I'm living a very different life than I thought I would be four or five years ago. It's easy, when you're looking ahead to the future, to visualize only the golden, stellar, awesome parts. Obviously, right? I mean, who sits around visualizing the mundane and tedious and frustrating bits of their future?

I certainly didn't. All I saw, four or five years ago, was a life of purpose and ease — days full of meaningful client sessions, bountiful green juices, leisurely yoga afternoons … basically your stereotypical cool-girl Instagram feed.

Flash forward to the present, and … I've been to yoga once in the past six months and I still don't own a juicer. I do have plenty of clients, and they certainly fill my career with meaning and purpose (as does hosting this podcast, writing blogs, and leading our online programs).

But in my rosy visualizations, I never pictured what owning a business is actually like — the unpredictable income, the necessity of playing almost ALL of the roles that would normally be divided among a team, the long days, the sense of responsibility for keeping it afloat.

I'm not going to lie. I have days where the weight of it gets to me, and in my exhaustion and frustration, I ask myself seriously, "Is this worth it?"

That's a heavy question, isn't it? How do you even go about answering that when there's so much at stake and SO many convoluted feelings that go into it?

Well, I've found the BEST way to answer it, whether the thing in question is a job, relationship, or something slightly less serious.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG…

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June 2018)

Dear Krachel: How do I say no without people hating me? (August 2019)

LINKS

Mark Manson's original blog about shit sandwiches

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Samantha, who can't figure out whether she should keep living in the city or trade that in for more fresh air and space in the country. How do you make a decision when both options seem good in their own way?
• Grace, who's starting her own business and has a LOT of ideas about how she could potentially make money, but is scared to choose one for fear that it won't work and she'll have chosen wrong. How do you narrow down and focus, especially when it feels important to get it right from the beginning?
• Carrie, who is massively regretting RSVP-ing yes to a bachelorette party from hell. She wants to back out, but is afraid of the hurt feelings and bad impression that might ensue. How do you say no without everyone hating you?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our September episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

MORE EPISODES FOR YOU

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (June, 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November, 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June, 2018)

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Several months ago, I was helping facilitate a multi-day business training. I didn't know any of the other instructors, so when I showed up on the first day, I introduced myself to the training team. I instantly got a weird vibe from the head trainer.

She ignored my introduction entirely and started spouting off everything that still needed to be done before we could get started. Her frantic energy was palpable, and I could sense it was putting the rest of us on edge.

"She's probably just nervous about pulling off a great event," I thought to myself. "Once everything's ready to go, I'm sure she'll settle down and be more personable. Don't think too much of it."

But once the students showed up and the head trainer started her presentation, my uneasy feeling only intensified.

Her exuberant positivity felt inauthentic and staged, and frankly, it made my skin crawl. She seemed much more interested in sharing stories of her own achievements rather than teaching helpful business concepts. And she would promise that we'd take a break in 10 minutes, but then ramble on for another 45, ignoring the restless energy in the room.

"Don't be judgmental, Kristen," I admonished myself. "Just because she's doing things differently than you would doesn't make her wrong. Maybe she's overcompensating for some nervous jitters. Cut her some slack."

Over the next few days, various things this woman said or did kept rubbing me the wrong way. And each time, I would chastise myself for being judgmental and try to keep an open mind about her.

Round and round it went for 3 days. Until finally, toward the end of the last day, I admitted to myself, "I just don't like this woman." Ahh, it felt so good to tell the truth! It was such a simple statement, but for me, it was a revelation. … And then came the guilt.

In this week's throwback episode from 2017, I'm getting into why people-pleasers have a hard time with discernment and how to strengthen that muscle within yourself.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE …

How to find your tribe and grow a network with Carolyn Birsky (April 2018)

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Side Chat: Why positive thinking is mostly BS (April 2019) LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

We've certainly been known to work some magic in people's lives. Career direction, life fulfillment, relationship satisfaction, spiritual peace—we can get you there. But as magical and life-changing as coaching is, there's a limit to our fairy godmother-esque powers!

When it comes to the nitty-gritty details of helping you find the perfect job (after we've helped you figure out what that job is), we're more pumpkin than golden carriage.

But never fear! Because that's why we're so eager to talk to people like Susan Levine, a master recruiter with nearly forty years of experience helping people actually find (and get hired for) their ideal job—she picks up the magic wand at the place we put it down.

