't love.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Francine's story resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT FRANCINE

Francine doesn't have a passion. At least not in the traditional sense. She's curious, and embracing her passionless curiosity has made coping with life's uncertainties (like breaking her collarbone in Myanmar) tolerable and even fun.

As a recovering perfectionist, a recovering physician, a writer, and a formerly shy person, Francine loves hearing people's stories and sharing lessons from her journey. Although she is currently nomadic, having last lived in Portugal, her heart is firmly planted in NYC. She relishes not having to wake up early, eating freshly made guacamole, and listening to water sounds (including but not limited to waterfalls, fountains, ocean waves).

Francine is the founder of Evolving Conversations, a platform for anyone who loves deep thought and deep conversation and wishes it was easier to make better connections in their everyday lives. She firmly believes that you can talk deeply about anything, and she helps other do so on her site Evolving Conversations (onevolving.com). She's on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Onevolving. You can also find her on Medium, where she regularly writes guest posts that are the stimuli for the deep, provocative conversations she loves to have with people in her growing community.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Ghosting your job with Lana Jackson (May 2018)

How to work less, live more, and make great money with Katie Mongelli (July 2018)

Finding a dream job after years of searching with Teanca Shepherd (September 2018)

LINKS

Leave a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

As an introvert, I love alone time. It recharges me and keeps me sane. But "alone" is a different sensation than "lonely," and I've all too often felt lonely, even though I enjoy being alone.

Being alone can be thrilling and energizing, mostly because it's a luxury that we don't always have when we live or work with other people. It's like going on vacation—the reason it's enjoyable is precisely because there's a time limit. Going on a permanent vacation would be boring and purposeless.

But loneliness isn't at all dependent on who is or isn't physically around you. It's a form of isolation that you carry with you; sometimes it's worse because you're surrounded by other people.

So, what is loneliness, exactly? I think there are two major varieties, and understanding them is critical to knowing what to do about your loneliness—because there's definitely a wrong way to handle it.

DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE FREE E-BOOKS?

If you're new to Clarity on Fire, you may not know that we have 4 free e-books for you to download!

If this blog resonated with you, you'll want to check out What is the POINT? A jolt of hope & practical advice for anyone going through an existential crisis.

We've also got e-books about finding your passion & purpose in life and learning to be happy (in a world where that isn't always easy). Download them all here!

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Blog: Here's what I know for sure is NOT the point of life (January 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

You're in for a special "Krachel-Squared" episode of Dear Krachel (our advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself) this month!

After reading one of our listener's conundrums, we immediately realized we weren't the best, most experienced people to address her issue! So, we asked our friend and former client, Rachel Lowe, to add her take. Two Rachels for the price of one! ;)

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Melissa, who's having a hard time watching family, friends, and her boyfriend struggle with depression. She feels terrible standing on the sidelines, but how much help is enough? Should she pressure them to go to therapy or ignore the fact that they're sad? How does a well-meaning person support loved ones whose mental health is suffering?
• Olivia, a lover of variety (her Passion Profile is Side Hustler) whose relationship with her boyfriend of 3 years is fading. Are they naturally growing apart? Or is her need for variety and low tolerance for boredom going to doom this (and any!) romantic relationship?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these two listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our October episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

IF YOU LIKED THIS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO…

Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life (June 2018)

Dear Krachel: Should I trust my boyfriend's words or his actions? (November 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Rachel & Greg Photography

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

The Passion Profile Short Course

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Five years ago, I would've done anything to have a full-time coaching business.

I'm sure I bored my friends and family to death by incessantly talking about it. But I couldn't help it — it was practically all I thought about.

I was beyond impatient, but it's just because I wanted it so badly.

It seems so silly now, but I remember one desperate night writing a letter to God or the Universe or Life itself (whoever happened to be listening) saying that if only I could have a full-time business, I would be content. I wouldn't need much else in life.

Hah!

I genuinely believed that if I got this thing I deeply desired, that everything else would fall into place and I'd be free of my intense longing.

I'd like to blame it on the naiveté of youth (I was 23, after all — brand new into the working world), but I think we all have moments like this, regardless of age or experience.

We want to get the thing we most desire, because then we could finally be rid of that painful feeling of wanting something you don't have.

But here's the thing: You're ALWAYS going to want more.

I've had a full-time coaching business for years now, and let me tell you, there's so much more I want for this business and for my life in general.

Except, I'm no longer under any delusions that I'll be perfectly content once I get all these new things I want.

If there's one thing that's universally true about human nature, it's that we're wired for desire. We'll always be seeking more, better, different, the "next level." Here's why that's great…

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig (April 2018)

How much joy are you letting go to waste? (May 2018)

Do you want it? Or do you only think you SHOULD want it? (January 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Last week we introduced you to the Enneagram—a personality assessment that may just be the Holy Grail of all personality tests, if you ask us.

If you haven't listened to part one of our conversation about The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson from last Friday, then be sure to go back and listen to that first! You'll get a good summary of what the Enneagram is, how it can help you understand yourself, and each of the nine personality types.

On this episode, we're diving even deeper into each of the 9 types and talking about:

• The "9 deadly sins" associated with each personality type.
• The unconscious childhood messages that each type received, and the problems that caused later in life.
• The red flags and wake up calls to pay special attention to for each type.
• How you can use the Enneagram to evolve out of your worst patterns and grow into a content, fulfilled, passionate person.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know your Enneagram type and how you resonate with it!

JOIN THE 1-ON-1 COACHING WAIT LIST

Interested in the possibility of 1-on-1 coaching? Not sure you want to wait until the next time we "officially" take on clients (later in the fall)? Reach out by adding your name to the wait list, and we'll let you know what our availability looks like.

ENNEAGRAM TESTS

There are many Enneagram tests you could take, but here are two that we've both personally taken. Keep in mind that you'll want to set aside about 45 minutes to complete either test:

Eclectic Energies Enneagram Test (free)

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (paid)

LINKS

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

As a highly sensitive person prone to anxiety, SO much of my life has been about trying to control my circumstances to make it easier for me to relax and feel secure. (I recently wrote about the connection between perfectionism and being a highly sensitive person, which you should definitely check out if you haven't.)

If I get too unconscious, I can still easily slip into feeling overwhelmed and out of control. But after reading this blog that I wrote 4.5 years ago, I realize I've come a long way, considering I don't relate to most of this anymore (at least not to the hardcore degree I was accustomed to back then).

At the time, I wrote about the daily struggle to cross everything off of my to-do list because I was in the thick of the struggle. Now, I share it with you in case you still are in the midst of that same purgatory:

Nine times out of ten, I feel instant anxiety when I wake up in the morning.

Most of the time, my daily to-do list starts playing on repeat in my mind before I've even consciously realized I'm awake. Which means that before I've even stood up, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Behind. Frustrated. Anxious.

And because I definitely don't want to feel that way, the solution seems simple: Get moving, and get working so that I can cross off some of those to-dos and alleviate the pressure.

Which means, in an attempt to feel productive, I'll open my inbox before I've even eaten anything. I'll rush through my breakfast. I'll be distracted while walking my dog, all so that I can get back home and start working so that I don't have to feel anxious or behind anymore.

Half the time, I feel like I'm running a race, the theme song of which goes something like, "Once I get this done, then I can relax. And take a break. And breathe. And actually live my life."

Except I'm wrong. So incredibly wrong.

LAST DAY TO ENROLL IN GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING!

• We officially get started TOMORROW, Wednesday, August 28th.
• The course will run for 4 weeks. We'll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we'll host a live online hangout to celebrate and wrap things up!
• There's a private forum where enrollees can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
• You can probably expect to commit 3-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
• You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn't a good time, but you don't want to miss out.

Get all the details and sign up now!

ENNEAGRAM TESTS

There are many Enneagram tests you could take, but here are two that we've both personally taken. Keep in mind that you'll want to set aside about 45 minutes to complete either test:

Eclectic Energies Enneagram Test (free)

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (paid)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Every once in a while you stumble across something that makes you go, "Where have YOU been my whole life?!" Sometimes it's a hot person, other times it's a meal that's so good you want to cry, and if you're a nerd like we are, then sometimes it's a personality assessment.

The Enneagram is like nothing else we've ever taken or learned about! Some assessments are cute and fun to flirt with, but others are marriage material—serious and intense and make you kind of sweaty, but in a good way. That's totally the Enneagram.

We dove deep into a classic Enneagram book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, for this bonus book club episode. And in fact, there is SO much to say about the Enneagram that this is part one of a two-part series! Part two will be coming out next Friday, the 30th.

On this episode, we're getting into:

• What the Enneagram is, where it comes from, and exactly what it can tell you about yourself (spoiler alert: A WHOLE LOT).
• A summary of each of the 9 Enneagram types.
• The core fears and desires of each type, and how those influence your thoughts and behavior.
• Our own experiences taking the Enneagram, and what happened when we learned more about our types.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know your Enneagram type and how you resonate with it!

LAST DAY FOR $50 OFF GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment until Tuesday, August 27th, but today is the LAST day to join the VIP list and get $50 off!

• We officially get started on Wednesday, August 28th, but there is an intro lesson and assignments for you to do as soon as you sign up!
• The course will last for 4 weeks. Each week you'll get access to a new lesson and new assignments, and at the end we'll have a live online hangout to wrap things up.
• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• There's a group forum where you and the other enrollees can connect, share stories, and get your questions answered directly by us!
• This course is ideal for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course is full of accountability—We're not here to lecture at you, but to hold your hand while you do the necessary hard (but fulfilling) work of letting go of people pleasing.
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

Join the VIP list and we'll email you the $50 off code. It expires at the end of TODAY, August 23rd!

ENNEAGRAM TESTS

There are many Enneagram tests you could take, but here are two that we've both personally taken. Keep in mind that you'll want to set aside about 45 minutes to complete either test:

Eclectic Energies Enneagram Test (free)

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (paid)

LINKS

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Guys, IT'S HAPPENING. Getting Over People Pleasing is finally here and open for enrollment!

If you're not on the VIP list yet, you really should be because we're emailing anyone on that list a code for $50 off the course (good through this Friday, August 23rd)!

Oh, AND we're gifting a free coaching session, at random, to TEN people who sign up during the enrollment period (but again, only if you're on the VIP list).

The major things you'll want to know are below, so scroll down for more info!

Instead of a new blog today, we're spending some time on the podcast talking about the 1 thing you're NOT going to hear us talk about in Getting Over People Pleasing, and why. It may surprise you.

Plus, we answer a burning question from someone who's worried that maybe it's wrong to leave her people-pleasing ways behind.

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT UNTIL AUGUST 27

• Because this course is brand new, we're not setting a limit on the amount of people who enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many people we'll cap it, so enroll early if you can).
• We officially get started on Wednesday, August 28th, but as soon as you enroll there is an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling.
• The course will run for 4 weeks. We'll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we'll host a live online hangout to celebrate and wrap things up!
• There's a private forum where enrollees can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
• You can probably expect to commit 3-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
• You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn't a good time, but you don't want to miss out.

Sign up now! And don't forget to join the VIP list for $50 off (through Friday, August 23rd).

EPISODES WE MENTIONED

Conscious break-ups and brave conversations with normal person Marina (January 2019)

A best friend's roundtable on people-pleasing with Stacy Campesi & Joanna Platt (August 2019)

ENNEAGRAM TESTS

There are many Enneagram tests you could take, but here are two that we've both personally taken. Keep in mind that you'll want to set aside about 45 minutes to complete either test:

Eclectic Energies Enneagram Test (free)

The Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (paid)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel