Clarity on Fire

One of the heartbreaking things about the human experience is that it's both universal and incredibly isolating.

Every single person, whether they'd admit to it or not, feels unworthy in some way. And yet most of us walk around feeling like there's something wrong with us; that we're particularly broken compared to other people. And we fear giving voice to that "brokenness," because what happens when another person sees the darkest side of who we are?

Our friend Thais Sky—a coach and therapist-in-training—has made it her life's work to explore and help heal that pervasive sense of "not-enough-ness" she calls "the worthiness wound."

In this episode we dove DEEP with Thais and got into:

• What the worthiness wound is, and who/what created it in the first place.
• Why certain emotions feel SO uncomfortable, including ones (like happiness) that you'd think would be easy to experience.
• The signs you've got an unhealed worthiness wound, and to recognize the triggers as they come up.
• How to start letting your feelings flow naturally, without bottling them up, pretending they don't exist, or soothing yourself in unhealthy ways.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know what resonated most about this conversation, and how you're thinking about worthiness differently now.

MORE ABOUT THAIS

Meet Thais Sky: Two parts sass, one part straight-up truth talk. Thais is a truth-speaker, healer, women's coach and feminist on a heart-led mission to support the seekers, the edge-dwellers, and the "why the heck do I feel so broken" of the world reclaim their sense of belonging by learning how to explore, trust and express themselves unapologetically. Based on her own healing journey and decades of research and mentoring women worldwide, she has developed a comprehensive model that explores and offers tools/skills to heal the pervasive sense of unworthiness within women, what she calls the worthiness wound. She also hosts a weekly podcast RECLAIM where she offers conversations on finding the intersection of feminism and spirituality.

Thais received a prestigious first-class degree in Management, has studied spiritual psychology, trauma, and leadership for over 10 years and is currently finishing her Master's in Clinical Psychology. Washingtonian Magazine named her as one of the top "8 bloggers to know." The Huffington Post calls her "an inspirational woman" and she was nominated for Forbes Magazine 30 under 30 award. You can learn more about her and her online offerings at IamThaisSky.com and just about everywhere on social media @IamThaisSky.

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A client of mine is a teacher for elementary school kids. Every day, she gives her kids some free time in the afternoon to play games, be creative, and generally take a break from structured learning to have a little fun.

A few weeks ago, after she explained all of the different "stations" they could play at during free time (coloring, origami, music, games, building with blocks, etc.), most of the kids ran off to their favorite station. One little boy, though, stood paralyzed at the front of the room, tears welling in his eyes.

My client crouched down and asked him, "What's wrong, sweetie? Why are you so upset?"

"I like all of these stations. It's too hard to choose one," he said, fully crying now.

My client told me later, "You have no idea how much I related to him in that moment! I'm constantly in analysis paralysis, overanalyzing my options and feeling totally overwhelmed. Seeing that kid just standing there, crying and paralyzed at the front of my classroom … my heart went out to him because I feel the exact same way all the time."

I don't know about you, but I totally relate to that little boy sometimes, too. When you have a bunch of choices in front of you, it can feel impossible to pick one.

What if you choose wrong? What if you miss out on something? What if you regret your decision? What if you feel like you don't have enough information to decide?

We live in an amazing time where we all have more choices today than most humans have had throughout history. It's downright amazing to think of all the careers and life paths that you could pursue nowadays … things that our ancestors couldn't have even dreamed of!

Yet, the more choices in front of you, the more likely you are to question and doubt your decisions. And if you're someone who's already prone to overanalyzing everything … you're likely to slip into full-on analysis paralysis, just like that little boy crying in the classroom.

It makes sense that so many of us are overanalyzing and stressing out over our choices more than ever, but there is a way out of the mental chaos.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

How I got over my FOMO (October 2018)

Why you should keep new ideas to yourself (December 2018

How you can stop freaking out about not knowing the future (April 2019

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All of us have either been the person who, even if they know it's happening, can't stop dating carbon copies of the same person over and over again; OR we've been the friend watching it happen, wanting to beat our head (and our friend's head) against the wall.

And if that doesn't resonate, maybe you've been the person who keeps seeking praise and validation from a boss who's stingy with compliments, or maybe you've been the person who really wants to get close to people but runs away as soon as things get too vulnerable.

How you show up in relationships—romantic, platonic, professional, familial—is VERY much influenced by your attachment style.

There are 4 styles, and only one of them is healthy. And none of us have just 1 style (sooo … do the math—that means we've all got at least some unhealthy relationship patterns).

In this brand-new side chat we're getting into some Psych 101 and breaking down:

• Each of the 4 attachment styles—What they mean, and where they came from.
• Why attachment theory explains SO much about your unhealthy relationship patterns.
• Why some people just can't stop being codependent, while others can't help being avoidant (and why some people are, oddly enough, both).
• How to start breaking the cycle of your attachment style and become healthy in all of your relationships.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know what your attachment style is and how this episode is helping you think about your patterns differently!

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY FOR 1-ON-1 COACHING ENROLLMENT!

Today, (Friday, October 18th) is the LAST day to consider signing up for coaching for quite a while!

• We're taking on about 20 people in this official "wave," and we do NOT have all of those spots left.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the coming months, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief phone call with you!

And if you want a deeper conversation about our coaching process, listen to our episode from last Tuesday, October 8: Why career coaching has almost nothing to do with your career.

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OK fellow Millennials (and really, everyone, because who hasn't seen this movie?) … do you remember that scene in Aladdin where Genie (RIP our beloved Robin Williams) is describing what it's like to be a genie?

His whole form expands to fill the room while he bellows in a deep, booming voice: "PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!" … and then he shrinks into his lamp and concludes in a quiet, high-pitched voice, "itty bitty living space."

One of my clients and I were reminiscing about this recently because it's the PERFECT visual for what, quite frankly, is wrong with the way we talk about ourselves (at least in the Western world).

My client, Kayla, has been struggling to figure out how to define herself given that, right now, she doesn't have a traditional career or paying job (she's been a stay-at-home mom for a few years).

She was feeling pressured, given that her kids are more self-sufficient now, to pick a career path — she believed that having a "title" again (besides "mom") would solve her identity crisis and earn her some validation and respect.

Obviously we coached around this and got to the heart of the matter. Here's what she realized:

"I've pushed myself so hard to figure out what I 'am,' and that's absurd because no human's existence can be shoved down that far. You can't be condensed that much! I'm an engaging and interesting person regardless of whether I have a job title. And I realize that of all the things I thought I wanted to do, none would have solved that existential problem and made me feel whole."

I completely agree with her. And to be blunt, I'm REALLY tired of this lame, one-note, arbitrary means of defining who we are as people.

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT AGAIN!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through this Friday, October 18!

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the coming months, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief phone call with you!

And if you want a deeper conversation about our coaching process, listen to our episode from last Tuesday, October 8: Why career coaching has almost nothing to do with your career.

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As a grown, independent person living in the almost-2020s, it would be highly embarrassing to admit that you secretly hope for a knight in shining armor to sweep you off your feet like a damsel in distress. You can pay your own bills and don't need rescuing, thank-you-very-much.

BUT … while most of us have gotten over the desire for a savior when it comes to romance, a LOT of us are still very much hung up on the idea of a job that might save us. And frankly, it's just as codependent and problematic as hoping a person will save you!

In this month's interview with a normal person, Rachel talks to her client Sarah about how she got over her need to be rescued, and what happened when she let go of control and let her career sort itself out.

Rachel and Sarah got into…

• Why hanging all your hopes for happiness on a job is unhealthy and unhelpful.
• The small thing Sarah did (for 5 minutes a day) that she credits for completely turning her life around.
• How Sarah went from having no idea where her career was going to total clarity in 6 weeks.
• The money, opportunities, and signs that popped up at exactly the right time along the way to guide her.
• Why she's (ironically) much happier now that she doesn't expect her job to always make her happy.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how Sarah's story resonated with you, and whether you've ever expected a job to "save" you.

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT AGAIN!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through Friday, October 18!

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the coming months, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief phone call with you!

MORE ABOUT SARAH

Sarah Knight started out with a business degree working in the finance function of a Fortune 25 company. About three years into her now 6+ year career, she started questioning if there was more to life than working a 9-5 job, and subsequently plummeted head-first into a quarter-life crisis. Feeling like a lifeless outsider in the corporate world, she sought help making sense of life and finding direction. Since working with Rachel learning how to connect with and trust her own inner guidance, Sarah has flowed into starting her dream business, S&T Destination Designs, with her business partner, Taylor. Together they help Airbnb hosts maximize their profit with stunning interior design, 5-star amenities and an online profile that stands out from the competition. You can find them online at stdestinationdesigns.com and on Instagram at @stdestinationdesigns.

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS INTERVIEW

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Learning to meditate (& how to stick to it) with Francisca Hernandez (September 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

Blog: The Shit Sandwich (August 2019)

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Here's a metaphor for you:

You're a tree. You've got lots of branches—career, romance, friends, family, hobbies, health—but only one trunk.

If your "career" branch is feeling lackluster, does it really make sense to spend a lot of time pruning, clipping, and sprucing just that branch? Isn't it likely that if one branch is withering, all of the branches might be affected? And in that case, why not direct your attention to the (brace yourself for a pun) root of the matter?

It seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised by how many people are busy trying to perfect one branch of their tree without doing any of the deeper work needed to help the whole system thrive.

So instead of a new blog, and to highlight the fact that we're taking on about 20 new coaching clients starting today (info below!), in today's podcast episode we're expanding on this metaphor by getting into why career coaching has almost nothing to do with your career.

We're talking about …

• Why a new job is never the solution to your misery (even when you're convinced it is).
• The baggage you keep carting with you through every career transition (instead of learning how to let it go).
• Signs you've been focused on the wrong solutions to your dissatisfaction, and how to turn your attention to what actually works.
• Becoming the kind of person who's a match to their ideal career situation—someone who can not only get (or create) their dream job, but actually thrive in it.

This is the best, clearest episode we've ever published about our coaching philosophy. We shared some behind-the-scenes details about what it's like to work with us 1-on-1, and how our approach differs from other kinds of coaching, career counseling, and therapy.

If you're curious about exactly what it's like to be coached, and why it works so well, this is a must-listen!

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT AGAIN!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through Friday, October 18!

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the coming months, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief phone call with you!

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Carly, who's embroiled in a stand-off with her boss. Carly just wants to be allowed to work with the patients that suit her specialty, her boss says she's being difficult (and is talking about Carly behind her back). How can she get her boss to drop her guard and actually listen?
• Allana Marie, a woman in her early 20's who just met a 30-year-old "dream guy." He has a successful career, earns good money, and lives on his own. She has an unstable career and lives with her family. How can she be honest with him about how "unsuccessful" she is in comparison?
• Lizzie, who says she's "built for retirement" and hates working, but know she has to do it to pay the bills. She changes job every 2 years after getting restless, and wishes there was something that would tame her shiny object syndrome. Can she ever learn to like working? Or will she always resent it?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our November episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again this coming Tuesday, October 8! A few pointers to keep in mind before then:

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave, which starts October 8 and goes through October 18.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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I'm slightly obsessed with Malcolm Gladwell's podcast Revisionist History. It appeals to my nerdy, inquisitive side.

In case you're curious, here's the official description of his podcast:

"Revisionist History is Malcolm Gladwell's journey through the overlooked and the misunderstood. Every episode re-examines something from the past — an event, a person, an idea, even a song — and asks whether we got it right the first time. Because sometimes the past deserves a second chance."

In the latest season of his podcast, he started out with a two-part series about the LSAT, in which he described a distinct difference between two types of people that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since I originally heard it months ago.

He categorized most people as being either "tortoises" or "hares."

Whether you're a tortoise or a hare impacts everything in your life, from the way you work, to the way you communicate, to the way you think.

Neither is better or worse, but trying to go against your type is going to feel miserable, frustrating, and unsustainable.

Honestly, this distinction has been as impactful to me (and to many of my current clients, who I've been sharing this with) as learning that I'm an introvert, not an extrovert.

It's a game changer.

In this week's brand-new blog, I'm explaining the differences between tortoises and hares, how to tell what type you are, and how to work WITH your type, instead of against it.

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again next Tuesday, October 8! A few pointers to keep in mind before then:

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave, which starts October 8 and goes through October 18.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list, and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BECOMING A COACH?

For the first (and maybe last!) time ever, we're doing a webinar with iPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, where we did our coach training in 2012.

If you've considered coaching as a career path, and what the process of getting trained involves, then you should join us! We'll be covering points like:

• The ups and downs of how we built a six-figure coaching business.
• The biggest things prospective coaches get wrong about the coaching industry.
• Why you don't need to know what your "niche" is or what you'll "do" with your coaching certification before you get certified (and why it's actually better not to know!).
• Why you don't need to start your own business to be a successful coach.
• What skills are critical for anyone thinking about becoming a coach.
• What questions to ask yourself when weighing your coach-training program options.

The webinar is happening TOMORROW (Wednesday, October 2) at 12:30pm Eastern. If you can make it live, you'll be able to submit questions to us during the event! If you can't, there will be a replay for you to watch later.

Register now!

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If you knew there was a pill you could take that was known to decrease stress, lift you out of anxiety and depression, seriously improve your mood, ease your digestion, help you sleep better, and allow you to discover and make peace with who you really are, while being absolutely free and having zero harmful side effects … you'd be clamoring to take it, right??

So then why are so many of us not meditating? Because that's just a fraction of what meditation can do for us.

In this month's interview with an expert, we're talking to Francisca Hernandez (you may recognize her from the normal person interview Rachel did with her back in November, 2018), a certified meditation guide, about…

• How meditation helped her heal after a near-death medical incident, as well as helped her stop abusing drugs and alcohol.
• All of the benefits, some you know and some you won't, of incorporating meditation into your daily routine.
• What to do if meditation feels really difficult or tends to bring up a lot of anxiety and uncomfortable emotions.
• Styles of meditation that may work well for you, depending on your personality type.
• Misconceptions about what meditation actually is, and why you don't need to be "good" at it to get the benefits.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Francisca's advice resonated with you, and whether it inspired you to try (or recommit) to meditation!

MORE ABOUT FRANCISCA

Francisca Hernandez is a creative, intuitive, and fluid soul with a passion for sharing well-being tools. She is a certified meditation guide, yoga instructor, Reiki practitioner, aromatherapist, and Tarot card reader. She loves to support her community and volunteers in her spare time to guide meditation for the teachers and students in her neighborhood's middle school.

Check out everything Francisca has to offer, including meditation, Reiki, aromatherapy, Tarot and more, and join her newsletter at isabelletigerlilly.com.

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on October 8! A few pointers to keep in mind before then:

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave, which starts October 8 and goes through October 18.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BECOMING A COACH?

For the first (and maybe last!) time ever, we're doing a webinar with iPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, where we did our coach training in 2012.

If you've considered coaching as a career path, and what the process of getting trained involves, then you should join us! We'll be covering points like:

• The ups and downs of how we built a six-figure coaching business.
• The biggest things prospective coaches get wrong about the coaching industry.
• Why you don't need to know what your "niche" is or what you'll "do" with your coaching certification before you get certified (and why it's actually better not to know!).
• Why you don't need to start your own business to be a successful coach.
• What skills are critical for anyone thinking about becoming a coach.
• What questions to ask yourself when weighing your coach-training program options.

The webinar is happening on Wednesday, October 2 at 12:30pm Eastern. If you make it live, you'll be able to submit questions to us during the event! If you can't, there will be a replay for you to watch later.

Register now!

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One of my favorite movies of all time is Moonstruck, starring Cher and Nicolas Cage.

Even if you haven't seen it, you'd probably recognize the scene where Nic Cage's character sighs, in his dopey way, that he's in love with Cher's character. And then Cher rears back, slaps him in the face twice, for good measure, and says, "Snap out of it!"

Well this new podcast segment is me, stepping into my inner Cher and doing what I love—snapping people out of it.

There's a time and place for more grounded, astute, in-depth reflections about life and what to do about your problems (that's what blogs and, you know, every other episode of this podcast are for). But sometimes you just need a good, righteous rant. It's cathartic!

So, every once in a while, instead of writing a new blog or republishing an old one, I'm going to spend a few minutes getting fired up about something, in the hopes that I'll get you fired up, too, and maybe even snap you out of whatever daze you've found yourself in.

Today I'm ranting about why being smart is NOT that important, which is something I hear people do a lot of fretting about. I'm talking about …

• Why we're so attached to intelligence, even though it doesn't matter that much.
• Examples of "smart" people doing truly dumb, tone-deaf things.
• The kind of smarts that matter more than your IQ.
• And why people attached to being smart (or being known as smart) often lock themselves up in a prison of their own making.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let me know what you think of Rachel Rants, and what you might like me to rant about next!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on October 8! A few pointers to keep in mind before then:

• We'll be taking on about 20-25 people in this new wave, which starts October 8 and goes through October 18.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (October or early November).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• We WILL have coaching spots open up in the months after that, before we take on the next "official" wave of clients (which won't be until later in March 2020). So if you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BECOMING A COACH?

For the first (and maybe last!) time ever, we're doing a webinar with iPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, where we did our coach training in 2012.

If you've considered coaching as a career path, and what the process of getting trained involves, then you should join us! We'll be covering points like:

• The ups and downs of how we built a six-figure coaching business.
• The biggest things prospective coaches get wrong about the coaching industry.
• Why you don't need to know what your "niche" is or what you'll "do" with your coaching certification before you get certified (and why it's actually better not to know!).
• Why you don't need to start your own business to be a successful coach.
• What skills are critical for anyone thinking about becoming a coach.
• What questions to ask yourself when weighing your coach-training program options.

The webinar is happening on Wednesday, October 2 at 12:30pm Eastern. If you make it live, you'll be able to submit questions to us during the event! If you can't, there will be a replay for you to watch later.

Register now!

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