In this month's interview we asked Susan some of our most burning questions about finding and getting your dream job:

• What are the reasonable (and unreasonable) expectations of what you can get out of a job?
• What does an employer really want to see or hear from you?
• What is working with a recruiter like? What's the difference between a good and bad recruiter? And how do we get the most out of a recruiting experience?
• What does a flawless resumé look like?
• What makes someone a real-life good fit for a job, not just a good fit on paper?
• How do we job search in an emotionally intelligent way?
• How do we differentiate ourselves from alllllll the other great candidates out there?

Susan simplified a LOT of the process and busted through a ton of limiting beliefs that we've heard over and over again.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know what resonated most from this conversation, and what you might start doing differently in your job search!

MORE ABOUT SUSAN LEVINE

Susan Levine, Founder & President of Career Group Companies, is an expert in building relationships and creating meaningful professional connections. Susan founded Career Group, Inc. as the first high-end recruiting firm focused on executive and administrative support, and soon after followed with Syndicatebleu, a creative recruiting firm focused on design, marketing, and production. Following the success of these two businesses, Fourth Floor and Avenue Pacific were born, focused on fashion and C-level recruiting. Career Group Companies has since grown to serve the Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Greenwich, and Orange County markets.

Connect with Career Group on LinkedIn

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO…

A former recruiter tells all (& helps you get hired) with Emily Liou (September, 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

You've probably heard that oft-repeated, likely untrue anecdote about frogs: If they start out sitting in cool water, and the temperature is gradually raised bit by bit, they'll never jump out. They'll end up boiling themselves to death without ever realizing it.

And now you're thinking, "Wow, super weird and depressing intro to a blog! Thanks, Rachel." I know! Forgive me. It's just … I AM that frog sometimes.

Personally, I feel like this is exactly what getting into a state of deep overwhelm is like.

One day I wake up to find myself anxious, panicked, rushed, and overwhelmed (aka, neck deep in boiling water), and I can't tell when it started. It came on so gradually that I didn't notice until I was already way far gone!

I share this today because, quite frankly, I've been feeling overwhelmed lately, and it is so uncomfortable.

It's hard to know what to do when you're in this state — you certainly can't think very clearly, and you have NO idea where to begin unwinding the mess you're in.

And when you feel like that, it's easy to shut down and do nothing … which inevitably makes the overwhelm worse because more things pile on top of you while you're blocking out the world.

So, I thought I would share my go-to move for getting out of overwhelm. It's the kind of thing that ALL of us can do, and in my experience, it always helps alleviate the worst of the pressure. And it's probably not what you expect.

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it's your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it's you.

But we've noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don't realize they're people-pleasers!

In fact, we've had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don't care what people think — only to be a bit shellshocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold.

In this month's brand-new Side Chat we got into:

Our definition of people-pleasing, so we're all on the same page. The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic. The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know which type of people-pleaser you most identify with!

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

EPISODES WE MENTIONED IN THIS SIDE CHAT

Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease (May 2018)

Rejection therapy with Alex Grodnik (June 2019)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Instead of a new blog, on today's episode of the podcast we're taking a few minutes to clue you in to two MORE major developments in the Clarity on Fire universe!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #1

Our new course, Getting Over People Pleasing, will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Because isn't that the biggest problem? Most of you already know what your issues are; you know what you should and shouldn't be doing, but it's hard to grapple with the discomfort of making necessary changes on your own!
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we hope you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.
• We'll be talking about this more in the next month, as well as doing some more people-pleasing centric episodes (including our next Side Chat, coming out on Friday).

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #2

We're phasing out our group coaching course, the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, aka the PPVE!

• For those of you who didn't know, the PPVE is the same core content we take all of our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, except we do it with a group of about 50 people. It lasts for about 6 weeks, and there's a forum where we answer questions and the members of the group can share their experiences.
• We usually do it twice a year, in January/February and again in September/October.
• We originally intended to do the PPVE again this year, like usual, in September/October, but instead, we're pushing that out and running the course ONE LAST TIME in January/February of 2020.
• SO, if you've intended to do the PPVE, you still have one last chance in January/February! Join the PPVE VIP list to be kept in the loop.
• Keep in mind that if you've done the PPVE in the past (or join us for the last round in 2020), you'll still have access to it after we stop offering it to the public.
• And, if you were thinking about joining us for the PPVE in the fall and don't want to wait another 6 months to get your personal development game on, then you can join us for Getting Over People Pleasing next month, OR you can consider 1-on-1 coaching.
• If you're interested in coaching, you can join the wait list now, and we'll let you know how soon we have availability, or you can reach out the next time we take on another official "wave" of clients, which will likely be around October.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

After years of job hopping (including starting her own side gig), hoping to find the right fit, Ella recently landed a job that by all counts should have been her "dream job."

And yet, she felt strangely conflicted about it right from the initial interview. On her very first day of the new job, she knew this was utterly wrong for her.

So what happens when you get your dream job … and you hate it from Day 1?

Cue panic, confusion, and plenty of existential questioning.

Now, Ella will tell you that getting that "dream job" (including all of the previous jobs leading up to it) was exactly what she needed to identify her deeper purpose and give her more clarity than she thought was possible for her.

Listen in to this week's interview with a normal person as Kristen and Ella talk about…

The frustration and self-judgment that comes from job hopping and never feeling quite satisfied with any job. The emotional rollercoaster that ensues after you get your "dream job" and hate it. How everything along your path is happening for a reason (even if you can't see it yet), and how it feels when all the dots finally connect. How finally having clarity about your career path doesn't mean you never have moments of doubt or fear or uncertainty.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Ella's story resonated with you.

MORE ABOUT ELLA

Ella has had her fair share of twists and turns in her personal and professional journey that has challenged her to take a deep look inward. In college, she was dead set on becoming a lawyer, but that decision never felt quite right. After several years of working various jobs in the legal field and holding off on going to law school until she was "completely ready," she realized that her heart wasn't in it. It took her a few more years to figure out that she loved psychology, and she went back to school to study positive psychology, which is much more aligned with her interests. After graduating, she found a great job as a researcher in tech, and thought she found a career that truly fits her. Yet, after some time of working jobs that anyone would agree are amazing opportunities, the feeling of it being "not quite right" came creeping back in.

In the last few years, Ella has gone back to the drawing board to dig deeper to really understand her purpose. With the help of trial and error, introspection, and coaching, she has learned to lean more into her intuition in order to make space for the answers she needs to find that purpose. Time after time, her intuition has guided her in the right direction, and now Ella has more clarity than ever before on who she is and how she can help make an impact in this world. She now coaches others along their journey to self-discovery and is planning to go back to school to become a counselor.

You can find her at elevatewithella.com.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Finding a dream job after years of searching with Teanca Shepherd (September 2018)

Getting what you want, then losing it with Sara Griffin (June 2019)

How to transform knowing what you DON'T want into knowing what you DO want (August 2018)

LINKS

Leave a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

A client of mine recently wrote to me saying:

"I feel like at my age, I'm SO far behind and need to be insanely productive every single day."

She was referring to feeling behind in her career, which is something I hear all the time from my clients (regardless of their age). But feeling behind can spill into every area of your life.

If your friends start getting married while you're still single, it can make you feel behind.

When your colleagues all have mortgages and you're still renting a tiny apartment, it can make you feel behind.

When you scroll through social media and see all of your high school friends posting baby pictures, it can make you feel behind.

If you see someone else living out your dream career and you're still stuck at the same old company, it can make you feel behind.

What's going on to make us all feel like we're falling behind?

In this week's blog (which is a throwback from 2017), I'm offering one big shift to help you stop feeling so behind, as well as a better way of measuring your progress in life.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO…

Why I love jealousy (and you should, too) (April 2018)

Stop looking for evidence of what you don't want (November 2018)

Do you want it? Or do you only think you SHOULD want it? (January 2019)

Side Chat: The 4 Passion Profiles (December 2018)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Find out more about the Passion Profile Short Course

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Sarah, who's trying to eat better and get in shape, but keeps rebelling against even the most reasonable calorie limits that her nutritionist sets for her. How can she meet her goals without constantly rebelling and self-sabotaging?
• Terece, who has energy vampires in her family that she can't fully cut out of her life. How do you deal with toxic family members, especially when putting up boundaries with them often makes you feel worse?
• Dheesha, whose long history of mental illness has made it much harder for her to succeed in traditional ways that come easy to other people—stellar grades, prestigious degree, steady resumé, etc. How does someone who isn't neurotypical find a comfortable job that they enjoy, especially when they can't afford to take time off or pay for expensive treatments?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to) (May 2018)

Change your bad habits (& get over your fear of failure) with Jes Binder (March 2019)

Losing 100 pounds in 9 months with Tony Weaver (May, 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup, M.D. (May 2019)

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person) (April 2018)

Blog: How to make your own Rules for Sane Living (August 2018)

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We're going to have a brand-new course later next month about getting over people pleasing!

It's going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren't ready to share more info yet, but if you'd like to be kept in the loop so you don't miss any updates, join this VIP list and we'll be in touch with more info soon!

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel